Forever Young

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever
Forever young
-Alphaville, "Forever Young"

Sometimes I think to myself, "I never really did grow up, did I?" I still have memories as a young child of crying myself to sleep because I wanted my growing up to slow. Personally, the inevitable reality that I had to get older against my wishes was an unfavorable idea. Growing up was simply not in my plans.

The future was able to be put on the backburner as adolescence made the present less grim. I won't deny that my teenage years had some drama. However, things were fun, and it is easy to live in the moment when the moment is good. When things started to turn, I forsook the present to instead focus on what once was or what could be. What is became less important than what if. In my toughest trials I realized that growing up was the only thing to do. I thought maturity was the only path I could chase after. Quite honestly, my college years were the peak of my "maturity." At least, I thought so. It's amazing how things can just come to you.

Things got tricky when I started my student teaching experience. I felt more alive than I had in years and finally had the confidence to match my abilities. I felt younger, so I acted younger. In my social life and in life in general I began to take more risks. As I realized the past had passed it became more prudent to live in the here and now. While I am cognizant of my missteps, I have been wrong to myself for mistaking this change for personal regression.

Growing up and staying forever young are not mutually exclusive. Growing up is taking responsibility for better or for worse. It is not sitting on your porch complaining about how things were better in your day. There is no reason not to feel alive, even as things are changing.

When I turned 23 earlier this month, I felt old from a chronological standpoint until I realized that I act younger at 23 than I did at 18. I no longer clamor for the past, as I have realized that it was not as amazing as I had believed it to be. Even if it was, it is not coming back. I am also mindful of not focusing too far into the future. While it always good to plan, nothing ahead of us is guaranteed. Therefore, I live in a world where hope is more prevalent than expectation. I do believe that the best of my todays will be the worst of my tomorrows, but I realize that what I can affect most today is today itself. I may always act young. I do not apologize for that. I promise my best efforts to be grow up in terms of taking responsibility for who I am and what I do. I also promise to be forever young.