2017 in Review

2017 has been a year of growing (and outgrowing) certain roles, traditions, and niches that I had cast for myself. As such, the traditional format of this post has evolved as well. This year didn’t have the nicely categorized major events that would fit neatly into a month-by-month format. I didn’t really think you all needed or wanted to read something like June: Big fight with someone. October: Bigger fight with someone. Honestly, the growth that was made this year isn’t something that happened as the result of one catalyzing event but rather was the result of gradual focus and effort, which I believe is best served with a broader narrative approach. With all that said, here was my 2017.

When the calendar turned to 2017, I was honestly feeling pretty burned out at my job. I honestly don’t think I had developed the proper mindset to do the job well and was still harboring resentment from how my previous job had ended. In many regards, I still pined for Prairie-Hills. However, I began to make a concerted effort to remain calm and peaceful and to not let anything throw me off. When I returned to work from Winter Break, there was a marked change in my demeanor and my patience with the students. Many remarked how much calmer I was.

This change in approach enabled me to come to a deeper understanding of the students I was tasked with serving. I learned which students required the finesse approach and which ones needed a metaphorical fire lit under their rears. I found better ways of reaching them. The fact that well over 90% of my students passed their Constitution Test was a testament to the success of this approach.

I had my bumps along the way with that group, but I can honestly say that we formed a bond that is stronger than the average teacher/student bond. The fact that over a quarter of these students come to visit me on a (mostly) daily basis is something I value more than they probably even realize. As instrumental I may or may not have been to their growth, they were and are an integral component to my growth as an educator and as a person.

At the beginning of the year, I wanted to take an enhanced focus on my physical wellbeing. Those of you who know me well know that exercise has been an important component of my life for a number of years, but I wanted to test the limits of what I could accomplish by putting an extreme amount of focus into my workouts. Consequently, I started 2017 by going to the gym twice a day. I would complete cardio before work, lift after work, and work on my abs and core nightly at home. The results were phenomenal. I found that even though I considered myself in fairly good shape, I could transform myself into elite shape rather quickly. By May, I was in the best shape of my life. Unfortunately, I let life’s stressors get in the way of that focus and output, and for most of the second half of the year I neglected the cardio and abdominal work. But I enter 2018 knowing what I am capable of accomplishing and look forward to continuing my ascent.

Turning 30 was something that I dreaded for a while. I felt like my 20s were a decade spent playing catch up from the stunted development that was my adolescence (and was largely the result of the fundamentalist Pentecostal “guilt culture” that defined my youth). However, when the day came, I realized that age was merely a mile marker and that the checkpoints that I was so insistent on using to define the productivity of my life were merely a product of my own perceptions and misconceptions. I realized that at 30, I’ve done some things. I’ll do more things. There is not one set route to get from one end of the game of life to the other, and that’s okay.
I don’t really talk about my personal life on social media anymore (for good reason), but I feel like I would be remiss if I didn’t tell the whole story of this year. This portion of 2017 is very important to the whole story. I had a best friend and fell in love with her. I don’t know which came first, the realization that she was my best friend or that I had fallen in love with her. Honestly, they both probably happened at the same time, and both happened before 2017. I entered the year very excited to see where the year would take us. She was my biggest fan, my greatest supporter, my encourager and calming force. She was the one I was most excited to go to with good news and the first one I wanted to vent about my bad days to. She was the first girl I ever knew that not only tolerated the most ridiculous parts of me but actually appreciated them. We spent many nights texting, FaceTiming, or talking on the phone before bed.

Things changed in June. She began to be more distant without rhyme or reason. Finally at the end of the month, things came to a head. We got into a big fight. Unfortunately that fight was merely the snowball that avalanched into months of fights that only got worse and more personal. Something had changed with her, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I knew that there had to be something in her life causing her to lash out this way, but she tends to be a lone wolf, and all I could do was love her from a distance. After our worst fight in October, she did eventually come back and apologize, but for the most part she’s been absent since. I know things will not remain this way forever, but I would be lying if I said it hasn’t affected me.

Losing my best friend was something that completely wrecked me. I started waking up in the middle of the night with stomach pains and/or panic attacks. I had such great difficulties in falling asleep and then staying asleep. I was about to embark on my doctorate, and for the first time in my career as a student, I lacked the self-belief that I could accomplish this objective. I stopped working out as hard. I lost my catalyst.

Through this pain came a valuable lesson. It is great to be in love. It is great to have a best friend. However, I could not rely on this person as my catalyst. I had to be strong enough in myself to do the things I needed to do. I didn’t need to save her and she didn’t need to save me. For us to eventually work out someday we didn’t need to be two halves; we needed to both be whole. For this, I credit my friend Chelsey. She had been my friend for years, but this summer she really took charge and helped me get a hold of my life and get a hold of myself. She explained to me that I needed to do the work myself in some areas if I ever wanted the other areas to fall in place. I needed to break old habits, to grow out of old roles, and do things that might initially seem counterintuitive in order to get to where I ultimately want to be.

Breaking out of old roles and easing into new ones has not been particularly easy, but it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Those of you who have known me in person for a while know that for a long time, I have been content to fly under the radar and fade into the background. I have long preferred to do my thing without being noticed or bothered. However, I realized that sometimes that mindset impedes you from accomplishing that which you wish to accomplish. At work, I have found myself as the one who speaks up for my team. When there is a better way of doing something, I do not hesitate to bring it up. When things are not quite right, I found my voice to speak up. I have found that if I do not stand up for myself and for others, there is no guarantee that anyone else will. I carry myself with more confidence and authority. I still have a ways to go in terms of growing into this role (in extended family gatherings, for example, I haven’t yet found this voice), but I am proud of the growth I have made in that regard.

I no longer look at challenges as insurmountable. I know what I can accomplish because I can look back on what I have accomplished. I am 19 hours into my doctoral program. Yes, I still have 45 more hours of classes and a dissertation to complete, but I have conquered and will continue to conquer. In a short time, I will be Dr. Duehr. I know that work might continue to throw unexpected curveballs my way, but I can adapt and adjust, and I WILL continue to reach these kids by being nobody other than myself. I will get into even greater shape in 2018.

While I realize that I have accomplished much of what I have accomplished on my own and without the help of others, I have not taken this journey completely alone. From parents who put up with me on a daily basis to family in Maryland who allow me to crash in their downstairs nook to current coworkers who put up with my silliness to old coworkers who still check up on me, from childhood friends who catch up sporadically to GameFAQs and Stickam friends who became family to newer friends made in the most random of places, I appreciate each and every one of you. 2017 was a challenge, but as I write all of this, I realize that the year was not as dire as I often perceived it to be. Most pieces are falling into place, and if I maintain my focus and resolve, I will continue my ascent.

2017 in List Form

Even though the year was not great in many ways, my outlets for entertainment and/or distraction were of high quality. Music was especially important this year. As always, I throw out the disclaimer that this by no means is a definitive list of anything. It’s just one guy’s preferences of what he liked in a given year.

Songs
1. Day at the Fair – Thankful
2. As It Is – No Way Out
3. Falling in Reverse – I’m Bad at Life
4. Acceptance – Come Closer
5. You Me at Six – Take On the World
6. Have Mercy – Smoke and Lace
7. Silverstein – Ghost
8. Bleachers – All My Heroes
9. Julia Michaels – Issues
10. Papa Roach – Periscope
11. Ed Sheeran – Perfect
12. All Time Low – Ground Control
13. Neck Deep – Critical Mistake
14. The Maine – Black Butterflies and Deja Vu
15. Imagine Dragons – Whatever It Takes
16. New Found Glory – The Sound of Two Voices
17. Weezer – Feels Like Summer

Albums
1. As It Is – Okay
2. Day at the Fair – The Epilogue
3. Silverstein – Dead Reflection
4. Neck Deep – The Peace and the Panic
5. Have Mercy – Make the Best of It
6. Manchester Orchestra – A Black Mile to the Sun
7. You Me at Six – Night People
8. Falling in Reverse – Coming Home
9. Ed Sheeran – Divide
10. Acceptance – Colliding by Design
11. Brand New – Science Fiction
12. The Maine – Lovely Little Lonely
13. All Time Low – Last Young Renegade
14. Seaway – Vacation
15. The Killers – Wonderful Wonderful
16. Bleachers – Gone Now
17. Lights – Skin & Earth

TV Shows
1. Mr. Robot
2. Suits
3.NCIS: Los Angeles
4. Impractical Jokers
5. WWE SmackDown Live (judge me all you want)

Sports Moments
1. Seahawks defeat Lions in playoffs
2. Cubs advance to NLCS by beating Nationals
3. Seahawks dominate Eagles
4. Ottawa Senators take the Penguins to the limit
5. Dolph Ziggler wins US Title (and subsequently gives it up because he’s Dolph Ziggler)

Personal Moments
Like last year, these will just be bullet points
•Catching up with Nick after 8 years
•New friendships with people from a variety of backgrounds and places
•Visiting Maryland in April, June, August, and November
•Writing my students letters and making them cry
•Starting on my doctorate
•The unexpected fun of critiquing a live Ariana Grande concert with my sister and my cousin
•Debriefing calls with Chelsey after she’s read my unfortunate text conversations
•The random weird mall in Bloomingdale that I unexpectedly discovered
•Going to Indiana for gummies(~!)
•Watching my students rock the Constitution Test
•Vistis with Hadley
•Calls, texts, Skype, and FaceTime with Myrna to end our nights by hearing each other's voice (Oh, how I miss these…)
•Dinners with Aunt Dianna
•Staff outings that are unexpectedly enjoyable
•Searching for and finding new vinyl records