Grown Up

Well, I have heard it said by some that growing up is a gradual process. As of this time last year, I would've agreed. However, the last 365 days of my life have been a rather tumultuous journey. On July 22, 2005, I arrived back to Tinley Park from the last Senior High Camp I could attend as a camper. While it wasn't my best camp, it was definitely an enjoyable experience. While I was there, I felt like it was my last hurrah as a kid. What I experienced the next year after that was much more than I expected.

In August, I had to deal with some very scary personal issues. In due time, it might be expedient to share, but for now, it is best left at that. I had to endure one of the most traumatic events of my life that I still shudder at the thought of. Later that month, I had to say goodbye to some lifelong friends as they embarked on college journeys from coast to coast. In the month of September, my journey was about to begin.

I began the month of September with my first day of classes at Olivet Nazarene University. The very next day, I began working for the first time ever. Having to adjust to one would have been difficult enough; dealing with both was miserable. For my first three months at my job, I was forced to work until close, meaning I didn't get out until they let me. That could be as late as 2 AM. I eventually got into the swing of school (not without one minor incident with a classmate that I can laugh about now), but work was extremely difficult, especially since I woke up at 5 in the morning for class. One night in December, I decided to leave when my shift stated instead of closing as they would have liked. That decision nearly cost me my job. Thankfully and miraculously, Target had mercy on me and even let me change my availability after the holidays so I did not have to close anymore. At that point, I felt that 2006 was looking up.

The only struggles I had the first two months of the year were minor, and my great disappointment was the Seahawks' loss in Super Bowl XL. My love life was nonexistent, but that didn't matter. Things were definitely seeming to be rising when I got the call that a lifelong friend had passed away. I had not ever even had a close relative pass away, so I really did not know how to deal with such loss. To this day, I do not know if I do. I finished my second semester on a high note yet with a heavy heart.

The beginning of the summer was certainly interesting. I had to work as a cashier at Target while taking an online course. Those courses take a great deal of motivation, and I am extremely fortunate to have fared as well as I did. I went to Hanover Park, IL for counselor training as a way to give back to the camp. However, I was notified a week before camp that I was being placed as support staff due to my age. I was extremely disappointed and was not really looking forward to going, especially since none of my buddies were.

When I got to camp, things changed. Due to a counselor shortage, I was given a room of students. It was a different experience looking out for the well-being of nine teen boys instead of trying to have the best time possible personally. While this was certainly different, it was definitely rewarding, and the experience was invaluable.

When I got home from camp, I realized that I have come full circle in the past year. I have gone from a kid just looking to kill the time the way I know best to a young adult assuming more and more responsibility with each passing day. The only constant of life is change; and though I am one who clings to the past, I am excited to see what lies ahead.

I don't like July 12th

Honestly, I hate the day. Nothing good of it has come in the 2000s. In 2000 and 2001, I was pretty much rejected. In 2001, it was a brutal rejection. In 2k2, I was pretty much depressed. In '03 and '04 nothing too great happened, and from what I remember, '05 was pretty blah. Today I learned that I am indeed still capable of feeling intense emotions. Have you ever planned something two months before and ever since then built it up in your mind only to find out it won't be nearly what you hoped? I have. Next year I think I'm going on vacation from July 12th.

JD 333

Well, loyal readers, I have been wanting to post this blog for a while but had lacked motivation. Due to the imminent 5-part series starting next Monday, I found it most expedient to post this blog today. In keeping with the "Get a degree in JD" series, I have taught you general information about myself and have moved on to giving you a heads-up on some of the nuances of my personality, I decided to again kick it up a notch. This time JD and the Power of 3 combine to bring you JD 333: The Unabridged History. Sit back, 'cause this one's going to be a doozy.

To start the story off, we'll start when I began. I was born April 4, 1987. Nothing of too much consequence occurred for the first couple years of my life (at least anything that I can remember) other than the arrival of my sister in 1989, a necessary and much-appreciated arrival to the family.

By the time I was three, in 1990, I was sporting the mullet and a very outgoing personality. I made Mr. Rogers look like Oscar the Grouch. As the legend goes, I even went so far as to allow a girl to bite me in the face. I don't much remember it, but there are enough credible sources to verify the story. This era of my personality lasted until 1992.

In 1992, I entered kindergarten. I struggled to find my niche for most of the schoolyear and started to turn inward a bit. It was a rough beginning to my schooling. By the end of the year, I came into my own and developed into a friendly, yet rambunctious child, a phase that lasted until 1995. During this time, I was never hesitant to make new friends, and even had little to no fear of rejection, as evidenced by my pursuit of a girl named Cassie from 1993-1994.

By 1995, I had begun to gain weight and was out of shape. Also, that year, my family left Stone Church for Christian Hills. It was not a good time for me, as I was never really accepted at that church and had no choice but to hang out with the misfits and troublemakers. During this time, I had the tendency to not think before I acted while also becoming more of an introvert. It did not help that also during this period I was often used as a physical and verbal punching bag in tae kwon do by one of the instructors. This phase lasted until 1999.

By 1999, I began a personal renaissance. I had undergone a growth spurt that eliminated me of the chunkiness and began to exhibit some athleticism (though I still ran on my toes, an unfortunate habit that did not leave me until 2004). I was freer to be myself at times and act out in ways. It was at this time I truly found my group of friends, and we've hung out ever since. In 2000, my family returned to Stone. I finally gave up having crushes on celebrities and actually fell for a real girl. Due to my inexperience and immaturity, I hilariously fell on my face in that pursuit, but as you can see, I've lived and learned in a way. The renaissance lasted from 1999 to 2001, culminating with my graduation from Stone Church Christian Academy.

In 2001, I moved out of the parochial bubble and on to public school. That summer, I experienced my first taste of rejection at Junior High Camp, a feeling that I will probably never forget. When I started high school, I didn't know how to act, how to dress, and who I really was. Therefore, for my first couple months of high school I was basically silent. This silence some unfortunately viewed as arrogance, and the first semester was an absolute nightmare. By the beginning of 2002, I decided it was time to try to make a name for myself.

By the middle of 2002, I had gone through a bunch of personality gimmicks because none of them really seemed to fit me. I wasn't making any more friends from any of them, either. Then, I got the idea to be as strange as possible. I'd use large words rarely heard in conversation and drop the word "disturbed" every chance I got. Well, this behavior certainly got everyone's attention, but couldn't quite keep it. Then, I knew exactly how to hold it. This idea became known as Inside the Mind of Jakob Duehr.

Inside the MInd of Jakob Duehr was my AOL Hometown website that I updated weekly, long before blogs became trendy. I'd start the column with a dedication, then move on to a top 10, random opinions, a column airing disturbances, and the occasional DFilm movie. For whatever reason, this website did gain a lot of popularity, receiving over 10,000 hits in six months.

Midway through the "Website Era", I decided to end my three year run as a member of the youth group at Palos Bible Church because I never felt like I fit in. In retrospect, much of that was because I felt inferior because I was younger, which transferred to shyness and the occasional erratic behavior. Upon leaving that youth group due to feeling my time there was up, I really introspected. I decided to drop all goofy gimmicks and become myself. If people liked it, fine. If not, there's nothing I can do to change it, as their liking me due to some sort of gimmick isn't really liking me anyways. This realization led to another quasi-Renaissance in me, as I grew in joy and in self-esteem.

This growth abruptly ended in August 2003. As I have been prone to do from time to time, I acted strangely online with a girl I had never met causing a growing problem that culminated with a confrontation in the hallway of TPHS in January 2004. In retrospect, I still really didn't know how to act and didn't have enough confidence in myself. This for lack of a better word, stupid behavior caused irreparable damage to my reputation at Tinley and delayed personal development for about a year. By March 2004, I was done making excuses and was ready to get on with my life.

In late 2004, I did not touch a computer for three months. This was one of the greatest periods in my life, as I really got to learn more about myself and the people around me. That portion of my school year was my favorite time I had at Tinley Park High School, and I wouldn't trade those three months for anything.

However, it was not smooth sailing after that. In early 2005 I had two situations that I brought upon myself that were extremely uncomfortable. One had to do with a recurrence of erratic behavior at TPHS, that again, in retrospect, was greatly my fault. The other was in a conversation with a friend of mine/on again, off again love interest where I ran my mouth off a bit too far. I learned in these situations that, while I have come a long way, I still have a long way left to go.

August 2005 started another era for me, that of a working college student. While it started out with some bumps and bruises, it has overall gone quite well, and I have been able to view personal progress instead of stagnation or regression. I truly believe that I have come a long way these last nineteen years, and I am extremely excited where the next few years will take me. Would you like to join me on the ride?