Today I was particularly reflective, a mood which only was magnified by hanging out with old friends and having a great time. While I am all about moving forward (especially in lieu of my last posting), there are many things and people I miss, good memories that I will always have. I decided to start thinking of a bunch off the top of my head and post them here. Hopefully some of these memories will bring back pleasant thoughts for you as well. Unlike my usual postings, this will primarily be in list form. If I tagged you in this note, you are relevant to one or more of the memories, which means I'm positively disposed to you.
And I still love the things I lost that brought me here
The things I hide behind to make up for the years
This is my heart, the rocking chair years
-"The Rocking Chair Years" by Day at the Fair
Things I Miss(in no particular order)
-Senior High Camp
-Bakers Square on 127th and Ridgeland
-Productive Fridays
-Countless rounds of Super Sudden Death in Super Smash Brothers: Melee
-Staying up all night retelling stories we've told hundreds of times
-ACSB AIM chats
-Rachael and Kim putting glitter on me and calling me Moonbeam
-Spanish 3, 2004-2005 schoolyear
-High school football games with Bob and Rob
-Aldo's Xena scream at Convention 2004
-Porch baseball with Heidi and Andy
-Convos with SJT
-The many sorts of conversations I had with Katie
-Whirlyball
-Junior Year Lunch with Brian Lyons, Murdock, Dirker, and Mike Nelin
-Talking up my Seahawks every Monday(and laughing at a certain older gentleman) in Latin American History
-Tuesday chats with Stacie while she was working downtown
-Tropicana Peach Papaya
-Random middle of the night phone calls from Shannon
-Core, the fact my guys and I were always put in the same small group, and the great leaders we had
-Junior High Church
-Being almost as close to the girls from Stone as I was to the guys
-Any class taught by Dr. Tuttle or Dr. Knowles
-Techno Tuesdays
-Wreaking havoc at Super Target with Nick (and bothering Liz)
-Yearlong poke battles and keeping things "HQ"
-Having a chapel buddy
-Learning how to drive with my dad
-Bowling and Pizza Hut with Dan
-SummerJam at PBC
Wow, it felt good to remember. I wouldn't be where I am today without these things, and without dwelling on them, hopefully I can use these memories to positively fuel me in the present and future. For the past is not to be discarded nor used as a crutch, but it is a resource for growth and learning.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
How we survive is what makes us who we are.
Through two events in the past twenty four hours I finally came to the conclusion there has been a prodigious chasm between who I've been and who I need to be. While they are not the usual events that would get me to reconsider my attitude and behavior (as they were a dream and a song), they both served their purpose.
First of all, it would be appropriate to share the dream. Lately I have mostly had nightmares where I am teaching and things horribly fail or that someone is trying to kill me and/or jack my car. I am sure some dream experts could analyze me and figure out why those themes have continued to occur, but they are irrelevant to the purpose of this. Last night's dream was unpleasant, but it was different.
In the dream, I was on vacation with my four closest friends and at a party not unlike a grad party which I will be attending in a few weeks. While there, I was my typical snarky self and made a snide remark about one of the guys there (for those who know me well, you know exactly the kind of comment I'd make). In all honesty, it mirrored real life, because I haven't always been the biggest fan of the guy... clash of personalities. That said, in the dream he took offense to what I said and responded fiercely, and in response to that I more or less crossed a lot of lines in telling him off. It was very public and embarrassing to those who were around. When I returned to the hotel, there was a note from my friends saying "We can't be around you if you're going to be like this. You aren't who you used to be. Sorry." I was stung with the loss of one of the few things I still had going for me, and woke up.
Still thinking about that dream, I went to work out this afternoon while listening to my "Best of Rise Against" mix CD. The track "Survive" came on (as a disclaimer, if you are going to listen to the track, find a clean version...they're a bit strong in the original), and the chorus played.
Life for you has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive is what makes us who we are
It finally hit me. I have spent far too long whining about things instead of dealing with them. Life isn't great, but who am I to think that my life is worse than that of anyone else? Why am I so pompous to believe that the magnitude of my struggles are significantly greater than those around me? It is time to stop being a jerk, to stop feeling sorry for myself, and to let go. I need to admit my losses instead of continually trying to salvage unwinnable situations. It's time for less whining and more surviving.
First of all, it would be appropriate to share the dream. Lately I have mostly had nightmares where I am teaching and things horribly fail or that someone is trying to kill me and/or jack my car. I am sure some dream experts could analyze me and figure out why those themes have continued to occur, but they are irrelevant to the purpose of this. Last night's dream was unpleasant, but it was different.
In the dream, I was on vacation with my four closest friends and at a party not unlike a grad party which I will be attending in a few weeks. While there, I was my typical snarky self and made a snide remark about one of the guys there (for those who know me well, you know exactly the kind of comment I'd make). In all honesty, it mirrored real life, because I haven't always been the biggest fan of the guy... clash of personalities. That said, in the dream he took offense to what I said and responded fiercely, and in response to that I more or less crossed a lot of lines in telling him off. It was very public and embarrassing to those who were around. When I returned to the hotel, there was a note from my friends saying "We can't be around you if you're going to be like this. You aren't who you used to be. Sorry." I was stung with the loss of one of the few things I still had going for me, and woke up.
Still thinking about that dream, I went to work out this afternoon while listening to my "Best of Rise Against" mix CD. The track "Survive" came on (as a disclaimer, if you are going to listen to the track, find a clean version...they're a bit strong in the original), and the chorus played.
Life for you has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive is what makes us who we are
It finally hit me. I have spent far too long whining about things instead of dealing with them. Life isn't great, but who am I to think that my life is worse than that of anyone else? Why am I so pompous to believe that the magnitude of my struggles are significantly greater than those around me? It is time to stop being a jerk, to stop feeling sorry for myself, and to let go. I need to admit my losses instead of continually trying to salvage unwinnable situations. It's time for less whining and more surviving.
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