2006 in Review: The Bitter Pill that Was

Hey there. It's the end of the year, and in keeping in tradition, I thought I'd give you the rundown of my 2006. While I am grateful to be alive and realize that things could have been much worse, let's just say I'm glad to have gotten it over and done. So here it was.

January: Actually a good month. I got moved to the grocery department at work and started the spring semester. Sadly, the month ended in disappointment, as my Seahawks were robbed of a Super Bowl title.

February: I didn't do anything of much note, other than do a mass virtual flower send-out. While the nice comments I got back in return were nice, don't expect anything like that from me ever again.

March: The month I'd like to forget. While it started out pretty nice with going to my sister's track meets and such, it ended tragically with the loss of my lifelong friend Katie in a car accident. I don't know if I'll ever get over it.

April: I turned 19. Good times. People really made my birthday special. Sadly, the loss of Katie ultimately prohibited me from enjoying it.

May: School ended, well at least spring semester did. I participated in an online course and was amazed at the amount of motivation it takes to complete one.

June: This month was spent doing out of the ordinary things, like counselor training in Hanover Park and jury duty in Bridgeview. It was an interesting month and was sort of fun. At this point I thought something new was on the horizon from a relational standpoint, but it wasn't meant to be. Better that way.

July: As I blogged before, the whole camp situation was extremely awkward and unsettled even as I got there. I did wind up being a counselor, and while it wasn't quite the way I had expected, the kids in my room were loads of fun. I learned more from a couple of them than I'm sure they learned from me.

August: The end of summer. I hate having to say goodbye. This time it was even worse as my cousin left for college. At least I started getting involved in Jr. High Church.

September: Ugh month #2. A former teacher of mine passed away, and I got into a car accident. Oh, and going back to TPHS for the Homecoming game was a far from enjoyable experience.

October: I wound up getting pinkeye, but on the bright side, I got a set schedule at work that was very favorable.

November: I went on a field trip to U of I, which was moderately cool. Thanksgiving was awesome as always...I always have good Thanksgivings and Easters.

December: I ended the semester on a high note, but Christmas was horrible. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. Christmas morning ready to barf my brains out--and I did. Christmas for me got delayed until the 26th, and I missed getting to partake in the normal Christmas traditions.

So, this year for the first time since 2002, I stayed home for New Year's. It seemed a fitting end to a melancholy year. I honestly am looking forward to 2007, because it couldn't be any worse than the last two years. :-) Happy New Year!

This Fire Still Burns

This is my second blog of the night, and it's probably more upbeat than the other blog.

To those who have known me as of late, I have probably seemed extremely calm and without any sense of urgency. A competitive edge has been absent as well. Some would probably go so far to say that I need to be checked for a pulse. So the question could be posed: Has Jakob Duehr lost his fire? The answer to that, after a careful amount of introspection, is no. In explaining that answer, I will give you a little bit of insight into some of my current philosophies.

Unlike the Jakob Duehr of a few years back, I see no need to publicize every aspect of my life. I realize that through blogging I let the entire world of the internet get a little glimpse into my life. Quite honestly, these blogs don't scratch the surface of the sum total of my life and desires. Therefore, though my feelings are not verbalized, they are still existent.

As far as urgency goes, I will admit that I have lost that. I believe that things will happen when they are supposed to happen. Pushing the issue sometimes leads to disastrous results. All my problems my last two years of high school were the results of pushing issues. If you have ever heard me say or seen me write "In due time, I'll take what's mine", that's my way of saying I'll let things happen when they are supposed to.

Concerning the issue of a competitive edge, I would not go so far as to say my competitive edge is gone, but rather that I have rechanneled it. I don't care as much about beating someone else as much as doing better than what I have done in the past. I've had enough success in my life. From 1993-2001, pretty much everything I laid my hands on was a success. I'm not saying that to exalt myself; I'm just saying that I was blessed, and it's time for others to get their glory. I have had enough to last me for a good long time. As long as I'm making progress, it's a victory for me.

Personally, I have even joked that I need to be checked for a pulse. Unfortunately, part of the reason for that is because I don't lead as active of a life as I probably should. I'm around 20 lb. above my ideal weight, and I don't exercise near enough. I have experienced enough "bitter pills" to appear outwardly unfazed by what has gone on around me. While I am extremely calm these days, I am not as dead to the world as others probably view me.

I am still affected by things; though I have grown in myself enough not to be as bothered as I used to be. I have enjoyed this period of being laid back, and I don't think I will stray too far from it. However, to those who are wondering, this fire still burns, and it's gonna cause something exciting.

Grinch, Scrooge, both, or neither?

Hey, this is one of two blogs I hope to get in by the time I pack it in for the night. It's not as negative as the title sounds. At least I hope not. But I'll let you decide.

I am personally a huge fan of the Christmas season. It is, all in all, quite cheerful, and I pretty much love every part of it. However, I just can't find myself able to get into it as much as before. In fact, I can only think of one other year (2001) where I wasn't able to get into it. In the case of that year, I was in a really low state emotionally which I think was to blame for the mediocre Christmas. The next four Christmases after that were amazing; but then again, those occurred during a relatively glorious era of my life.

This year, I'm trying to pinpoint the reason why I haven't been able to get into it. It's not like I haven't tried. I even made myself a Christmas mix CD to play in my car and gave my MySpace a holiday theme. Is it because I'm older? Well, I am busier with work, but that's not it. Is it because I'm in a low point emotionally? It has been a rough year overall, but I'm in a pretty good place from a personal standpoint. So, I really am at a loss for my lack of Christmas spirit/excitement. Let's hope I can get it soon.

Interpersonal Communication

Before I start, I wanted to let you know that while this blog is inherently more philosophical than the blog posted yesterday, it is, however, not as philosophical as what I am going to put up in the near future. This is more of an observational blog. It is, also, in and of itself a hypocrisy. You'll figure that out after you read it.

In our lives, there are certain situations or decisions which may seem trivial or logical at the time, but its ramifications extend far beyond that initial decision. I was thinking about one of those situations.

The date was March 3, 2002. I still had all of my 8th Grade graduation money, which was a pretty good amount of cash. The only computer we had in the house was my dad's old business computer from 1996, which used Windows 3.1 and did not have internet access. So, at the time, with my high school career taking off, it seemed like the most logical decision to use that money to purchase a computer with internet access. So, that is what we did.

This computer opened a whole new world of opportunities and information for me. I was able to discover anything and everything I wanted to. I could get music on demand, and I could talk to anybody immediately, provided they were online. The whole concept of instant messenger was particularly intriguing to me because I've never liked to use the telephone. It was amazing, and it allowed me to keep in touch with people who lived far away.

But, the other day, I got to thinking: What would the last four years have been like had I not had this outlet? Would things have been better or worse? Unfortunately, I couldn't come to a decisive answer.

Having the internet as an outlet for communication has limited my social urgency. I don't feel the need to be as social in person because I know I have this to fall back on. Also, I was looking back on all the bad situations that have happened to me, and they have mostly happened because of me acting stupid and/or creepy on the internet. If I didn't have the internet to do those things, life probably would have been a lot easier, and I would have spared myself and my reputation some discomfort. Lastly, for all the positive that can come from the internet, there is an evil that balances it. I wish I could say that I never fell into any of these pits of evil, but if I did, I would be lying to you. In fact, giving in to some of these evils led to my departure from the internet for the last three months of 2004. Not coincidentally, those months were some of the best months of my life, and I look back on it with nothing but good memories. I was able to better understand myself and others, and without the availability of other outlets I was forced to branch out and be publicly social.

Now, this blog wouldn't be fully fair if I did not share with you some of the positives that may not have happened without the internet. For one, I was able to go to camp with the ability to maintain friendships easily. I have friends from four and five years ago that I still remain in communication with. There are other friends that I have actually met through the internet who have become good people to talk to and share interests. Through the internet, I was able to strengthen friendships with people who lived close but I never really had a chance to talk to in person as well. And possibly the biggest thing that has come out of my time on the internet was my old website. That website, its weekly maintenance, and the constant flow of visitors to it helped usher in a new era of my life; a golden era so to speak. It set the stage for an amazing 2003 and 2004, and life hasn't been quite as good since then. Had the website not been created, it is possible that I could have stayed in the rut that I was in at the end of 2002 and never grown as a person.

So, if I had never had the internet, would my life during the last five years have been different? Yes, it would have, both positively and negatively. So where do I go from here? Unfortunately, we do not live in a black and white world, so it is not always feasible to make black and white determinations. Therefore, I'm going to have to try to take the best of both worlds. I'll still utilize the internet for what it does best for me. However, it's time to branch out. Reliance on one particular area in any facet of life leads to stagnation. Quite honestly, I want progress. So, while you'll still be able to catch me on here often, let's hope you can catch me in the real world as well.

Whatever happened to Jakob Duehr?

Well, after coming up with a title for this blog, I began to brainstorm the direction I wanted to take with it. I narrowed it down to quasi-philosophical ramblings or an update on how I've been. For once, I chose the latter. Don't worry, though. I think I have some philosophical ramblings soon to come.

Hmm, I guess I haven't updated my life since the end of summer. Things have certainly been busier than expected. Though I only had 13 hours this semester, the workload for the classes were pretty substantial, as I had a couple pretty big projects to do. I was also able to go on a few field trips: one to a museum in Kankakee, one to the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and one to Reed-Custer Middle School. All the trips had some highlights. I have been pleased with my effort and output scholastically this semester. Let's hope finals go well.

As far as work goes, I'm still at Super Target. Actually, now I am on the Research Team, specifically in scanning outs. I walk around the store with a pad of gray dots and scan whatever we are out of and check to see if we have any in the backroom. It's a pretty easy job, and it ensures that I never work later than 4:30. It's nice having a set schedule and no real boss. Makes me feel sort of important. Heh.

Unfortunately in September those of us affiliated with SCCA had to say goodbye to a former teacher of ours. The funeral, however, was quite nice and was a fitting end to a well-lived life. Concerning Stone, we are celebrating our centennial, which is pretty neat. I have started working in Jr. High Church, which is pretty much amazing. I love it. I think I'm more into it now than I was when I was in Jr. High.

Surprisingly, I haven't really made a fool out of myself recently. I did have one awkward and uncomfortable situation, but it's all taken care of. For the first time in a long time, I think the number of people I hold a grudge against is under ten. Due to my being surprisingly busy, or at least busier than in years past, I haven't been as social as I probably should. That should change come break. From a dating relational standpoint, I'm still where I was, but it's not because of a lack of confidence anymore; it's a lack of motivation. There are probably a few that I could feasibly be interested in, but it's not the due time. But you guys probably don't care about that, unless you have some sort of interest in me.

I'm pleased with the progress I've made as of late, and I'm anxious to see when I can reach the next level of personal development. Thanks for reading. I promise more philosophical ramblings soon.