I haven't written for a while, largely because I was displeased with the quality of my last piece and wanted to preserve the quality of this blog. Hopefully this piece is more coherent and less disjointed.
To say that it has been an interesting month would be an understatement. I would go so far as to say the last three years have been "interesting", so to speak. In this case, "interesting" is probably most synonymous with "unexpected". Things have not gone as I had foreseen at all. I don't think there is a singular aspect of my life that even remotely resembles my vision for my life from 10, 5, or 3 years ago.
Part of that can be attributed to the fact that for far too long I have tried to meticulously plan the details of my life well in advance. As my friend Dan said last week at dinner, "I don't think you've fallen behind the curve as much as you have always planned so far in advance and set extremely high goals for yourself." Another part can be attributed to the fact that I could not see my future or the variables over which I had no control. The final part, however, is entirely my responsibility.
At some point in time, I stopped being successful (at least "successful" at the level to which I had grown to expect from myself). This post is not meant to be a "HumbleBrag" in the slightest, by the way. For the first twenty-one years of my life, I set lofty goals and generally achieved them. I got exceptional grades in school and in my student teaching experience. I accomplished goals in both basketball and tae kwon do that many did not believe I could achieve. I lost over 25% of my body weight in four months. Success to that degree is not particularly common.
Unfortunately, my high degree of success began to disappear once I got my bachelor's degree. In a short amount of time I went from being on top of my world to wanting to crawl in a hole and hide. Multiple discouragements hit, and complacency sunk in. Life becomes difficult when your confidence is shaken. I entered into a slow but steady downward spiral. The successes began to disappear. I went from believing I would to doubting I even could.
I hit a low point this week when I stepped on the scale for the first time in over a year. I knew I had put on a little weight, but I was horrified to find out that I had put back on over half the weight I had lost. I worked so hard to achieve a goal, and I got to a point where I rested on that success instead of working to maintain it.
So what have I learned? Success is not permanent. It is more than a mountain to be climbed. Once goals are achieved, work must be done to maintain the success. It never ends. In some cases, new goals need to be set. I know I will drop the 22 pounds I want to shed (at this point, I've already dropped 4 pounds). For me, the quickest way to get to the top of my world is to continually push myself to be better. I miss the view from the top. I'll be back there soon.
