2013 in Review

For the tenth (?!?) year in a row, I am ending my year by blogging about it in a “Year in Review” post. I enjoy this post probably more than I enjoy writing any other post over the course of the year, as it allows me to reflect on the year that just was and even allows me to go back years later to ponder and reminisce. Quite honestly, 2013 was a challenging year. Put bluntly, it was awful, but it did have some bright spots. As usual, there will be a month-by-month rundown of the year and some thoughts to follow.

January: The year started off with a bang, if by “bang” you mean “Jakob fears for his job.” The school thought they were going to have to lay me off as enrollment went the wrong direction. Fortunately, that did not happen, but I was constantly looking over my shoulder after that. I had a nasty cold/illness that took most of the month to fully shake. I was able to enjoy a nice little Saturday trip to Grand Rapids, Michigan, with my family and got to watch the Seahawks nearly pull off one of the greatest upsets in playoff history. Unfortunately, they came up short, but it provided a lot of hope for the following season.

February: Thanks to rising frustrations, I started lifting at the gym to supplement my cardio. While I am by no means “jacked”, I made a significant amount of progress in regards to my strength. The month was challenging. Two of my students got into a fight in the middle of class, which led to severe long-term ramifications for them both inside and out of the classroom. I honestly felt like I had failed as a teacher.

March: Somehow, enrollment turned around at work and my class began to grow exponentially to the point that I was once again given some help in my classroom, for which I was very thankful. It lightened my load and made the rest of the school year run more smoothly. I made the decision to run another marathon and began training for that. Things began to go extremely sour with a coworker, a recurring theme of 2013.

April: Once again, I enjoyed a pleasant birthday. I decided to get a new tattoo on my birthday of the word “hypomone” on my forearm (a Greek word for “endurance” or “courageous resolve” that was the title of my youth pastor’s last sermon in that position while I was in high school). Mom was a bit freaked at first, but she got over it quickly. I was able to enjoy our yearly WrestleMania get together at my aunt and uncle’s house (even though this particular WrestleMania was decidedly subpar). The month took a nosedive very quickly, as a very close family friend passed away unexpectedly. I still don’t know why things like that happen, but I guess it’s not my place to have such knowledge.

May: Marathon training got more intense, and I began to rack up the miles. I felt weary physically, mentally, and emotionally, as the wear and tear of the school year was finally starting to affect me. I made a poor decision on a birthday gift for someone, and that blew up in my face. It happens. It would have been very easy to simply coast into the end of the school year at that point. But my kids deserved better than that, so they got better.

June: June was a very eventful month. The school year officially ended at the beginning of the month, and the last day was a great celebration of how far we had all come over the past year. I gave each of my students personalized letters with “one last lesson” I wanted them to take with them, and they really responded to that well. I went to a WWE event with my uncle and aunt, and quite honestly, our seats were amazing. I love sitting on the floor. I ran the marathon, which was awful. The weather was bad, the terrain was bad, and the entire experience was bad. I injured my ankle with ten miles to go, but being the stubborn person that I am, I hobbled to the end and crossed the finish line. The rest of the trip to Iowa with my parents and cousin was fun, however.

July: I finally got started on a goal of mine when I began my M. Ed. Program with the American College of Education. It was always my intent to start grad school after I had taught full time for a year, as I would have a year of experience under my belt and more money to pay for grad school. I just didn’t think that whole process would take as long as it did. I was apprehensive about being rusty at the start, having been out of school for a few years, but I was able to shake those cobwebs and at this point, I am one-third done with the entire program. I also was able to catch one of the bands that I listen to at a free show at the mall and got to meet with them after.

August: I almost don’t know where to start here. I was asked by the social worker to help her with a presentation for our school’s Behavior Committee during one of our two in-service days prior to the start of the school year. I had still not heard anything about the beginning of the school year and my assignment, so I began to worry. I finished my part of the presentation and brought it in to work a few days early, hoping to get my assignment. I heard nothing specific, but I got a letter in the mail about coming to teacher orientation the following week. I thought everything was alright. When we got to orientation, roughly half of us were informed that because of plummeting enrollment, we were laid off. Unfortunately, I was one of those people. Eleven of my twelve students from the previous year were allowed reinstatement to their public schools. I was very happy for them, but I was out of a job because I had done my job so well. I was left scrambling because I had not applied for any jobs over the summer (thinking my position was still intact). I applied for the few jobs that were out there, and shockingly to me, I was called by three of those schools for an interview. The first interview was awkward and I felt overmatched, so I knew that one wasn’t going to go well. The second interview was at an alternative high school, and I really hit it off with the administrators, so I felt very optimistic about that. The third interview was at a school where two of my former students currently attend. I was very hopeful about this position. I received a call back from the superintendent to “discuss the position” because my first interview went so well. Unbeknownst to me until midway through the conversation, this was actually another interview and I was not offered the job. Unfortunately for me, he decided to go in another direction. The month did end on a nice note, however, as my sister had a very nice wedding in Grand Rapids and I gave a pretty great speech at the reception.

September: This is when the wheels more or less fell off. I received the job at the alternative high school, but after meeting with one of the district administrators, I did not feel right about it. When I started, I quickly realized that gut instinct was right. Curriculum at the school was a joke, my responsibilities were misrepresented to me during my interviews, and the students were not held accountable for anything. I was told to treat it as a victory that the kids were even showing up. They were allowed to curse me out, and I was offered one of two courses of action: I could either ignore it or curse back at them. Neither of those options was particularly palatable to me. Throw in an assistant who tried to undermine instead of help, and I realized I was being set up to fail. I made the difficult decision to walk away from the job for the sake of my sanity. At this point, I returned to AAA. My job was not waiting for me. I was still laid off. I did not want to just sit around and collect unemployment. I knew that if I was not productive, I would lose my mind. So I started working at the school for free, doing whatever they needed me to do. This quickly turned into me actually teaching a class (but without any real benefits). It wasn’t easy, but it was the right thing to do. This month also led to great disappointment with someone. I (perhaps naively) believed that my long wait was over and things were finally about to change. I sent a few awesome personalized gifts out that way in hopes that my charm would finally be the catalyst to change. It wasn’t. I was promised a letter that never came. As my world around me felt like it was crumbling, I walked to the mailbox everyday because it was the only thing I held out hope for. That hope never arrived. I sucked it up and kept going.

October: This month held the status quo in terms of work and school. I got into a daily routine, and while it wasn’t optimal, I got used to it. I went to a Seahawks game in Indianapolis with my dad and sister, and we had a good time even though our guys unfortunately lost. We also had a nice trip to Michigan City, Indiana, to the outlet malls, and over the course of this month I met a fellow teacher and WWE fan who helped restore my smile a bit.

November: I was about ready to tap out and stop volunteering at AAA when I was informed that I would be receiving my class back. A number of students were expelled from a district (that, coincidentally, my professor for the grad school course I was taking worked in) and the school had a need for my services. It was tough jumping back in right then and there, but it’s always better to have something than to be lacking.

December: The year ended with a lot of entertaining relatives, holiday celebrations, and teaching. It’s interesting that I ended this year pretty much in the same place that I ended last year, but the route I took to get there this year was much more circuitous.

So, yeah, a lot happened this year. In comparison to previous “Year in Review” posts, this is significantly longer. I felt I had to go into detail to let you know where I’ve been and how I got to where I am today.

2013 was a struggle. Loss is never an easy thing to handle. When you have to deal with losses in employment, in friendships, in relationships, in unexpected deaths, and in hope, it takes a toll on you. Things like that make it very difficult to get up in the morning. But that is never an excuse to give up, easy as that may be.

Quite possibly the thing this year I am proudest of is the fact that I did not regress as a person despite all that occurred. Sure, I made some of the same mistakes I’ve always made (especially in the relationship realm), but I didn’t go backwards. In years past, I would’ve let the defeats hit me harder. I kept at it, and the “courageous resolve” that is visibly displayed on my forearm was on display for the rest of t he world to see as well.

I’m looking forward to 2014. I’ll be honest… I’ve been looking forward to it since June or July! It was a year that put 2005 and 2010 to shame. I am excited for what is to come. I’ve got nowhere to go but up!

A Letter to My 25 Year Old Self

A while back, I watched a video of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. reading a reflective letter he had written to his younger self. I was very moved by it, and I really liked the idea. Though I am still a relatively young man, I believe that I have learned enough over the past number of years to do something similar for myself. However, I am not merely limiting myself to one letter. Over the next year or so, I will be writing a few of these letters to myself at different ages, allowing me to reflect on my life in smaller chunks. This is a bonus installment of the series.

Letter to Jakob Duehr: To be received December 31, 2012

Dear Jakob,

This is from you, 365 days into the future. Normally I wouldn’t write a reflective letter so close to the fact (we try to safeguard against recency bias), but I’m making an exception for you. You’re going to need it. Before you read this letter, I have one warning for you:
You’re not going to like this.

2013 is going to be the most challenging year of your life. I know you’ve had bad years before, but quite honestly, they pale in comparison. 2001? Child’s play. 2010? That’s a trip to the Riviera. This is even worse than 2005.

You accomplished a lot in 2012. Quite honestly, it was impressive, though tiring. You’re already going to feel a bit weary heading into 2013. This year is going to start off on a very poor note. Things at AAA aren’t going well, though it has nothing to do with the job you are doing. Very shortly into the New Year, you will be informed that you are going to be laid off from your job. Fortunately, this does not happen, but it keeps you on pins and needles in fear that it will.

You will keep waiting for the year to get better and to turn around. You remind yourself of slow starts to 2003 and 2004 and how those years turned around to become two of the greatest years of your life. Yeah, that doesn’t happen. Every time you think things can’t get worse, they do.

Professionally
For your sake, I’m going to break up these bad things into a few different sections. Let’s start with your professional life. You honestly did a good job finishing up your first year at AAA, 11 of your 12 students will get to return to public school. However, that success puts you out of a job. You will not find out until August that you are laid off for the upcoming school year. You’re going to be scrambling to find something else. Shockingly, you actually get a few job interviews. You don’t wind up getting the job you wanted, but you’ll be offered a new job at a new school, which, given the circumstances, you accept.

That was a bad decision. You’ve never been a quitter; in fact, there are times you’ll be accused of hanging onto things for too long. But you cannot and will not succeed in areas that are designed for you to fail. This, sadly, will be one of those places. Your success at AAA is predicated on your ability to develop meaningful relationships with your students to create a family atmosphere. This school does not allow for that, and it does not require any modicum of self-control or discipline for the students. This isn’t going to work, and you’ll get out while you can.

After this, you will go back to AAA and work for free. That’s right. You are going to do much of what you did last year, but for no paycheck. Yes, it will be humbling. Deal with it. Good things and glamorous things are very rarely the same thing. Your patience and perseverance will pay off, as you will get your classroom back by Thanksgiving. You’re back to where you started, but it will take a circuitous route to get there.

Romantically
You might want to skip this part. 2013 will be THE most frustrating year for you in this regard. Some of it will be your fault, and some of it will not.

You’re going to break one of your own cardinal rules by pursuing a coworker. This is stupid. Don’t do it. You have nothing in common other than the fact you work together and are very popular with the kids. This will not end well. It does not end well. For every half step of progress you make, you will regress five steps. It’s an unnecessary distraction, and it’s something the kids will pick up on. The (very limited) rewards are not worth everything else. Don’t ever do this again.

JLJ will come back into your life. You two are each other’s boomerangs. This time, you think it’s finally going to happen… the long wait will finally end. Don’t be so naïve. Your assistant director will tell you, “Jakob, unfortunately the things we want and the things we need are two very different things. Sometimes, you’re just not meant to get what you want.” Though she wasn’t speaking about this particular situation, take those words to heart. Realize that as much as you care about her, the choices that she makes in life are ultimately hers. Love her through them, and do not be bitter if and when those choices do not end in your favor. Approach life with a surplus of hope and an absence of expectation.

You’re actually going to meet someone new in October. She’s pretty special. She’s a wrestling fan and a teacher too. Treat her well. Appreciate her, but also realize that the choices she will make are ultimately out of your control. Love and respect her through them, even if they do not result in favorable outcomes. Treat her well no matter what.

The Bitter Pills
You’re going to fall even more out of touch with the core group of friends you grew up with. In fact, the only one of them you will see this calendar year is Merrill. You can’t sit back and long for summer 2003, November 2004, or January 2009. You have to accept life for what it is and make the best of it. Stickam will shut down too, so you’ll lose that outlet for keeping in touch with people.

You’re going to deal with loss this year. Students you tutored, teachers you worked with, youth group peers, and very close family friends will all pass away this year. It doesn’t make sense to you, and it won’t make sense to you. If anything, let it be a lesson to you to treat everyone as if it might be the last time you ever see them. Appreciate everything.

You’re going to run another marathon. Unfortunately, the marathon occurs on a gravel trail after a torrential downpour on a 90 degree day. The poor conditions will result in you twisting your ankle around mile 16. You don’t quit, though. You will hobble those last 10 miles and cross that finish line.

The Silver Linings
I’d be remiss if I said the year was devoid of bright spots. Good things will happen. You’ll see concerts and WWE events. You’ll get a new tattoo on your birthday. You’ll see another Seahawks game (even though they’ll lose). You’ll actually get a medal in the only 5k race you’ll run all year.

Because of the frustration, you’ll actually start to lift weights at the gym instead of just doing cardio. Slowly but surely, you’ll get stronger and put on some muscle. You’re not quite where you want to be yet in that regard, but you’re getting closer.

You are going to finally get started on grad school. At this point, you only have a year left. The fears you have about being rusty will quickly subside.

Your sister is going to get married. That’s exciting. You’ll even give a pretty awesome speech at the reception!

Take these lessons with you. They’ll serve you well.
Nothing I have written can effectively prepare you for what is to come, but here are a few lessons to take with you to get you through this year and the future as well.

Work hard. Always do your best. Be a good example for the kids. Trust me, they watch EVERYTHING you do. Model good behavior for them. Let them know that nothing is below them. Humble yourself always.

Accept defeat with grace and humility. That does not mean to let things go with a whimper. Fight with everything you have until it’s over. When it is over, let it go and have a peace knowing that you did your best.

Finally, remember that not everything can be a clear-cut victory. Sometimes, survival is the victory. You have survived this year. You are stronger, and you have nowhere to go but up. I wish you the best, and most of all, I wish you peace.

All the best,
Jakob Duehr, 2013 Edition

2013 in List Form

2013 was… something. It was an absolutely great year for music, as you will see that my lists are beefed up more than in years. My love for the Seahawks increased (as if that was even possible), and television pretty much maintained the status quo. While 2013 was not quite like 2012 in the “doing amazing things” category, I still accomplished a few things that I am excited to share with you. Be prepared for my more detailed “Year in Review” post next week.

As I post every year, everything is ranked by my arbitrary personal preference. I don’t consider myself to be an expert (or even semi-expert… yay 13 year old inside jokes) for any of these things, but I do like what I like. This just gives you a better glimpse into the things that I do like.

Songs
1. The Dangerous Summer – Miles Apart
2. Broadway Calls – Lucky Lighter
3. We Came as Romans – I Survive
4. Alkaline Trio – I’m Only Here to Disappoint
5. State of Drama – Fighter
6. Mayday Parade – Girls
7. A Day to Remember – I Remember
8. Simple Plan – Ordinary Life
9. The Story So Far – Small Talk
10. A Great Big World – This Is the New Year
11. New Found Glory – Connect the Dots
12. The Fold - Love
13. Spoken – Through It All
14. My Chemical Romance – The World Is Ugly
15. FORA – Let Them Say
16. A Loss for Words – Eclipsed
17. Ellie Goulding – Burn
18. The Wonder Years – Passing Through a Screen Door
19. The Summer Set – Someday
20. The National – Heavenfaced

New Albums
1. A Day to Remember – Common Courtesy
2. The Dangerous Summer – Golden Record
3. Mayday Parade – Monsters in the Closet
4. Alkaline Trio – My Shame Is True
5. A Loss for Words – Before It Caves
6. Better Luck Next Time – We’ll Take It From Here
7. Forever the Sickest Kids – J.A.C.K.
8. State Champs – The Finer Things
9. We Came as Romans – Tracing Back Roots
10. New Years Day – Victim to Villain

Cover/Re-imagined/Specialty Albums
1. Yellowcard – Ocean Avenue Acoustic
2. New Found Glory – Kill it Live
3. Story of the Year – Page Avenue: 10 Years and Counting
4. Gavin Mikhail – Stubborn Love…
5. Rise Against – Long Forgotten Songs: B-Sides & Covers 2000-2013
6. Various Artists – The Songs of Tony Sly: A Tribute
7. Anberlin – Devotion
8. Scott Krippayne – Hymns
9. My Chemical Romance – Conventional Weapons
10. New Found Glory – Mania

TV Shows
1. NCIS
2. NCIS: Los Angeles
3. Burn Notice
4. Psych
5. White Collar

Sports Moments
1. Seahawks dismantle 49ers on Sunday Night Football
2. Dolph Ziggler wins World Heavyweight Championship
3. Seahawks defeat Redskins to win first road playoff game in nearly 30 years
4. Blackhawks win Stanley Cup
5. Attending WWE Payback

Places to Eat
1. Granite City
2. The Grand Buffet
3. Qdoba (RIP in Chicagoland)
4. Pepe’s
5. Noodles & Company

Personal Moments
1. Attending Seahawks vs. Colts, October 6
2. Finishing 6th place overall at a 5k race, September 21
3. Attending WWE Payback, June 16
4. Starting grad school, July 15
5. Birthday and new tattoo, April 4
6. Completing my second marathon, June 22
7. Completing my first year of teaching, June 3
8. Standing in my sister’s wedding, August 31
9. Trip to Grand Rapids with the family, January 12
10. Portillo’s with Merrill and Aldo, June 3