This is the post I never really wanted to write. However, it is significantly more convenient to write this than have to tell the same stories three dozen times. Since the middle of August, my life has been an absolute roller coaster. Scratch that. It has felt more like a bottomless pit. Every time I think that I have reached the bottom, I find I still have a bit more tumbling to do.
It started in the middle of August. I had not yet received my assignment for the following school year. I honestly didn’t think anything of it, as the school often flies by the seat of its pants and very little is ever known in advance. The social worker had texted me to get my input on a project, so I was feeling good about things. A few days later, I received my official notice that I had to report the following week for teacher orientation.
When we arrived at orientation, we were informed by the school’s director that decreases in both enrollment and public funding had led to the staff size getting drastically cut. Two days before the school year was supposed to begin, a sizable number of teachers were informed that they would be laid off. Unfortunately, I was one of these teachers. We were all still expected to come the next day for orientation, and the social worker and I wound up giving a killer presentation (despite the fact that I no longer was an active member of the staff).
Because the ax dropped so close to the beginning of the school year, I was in a bind concerning what to do. I had a great relationship with the staff and students, so I offered to volunteer in the afternoons to maintain a presence at the school. The school was more than willing to accept my free labor. In the meantime I applied for the few jobs that were available, thinking nothing of it considering how competitive the job market has been. To my surprise, my year of experience made me instantly more attractive. I received interviews at three schools: two public junior high schools and one alternative high school.
The first interview at a public school did not go as well as I would have liked. They utilized a number of specific programs that I did not have experience using, and I did not get that job. The interview went well with the alternative high school, and I was offered the job. Shortly after that, I had to meet with a high-ranking district administrator, and she and I seemed to have some philosophical differences concerning education and classroom management. After meeting with her, I was unsure whether or not I still had the position, so I interviewed with the other junior high (where two of my students from last school year happen to attend). The interview went well, and the superintendent called me to come in to discuss the position.
I was very excited to meet with the superintendent, and from our conversation on the phone I was led to believe that he was going to offer me the position. It was not until midway through our face to face conversation that I discovered that I was merely a finalist for the position. A few days later I found out that he decided to go with the other finalist. I was more than a bit miffed at being misled, but I was not bitter.
At this point, I decided to accept the teaching position at the alternative high school and was given a start date. I hoped that the transition would be smooth. It was not. I was thrown into the fire. When I interviewed for the position (Social Studies Teacher), I was told that I would be responsible for teaching four social studies classes. What I was not told was that I had to teach a social skills class as well as a speech class. Curricula for those courses were nonexistent, and they had no teacher’s editions for any of the social studies books. If I wanted worksheets, I had to seek out the one teacher in the building who was the “keeper of the worksheets”, and he would only give me what I needed for that week. It was virtually impossible to plan far in advance.
I could have gotten past those challenges, as I came from a school that is severely lacking in resources. I had a much harder time getting past the school’s rules, or lack thereof. Put simply, students were not held accountable for their behavior. They were allowed to curse out teachers without repercussions. Teachers were encouraged to either drop “f-bombs” back at their students or just ignore them. Punishing them was out of the question. Students were allowed to get up out of their seat without permission and could leave the classroom without the teacher stopping them. Students would get up during a lesson to go to the computers to check their Facebook. The style that brought me success at Richards, all the Orland schools, Huntington, and AAA Academy got me nothing but threats.
I quickly learned that the only way the students would do my lessons were if I didn’t give them lessons that I put any effort into. They would only do worksheets. No lectures, no discussions, and no experiential learning. I was told by a colleague that I should just “be happy that they’re showing up.” Call me a malcontent, but that was not enough for me. I tried to establish rules in my classroom, but I was met with resistance from students and staff. I was told that I could not command respect simply because I was the teacher. I had to “earn” their respect, and that I could earn this respect by letting some things slide. Again, not how I do things.
When I was at AAA Academy, I was blessed to maintain great relationships with the three individuals who assisted and/or co-taught with me in my classroom. I was not blessed with a similar relationship with my assistant at this school. The first thing she told me was how hard of a time I would have measuring up to my predecessor. She constantly questioned my apparently “strict” management techniques and even went as far to question the actual pedagogy of one of my lessons, despite not having any sort of formal educational training. Support was nonexistent.
I had to make the choice of sanity vs. salary. I chose sanity. I was not sleeping well. I felt like there was no way to improve the situation. I voiced my concerns daily with administration and was told that I would “get used to it”. I had no desire to get used to it. I took a leap of faith and walked away. Some of you may call me a quitter for that. That is your prerogative, but I think my track record in terms of relentless persistence speaks for itself. I had to make the decision that was best for me.
I decided to return to AAA Academy as a volunteer with hopes that enrollment will increase so I can resume my career there. A lot of people may not understand how or why I would do that, but for me, it’s good to be home.
Other things have happened the past month. My sister had a wedding and I gave a pretty good speech if I do say so myself (and I do). My only regret from the wedding was that the one person I wanted to take to the wedding could not be there with me, and I don’t know if she ever will be with me at any event like that. I am on the verge of finishing my second graduate school course with a 99%. Football is back, and my Seahawks are all sorts of amazing. I ran a 5k race and finished 6th out of 200 runners. The very person who cursed me out worse than anyone ever has back in May became one of my biggest supporters by August, and we enjoyed a nice little mini-lunch date with one another (though things went back to being a bit inconsistent after that).
I have been living in crazy times. Quite honestly, I’m drained. I’m exhausted, and I’m discouraged. I try to stay positive, but I’m beaten down. At this point, I hope I’ve reached the bottom of the pit and there’s no place to go but up. For those of you who have been there for me through all this, I can’t begin to express my gratitude. I’ll survive. I always do.
