As I sit here and reflect on the year that I spent as a 31 year old (a number that I did always like), it was one of those years which on the surface felt like a generic slog but truly was much more. I learned a great deal from others but also a great deal about myself. It was a year sprinkled with both successes and adversity, new beginnings and bittersweet endings. I gained friends but lost some (and another grandparent). I had a few illnesses over the year, which is a rarity for me, and I found myself mentally and physically exhausted on numerous occasions. Yet through it all, I have a calm I've never had before.
If you have been keeping up with this blog at all over the past 14(!) years, you have probably noticed I have written with much less frequency (but hopefully with equal intensity). While part of that can be attributed to being an adult who works and goes to grad school full time, there is a larger underlying reason. For years I used this blog as an outlet to say the things I never had the courage or audacity to say out loud. This *was* my voice. At some point, I found my voice. I learned how to fight for those I care about, for the causes I believe in, and for myself. I have less of a pressing need to use this to share my thoughts because, if you are around me with any modicum of frequency, you already know those thoughts.
That confidence has been accompanied by a measure of fearlessness and in turn with a measure of peace and calm. Life is going to put mountains in my way, and either I will conquer them or I won't. I accept what is mine to accept and purpose to fight the things that are mine to fight. I've failed a few times this past year, and with each failure I realize that these setbacks are neither final nor fatal. I will, or I won't, but no matter what, I won't let it destroy me from the inside.
I've learned a couple other valuable lessons in this past year. At the end of the day, my behavioral responsibilities can be simplified to two categories: how I act and how I react. I have no control on the others around me, but I am in complete control of my responses and approaches to them. This school year, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have had to raise my voice. You might read that as passive resignation and assume my classroom is a madhouse. You would be unequivocally wrong. I have had better control of my classes as a direct result. Radiate calm and peace, and you will reap the benefits.
I have also learned how small the world truly is and how some things we see as impossible are merely man-made mountains. I had over a dozen Twitter interactions with my favorite WWE superstar this past year. I conversed with my #1 celebrity crush (Victoria Justice). I have built meaningful friendships with bands I looked up to in college. People who left my life long ago found their way back through coincidence. Heck, Myrna even resurfaced (but let's not get into that). From this point on, I refuse to view anything as impossible. I accept improbability, but I refuse to be defeated by anyone or anything.
As I reach 32, I hope to continue learning and staying two steps ahead of Father Time. Thank you for listening to me, believing in me, noticing me, and accepting me. You are wonderful, and I wouldn't be who I am without you. Onward and upward!
