2011 in Review

It is the time of the year for one of my favorite traditions: the “Year in Review” post. This year was certainly not what I expected it to be. There were a lot of twist and turns over the course of the year. For once, that was a good thing. Sure, the year wasn’t perfect, but perfection is not a necessity. So, without further ado, here is the year in review.

January: The year got off to a little bit of a rough start, as I had my first bout of illness since mid-2009 (a doozy of a cold). It was a fairly snowy month filled with a lot of subbing at Century. It was during this time subbing that I realized that Century was by far my favorite school to sub. I had the opportunity to once again go to Rosemont for a teacher fair, and all it amounted to was a wasted Saturday. By far the highlight of the month was the Seahawks’ playoff upset over the Saints.

February: I don’t know what it is about my Februaries, but they rarely are eventful. Maybe it’s because February is such a short month. Who knows? I subbed, shaved off my beard, and felt pretty depressed most of the time. That was it.

March: This month is really when the year started to turn around. I worked a lot, which was good from a productivity and monetary standpoint, but I also got to enjoy two amazing days with friends. On the last Friday in March, I went with Dan and Andy on a mini-road trip to Decatur to see my favorite band (The Graduate) in concert. It was an amazing show and I got a chance to talk with the guys in the band afterward. I also picked up two new band shirts (which are among my favorite articles of clothing). The following Monday, Rob and I went to see WWE Raw at the Allstate Arena. While the in-ring action was nothing to write home about, seeing The Rock (or The Dwayne as I like to call him) is always awesome.

April: My birthday month is rarely a bad month. I was able to once again watch WrestleMania with my Uncle Jerry and Aunt Lisa. As usual, I had a good birthday filled with all sorts of nice messages and gestures from the people who matter to me. I began to work on improving my teaching materials in the event that I got an interview, and during that process I was able to meet with a principal who gave me a number of valuable resources to aid me in my quest for a teaching job.

May: I finally got an interview for a full-time teaching position. The interview went as well as it could have possibly gone. The interviewer interrupted me on a number of occasions to make a remark about how much she liked my answer. Things were looking good. Unfortunately, due to some district politics, the rug was swept out from under me and the position “disappeared”. While I do make my best effort to live my life devoid of expectations, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t gotten my hopes up. It was very deflating, but I resolved to not let it keep me down.

June: When that door closed, another opened. While it was not a full time teaching position, it was still a pretty amazing thing. I was able to gain employment as an instructor at Huntington Learning Center in June. Though this month was not spent doing much work other than training, I quickly realized that this job was easily the best job I have ever had.

July: This was another excellent month. I was able to really dig in and get settled in the Huntington job, and Rob and I were able to get together to see another WWE event. This event was undoubtedly the best event of the year, and we had AMAZING seats thanks to good shopping by me. I also had the opportunity to go to Six Flags with Heidi and Andy, and though we were stuck on top of the American Eagle for an hour on a 90+ degree day, we still had a good time.

August: As the summer came to an end, I still was without a full time teaching job. I was not as bummed as in years past, however. I had the Huntington job and subbing was about to resume. I also had the unexpected pleasure of the opportunity to meet and have lunch with Staci. It was a great day with a pretty awesome person. At the end of the month, I attended the farewell concert for The Graduate. Though it was a bittersweet occasion, it was still a great show and I got a great spot right in front of the stage (where I can be seen on multiple occasions in The Graduate: From the Ground Up).

September: I got used to a new routine. Huntington transitioned to night hours, and I got back into the swing of subbing. Thankfully I have had the privilege of doing 90% of my subbing at Century, and it truly has subbing exponentially more enjoyable. The month was not entirely great, however. I stepped on the scale for the first time in nearly two years and was horrified to find out that I had gained over half the weight I had lost in 2008. I should’ve realized it when I looked in the mirror and when my pants began to fit more tightly, but I didn’t. I resolved to get down to my Driver’s License weight (183 lb) by December 31.

October: This was another enjoyable month, as redundant as that is getting to say. I began to work out like a machine. The weight began to literally sweat off me, and I began to feel (and look) good again. I began the month with a fun trip to Michigan City, Indiana with my parents and my sister and ended the month with an impromptu trip downtown with Heidi and Andy to buy a pea coat. The chance to meet Jannelle in person unfortunately fell through, which was disappointing. All in all it was still a good month.

November: It is a great feeling to accomplish a goal. It is an even greater feeling to accomplish a goal in half the time you expected. My extremely strenuous cardiovascular workouts resulted in the 183 pound goal being met well before Thanksgiving. It allowed me to stress out less (even as I eventually lost 13 more pounds) about what I ate and branch out in my style of workout. This was also a productive month at work, as subbing calls remained consistent and Huntington allowed me to begin doing some 1-to-1 instruction. Thanksgiving was very enjoyable (certainly far less stressful than Christmas), and a Black Friday trip to the Grand Luxe downtown was a great time.

December: The year ended on a high note. Both jobs kept me sufficiently busy and well-compensated monetarily. I had the opportunity to see some friends that I had not seen in a while. I began to take up running. In fact, I just got home from running my first 5k race in 24 and a half minutes. Let me type that again in italics. The guy who three months ago weighed 205 pounds and had a muffin top runs now, and runs well enough to beat 75% of the other people in the race. It blows my mind. I look and feel so much differently than I did in September. Christmas wasn’t all that great, but hey, you can’t win them all!

I learned a lot about life and myself this year. I did many things this year that I probably would’ve thought impossible at other points. I made new friendships, lost some friendships, and rekindled friendships I thought were dead and buried. I gained weight, and lost it. I lost some opportunities and gained others. The year was full of great moments with the people I care about. I did not accomplish all my goals, but I do aim fairly high, and there is always next year.

If I were to grade my last few years in football terms, 2009 was a year full of high expectations and a hot start (4-0), only to bottom out and finish 5-11. 2010 was an absolute stinker all around, a 2-14 team. This year has not been all that different than the 2011 Seattle Seahawks. Though there were no expectations, the year has been much better than expected, and best part of all is that the groundwork has been laid for a very bright future. I give this year a 10-6 record.

Thanks for being a part of this year. I really have enjoyed it, and I look forward to a great 2012. Stay tuned to this blog in the near future for some pretty big news moving forward. All the best!

Life as an Outsider

You've probably noticed that this blog is generally free of things having to do with religion or politics. That is by design. While I believe many things, I do not feel it is my place to thrust those beliefs at you. Whether I agree with your viewpoints or not, one of the perks of being human is having the nature to choose what is best for you. That said, it is minutes away from being Christmas here in Illinois, and I do subscribe to my own brand of nontraditional Christian ideology. Therefore, I'm going to bring up Jesus in a paragraph or two. If you don't like it, I'll have another post up tomorrow night. You can just check that one.

A common thread concerning the life and ministry of Jesus was that He was an outsider. This began at birth. There was no room at the inn, so even the childbirth was done as an outsider. During His life and ministry, He hung out with the outcasts and was considered a heretic by members of the religious community. None of that ever adversely affected the ministry. If anything it strengthened the appeal.

If you look at many of the people who have changed the world, one commonality is that they weren't the type that would easily fit in. That doesn't mean that they were social outcasts or total misfits. It is a side effect of being exceptional.

I don't know if I will ever change the world. I have not been blessed with that foresight. I do know that for most (if not all) of my life I have felt like an outsider. No matter where I was, I never felt like I quite fit in. For years, it ate at me. I'd be constantly changing myself trying to feel like I belonged. It never worked. In fact, it only made me feel worse. Only when I accepted the fact I was an outsider did I begin to enjoy life.

Being an outsider really isn't a bad thing. Being different is what makes you stand out. At times it may feel lonely, but if it was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me.

My Five Favorite Christmas Traditions

You already know by now that I am a huge fan of tradition. While I am not as bound to it as I once was, I still absolutely love them. Holidays are an especially good time for observing traditions. I'm in a bit of a rush, so I'm not going to go into too much depth. If I have time soon, I'll go back and add some detail to these. Right now they will be strictly in list form. Here are my five favorite Christmas traditions (in no particular order). Some of these traditions have been dormant/retired, but they were still pretty awesome.

1. Andy's treasure hunts for our gifts.
2. The code at Aunt Helen's
3. The food at Grandma and Grandpa's
4. The awkwardness produced by seeing certain relatives
5. Christmas morning with the four of us (and Buttons <3)

Fear: The Good and The Bad

Whether we like to admit it or not, we either are or have been afraid of something over the courses of our lives. Many people are afraid of many different things. When I was a small child, my two most notable (and most ridiculous) fears were of pinecones and of Chuck E. Cheese. While I still am not entirely sure of the basis for my fear of pinecones, my fear of Chuck E. Cheese stemmed from my issues with duplicity. I could see the mechanical Chuck E. Cheese on the stage and could not possibly understand how another Chuck E. Cheese could be roaming the building. It totally freaked me out.

While it is never a good thing to have phobia-level fears, fear can be both good and bad. From an early age, we were all trained to have an instinctual fear of consequences.

If you touch the stove, your finger will be burned.
If you do not look both ways, you might get picked off by that car.
If you do not follow directions, something may be taken away from you.
If you tell her that she looks fat in that dress, you might get slapped in the face.

In each of those instances, we would likely make the choice connected to self-preservation. Very few of us are masochistic enough to choose otherwise. Fear of consequences is both healthy and productive.

Fear of failure, however, is unhealthy. Too often we internally rationalize our fear of failure by incorrectly connecting it to a fear of consequences.

If I don’t do this the right way, something bad COULD happen to me, and my life would be ruined.
If I ask her out, she might say no, and everyone will think I’m a creep and a loser. My social status would sink to an all-time low.

There is always a chance of failure. Some actions have a higher risk of failure than others. That does not mean you should not try. I lived the first twenty years of my life with a paralyzing fear of failure. I took the safest route possible with everything. It did not get me where I wanted to be. At the age of 24, I still fear failure at time. I know I shouldn’t, and I am proud to say that I fear it less than I have at any point in my life.

Each of us is constantly on a personal journey. We try to progress from where we are to where we want to be. We cannot afford to let that journey be driven by the “What Ifs” and the “This Might Not Work” feelings. Life will always be full of obstacles. The last thing we need is to contribute to these obstacles. One of my favorite quotes touches on this.

Anyone can achieve their fullest potential. Who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

Fear, like all things, is best when it is balanced. Fear of consequences is a good thing. It keeps us from orchestrating our own demises. Fear of failure is a bad thing. You are on the road from where you are to where you want to be. Let nothing stand in your way.

The Age of the Antihero

If you have known me at all over the past 20 years, you are already well acquainted with the fact that I am a huge dork for the WWE (formerly WWF). I can’t get enough of it. I enjoy the current product, but I am a HUGE fan of 1988-1994 WWF. It was a staple of my childhood, and I love the nostalgia associated with it.

The preceding paragraph actually had a point. An important component about professional wrestling (or SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT~!) is its constant good vs. evil, hero vs. villain, “face” vs. “heel” struggle. In late 1980s WWF, there were clear divides between hero and villain, and clear expectations for both. 1980s villains were usually foreign and/or accompanied by the ring by a manager. They constantly bragged about their skills or physique and won matches by nefarious tactics, and the fans hated them for it. The heroes, however, were a different breed, represented by the Hulk Hogan persona. He was blond, muscular, and patriotic. He encouraged kids to say their prayers and eat their vitamins. He rarely did any wrong (in the storylines). In the end, good almost always won over evil, with Hulk Hogan usually at the forefront.

As the world began to change, so did professional wrestling. As the world shifted to shades of gray, so too did professional wrestling. Gone were the clean-cut goody-two-shoes heroes. In their place rose the antiheroes, the Steve Austins and the Undertakers of the world. They did not wear a white hat, and their actions often were not the purest in nature. That did not stop them from accomplishing good and defeating the greater evils, and it certainly did not stop the fans from cheering them.

Let’s shift gears for a moment. My favorite comic book character is The Punisher. He is virtually the posterboy for antiheroes. Driven by pain and anger, he resorts to extremes to accomplish his goals. Sometimes those goals are solely vengeance-driven. Other times, he channels his skills into wiping out a specific brand of evil. His methods are often not pretty, but ultimately he accomplishes some good things.

I wrote all that to say that the world is constantly changing. As much as we would like it to be, it is not always a black and white world. As I said in (the oddly popular) “Living Life by the Rules”, “The concepts of good and evil are sometimes easier to grasp when viewed as ends and not means. It allows for more wiggle room.” The days of Hulk Hogan are over, and that is not a bad thing. We don’t need to be perfect to accomplish good. We do not even have to meet outdated expectations to accomplish good. We do not have to feel compelled to fit an antiquated mold in our daily life or even in our desired professions. Teachers do not need to wear drab clothes and lack a sense of humor. We can even use sarcasm!

It is nearly 2012. The last thing we need to worry about is shaping our actions and attitudes to fit the expectations or demands of others. We need to do good things, and we need to do them while being ourselves. If that means being less like Clark Kent and more like Frank Castle (and yes, nerds, I know I’m mixing Marvel and DC), so be it! The era of the antihero is upon us, and I couldn’t be happier.

Five Christmas Songs That Need to Be Retired

It is the holiday season, and while I enjoy listening to my preferred genre of pop punk all year round, I am not a total Scrooge. I do like some Christmas music. While I do not like to listen to it for months upon end, a week or two’s worth in December is plenty tolerable. That said, there are a handful of Christmas songs that absolutely NEED to be retired, or take an “indefinite hiatus” at the least. These songs cause reactions ranging from cringing to wanting to take a sledgehammer to any listening device within swinging range. Without further ado, here are the five songs I want retired immediately.

5. Silver Bells. To be honest, I had no issues with this song until recently, and I probably need to give you some background for this one. For whatever reason, it has been a lifelong goal for my sister to learn the art of harmonization. She and my mom practice harmonizing with one another on a fairly regular basis, and for some inexplicable reason they have chosen Silver Bells as their harmonization practice song. While in general I have no issues with their singing melodies, I can not say the same for their harmonies. I do not like it. Buttons likes it even less. This song needs to go.

4. Frosty the Snowman. In general, I prefer my Christmas songs to be cheerful in nature. There is one notable exception to this. I prefer the drearier lyrics to Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I have no real reason why; I just do. A song about a magical snowman and his subsequent demise does not work for me. I remember watching the animated Frosty feature as a four year old and being horrified that Frosty melted away. I wholeheartedly disapprove of this song.

3. Here Comes Santa Claus. For the most part, I do not like Santa-related songs. I have no issue with the idea of Santa or feel like he is stealing Baby Jesus’ thunder, but I do have an issue with the inanity of most Santa-centric songs. This song was, is, and will always be awful. To make matters worse, Billy Idol has even recorded his own version. That right there should be enough of an example of how awful this song is.

2. Wonderful Christmastime. I respect the accomplishments of The Beatles. I believe Yesterday and Here Comes the Sun are among the finest songs of any era. This song, however, was a major miss for Paul McCartney. If this song had been written by almost anyone else, it would not have gotten the continued airplay that it has over the past thirty-plus years. When Paul himself admits it was not one of his best efforts, the song should be put away for a while.

1. The Christmas Shoes. If you have known me for years, you probably expected this to be tops on my list. I loathe this song. If you wanted to know how to write a horrible song, make tons of money off it, and severely agitate me in the process, you would need to look no further than this song. There are no redeeming qualities to this song whatsoever. It is easily the most depressing Christmas song I have ever heard. It makes Frosty the Snowman sound like Joy to the World (the Christmas song, not the Three Dog Night hit) in comparison. I know some people have been touched by this song. I get that. But for every person who is touched when hearing this song, there are at least ten people who are awkwardly uncomfortable to the point they want to crawl out of their own skin or forcibly remove their eardrums with a screwdriver. How this song warranted making TWO awful movies based on it is beyond me. I hate this song. I will always hate this song, and it needs to disappear from the earth. It was awful in 2000. It is still awful in 2011.

Observations While Exercising, or an Exercise in Observation

It is probably common knowledge that I enjoy working out almost as much as I enjoy making dry sarcastic responses to 90% of the questions I am asked over the course of the day. I enjoy going there to make myself better. It clears my mind and improves my body. I have spent a significant amount of the time at the gym over the past three months, and while I have been there, I have made a number of observations.

• While there is not a necessarily right or wrong way to work out, there are ways to work out that can make you significantly more toolish than you need to look.
• There is no need to grunt, scream, and moan at the end of a rep. You are not Serena Williams.
• Going extremely slowly on the elliptical 90% of the time and then at a breakneck speed for the last 10% does not make a good workout. It does, however, make a broken elliptical.
• Treadmills are like urinals. Do not take the treadmill directly next to someone unless it is unavoidable.
• Your workout may work for you. Mine may work for me. Please do not go from person to person extolling the virtues of your workout. You’re like the Jehovah’s Witness of the gym.
• Good workers at the front enhance the whole gym experience. Bad workers make it very difficult to enjoy the workout. Charter Fitness does a very good job with this for the most part.
• While I’m on the subject of Charter Fitness, I miss the Cardinal Fitness brand. Moreover, I miss the Oak Park Avenue location.
• Screaming at your son during his workout like you’re Bobby Knight does not make you the next Jillian Michaels, nor does it win you any nominations for Father of the Year.
• In general, the toolishness of the patrons of the gym is directly correlated to which portion of the gym they spend the majority of their time in.
• Charter Fitness Radio is absolutely awful. I could go the rest of my life without having to hear “Mony Mony” again.
• I am probably alone on this one, but I personally do not understand the appeal of working out with other people. It may be my lone wolf nature coming out, but I don’t understand the need for community during quite possibly the most individualistic thing I do over the course of my day. Working out only directly affects me.
• That said, always be cordial when running into an old acquaintance. Smile, say hello, and then continue on in your routine.
• Working out does not give you an excuse to show your awful tattoos. Some of those are best covered up.
• Despite being surrounded by people that say and do horribly obnoxious things, work out as hard as you can. Keep working hard, and keep getting better.

2011 in List Form

I know that there is still about two weeks left in the year, and I will wait until the 31st to compose my annual “Year in Review” post, but I thought now was as good a time as any to do another listing post. I enjoyed doing it last year, and it’s a bit of a mental break during my twelve days of writing. So, enjoy!

2011 was a good year in many areas. It was easily the best year for music in recent memory, and the television shows I watch were better in quality than they were in 2010. The year was full of great personal moments as well, and I am happy to share these with you! Mind you, these are ranked by my personal preference. I don’t consider myself to be the preeminent source for any of these things, but I do like what I like. This just gives you a better glimpse into my personal pop culture

Albums
1. Panic! at the Disco – Vices & Virtues
2. Bayside - Killing Time
3. Mayday Parade - Self-Titled
4. Forever the Sickest Kids – Self-Titled
5. New Found Glory - Radiosurgery
6. The Artist Life - Impossible
7. Manchester Orchestra – Simple Math
8. Twenty Twenty – Small Talk
9. Yellowcard – When You’re Through Thinking, Say Yes
10. Mat Kearney – Young Love

Songs
1. The Artist Life – Dear Suzanne
2. Forever the Sickest Kids – Keep On Bringing Me Down
3. Twenty Twenty – Get Down
4. The Swellers – Nothing More to Me
5. Panic! at the Disco – Trade Mistakes
6. Cobra Starship – You Make Me Feel
7. New Found Glory – Drill It in My Brain
8. The Anix – Warning Signs
9. Mat Kearney – Sooner or Later
10. TV on the Radio – Will Do

New Bands (to me)
1. Mumford and Sons
2. The Getaway Plan
3. The Artist Life
4. The Swellers
5. Twenty Twenty
6. Amos the Transparent
7. Driving East
8. Joshua Radin
9. Shirock
10. Kiros

TV Shows
1. NCIS
2. NCIS: Los Angeles
3. Burn Notice
4. White Collar
5. Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Sports Moments
1. Marshawn Lynch’s Touchdown run vs. the Saints
2. CM Punk winning the WWE Title at Money in the Bank
3. Derrick Rose being named MVP
4. The Pittsburgh Steelers LOSING in the Super Bowl
5. The Dallas Mavericks winning their first NBA Title

Places to Eat
1. The Grand Buffet
2. Granite City
3. TGI Friday’s
4. Noodles & Company
5. Fuddrucker’s

Classes to Sub*
1. Mrs. Reeves’ 5th Grade at Meadow Ridge
2. Ms. Nemec’s 7th Grade at Century
3. Mr. Gill’s 8th Grade at Century
4. Mr. Helmuth’s P.E. at OJ
5. Mr. Carriel’s 5th Grade at Meadow Ridge
*While I enjoy my subbing position, none of those classes pale in comparison to the enjoyment I get from doing my job at Huntington.

Websites
1. Facebook
2. Twitter
3. A World of Words
4. Sporcle
5. Stickam

Personal Moments
1. Going to Decatur with Dan and Andy to see The Graduate, March 25
2. Going with Rob to see WWE Money in the Bank, July 17
3. The outlet malls in Michigan City with my family, October 1
4. Getting on the scale and seeing it read 183 pounds, November 11
5. The Graduate’s Farewell Show in Chicago, August 28
6. Lunch with Staci, August 15
7. Monday Night Raw in Rosemont, March 28
8. My 24th Birthday, April 4
9. Going downtown with Heidi and Andy to get my pea coat, October 30
10. Black Friday in the city, November 25

On Goals, Part 2: Attacking Goals

This is the second of a two-part miniseries concerning the topic of goals.

When I left you last night, I let you ruminate on the thought of goals. There is no ideal difficulty level when it comes to setting goals. You must simply aim for that which you want and/or that which you have the capacity to achieve. Today we are going to stay on the topic of goals but shift gears a little bit.

Let’s say you have established a set of goals for yourself. How do you go about attacking these goals? Do you set forth a plan of action or do you dive headfirst? Do you give a little of your effort to all of the goals or do you attack one or two of them with ferocious intensity?

When I began to investigate my own responses to these questions, my life finally began to make sense. It was a true “Aha!” moment. I finally figured out the primary sources for my successes, my missteps, and my burnouts.

My goal-setting and pursuing has always lacked a sense of balance. While I have always been the type of person to set forth a plan of action (flawed or not) before doing something, I have always attacked a couple goals at a time with an extreme amount of intensity. A friend once described it as “persistent determination near the point of obsession". Many times that intensity has resulted in success, but at a cost. When I lost weight in 2008, I lost some maturity and industriousness in the process. When the bitter pills of 2010 led me to reevaluate my behavior and attitude, I regained a sense of self while I slowly lost control of my physical well-being. Heaven forbid I set my determination on a romantic pursuit. That intensity is a total recipe for large-scale failure and burnout. I have always tended to focus on one thing with such intensity and myopia that I quite often lose sight of the bigger picture.

If I have learned one thing in my life, it is the importance of balance. Balance in all areas is not a luxury; it is an absolute and inarguable necessity. When setting goals, drive is a good thing. Intensity makes things happen in a timely fashion. But we can never get so focused on one area that we let the other areas slip. In transforming our weaknesses into strengths, we must be careful to not allow our own myopia to create new weaknesses from areas that were previously strengths.

If this two day of discussion of goals has taught you anything, it has hopefully taught you the following things. First, it is great to set goals. Goals keep life interesting and stimulate personal progress. We must set goals that coincide with our desires and our determination. After we have set these goals for ourselves, we must determine a course of action. Remember that as in all things, balance is a necessity. Attack each goal with the proper effort and intensity, but do not let other areas of your life slip as a result of this intensity. Improvement in one area does not have to be made with a sacrifice in another area. Please, never stop setting goals and never stop achieving those goals. Aspire each day to be just a little bit better than you were the previous day. Just be smart about it.

On Goals, Part 1: Concerning Goals and Their Difficulty Levels

This is the first of a two-part miniseries concerning the topic of goals.

Most would agree that a life without goals is not much of a life at all. Goals are an absolutely necessary part of life. They keep things fresh and entertaining. They constantly give us something to work and strive for. A life without goals represents a life without growth. Whether or not the goals are ultimately achieved is irrelevant. The point is that it is necessary to push yourself toward something.

Many differ on the level of difficulty of their goals, however. Personally, I have always believed in aiming as high as possible. I hate what I feel are hollow victories. While I am not all that competitive with others, I have been driven by a deeply rooted desire to be the best. I do not say that in terms as crushing any and all opposition. By that I mean that I feel I am letting myself and (the few) others I care about down if I don’t shoot for as high a goal as possible. I absolutely hate what I call “hollow victories”. I believe I am capable of extraordinary things, so I set my goals thusly. I have aimed for the highest grades, the most beautiful women, and transforming myself into a physical and mental specimen in the quickest time possible.

While I have been blessed with success in many of my endeavors over the course of my life (in some instances achieving what many thought to be impossible), I am no stranger to failure. I am very familiar with things not working out, with falling just short, and with my best just being not quite good enough. I would be lying if I told you that each failure did not take something out of me. That said, each failure has refined me in the pursuit of my next goal. Every goal, both those achieved and failed, prepares me for my next goal.

There is a question that needs to be asked concerning goals: How high is too high? Honestly, it depends on the person. Everyone has a different capacity for goal-setting and achieving. Some are almost neurotically driven towards their goals, while others need external catalysts to serve as that metaphorical kick in the pants to push them onward. Some are willing to face failure, while others are crippled in fear simply from the idea of failure. One person’s hollow victory could be another’s great success. Do not compare your goals to the goals of others. Aim as high or as low as you feel, and work towards your goals. At times you may fail, but at others you will succeed. Figure out what you want, then go and get it. Let nothing stand in your way.

On Professional Contentment

As a fan of both the NFL and the NBA, I paid attention to the lockout proceedings that both leagues dealt with this summer and fall. I know many people have many varying opinions on both lockouts, and the purpose of this post is not to argue that. I will say that in both lockouts I sided with the players. I felt the owners were not being entirely reasonable. I also was of the belief that the owners undervalued the drawing power and importance of their players to the league as a whole. Yes, these guys are getting paid millions to play a game that most of us have spent our lives playing (with varying levels of success and skill), but they play at such a high level that their individual and collective skill-sets are integral to the league as a whole. Nobody wants to watch replacement players with skills not unlike what one would find at his or her local rec center or playground (unless that playground is New York’s Rucker Park, of course).

After having said all that, it may come as a surprise to you that I do not feel the same way about strikes in my particular area of expertise: education. There is a significant difference between teacher strikes and strikes in professional sports. Our replacement level talent is as skilled as or even more skilled than what is out there. There are thousands of qualified teachers waiting to get in the game. Due to the economy, those chances simply aren’t as prevalent as they once were. A lot of us are sitting on the sidelines. Some have gotten fortunate enough to stay in the profession as substitute teachers. Others have had to get jobs entirely out of the field. In this day and age, having a full-time job with diminished benefits beats not having a job in your profession 100% of the time.

At this point I want to make something abundantly clear. I am not trying to paint anyone as a greedy moneygrabber. Everyone does what they feel they must due to their own unique circumstances and sets of needs. I just want to bring attention to this from the perspective of someone one the outside looking in.

To those disgruntled with their current employment, as I stated in my Thanksgiving post, the key to happiness is found by wanting what you have and finding contentment with that which is bestowed upon you. Life is rarely perfect. There is no joy in being a malcontent. Find satisfaction in what you have. You are much more fortunate than thousands of others.

I am a firm believer that good things will happen to those who work hard and do the right thing as often as possible. I have found favor in my current job because I have made a concerted effort to work as hard as I can cheerfully and without complaining. Things may not be perfect. They rarely are. Work hard and want what you have. It could be a whole lot worse.

Growing the Beard

Being the absolutely amazing guy that I am, this year I have decided to give a gift to you, my readers. For the next twelve days, I will be providing you with a new piece of writing each day. Some will be lighthearted in scope and delivery, while others will be more serious in nature.

One of my favorite non-social networking websites is TVTropes.org. It’s a fun compilation of common themes found in not only television but also in other forms of entertainment. It gives a detailed description of the trope then provides multiple examples of that trope. Today, one particular trope, “Growing the Beard”, caught my attention.

Named for the marked improvement in quality of Star Trek: The Next Generation after Commander Riker grew a beard, the site defines Growing the Beard as “…the definitive moment when a television show becomes better in quality.” Many (if not most) good television shows have one of these moments, the defining eureka where everything finally clicks.

I thought about this trope and if it applies to people in unscripted life, and I immediately concluded that it does. I decided to delve a little deeper in that train of thought and figure out my “Growing the Beard” moment. What surprised me is that I have had a number of these moments in my life, defining moments that brought me into a successful chapter of my life.

The first “Growing the Beard” moment I had occurred in two parts over a span of five months from late 2002 to early 2003. After I started “Inside the Mind of Jakob Duehr”, I began to come into my own in terms of figuring myself out, but I hadn’t quite put all the pieces together. That happened in March 2003 when I decided to leave Palos Bible Church and return to Stone. I covered that in detail in my apologia, so I will not rehash that here. Those two decisions affected my life in a drastic way.

The next “Growing the Beard” moment occurred over the summer of 2008. When I finally decided to take control over my physical well-being, everything turned around. I felt better, I certainly looked better, and I gained the confidence that had been never been part of my repertoire. It helped me immeasurably during my student teaching, and it brought me into one of the happiest periods of my life.

The final “Growing the Beard” moment, incidentally, occurred when I shaved my beard in July 2011. I was just getting started in my job at Huntington, and I was still pretty beaten down mentally and emotionally from two years of bitter pills. When I shaved the beard and into the facial hair I currently have (and had wanted to grow for many years), I realized that facially I looked like the person I always wanted to be. It restored a very minute amount of my confidence. I then started to act the way I always wanted to act. I became a harder worker. I complained less. I even lost all the weight I had regained and have gotten into the best shape of my life.

I am not delusional enough to believe that my facial hair has a Samson-esque effect on my life and that shaving it would hasten my personal destruction. What I will say is that life has its ebbs and flows, and it is foolish to believe that things can never turn around. Sometimes all it takes is a little something. It could be as easy as growing a beard.

Wanting What I Have (And Being Thankful for It!)

I will be the first to admit that the tone of some of my recent posts was a bit more harsh than what many of you are used to reading from me. If my 9th Grade Health/P.E. teacher, Ms. Tolefree, was reading them, she would likely say that they were full of "cold pricklies". I do not apologize for that. I said what I felt needed to be said at the time. With that said, I feel like taking a much warmer tone in this post.

It both amazes and amuses me that it took an episode of Burn Notice for me to finally come to a realization that I had been nearing for some time but could never quite reach. Though Jeffrey Donovan's line delivery style takes some getting used to and there are more explosions than necessary, it's not a bad little show. But I digress. There was a line that the show's current arch-villain, Anson, said that really stuck to me.

You know what the secret to happiness is? Wanting what you have.

For so long I have walked the fine line between being a settler and a malcontent that I have not taken the time to enjoy what I have. And to be honest, my life really isn't that bad. It is not perfect, but very few ever reach their own personal utopias. Having everything that I ever wanted would not be the best thing for me. I know what I have and I know where I want to be. I've taken steps in the right direction, and I have full confidence that I will continue to do so both in the short-term and in the long term. But this post is not intended to be a Humble-Brag. I want to share a few things that I am thankful for.

In no particular order, I am thankful for the following:

1. Two jobs that not only are in my desired field but also accomplish my career objective of putting kids in a position to succeed. The bad days at work truly are few and far between.
2. Friends that have the same interests as me or at least pretend to in order to create some of my best memories of 2011 (concerts, WWE shows, etc.)
3. Family and friends who put up with me. I could be described as "unique" at best and "difficult" at worst. I realize this, and I am thankful for those willing to take on the challenge of dealing with me.
4. The return of the self-motivation I once lost. I took hold of my physical well-being and got things to where I wanted them to be. The amount of time I spend in the gym has been just as good for my mind as it has been for my body (at least when I'm not harassed about some nonexistent credit card issue).
5. People who live across the continent that have taken a genuine interest in my life and are there to provide encouragement when necessary. One of the perks of living in 2011.
6. Great music to enjoy and share with others. I have some big plans for 2012 concerning my love of good music and the WWE.
7. The ability to use this as both a medium for getting my thoughts and opinions across and as a release so I do not lose my mind. In this year alone, this blog has been read in nearly 50 countries.

There are numerous other things that I could express my gratitude for if pressed. I truly do not live a bad life. I am learning that while I still have goals to reach, there is nothing wrong with wanting the things I have and finding happiness in it. And for that, I am thankful.

On Professional Respect and Adulation

One thing that bothers me about American society is that our society as a whole sets very bizarre and misplaced hierarchies for a number of things. Earlier this year I went to war with those of undeserved celebrity, and I have no desire to regurgitate any of that. I do, however, want to touch on something that has been on my mind for the past month or so.

This post was largely inspired by a comment a close friend of mine made. He was cheering loudly for another friend, and I told him that his cheering was quite spirited. His reply (more or less): “I’ll cheer just as loudly for you when you do something worth cheering for.” That stuck to me.

American society reveres some professions and reviles others. This disturbs me to absolutely no end. We glorify some and turn our collective nose at others. It is ridiculous.

I said I would not beat the dead horse of undeserved celebrity, so I won’t, but I will say that it is absolutely ridiculous that anyone who gets their face on television or their voice on radio suddenly gains instant credibility. Actors, athletes, newscasters, and even reality television stars are absolutely fawned over. The vast majority have done nothing do merit such affection an adulation. They are not your gods, so stop worshiping them.

This next section may get me into hot water, but I am not looking for your agreement; I am merely stating an opinion. I truly believe that the American military gets too much attention. As a country, we put significantly more focus on the exploits of our military than other nations. Some would say it’s due to our immense patriotism, while others would argue that our “patriotism” is nothing more than thinly veiled ethnocentrism. Yes, there are some good things that are done, but most are doing nothing more than following orders, and at this point those orders are to wage war on nations with ideologies that our higher-ups have deemed hostile.

I for one have never understood the near canonization of our troops. We treat them at the level of angels or someone who should be seated at the right hand of the throne of God Himself. Here’s the honest truth, and something people may hate me for saying: They’re doing their jobs. There is no draft. Every single member of the military CHOSE that position for one reason or another. In this economy, it’s not a bad decision by any means. If every businessman was given a party upon their return from an international business trip, the only businesses that would be thriving would be the establishments that are throwing the parties! Some might tell me that they are protecting our freedom. I don’t see it that way. We have not fought a war primarily on our soil since 1865. More appropriately, they are defending an ideology.

Our fallen soldiers are constantly referred to as heroes. I would never intend to downplay any death. I respect the decisions made by those who chose that life. I just wonder what makes them more of a hero than the construction worker who died while fixing a road. His life was sacrificed to protect the safety of those who travel that road. What about the worker who died attempting to fix a downed power line? Why should his efforts be marginalized?

The purpose of this post is not to attack the military or any other profession. It really isn’t. I respect what they do. I once paid $20 for the most poorly crafted pin ever to show my support for the troops. I just don’t think we should exalt any profession over another. Everyone does what they do to get by. Some live a dream while others bite the bullet.

As a substitute teacher, I have seen both sides of the reverence spectrum, depending on which school I was subbing at. At one school I have not always been treated with a great deal of respect. Conversely, at the other school, I am treated like a conquering hero. One of the teachers told me that it is like having a celebrity in the building every time I am there. The students mob me in the halls, and the teachers bend over backwards to make sure everything is in order.

Honestly, I think my reception should be somewhere in the middle. It is nice to be loved, but the teachers are the real heroes there. All I do is teach their lessons.

So what am I trying to get at here? We all have a job. Some of our jobs are glamorous. Others are not. No job should be vilified (within good reason), and no job should be overly revered. Treat the person who cuts your hair or takes your order at Steak ‘n’ Shake with the same respect as you would your favorite celebrity. Give substitute teachers, paraprofessionals, janitors, cafeteria staff, and full time teachers equal amounts of appreciation for the jobs they do. Always be grateful for the work others do, most of which goes unnoticed. Professional respect and adulation should not have any strings attached. We all have a job to do, and most of us do our best to make it work. We all deserve to be noticed.

The Fleeting Nature of Success

I haven't written for a while, largely because I was displeased with the quality of my last piece and wanted to preserve the quality of this blog. Hopefully this piece is more coherent and less disjointed.

To say that it has been an interesting month would be an understatement. I would go so far as to say the last three years have been "interesting", so to speak. In this case, "interesting" is probably most synonymous with "unexpected". Things have not gone as I had foreseen at all. I don't think there is a singular aspect of my life that even remotely resembles my vision for my life from 10, 5, or 3 years ago.

Part of that can be attributed to the fact that for far too long I have tried to meticulously plan the details of my life well in advance. As my friend Dan said last week at dinner, "I don't think you've fallen behind the curve as much as you have always planned so far in advance and set extremely high goals for yourself." Another part can be attributed to the fact that I could not see my future or the variables over which I had no control. The final part, however, is entirely my responsibility.

At some point in time, I stopped being successful (at least "successful" at the level to which I had grown to expect from myself). This post is not meant to be a "HumbleBrag" in the slightest, by the way. For the first twenty-one years of my life, I set lofty goals and generally achieved them. I got exceptional grades in school and in my student teaching experience. I accomplished goals in both basketball and tae kwon do that many did not believe I could achieve. I lost over 25% of my body weight in four months. Success to that degree is not particularly common.

Unfortunately, my high degree of success began to disappear once I got my bachelor's degree. In a short amount of time I went from being on top of my world to wanting to crawl in a hole and hide. Multiple discouragements hit, and complacency sunk in. Life becomes difficult when your confidence is shaken. I entered into a slow but steady downward spiral. The successes began to disappear. I went from believing I would to doubting I even could.

I hit a low point this week when I stepped on the scale for the first time in over a year. I knew I had put on a little weight, but I was horrified to find out that I had put back on over half the weight I had lost. I worked so hard to achieve a goal, and I got to a point where I rested on that success instead of working to maintain it.

So what have I learned? Success is not permanent. It is more than a mountain to be climbed. Once goals are achieved, work must be done to maintain the success. It never ends. In some cases, new goals need to be set. I know I will drop the 22 pounds I want to shed (at this point, I've already dropped 4 pounds). For me, the quickest way to get to the top of my world is to continually push myself to be better. I miss the view from the top. I'll be back there soon.

It's Time for War, Pt. 10: Jakob vs. Expectation

This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.

After four and a half months, this series is finally coming to a close. I knew from the beginning of the series that I was going to end with a piece on expectation, but I delayed the writing of said piece until I had the proper amount of inspiration for it.

For sake of this piece, I feel it necessary to delineate expectation from standards. There is nothing wrong with setting standards, or desired results for a person or group to achieve in a specific situation. I would never tell any of you to stop setting standards. I even wrote a piece on the fine line between being a settler and being a malcontent. Go check it out when you’re done with this piece.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, expectation is an unruly beast. Whether we intend to or not, we bestow expectations on most everything: our behavior, others’ behaviors, how enjoyable a situation or event will be, and even the goings-on of that event or situation. Before anything happens, we inevitably play out a myriad of scenarios in our minds. We are often so consumed by our expectations of something that it completely ruins the experience for us. Instead of living in the moment, we internally choreograph the moment. It never works.

I have spent way too much time talking about my Florida trip, so I will not pile page upon redundant page on you. Let me state, however, that everything that happened to me was awful, but it would not have been as awful had I not placed unfair expectations on the trip. I planned to go to Florida and win a girl’s heart. Never mind that we had spent the greater part of the last month fighting. Never mind that she’s a bit of a flake. I burdened myself and the trip with lofty objectives and failed miserably.

Since that debacle, I have had the opportunity to meet a number of internet friends. I have clicked with some better than others. In hindsight, I realized that the best experiences were the ones in which I placed no expectations on the event. Taking the time to simply enjoy the company of a friend is far better than any dream scenario I could cook up.

This past week I got the chance to finally meet a young woman who I pursued (and failed miserably with) at this time in 2010. If I would’ve met her last year, I would have been burdened with all sorts of expectations for myself, for her, and for the experience and would not have enjoyed myself because I would have been a nervous wreck. Because I went into seeing her with no expectations, I had a great time, and that time spent with her lives on in my heart and mind as one of my finest memories.

It should come as no surprise that the best experience I had at camp was in 2004, when my expectations were at an all time low. On the other hand, my expectations were so high for my last year of camp (2005) that the week failed to even be enjoyable in the slightest. Expectation influences enjoyability.

I do my best work in life in the absence of expectation. If I create expectations (not standards) for myself, there is an increased potential for me to cave under the pressure. If others bestow expectations on me (and verbalize them), being the pain in the rear that I am, I do not respond favorably. I know that others have not appreciated the expectations I have heaped upon them.

I write all of this because I not only have gone to war with expectation, but I also refuse to believe in it. Setting standards are good, but setting expectations are not. There is nothing wrong with hoping for a desired result. We have our wants, and we should not deprive ourselves of such. To expect our hopes to come to fruition is naïve at best and delusional at worst. Reality rarely mirrors imagination – and that is not a bad thing. We are so desire-centric that we often fail to look at things appropriately. What is supposed to be will be. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy experiences for what they are. Live life with an abundance of hope and an absence of expectation.

Living Life by the Rules

Sorry for the slight delay between posts. My apologia was rather lengthy, and after something as honest and emotionally charged as it was, I was burned out. That said, I am just as excited about being able to present this post to you, because it is one I have wanted to write for two years.

Many of you know that my favorite television show is NCIS. In that show, the lead character, Agent Gibbs, has a list of fifty rules which he lives by and expects his team members to follow. I was particularly fascinated by that concept and began internally compiling my own list of rules. I have kept most of them in my head over that course of time but thought it was time to write them down and share with all of you. After learning so much about me in the last post, I feel that this post goes hand in hand with the apologia. Enjoy.

1. Respect all. Like some. Trust few.
2. If something happens once, it MAY happen twice. If it happens twice, it WILL happen a third time.
3. Always have a reason for doing what you do. Have multiple reasons whenever you can.
4. Never let milestones become millstones. Don’t focus so much on the end result to the point you despise the journey.
5. Desire determines destiny. If you want something, go and get it.
6. What someone has to say is more important than the hair or piercings on their face, the amount of tattoos they have, or what they are wearing when they say it.
7. Bring your A-Game at all times. There is no substitute.
8. Sometimes, you’re wrong. Admit it and move on.
9. Never allow yourself more than 48 hours to be upset about any one situation. Two days is ample time to recover.
10. Keep your enemies at a manageable number. If you happen to make a new enemy, do everything you can to resolve things with another enemy.
11. Whatever you do, do not mess up the first impression you make on anyone. It cannot be undone.
12. Do not worry about the chapters of others’ lives that you are not in. The only thing that can come of it is unnecessary stress.
13. Forgive immediately, but be wary in terms of rebuilding trust.
14. Go out of your way to treat others well. It does not guarantee that they will treat you well, but they will think twice about treating you badly.
15. Choose your words carefully. The fewer you use, the more weight they carry.
16. In whatever you do, seek balance.
17. Never be content in settling.
18. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and the ones you’re unsure of closest of all.
19. Be of sound body and mind.
20. Be transparent and honest about the things that don’t matter. If you do that, others will respect your privacy on the things that do.
21. Everything is better with music.
22. Anything without purpose is pointless.
23. Reality is the mean average of the sum of all perception. Remember that 1000 people can see the same thing 1000 different ways, and none of them could be completely correct.
24. It is always better to know than to wonder “What if?”
25. Things happen. Adapt accordingly.
26. The fewer people you involve in an issue the better.
27. Use decorum appropriate to your surroundings. That is not compromising yourself; that is being smart.
28. Questioning what you are told is not rebellion. It is doing your due diligence.
29. Never ignore past lessons. Anything from the present can be related to something from the past.
30. Time nudges open some of the doors we thought were closed for good.
31. Avoid burning bridges. It is easier to cross a bridge than to rebuild one.
32. Accept every bitter pill with grace and humility.
33. Be sharpened by your successes and refined by your failures.
34. If you think something is over, it usually is not.
35. Never forget those who helped you get from where you were to where you are.
36. The worst sort of opinion is an unsolicited one.
37. The concepts of good and evil are sometimes easier to grasp when viewed as ends and not means. It allows for more wiggle room.
38. Knowing your enemy is important, but most of all, know yourself.
39. Being “nice” can lead to harder feelings in the long term than being honest.
40. It is better to deal with people with a finesse approach rather than a power approach.
41. What is supposed to be, will be.
42. The best help you can give to another is to help in preventing them from making the same mistakes you once made.
43. Be cognizant of both your strengths and your weaknesses.
44. Just has you have changed over time, so have others. Give them the same chances you deserve from others.
45. In a matchup of natural vs. contrived, natural wins 100% of the time.
46. Believe most of what you see, some of what you hear, and very little that you encounter over the internet.
47. Know where you are and where you want to be. Once you have that figured out, map a route to getting to where you want to be. Enlist the services of anyone who can be of aid.
48. Attention one draws to oneself can never compare to deserved attention showered upon them by others.
49. Sometimes, you have to wait.
50. Be who you are. Do what you do. Accept that some will not like it. Smile and keep going.

Jakob Duehr: An Apologia

Before I get started, a few notes. First of all, this will be a lengthy piece, possibly the lengthiest piece I have written for this blog. You may have to read it in a couple sittings. Because of that, I have it broken into three parts. Also, do not let the title fool you. I am not apologizing for who I am. In general, I like what I see staring back at me in the mirror. I am simply providing a detailed explanation of some of the people and events that have brought me to this point in my life. Finally, this piece will have a fair share of namedropping. Those who have brought forth positive results in my life deserve to be acknowledged. Those who have gone out of their way to be a hindrance do not deserve mention. Situations will be detailed, but names will not. I am not here to slander. I am here to better express to you why I am who I am.

INTRODUCTION

I have claimed many times that we are the products of the long line of choices we have made for ourselves over the course of our lives. I do not waver from this claim. I am sharpened by my successes and refined by my failures. That said, there are factors other than choices that cause us to be the people we ultimately become. While I am certainly my own man and a bit of a free spirit (and that is putting it nicely), I would be wrong if I said I became this way solely on my own. Behind everything there is a reason, and I fully intend to explain the reasons why I am who I am.

I could probably write pages about my family, but I won’t. Everyone is influenced strongly by their familial background, and I am no exception. I come from a relatively small, tightly knit family. I get along with them, and there are aspects of their personalities I also see in myself. Because everyone is so strongly influenced by those they share a last name with, I will instead choose to detail the other people, situations, and events that have caused me to become the person I have become.

My family has played a great role in helping to shape me, and I would like to believe they have done an exceptional job in the shaping process. However, they are not the only people to play that shaping role. In my adolescent years, there were three men not related to me who I considered mentors to me: Rob Clifton (my sixth and eighth grade teacher) and my two youth pastors, Doug Harris and Scott Bradley. Each will be discussed in greater detail later in the piece.

PART 1: Interpersonal relationships

At times I have been called standoffish. While I do not consider that notion entirely fair, I concede that I do not possess the greatest sense of urgency in making friends. I was spoiled growing up in the sense that I grew up with a group of friends who meshed perfectly with one another. I have had the same core group of friends for the majority of my life. Each of us brought something different to the table. Rob possesses a savvy when it comes to machines, and Rex possesses a keen insight concerning people. Merrill and Dan both have wide skill sets but very different ways of going about things. While not necessarily demanding the spotlight, Merrill is very much at ease in it. Dan, on the other hand, thrives outside the spotlight. I probably fit in somewhere between all of them. We have spent countless hours together at school, home, church, camp, and elsewhere. Though the times we see one another have greatly diminished over the years (especially as some of us began to move away), our friendships have not suffered as a result. Because of them, I have never found a group of people that compares. Though I am generally friendly, I have not felt the need to expand my core group of friends.

I have also been called something of a lone wolf. I honestly do not mind that assessment. I am very comfortable by myself. I understand myself. There is a reason for it. I have spent a significant portion of my life feeling like an outsider. There were places where people both explicitly and implicitly demonstrated that I did not belong in their little cliques.

Unfortunately, the most glaring instances of such behavior occurred at church. While I truly can look back on my years spent at Stone Church positively (even though there were some people I truly wish I had never met, much less spent any amount of time with), I cannot say the same for my experiences at Christian Hills and Palos Bible Church.

I attended Christian Hills from 1995 to 2000, and the greater part of those five years was spent uncomfortably. No sooner had I started attending the church than I realized that people were extremely unfriendly. I admit that I wasn’t the coolest kid in the world growing up, but their behavior was inexcusable. It wasn’t until I met other “outcasts” that I truly felt that I had a place, and it was far from a comfortable place. I never truly fit in, and I could not have been happier when we left the church to return to Stone in 2000.

If you thought my account of Christian Hills was too negative, you will certainly want to skip this section. I spent my adolescent years as part of two youth groups: the youth group at Stone (2000; 2003-2005) and the youth group at Palos Bible Church (2000; 2001-2003). It was a small church and an even smaller youth group. In three years I never shook off the feeling of an outsider. There were problems the entire time that I could never overcome. First, I felt overmatched from the start, as I was the youngest guy in the youth group, a status that never changed in the course of my entire tenure. Second, being the awkward adolescent that I was (and certainly not one to demand the spotlight), I never thrust myself into focus or attempted to make myself the center of attention. Because the youth group was infested with the spotlight cravers, I never moved past the periphery. Finally, my motives for being part of the youth group were not right. I was there because I had a romantic interest in two girls in the youth group (which, again, I will detail later). I never had a chance with them, which only compounded my issues.

The fact that some of those people took pride in their involvement in the youth group was a joke. They would show up more than thirty minutes late to service, double park their cars, and create a commotion to signal their arrivals and departures. Poor Pastor Scott had to be flexible to accommodate a growing majority of selfish individuals who played by their own rules and demonstrated a total disregard for anything not involving themselves.

I am not trying to say or even imply that everyone in that youth group was the scum of the earth. I really am not. There were some good people in the youth group. Unfortunately, the majority of good people were the youth workers and not the students themselves. I always thought things would get better, so I grinned and bore it for years.

One night, I finally reached my breaking point at a Lock-In in March 2003. I brought my cousin Andy and one of my best friends from high school because I wanted to show them how cool my youth group was. Do you really want to know how cool they were? They were cool enough to slam a door in our faces. They were cool enough to tell my invited guests that they didn’t belong. If people would treat complete strangers like garbage simply because they were extensions of me, then how in the world did they feel about me? I was pretty sure I had my answer. I left the youth group that day.

I made the stupid mistake of returning to that youth group on New Year’s Day 2007 to play football at the church. In case I had forgotten I didn’t belong, they made sure to remind me. Mind you, I am decently athletic. I played basketball competitively, am tall, and can catch a football fairly well. I was the last one picked. I was picked after girls (and I’m not saying that to be sexist). I was picked after people with casts on their arms. Thank you OH SO MUCH for making me feel welcome, guys.

I am not writing this because I am bitter, pathetic, and stuck in the past. I am refined by that failure. Am I a little bitter? Sure. Who likes it when people go out of their way to make them feel unwanted? I certainly do not. Am I still angry about it? No. I feel badly that I willingly chose to endure such things, but it is what it is. It is why I am who I am today. I learned not to care about what others thought and to become comfortable in my own skin. Did it turn me into a loner at times? Yes, but there are far worse things than that.

Though I undoubtedly failed to rise above the ranks of outsider at both of those churches, my time spent at Tinley Park High School was ultimately a success story. Don’t get me wrong. My freshman year (and parts of junior and senior years) was miserable. There were days when I was absolutely terrified to go to school, but I got up every morning and played with the hands that were dealt me. Though the problems that befell me during the end of my high school career were of my own doing, that which I endured my freshman year was not. People mistook quietness for standoffishness and a sense of superiority, and some were determined to put me in my place. Little did they know I was already there. Over time I developed the confidence in myself to not only deal with them but present myself in a positive light, and I can honestly say I enjoyed my high school experience. While I was not as friendly as I could have and probably should have been, I learned how to stand up for myself and live life assertively.

I would be remiss if I did not mention the friends I have made that I have not yet had the privilege of meeting face to face. One of the blessings (or curses, depending on how you look at it) of living in the 21st Century is the variety of outlets for interpersonal relationships. I have already talked about my core group of friends. I have also been blessed with developing a core group of online friends.
Approximately 99% of my online friends have either come from GameFAQs or Stickam, and there are two people I have to thank for 90% of the online friends I have: Jess and Bre. I met Jess on a message board in early 2004. Because of how well she treated me, I stuck around the message board, and in doing so I met some of my favorite people in the world (Ken, Kelly, Janny, Manda, Zach, to name a few). Thanks to some of them, I found another message board and met another batch of great people. I stumbled into Bre’s Stickam live in January 2010. We hit it off, and because of that I decided to come back. Eventually, I met E~! and hit it off even further, and because of those connections, I met countless other people. While I’d be lying if I said I liked everyone, it is nice to have a community of people where I can be myself and use others as a sounding board for my life. Jess and Bre, thank you. You were better to me than anyone in those churches ever were.

Is online communication ideal? Certainly not. Do I overuse it? Probably. Those things said, I would not trade those people for anything. I feel fortunate to have met a handful of them in real life and hope to meet more over time. Due to my affection for my close friends and the bitter taste in my mouth from previous attempts, I am more apt to seek out new friends online than in person. I feel less judgment occurs there.

PART 2: Romantic Relationships

Hopefully by now you realize why I am the way I am when it comes to interpersonal relationships of the platonic variety. Now you will have the “privilege” of discovering the answer to that question on a romantic level.

As I said earlier, I have been sharpened by my successes and refined by my failures. In the romantic realm, there has a been a lot more refining than sharpening.

If you are a girl whom I have been interested in, first of all, sorry. Secondly, you may have noticed (especially between 2001 and 2009) that I did not like making phone calls. While I now have a built in excuse for my lack of making phone calls since moving back to Tinley in 2009, my excuse before was far more embarrassing.

When I was 13, I had my first real crush. She was an amazing young woman and a saint for putting up with me. I was socially inept. When I heard that there was some mystery “other guy”, I thought that the best way of “getting her back” was repeatedly calling her house and hanging up. It was stupid, creepy, and unacceptable. After about the 50th time I did that, her mom called my house. I was caught and embarrassed. It’s something to laugh about now (and Becky and Rachel still never let me forget it), but at the time it was merely a demonstration of my ineptitude. I am eternally indebted to the Jacksons for never truly holding it against me.

I wish I could say that was the dumbest of dumb things that I did concerning romantic interests, but it was merely the first offense in a long line of erratic behavior. I never possessed the confidence necessary to pursue the people that I wanted to pursue, and that distinct lack of confidence led to disastrous results. In 2002, I tried to get the attention of a girl named Jessica by gently bumping into her as I walked past, but my “bump” turned into more of a shove and sent her flying. The fact that we still talk to this day is a miracle.

I had a brief reprieve from this behavior in early 2003 when I had a long-distance relationship with a girl named Mollie. In a pre-Skype world, distance was unbearable, and a split was inevitable. It was a very amicable split, and we both moved on very quickly.

Do you remember when I said that the problems my junior and senior years of high school were my own fault? They were the direct result of my own lack of confidence and romantic ineptitude. Long story short, I have a habit of digging holes for myself and not quitting while I was behind. I have still yet to learn that some things just cannot be salvaged. There are people who still hate me for things that happened eight years ago. My lack of confidence manifested itself as creepiness.

By this point, some of you may wonder what some of these narratives have to do with why I am the way I am. First of all, experiences shape the man. But for those of you who still remain skeptical, I will be more obvious in my explanations in this section.

One of the first questions girls ask me after meeting me (and strangely becoming enamored of me) is “Why in the world are you single?” That question really does not merit a simple answer, but I will do my best to do so in two parts.

I have been a pursuer more than a dater to the point that I don’t know how good of a dater I really am. I have resigned myself to very lengthy pursuits that were ultimately fruitless. I spent five years pursuing one young woman. For the majority of the pursuit, she was in an on-again/off-again relationship, and it wasn’t my place to aggressively seek to break that up. As much as she cared about me, she cared about him more. She was a great girl and I still think the world of her. I just didn’t know when to give up. 2002 became 2007 and I hadn’t gotten anywhere. Were it not for a major event in her life, I probably would’ve pursued her past 2007.

While five years is a ridiculously long pursuit and by far the longest pursuit I had, I mired myself in other long pursuits as well. I have never been good at realizing the point when the figurative towel should be thrown. I don’t like starting something new before finishing something else, and that is one of the reasons why I spent more time single than I needed to.

I do not intend to badmouth any of the young women that I have dated, pursued, or anything in between over the years. Some of them were simply a bad fit. With some, I was able to find that out more quickly than others. Without naming names, let’s take a look at my last four lengthy pursuits/relationships.

Pursuit #1: I actually tried to do things the right way in this case. I became friends first and then eventually tried to push things in the relationship direction. I had two things going against me. First, I was far too aggressive with my pursuit. Secondly, she was not attracted to me whatsoever. The second challenge was one of the greatest things to ever happen to me. For a long time I wanted to get myself in shape, but I lacked a catalyst to get me going in the right direction. Thanks to her, I finally had that catalyst. I got my body and health back, but more importantly, I had confidence for the first time in my life. Things did not work out with her, but we were able to reestablish and build a friendship that was stronger than it was before I ever pursued her. Thank you, Stay-C.

Pursuit #2: I finally looked good and felt good, and I was starting to turn some heads. I decided to take interest in the first attractive head that turned in my direction. I learned a valuable lesson here. Some things should not happen under any circumstances. Just because you are attracted to someone does not mean that you should have any interest in them. She was a great person, but not someone I should have thought about dating. Ever.

Pursuit #3: After Pursuit #2, I instituted a self-imposed moratorium on any romantic things for about a month. The day the moratorium was lifted, I met a girl online. She was intelligent, quirky, and attractive, and we hit it off. Buoyed by the success persistence gave me in losing weight, I thought that persistence would result in success in pursuing her as well. Though I had confidence, I also overdid things, which slowed the pursuit significantly. Over time, she and I both realized we were like mixing oil and water. Fights became much more frequent than productive conversation, but that did not stop me from going to Florida to see her. You can read all about that trip in another post. For purposes of this, all you need to know is that she stood me up and later told me that she would stand me up again if I ever returned to Florida. We get along surprisingly well these days.

Pursuit #4: I can say with certainty that I have never cared about anyone more than I cared about her to that point in time. She and I clicked so well. I could say something and expect her response – and be right 90% of the time! We were great, but there was one major problem. I fully believed we were the right fit, but the timing was off..

So what do these things have to do with me and how I am? Pursuit #1 led to me the end of a 21 year quest for confidence. Pursuits 2-4 have caused me to be more careful with my heart, to not fall so easily, and to think twice about who I pursue. Even though someone is a great person, it does not mean that the person is great for me. I have been hesitant to pursue anything deep and meaningful because I want to learn from my mistakes and do not want to repeat any of those mistakes under any circumstances whatsoever.

PART 3: Mentors, Work, and Other Influences

I am a product of my choices, successes and failures, life experiences, and the guidance of those I have decided to listen to. As stated in the introduction, there are three men who influenced me more than anyone else not related to me.

I went to a small private school for my elementary and middle schooling. Some of my social ineptitude can be directly traced to the Stone Church Christian Academy. I detailed my experiences there in another post, so I will not waste any more time and space doing so. My favorite teacher (and the teacher who really got me interested in the profession) was a man by the name of Rob Clifton. He was the first male teacher I ever had and was closer to our age than any teacher we have ever had at that point. He knew how to connect with us, and he had a sensitivity and patience in dealing with us that made me feel at ease. When I deal with middle school students, I often try to channel Mr. Clifton and give those kids the same experience that I was blessed with as a middle school student.

As awful as my experiences were at Palos Bible Church, I kept on going because of Pastor Scott Bradley. He is without a doubt the kindest pastor I have ever met. He would take the time out of his schedule to make it to everyone’s extracurricular events because he truly cared. He took me out to lunch a few times when he could tell I was having difficulties with the youth group. He even took me out to lunch on his own birthday! I never forgot that, and I never held any of my enmity with the youth group against him. He was and still is one of my favorite people in the world.

Doug Harris was (and still is) an acquired taste. When I met him as a junior high student, I couldn’t stand him. I didn’t understand his caustic humor. I thought all pastors should fit the Scott Bradley mold. When I got a little older, I really started to appreciate him. I realized that he truly cared about all of us and did a stand-up job balancing all the personalities in our youth group (mine included). Thanks to him, I realized you can have fun with people and still be a nice guy. My students can blame Doug for my sarcasm.

There are other people who have played the mentor role in my life, and I am thankful for them as well. If you are looking for people to thank (or blame), look no further than the following people:

Peter Morgan, for being a great youth leader and a better friend
John Pfeffer, for helping to water the educational seed planted by Rob Clifton and making me want to be a social studies teacher
Gary Sliker, for being patient with me even when I’d spend hours and hours harping on the same thing. I try to follow your model when mentoring Anthony. I guess it’s my way of paying back.
Shannon Turman, for providing encouragement and guidance at a time I truly needed it and for preparing me for a great time of transition in my life
Kenneth Diaz, for being my best online friend for years and not hesitating to tell me when I’m moving in the wrong direction
I learned early on that I needed to be more than just “Jakob” in the classroom. I’m fine with being Jakob, but I am more of an unassuming, out of the spotlight kind of person. As a result, I morphed into “Mr. D.” (shout out to Jim Nowak for being the first to call me that). Unlike Jakob, Mr. D. doesn’t mind telling stories, talking your ear off, and commanding attention. As a huge fan of WWE and other television shows, I draw on some of my interests to help enhance my personality. Mr. D. is probably one part Dr. House, two parts CM Punk, and one part Tony DiNozzo. As a teacher, especially a temporary one, there has to be something about you to draw the students in. Therefore, I amp up the more boisterous parts of my personality to capture the attention of my students. That is the secret of Mr. D.

CLOSING

If you read this all the way through, I hope you truly have an enhanced understanding of me. I am the sum total of many things. While I am not fully the person I intend to be, I am content with the person I am at this point in time. I thank everyone who has had a hand in it, for without you, I would be somebody else.

The Graduate is dead. Long live The Graduate!

If you know me, have talked to me online or in person, or have read my blog at all over the past year, you know of my love for a band called The Graduate. Often confused for the Dustin Hoffman movie, these five guys (not the burger joint) earned every bit of the praise I have heaped upon them and more. I wrote them an open letter back in December and mentioned them in a handful of other posts. Simply put, they’re amazing.

On Friday I got the sad news that my favorite band made the decision to join some of my other favorite bands (such as Just Surrender and A Change of Pace) and enter the realm of “indefinite hiatus”. While I was certainly displeased when I heard that the other bands decided to take an indefinite hiatus, it absolutely floored me when I read Corey’s announcement. I know they didn’t always have the easiest go of it, but it wasn’t something I saw coming.

Since this is my blog and I can take this post in any direction I please, I am not going to make this another open letter. What I have left to say to the guys I'll say privately. I do, however, have some thoughts, both broad and specific.

If there is one thing I have learned in the past two and a half years, it is that life does not resemble a meritocracy in any way. It is always the right thing to do your best, work your hardest, and give it your all, but that unfortunately does not mean that the same amount of success will follow. The most talented do not always get what they deserve. It is unfair, but it is a sad reality. In an era of autotune, internet celebrities, and Bieber Fever, genuine ability can slip through the cracks, and in this case, it did.

In our lives, we surround ourselves with that which we find pleasurable. From our friends to our interests, our lives are meticulously self-crafted to create the most comfortable experience within the realm of reason. We are constantly looking for people and things to put a smile on our faces. It is not selfish; it is merely human. When one of those things are taken away from us (no matter how small or trivial they may seem), we lose a little bit of ourselves. Whether it’s a friend moving, a show getting cancelled, or a band breaking up, it’s never fun to lose something we enjoy. That said, we move forward without forgetting. As long as there’s a memory, something is never gone.

The Graduate put many of my thoughts to music. While I am fairly apt at expressing myself (as evidenced by the 100+ posts I have on this blog), they were able to express things in an entirely different medium. While I do not know if this is indeed it for them, I will miss them for now. But as long as I have ears, I won’t stop listening to them. Long live The Graduate!

Keeping My Edge

People often ask me why I am straightedge. From now on, I will direct them here.

When I was very young, it started out as rigid religious fundamentalism. As I got older, I realized that it wasn't necessarily sinful to drink. That said, by that point I had matured enough to have better reasons than "YOU GO TO HELL 4 TEH BEERZ LOLZ." Here are my greatest reasons (in no particular order).

1. Genetic History of Alcohol Abuse
Two of my great-grandfathers lost a combined three legs due to symptoms stemming from chronic alcoholism. One of them lost both his legs, his sight, and most of his hearing before his death. Suffice to say, I really don't feel like taking any risks that way.

2. Personal Affinity for Beverages
While this may on the surface appear as a flimsy excuse, let me elaborate. I am notorious for having the ability as well as the bladder to drink a lot of liquid in a short amount of time, especially if something tastes good to me. I have put down more Cherry Vanilla Dr. Peppers in my time than I choose to count. At dinner at a restaurant it is commonplace for me to have at least two refills on my soft drink. Given my affinity for beverages, I know that if I found an alcoholic beverage I particularly enjoyed, I would likely overindulge myself in it.

3. My desire for control
I am not exactly the type of person who likes to do things because I am told to do so. The phrases you have to, you need to, and you should grate at me to the point that I literally tone out the rest of what the speaker is saying. I desire control in my life over all aspects and absolutely detest ceding control to others. In turn, I like to be in control over all the decisions I make so that I can take responsibility for everything I have done. While it would have been my choice to partake in alcoholic consumption, any actions resulting from that choice are not fully mine. As it is, my sober judgment can be spotty at times. I shudder to think what it would be like under the influence of any amount of alcohol.

Reasons one and two I guess would explain why I am extreme in my actions (and those who know me well know that I often take extremes in my life for better or worse), and reason three would explain why I am against overindulgence to begin with.

An Open Letter from Jakob Duehr to His Students

Dear Kids,

You found me. Through your Googling skills, you were able to stumble upon this post. Now that you're here, you might as well take the time to read it.

I know I've told you this many times, but I'll say it again. I did not go to school to become a substitute teacher. That said, though I'm not in my dream job, I enjoy my job. I have you to thank for that. You guys make the job. Sure, sometimes you drive me crazy, but I am young enough to remember the times I may have driven my teachers a little crazy myself. Each day with you is a new adventure, and I truly want to see all of you succeed not only in the classroom but in life as well. I have no doubts that you will.

I say that first because it is the good news before the bad news. I know many of you have found my Facebook. After nearly two years of privacy, you found me. A small part of me wishes I could accept each and every one of you, but I can't. District policy clearly tells me that I cannot.

You may have other teachers who do accept you. What they do is not my business. I can only worry about myself, and I have to follow the rules. This is my career, and I refuse to sabotage my career our of stubbornness. I understand that this decision may destroy the image many of you had for me as the young, rebellious guy who does and says what he wants when he wants. If you've read my other stuff, you probably realize I've never truly been that guy. I've never been that cool. The me you think you know and the me that exists after 3:15 are probably two very different people.

I say this all to tell you that as flattered as I am that you love me, I cannot reciprocate this love in a social networking way. If I run into you somewhere in Orland or Tinley, feel free to approach me, bother me, or talk my ear off. I enjoy hearing about your lives and the good you're doing with it. If I really matter that much to you, wait four years and add me then (even though by then I'll be older and significantly less cool). You guys are the best, and I not only want but expect you to succeed.

All the best,

"Mr. D."

It's Time For War, Pt. 9: Jakob vs. Intolerance

This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.

Every now and then I ponder what the world would be like if it was comprised of six billion or so Jakob Duehrs. Every time, almost immediately after pondering, I decide that even I would not want to live in a world where everybody was just like me. I would get annoyed far too easily. Diversity is a good thing, and variety is the spice of life. While I do not like spicy food, I do prefer a spicy life.

Intolerance is an ugly thing. At its worst it is entirely ignorant. At its best, it is grossly uninformed. For purposes of this post, I am going to take the liberty of assuming that my readers understand that giving people grief due to things they cannot change (ethnicity, gender, physical appearance, etc.) is entirely unacceptable and tolerable under no circumstances. In this post, I am looking at the aspects of others that are products of choice.

Take a moment and think about yourself. Then think about your family, your closest friend or group of friends, and your significant other (if you have one). Think about your similarities, and think about your differences. There will probably be a number of things for both categories. There are undoubtedly parts of them that you absolutely love, and there are some aspects of them, their personalities, or their lifestyles that you simply cannot stand. Because you care about them, you likely tolerate the negatives with the positives.

It is a well-known fact that I subscribe to the straight edge lifestyle. I believe in being alcohol, tobacco, and drug free at all times because I believe in having a soundness of body and mind at all times. The vast majority of those I associate with do not adhere to the straight edge lifestyle. Despite what CM Punk may say as a heel, straight edge does not make me better than them, nor do the substances I abstain from make others better than me. We are tolerant of each other’s differing opinions on this issue because it is but one piece to the puzzle that comprises who we are.

Believe me, there are a lot of people I encounter who do a number of different things. I would be a liar if I said that I am pleased with everything they do. But unless their actions are destructive or have a direct effect on me, I have no right to say or do anything about it. I do not live, so I certainly should not be in control of the decisions of others. I am going to assume you do not live your life perfectly, either. Intolerance is not the answer.

Harsh actions or reactions because someone behaves in a certain manner or does a certain thing are completely unacceptable. Treating others as second-rate citizens is a horrible and foolhardy way to get your opinion across. Humans are defensive creatures. They will begin to shut you off as a defense mechanism, and no peaceful discourse will occur.

And sometimes, as Gibbs’(NCIS) Rule #51 states, you’re wrong. Believing that you have the only right answer is foolish at best and dangerous at worst. Believing that you have the only right answer when it comes to the life of someone else is particularly foolish. Therefore, I declare war on the intolerant. I am not advocating approval of everything that everyone else does. I am not challenging you to change your opinion on the issue at hand. I am not even saying that you must accept everything that everyone else does. Believe me when I say that many of the people closest to me do things that I don’t like at all. But I deal with it and accept them as people. You should as well. Look for the positives in others. Dwell on those things instead of the negatives. We are who we are, for better or for worse.

It's Time For War, Pt. 8: Jakob vs. Arrogance

This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.

Oh, arrogance… how I cannot stand you. To be clear, I am not referring to “Arrogance”, the cologne sprayed by “The Model” Rick Martel in late 1980s/early 1990s WWF. I do not want to beat the horse of redundancy by rehashing a post from last year, but I feel there is enough material to warrant another post.

To recap last year’s post with as much brevity as possible, I believe arrogance is best defined as having a disproportionately high confidence-to-ability ratio. The world is infested by individuals who believe that everyone else is privileged to merely be in their presence. Not only do they have an obscenely high opinion of themselves, but that high opinion is generally accompanied by minimal regard for others.

Don’t get me wrong. Confidence is a good thing in and of itself. It has been the catalyst for many individuals to do many great things. However, I believe since confidence is from within, it is for within and should stay within. Aspiring to greatness is a noble thing. Believing in oneself is also a great thing. Projecting one’s self belief as a sense of superiority is not.

Maybe it’s because at some point I lost the desire to compete with others, but I simply do not get why others have such a deep-rooted desire to put themselves over, especially when it involves putting others down. I have long viewed life as a continuous battle of improvement against oneself. I see it as an athlete constantly striving to improve his or her personal best. The abilities and actions of others are out of our hands and beyond our control. Therefore, I find it pointless to look at people in terms of superiority and inferiority.

To the arrogant out there, consider this a declaration of war. I have a message for you. Get over yourselves. Your abilities may be greater than the abilities of others. Good for you! I hope it helps you sleep better at night. Ability does not afford you the unalienable right to place yourselves atop a pedestal or act as if others are beneath you. Arrogance merely provides a harder landing when you inevitably fall. Focus your confidence inward, not outward. Stop trying to be better than others. Just be better.