The Comeback Trail

The Comeback Trail is an interesting thing. Nobody really sets out to wind up on this trail. It’s not as if we wake up on New Year’s Day and happily proclaim, “This year I will get on the Comeback Trail!” We wind up on this trail due to circumstances in our lives (often unforeseen) that knock us off the path upon which we were traveling previously. To be eligible for the Comeback Trail, we had to have either stagnated or downright regressed from where we were. If we ever want to get to where we want or even need to be, we find ourselves on this trail.

The Comeback Trail can also be a frustrating thing. It takes a great degree of effort, focus, and motivation to merely get back to where we were. It can be very disheartening to realize that we have expended time and effort only to get back to where we were. However, for the sake of our own sanity, we cannot look at it in that manner. We cannot compare our current location to where we once were. For one reason or another, whether it was in or out of our control, we are there no longer. All we can do is work to get to where we want to be. Even if we are not as close to that point as we once were, we must not lose focus and we must not lose heart. It is imperative that we keep sight of where we want to be and press on.

I currently find myself on this Comeback Trail due to circumstances that were entirely unforeseen. July 2014 will go down as one of the most challenging months of my life to this point in a number of ways. I’ve already blogged about my trip to the Carolinas and cancellation of my trip to Pittsburgh, so I will spare you a repeat of my broken heart ballad. What I will say is that trip set my heart and spirit in a direction I had not planned on taking.

Unfortunately, my body took that trip as well. While I had the time of my life at Warped Tour, the place is a cesspool for germs and illnesses, especially if you try to see bands as close to the stage as possible. Last Monday, I began to notice a deep chest cough, and by the time I went to bed that night I was experiencing chills. Over the course of the next few days, a number of other symptoms came, and while some left, others lingered. It took the occurrence of pinkeye to get me to finally bite the bullet and see a doctor. Upon my visit I discovered that in addition to the pinkeye, I was also afflicted with strep and “a touch of a lung infection”. I was put on an antibiotic and set out for the Comeback Trail.

As someone who prides themselves on the fact that I only *maybe* miss going to the gym once a month, this inactivity, while necessary, has been frustrating. I don’t know when I’ll be back to the gym, and I definitely don’t know when my body will be capable of performing at the level that it was before the sickness. My strength and my cardiovascular endurance were better than they ever have been, and it’s frustrating to have to climb that ladder again. Likewise, it’s frustrating to have to get my heart back on track (especially as I struggle to comprehend why this all went sour). But I can’t get to where I want to be unless I get back to where I was. Sure, this lengthens the process of getting to where I want to be, but it’s worthwhile. I’m on the Comeback Trail, and by the time I’m off it, I have a good feeling that I’ll wind up even better than ever. Time to get to work!

I Survived (and Enjoyed) Warped Tour: A Review of My Experience

You know me. I can’t really do anything without eventually writing about it. Yesterday I had the opportunity to hit up the Vans Warped Tour for the first time. It was a long but enjoyable day, as I was able to catch 17(!) bands in all. In fact, the only band that I really wanted to see but wasn’t able to catch to catch was Bayside. More on that later. Here is a review of the bands I did see (in chronological order of when I was them) as well as some other general thoughts.

State Champs: The day started off on a very strong note as relative newcomers to the pop punk scene, State Champs, absolutely killed it. They played a very strong and energetic set and included my personal favorite song of theirs, “Simple Existence”. Honestly, this is only the start of bigger and better things for the band. I would not be surprised if within three years these guys would wind up headlining the whole tour.

The Summer Set: At this point my trip took a detour into the poppier side of the pop punk genre with The Summer Set. The Summer Set is an interesting band, as I feel the most popular band member is not their frontman but rather their drummer, Jess Bowen. I don’t think there’s a single fan of pop punk (whether male or female, gay or straight) that doesn’t absolutely adore her. I know I do! She is crazy talented. The band played a solid set, but there was something with the lead singer that didn’t fully connect with me. He was extremely energetic, but there’s a fine line between harnessing that energy into something amazing (see Stephen Christian of Anberlin) and coming across as disingenuous. Maybe I was just reading it wrong, but it didn’t connect with me.

Icon for Hire: After the previous set, I bought a cup of lemonade and briefly checked out Icon for Hire. I had heard of the band and vaguely knew of them, so I figured I’d check them out on my way back to the main stage. I saw a band that has a lot of room to grow but possesses the potential to get there. The lead singer was dressed like a patient in a hospital. Her presentation was reminiscent of Ashley Costello of New Year’s Day. Another band I could see moving up in the world in a few years, though there’s just as much potential to go the other way.

Four Year Strong: If two rather large bearded gentlemen told you to scream along the words of their songs with them, it would probably be a good idea to do exactly that. Four Year Strong put on an extremely strong performance. The first thing I noticed about the band’s dual lead singers, Alan Day and Dan O’Connor, is that they are really big. Standing 6’5 myself, I don’t really notice such things. Dan in particular looks like he belongs in a WWE ring. These guys were great, and the fact that they ended their set with my personal favorite of theirs, “Wasting Time”, made it even better.

Secrets: I was a little worn out (in a good way) from the previous performance, so I settled back into the main auditorium with two guys I had met while standing in line earlier that morning. I had completely forgotten that I actually listened to these guys a bit last summer. Though their performance was merely a pit stop for me as I was waiting for other bands, it wasn’t bad.

Echosmith: The only reason I stuck around for Echosmith was because there was someone I was intending to meet up with during their performance. However, my supernatural ability to scan large crowds and find persons of interest is not what it used to be, and I was unable to find her at that point. I had never heard of Echosmith before that performance, and while it didn’t blow me away to the point of wanting to go and buy all of their merchandise, it did leave me intrigued enough to want to check out more of their songs. Emo meets 80s is always intriguing.

We the Kings: If I had been seeing We the Kings five years ago, I probably would have been a lot more excited. That said, I was still very happy to see them. Travis Clark has a phenomenal stage presence and excellent sense of humor that translates well to larger audiences. While the band played two hits from their eponymous debut album, I would’ve loved to have heard even more numbers from that album, as that release had a special magic that the band has been trying to recapture ever since.

Yellowcard: I can’t begin to tell you how excited I was to see this band perform live. I liked them in high school, LOVED them in college, and have grown to appreciate them even more as I’ve settled into adulthood. They did not disappoint. Ryan Key is as polished a frontman as you will find in the scene, a pro’s pro if you will. What I didn’t realize prior to seeing them live was how integral of a role that violinist Sean Mackin plays in the live experience. I knew how crucial the violin was to the band’s sound, but he does so much more than that. With the backing vocals, the encouragement to get the crowd to participate (not that we needed much help that way), and even the backflip, it is almost as if the band has a second frontman out there. I wrenched my back trying to boost a girl so that she could crowd surf. Some people just aren’t meant to surf the crowd. My phone also died during this set, so I was unable to get any more pictures the rest of the day. That said, Yellowcard put on one amazing performance, and I wish it could’ve gone on longer.

We Are the In Crowd: I’ve kept this band on my periphery for years, as they actually followed me back on Twitter in 2010 and my path has crossed with vocalist Tay Jardine on a few occasions on Stickam. The band put on a pleasant performance, though I was distracted as I FINALLY (and unexpectedly) ran into the person I was trying to meet during the Echosmith set. All in all, a very good half hour.

Less Than Jake: I’m not the biggest fan of ska around, but I’ve followed Less Than Jake for a few years, and their song “The Rest of My Life” would rank in my top 50 songs of the previous decade. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no idea about the creepy uncle complex these guys had going on. Even though they’ve been doing this for the better part of my lifetime, they still have ridiculous amounts of talent. I just wish they would’ve let their talent take the forefront instead of the whole creepy uncle thing. I hope my favorite bands aren’t like that in ten years.

The Story So Far: Parker Cannon gets his fair share of hate out there (some probably deserved) because he marches to the beat of his own drum. If you’re going to expect him to behave like Ryan Key or Stephen Christian, you’re going to be disappointed. But the guy has skills, and the band was put in an unfortunate spot between Yellowcard and the next band. The band did a good job of keeping it together even though a good portion of the crowd was starting to get restless.

A Day to Remember: So yesterday morning, A Day to Remember announced on their Facebook that they would be making a surprise appearance at this stop of the tour, as they are not scheduled for the rest of the tour. Because of the impact that Common Courtesy had on my life last year, I made the decision to see these guys play instead of Bayside. I was bummed that I had to miss Bayside, but extremely excited for the unexpected opportunity to see ADTR. I have never seen a crowd quite like the crowd during this set. They turned everything into a massive mosh pit, with frontman Jeremy McKinnon egging it on. I started “Right Back at it Again” on one side of the stage and ended it 30 feet to the right of where I started due to all the shoving and shifting. It is a rather good thing I do not suffer from claustrophobia, as all the bodies on top of me would’ve have been perilous. Right before “All I Want”, I decided I had enough of that audience and watched the rest of the set from a distance. The band is incredible, but I learned my lesson that they are best enjoyed from a distance.

Mayday Parade: Jannelle introduced me to this band very shortly after we started talking, and they quickly blossomed into one of my favorites. They put on a good yet disappointing performance. Nearly the entirety of the set was spent on songs from either their debut album A Lesson in Romantics or their most recent album Monsters in the Closet. They did not include any songs from Anywhere but Here, my favorite album of theirs. They did, however, close their set with “Jersey”, which made simultaneously happy and nostalgic.

Real Friends: Prior to this week, I had absolutely no idea that these guys hailed from my hometown of Tinley Park, so this was a homecoming for them. At this point, these guys are not at the same level as The Story So Far or even State Champs, but they had something going for them last night that cannot be underscored: pure emotion. In my opinion, music is so much better when you can feel the emotion that the band or singer is attempting to convey. You could feel the emotion in the singer’s voice as he talked about attending this very event many times as a kid and the humble beginnings the band had playing in the party room of the local bowling alley. You have to feel proud when people, especially local people, “make it”. That was more important than anything during this set.

The Maine: This is a band that I’ve known of for years but couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to. This set didn’t really do them any favors in moving up in my eyes. At first, I was perplexed as to why the lead singer was wearing a hood during the performance. After a couple minutes, I realized that he had the misfortune of a bad haircut with that matched the colors of his shirt. For some reason, he brought up a random Australian to sing part of a song despite the fact that the guy could carry a tune about as well as Swiss cheese could carry water.

Volumes: I do not like hardcore punk. I don’t know if some people would classify these guys as metalcore instead, but I did not like this. The only reason I watched this set was so that I could snag a better spot for the Anberlin set. I’m not going to say these guys aren’t talented, but I will say that this particular style of music is one that my ears do not find particularly palatable.

Anberlin: I had the opportunity to see Anberlin in concert in 2003 when they had only been a band for a very short time. They are one of the few bands that I have been consistently interested in from start to finish, so it was imperative that I saw them one last time. The band was phenomenal in 2003, and they have only grown for the past 11 years. Their set was legendary, as they included tracks from each of their first six albums. If I do not get the chance to see them on their farewell tour, this would serve as a great farewell.

General Thoughts
• Prices at the First Midwest Bank Amphitheater are ridiculous. A slice of pizza, lemonade, and water bottle cost me nearly 20 dollars. I know that’s the nature of the beast, but that doesn’t mean I have to be a fan of it.
• There were so many shows I wanted to see that I wasn’t really able to explore the tents and all the goodies there. The whole festival atmosphere is great, though, and there’s something for everyone.
• The weather yesterday was very temperate for the time of year. Therefore, there was no excuse for some of the clothing attires present, especially with some of the young ladies. There’s a time and place for everything. Yesterday was not the time. I’ll let you figure out the place.
• I do not understand the intrigue of “circle pits”. There’s not a necessity for them. All that comes from it is the potential for injury. Also, some bands’ music is not conducive to said circle pit. A Day to Remember I can get. Four Year Strong I can understand to an extent as well. But to try to get a pit going and crowd surf during Anberlin and Yellowcard? Now you’re just being silly.
• The security did a great job keeping all the crowd surfers safe. I was very impressed with their patience with everyone.
• Despite people flailing around like crazy, there were no hotheads in the crowd that I encountered. There were no fights or near-fights, and everyone seemed to get along with one another.
• That said, the venue really needs to reconsider their stance on smoking inside the building, and some people do not need to be so inconsiderate to light one up when there is only 2 inches of clearance between themselves and the people around them. Smoking is a personal decision, and I understand that. But it takes a special kind of selfishness to blow your smoke when you’re two inches from someone else.
• It’s a real shame my phone went out, because I had absolutely great spots to see most of the sets. In some cases, I was no more than ten feet from the stage. It’s also a shame my phone went out before I spontaneously ran into Kristen, as no photographic evidence exists of our encounter. But we did meet, and (much like most people), her first reaction was to marvel at my height.
It was a long but incredible day. I’m still sore, but it was worth it. It was an amazing experience to hear so many songs that have connected to me in unspeakable ways. I’d love to go back again. Maybe you’ll accompany me!

Music: Healing the Heart and Easing the Mind

By now, you know that music and I have a pretty special relationship. I wouldn’t have written a 27 part blog series if we didn’t! Though I haven’t participated in the making or replication of music since the late 1990s, music and I have formed a bond that has only been strengthened over the course of time. From Relient K and Hawk Nelson in high school to Yellowcard and Day at the Fair in college to The Graduate and Fireworks as an adult, music has gotten me through some difficult times. My life has been for the most part both productive and successful, but it has been far from smooth sailing, and there have been a lot of hurts. It is inevitable that there are going to be moments where you feel alone. I certainly have. It has been during those times that music truly exhibited healing powers in my life.

When you’re going through tough times, it’s really important to realize that there is someone out there who gets it. Maybe their situation isn’t exactly the same, but you can tell that they comprehend the basic principles of what is going on. It is for that reason that some of my greatest bonds to bands and albums were forged during some of the most difficult times of my life. The role The Graduate’s Only Every Time played in dragging me out of a funk and turning my life around in 2010 has been well-documented. But that’s not the only album that has done that for me. Different albums and songs have hit me right in the heart at the very moment I needed to hear them.

It is no secret by now that my trip earlier this month did not go as I had planned or hoped. I probably can’t adequately express how much that tore me up. As a result of what I was feeling, I decided that my next course of action was to disconnect from everyone and everything. I didn’t know if that was going to be the best thing for me in order to recover, but it was the path I was intending to travel. I even had a lengthy blog post prepared that was going to explain my decision and subsequent isolation. However, something stopped me.

If you’ve ever been driven in a car by me, you know that I still have an affinity for making “Mix CDs”. Every few months I gather 18-22 of my favorite tracks at the moment and put them into one of two series: “Stand Up and Rock” for the faster and heavier stuff and “The Pursuit of Peace” for the slower and mellower tracks. On my way home, I had “Stand Up and Rock XIII” playing. Even though I had compiled this album before my trip and thus lacked the knowledge of how things were going to turn sour, I was amazed at the relevance many of the tracks had to my life and my current situation. One track in particular, “Remember Me” from The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (yes, they still make music) hit me and totally changed my thoughts on the situation.

Remember you still have friends
And we will be with you until the end
Everybody gets their heart broken
Get off your knees and start again

Right then I realized that there were a lot of people, both near and far, who were there for me, people who showed a legitimate concern and compassion for my situation and the hurt I was feeling. To disconnect from them would have been selfish and counterproductive.

Tomorrow I am crossing off an item on my bucket list. For the first time in my life, I have the privilege of attending Warped Tour. A dozen of my favorite bands will be performing. Some, such as Yellowcard and Anberlin, have played an important role in my development over the last decade. I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to meet any of these bands, but if I do, I’m going to thank them for how they’ve helped me heal over the years. I’m still not whole, but I’m sure there’s a song for me out there to fix that!

Full Circle

Life has a funny way of cycling so that old becomes new again and vice versa. It amazes me how we can come so far and still wind up in a familiar place.

Four years ago, I went to North Carolina on very short notice to help my sister pack up her stuff and move back to Chicagoland. I’ve talked about this trip before. I’m not going to go into detail as to why I had to do that because it’s not my place. However, I will say that both her life and mine were nowhere near the place we wanted them to be. For me, everything truly felt hopeless for the first time. The woman I loved made a choice that left me on the outside looking in. My career was in flux. My friends weren’t around.

The night before I left for the North Carolina trip, Buttons (my cat) was very sick. For some reason, she decided to vomit under my bed. In order to fully clean that, I had to take every piece of my bed apart (probably a metaphor for my life falling apart). Needless to say, I was not pleased about having to do so. As was the norm back then, I distracted myself by logging on to Stickam. I went into my friend Erika’s live. Upon entering, there was a guy I didn’t know very well who made some sort of crack about my user name. Normally I would’ve laughed such a thing off, but I was particularly cranky. So I abused my power as moderator and promptly kicked him out of the chat. I had no idea that Erika was interested in him, and it was the closest she ever got to being angry with me. This probably sounds like a strange aside, but remember this story. It’ll be important later.

That trip to North Carolina changed my life. It didn’t all happen right away, but it was a realization that I needed to both grow up and stop pitying myself. I became a more mature teacher as a result. That trip laid the groundwork for me to become the man I am today. However, because of the sadness attached to that trip, I said I would never go back to North Carolina… except, I did.

Two weeks ago I went with my parents, my sister, and my brother-in-law to North Carolina, for a very different reason. Instead of helping my sister pick up the pieces of her life, we were merely helping her put the finishing touches on putting it all together. They found a nice place, and they’re ready to finally start the next chapter of their lives together, a chapter that was delayed as he was in Afghanistan almost immediately following their wedding. It was a bittersweet experience, as I never like it when people close to me move far away, as I fear they will move on without me. Yet I am happy for them and excited for the next step of their journey.

I spent the majority of the trip in North Carolina, but I took a little detour down to South Carolina to see two people who have become very important to me over the past four years. As it turns out, after I kicked that guy (Matt) out of Erika’s live, it kickstarted conversation between the two of them. They realized they liked each other quite a bit, and eventually Erika moved down to Myrtle Beach to live with Matt. Over the course of time, my friendship with both of them grew, and I had the privilege of spending a day with the two of them. It was crazy to think of where the past four years had taken us, and the timing of meeting them was not lost on me. We had an awesome relaxed day, and I can’t wait to see them again. It’s amazing how live was able to bring us together.

That love interest that I talked about earlier? About a week after my North Carolina trip, she had some very interesting news. Yesterday (though the doors on the possibility of the two of us ever being together have completely closed) she texted me to give me that same news. My life has gone full circle.

The first North Carolina trip resulted in my life falling back together. I’ll be honest with you. I could use that right now. My trip was supposed to have a third leg in Pittsburgh, and to make a long story short, that didn’t happen and it crushed me. I’m not happy that my sister is gone, and there’s more uncertainty about my career than I would prefer. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that life comes full circle. Things have fallen back into place before. I’m hopeful that they do again.