2010 in Review

Quite honestly, 2010 has been the most challenging year of my life. I thought last year was bad, but last year mostly seemed bad because of the letdown after such a strong start to the year and the fact that I had very lofty expectations for the year. I never thought there would be a year worse than 2005, but there was. The whole year has felt entirely Sisyphean to the point that a lot of the months started to run together. I apologize in advance if my month-by-month rundown seems lacking. In this post I am making a concerted effort not to dwell on the negative and accentuate the positives of 2010.

January: I realized the year was going to be difficult almost as soon as it started. I had some of my most challenging experiences as a sub during this month and started my American Lit. class at GSU. The highlight of the month was a job fair in Rosemont.

February: A cold and relatively uneventful month. I began to like that class, as the professor was great and some of my classmates were highly entertaining and amusing.

March: While I was unfortunately unable to go to Phoenix for WrestleMania XXVI (and to meet up with Jessica) as I had planned, I was able to watch the event for free with my Uncle Jerry and Aunt Lisa. I was also able to see my old buddy Hoover for the first time in five years.

April: Had a great birthday/Easter. Got to hear from a lot of people. Did a lot of subbing at High Point with a great group of kids that I really loved. Also, I finished the literature class and got an endorsement in middle school Language Arts.

May: The highlight of the month was going down to Champaign to see my cousin Andy graduate. The food afterward was interesting to say the least, but it was a fun day with a fun guy.

June: Launched HireJakobDuehr.com, which got me a decent amount of attention in the Illinois educational community for a short amount of time but unfortunately did not net me any full time position.

July: Spending the 4th of July in Michigan was a nice change from the norm. Swimming at my grandparents’ pool brought back good memories of my childhood.

August: The end of the summer proved frustrating, as I was once again without a full time job. Meeting up with a friend in Oak Brook was fun, but it was a rather unmemorable month on the whole.

September: I unexpectedly had to take a road trip to North Carolina. It was not one of the finer times of my life, but I once again proved my resolve by driving the entire trip straight through by myself, only stopping for gas three times and one bathroom break. At the end of the month I had the opportunity to meet WWE’s Chris Jericho as well as some other neat people at an autograph signing in Chicago Ridge.

October: By far the best moment of the month was seeing The Graduate in concert with Dan. The venue was certainly odd and off the beaten path, but it was a great night full of great music.

November: I was able to have some good work experiences and had the opportunity to go back to TPHS to see a competitive football team for the first time in years. I also grew a pretty awesome beard, which lasted until an unfortunate accident right before Christmas.

December: As usual, the year ended on a good note. It has gotten to the point that the best part of the holiday season is the opportunity to see my closest friends. Most of them have moved far away from me, and the chances to see them are fewer and farther between. Christmas was enjoyable as well.

This year failed to meet my expectations. Some mornings it was a struggle to even get out of bed. Though a lot of things were outside my control, I failed in a lot of ways. I need to regain the focus and sense of self I had from mid-2008 to early 2009. Success is not impossible, but it requires taking the brass rings. They are not simply given. On the bright side, I was able to meet a lot of new people (mostly a lot of Stickammers that it would take forever to name them all) as well as renew acquaintances with old friends (the Huntleys, etc.). I do not know what is to come in 2011. I do know that things are going to change, and hopefully, they will change for the better. There is nowhere to go but up.

Apparently Unprepared to Succeed

As far as my goals for 2010 went, it was a mixed bag. There were some successes, but as far as the greatest goals, there were a lot of failures. Here’s a rundown.

Physical Goals
-Get an abdominal six-pack. Were it not been for my own lack of drive I would already have been there. *FAILED*
-Continue in the workout I’ve established for myself. My original beginner’s workout brought me a long way, but it is time to take it to the next level. I feel and look like a winner at this point, but I want to feel and look like a champion. *Completed*
-333 push-ups in one sitting. Like my crunches goal, some would think this is ridiculous, but I don’t like aiming low. I hate hollow victories. *FAILED. I lost interest and only got up to 125 or so.*

Maturity/Adulthood Goals
Since I am now a college graduate soon to live on my own, I need to increase my self-sufficiency. As such, there are some things I need to learn how to do.

-Take responsibility and live with consequences. The time for having cake and eating it too has passed. *Completed, to a degree. Not an A+. Probably more of a C.*
-Become a better cook. I can boil water and put stuff in the oven and microwave. I'd like to be able to have one go-to meal so that I can impress my friends, family, and future significant other with my culinary skills. *Incomplete. I have knowledge, but have yet to put it into practice*

Professional Goal
-Obtain a full-time teaching job. I am much closer than where I was at this time last year, but I need to press on until the goal is reached. *FAILED*

Social Goals
-Make three new friends. You can never have too many friends. I met this goal last year, but social worlds should be ever-expanding. *Completed. Out of all my goals, this one was probably the one I did best with.*

Appearance Goals
-Add another tattoo or get the labret pierced (which has always been an interest of mine) while maintaining the professionalism required of a rookie teacher. While obviously not a “need”, it would be fun. Actually, I think I’ll get another tattoo once I get a teaching position (in a concealed location on the arms/shoulders of course). *FAILED*

Dating Goals
-Have one fulfilling dating relationship. I know what works and I know what doesn’t work. I also have a better handle on what I do and do not want. If the right situation comes along, it’s time to make it happen. *Completed. Had a bit of a “complicated” relationship that didn’t really go where I wanted it to go. You live and learn.*

Personality Goals
-Have patience with people. I get annoyed rather easily. I am not perfect; ergo I can not expect perfection. *Completed, though there is still work to be done*
-Maintain balance. I often am either too driven or lack drive. Balance is one of life’s two necessities. Time for me to make it happen. *FAILED*

Philosophical Goals
-Complete development of my worldview. I am in the process of composing the components for my belief system to better explain it when asked by others. Once I've completed it, I'll probably be better equipped to live it. *FAILED, though I am working on this and will finish it soon*
-Complete 25 blogs, essays, or small writings. Not all of them will be extremely heavy, but it always feels good for me to share what I have learned through my life experiences. *Completed with flying colors*

Miscellaneous Goals and Achievements
-Take a camping trip. I have the physical capacity to camp now and am no longer afraid of the outdoors. I wimped out on too many things during my teen years. It is time to live. *FAILED*
-Do something (legal) that no one would ever expect me to do. The days of being predictable and vanilla are over. Only good will happen. *Completed*

An Open Letter to The Graduate

NOTE: From what I understand, open letters are usually complaints or humorous. This will not fall into either of those categories.

Corey, Jared, Matt, Max, and Tim,

My feelings toward The Graduate could probably be encompassed in the simple phrase “Thank you”, but that would not do you justice whatsoever. I randomly stumbled upon you during my monthly browsing of the “List of Pop Punk Bands” Wikipedia page this summer, and I decided to give it a try. After hearing “Anhedonia” and “I Survived”, I knew I had struck gold.

As not only musicians but also fans of music, I’m sure there have been bands and/or albums that have affected your lives. The Graduate has been that band for me. Each time I listen to Anhedonia or Only Every Time I get something new out of it. At times I will be mesmerized by the outstanding musicianship exhibited by all five members. Other times I am drawn to Corey’s vocals, which have really grown. Still, other times I am floored by the strength of the lyrics.
Perhaps what draws me most to the music of The Graduate is how relatable and personally relevant it has been to me. In September I had to take an unexpected road trip from Chicago to North Carolina. The only music I listened to for that entire drive came from The Graduate. When “I Survived” played as I was pulling out to make the trek back to Illinois, it truly encompassed my feelings about the trip. Other songs have been so relevant to me it has almost felt as if I had written them myself, especially “Stuck (Inside My Head)” and the bridge of “End of the World Delight”. It feels like every time I give your music a listen I find a new song to put on repeat.

Listening to your albums helped the band to quickly ascend my list of favorite bands, but what put you at the top of my list was watching you perform live in October in Lisle, Illinois. After seeing two of my favorite bands (Relient K and Anberlin) perform together in 2003, I told myself I would not go to another show until it was a show I thought could compare to the other. Not only did The Graduate step up to the plate, you hit the musical equivalent of a grand slam onto Waveland Avenue. The energy and enthusiasm was unparalleled, and the quality of the show was amazing. I brought a friend with me to the show who had never heard The Graduate, and he was already a fan before you had finished the opener. As I told Corey and Max that night, it was the best 40 minutes my ears have ever experienced.

In closing, thank you. Thank you for being my soundtrack for 2010. Thank you for putting out amazing music. Thank you for putting on an incredible live show, and thank you for being gracious and approachable at the live events. You are my favorite band, and I do not see that changing anytime soon. While much of the world has not yet had their eyes and ears opened to The Graduate, I do not doubt that they soon will. The Graduate has that “it” factor, and I am doing my part to introduce as many people to the band as possible. The band name “The Graduate” is so appropriate. You are moving onward and upward and taking music to a whole new level, just as graduates advance to the next stage in life. I look forward to what is in store for The Graduate in 2011 and beyond, and I hope to experience as much of it firsthand as possible.

Thanks again,
Jakob Duehr

2010 by My Arbitrary Lists

Here are my ratings of a bunch of different things in 2010. You likely won't agree, but this will give you a better glimpse into my mind and my own personal pop culture.

Albums

5. Invented, Jimmy Eat World
4. Hear Me Now, Secondhand Serenade
3. Dark is the Way, Light is a Place, Anberlin
2. Habits, Neon Trees
1. Only Every Time, The Graduate

Bands That I Had Never Heard Of

5. The Wedding
4. The Getaway Plan
3. Neon Trees
2. Mumford and Sons
1. The Graduate (seriously, did you expect me to put anything else?)

Songs

5. Notbroken, Goo Goo Dolls
4. Holiday, Vampire Weekend
3. Nightmares, Secondhand Serenade
2. Stuck (Inside My Head), The Graduate
1. Sins of My Youth, Neon Trees

TV Shows

5. NCIS: Los Angeles
4. House
3. NCIS*
2. Psych
1. White Collar

*While NCIS is still my favorite television show, I felt that a lot of episodes were filler and that Season 7 as a whole was disappointing. I still expect big things from the show in 2011.

Sports Moments

5. Butler’s run through the NCAA Tournament
4. DeSean Jackson’s punt return vs. the Giants
3. Tracy Porter’s interception of Peyton Manning
2. The Blackhawks’ Stanley Cup victory
1. Scottie Pippen’s induction into the Basketball Hall of Fame

Websites

5. A World of Words
4. Hire Jakob Duehr
3. Yahoo! Sports
2. Stickam
1. Facebook

Personal Moments

5. Meeting up with Hoover at Woodfield
4. Watching WrestleMania XXVI with my uncle and aunt
3. The love and affection I received on my birthday
2. Seeing The Graduate in concert with Dan
1. The various opportunities to see my closest friends during the holidays

Favorite Classes to Sub

5. Ms. Godfrey, Language Arts, Century
4. Mr. Ruppert, Health, OJ
3. Mr. Carriel, 5th Grade, Meadow Ridge
2. Mrs. Mena, Communications, Century
1. Mrs. Stiehr, 5th Grade, High Point

Thankful

Even in difficult years such as this, it would be foolish not to take the opportunity to show gratitude for the good things. Just as a broken clock is right twice a day, life's clouds are full of silver linings. Cliches aside, this is my 24th Thanksgiving. In no particular order, here are the things about my life for which I truly am grateful.



1. The new friends I have made this calendar year

2. The old friends who never really seem that far away

3. Buttons, my cat

4. Family to rejoice with in the peaks and be comforted by in the valleys

5. The fact the Seahawks are still in first in the NFC West

6. The idea that with a little time and a lot of effort, relationships can be mended

7. Twitter, which has opened a world of communication for me with WWE superstars

8. Slurpees, Slim Jims, and Combos

9. The music of The Graduate

10. The ability to not take myself too seriously

11. The "Is it worth it?" Test (which will be the subject of my next blog)

12. The opportunity to be that much better today than I was yesterday

13. Cardinal Fitness, even though their own personal radio station is subpar

14. My glorious beard

15. The use of the word "glorious"

16. Traditions that both amuse and entertain me

17. The knowledge that nobody has ever truly given up on me

18. The hope that things will eventually turn for the better (it's what keeps me a Cubs fan)

19. The ability to have a platform for expression that isn't forced upon an audience

20. My dependable vehicle

21. The lessons I learned at Richards and continue to learn at District 135

22. Memories of 2003 and 2004

23. The confidence that arrived in 2008 with the loss of weight

24. You. Seriously, if you are taking the time to read this, I hope you know that in one way or another, you are important to me. While I am desiring more in my life, I am truly thankful for what I do have. Thank you for being part of that.

Friendship by the Numbers

This post will make a lot more sense come January or so, but for now I wanted to give you a statistical look at my friends list. I am mostly looking at where they came from, when we met, and when we last saw each other. This is pretty barebones now, but as stated earlier, this will be relevant in January.

Before we start, some clarifications. This data was compiled at the beginning of October, so it does not take every friend on my list into account. Also, some people fit into multiple groups because they played a significant role in my life in multiple areas.

Stone Church

This group comprises the most members (98), which makes sense because it’s the one place I’ve spent the greatest amount of time involved with. I attended Stone Church Christian Academy from 1992-2001 and attended the church on and off from 1988-2009. It is a very diverse group of people on the list, comprising my closest group of friends, my former classmates, youth group members, and students I subbed for/taught computers for in the latter part of the last decade. I met them all between 1990 and 2008, but have not seen most of them after 2009.

Tinley Park High School

I met these 97 members during my high school years (2001-2005). Never really feeling like I fit in, I lost touch with most of them after 2005, though I have seen a handful of them in 2010.

Palos Bible Church

Speaking of not fitting in, I made PBC my youth group from 2000-2003. Over that amount of time, I met 31 of these friends. I have fallen out of touch with all of them and have only seen a couple since 2007.

Christian Hills Church

I spent a stint in the mid- to late-1990s at this church, and seven friends come from there. Only one have I seen in the 2000s.

Family

I have three family members on my friends list, and I see them all at least once a year. Moving on.

Super Target

I worked there from 2005-2008, making 30 Facebook friends in the process. Other than the occasional dropping by to Super Target to pick up Full Throttle or body spray, I have not seen my former coworkers since 2008.

Richards High School

I met all these kids during my stint as “Mr. D.” in 2008. Most are graduated now, and I haven’t seen any of the 20 of them since a football game in 2009.

Camp

The highlight of my summers during my high school years (2001-2005), I met seven friends there. While I keep in touch with most, I haven’t seen most of them since 2005 (other than a chance meeting with Hoover this year).

College

Between my time at ONU from 2005-2008 and my semester at GSU in 2010, I have made 35 friends. Those from ONU I have not seen since 2008, while those from GSU I have obviously seen this year.

GameFAQs

Between the Animal Crossing Social Board and Paper Mario social, I have made 32 friends from the site, most of whom I met in 2004 but none that I have met in person to date. This group includes my two closest online friends, Ken and Zach.

Stickam

Since joining the site in 2008, I have made 26 friends, most of whom I met in 2010. While I have only met Melmo in person (2009), I “see” almost all of them on a regular basis because we chat on cam together. Very eclectic and interesting group of people.

Real Life Miscellany

This group includes people I’ve met in real life circumstances that don’t merit a group. These include friends of friends, girls who ran track against my sister who I now engage in epic poke wars with, the cute girl who used to take my number while I worked out at Cardinal, or someone who I sought out after finding her in a school newspaper, only to have a great friendship, failed romantic pursuit, failed friendship, and resurrection of great friendship! This group measures 14 in total, most of which I have seen this year.

Online Miscellany

This group is similar to the above group, only that I met these people through random places online between 2005 and the present. I have actually met four of the 29 in person this year.

Six Degrees

DISCLAIMER: This, quite honestly, may be one of the most personal blog entries I have ever written. I make no apologies for it.

I have been thinking a lot about my life the last month or so, as things have just been absolutely crazy around these parts. I decided that now is the appropriate time to share some of these topics that have occupied my thoughts. The more I thought about the topics, the more I realized that they flow nicely one into another.


1. I spend a lot of time wondering what certain people who used to be a big part of my life would think of me now.

If you are reading this, you know by now that I march to my own beat and have a general disregard for what others think or say about me. Even if I was at my best, I still cannot affect 100% of others’ opinions of me. That said, I do care to a degree what my immediate family thinks, as well as select others. There are also a few individuals who have shaped my life but for one reason or another I longer hear from much (if at all). One is my former teacher, Mr. Clifton. Another is my old youth pastor, Scott Bradley. The last is my late friend Katie. Every so often I think about them and wonder what they would think of me now. Would they be proud of me? Have I turned out how they expected me to turn out? In Katie’s case, would we still be close friends? The more I thought about those questions, the more I was troubled by the realization I could not definitively give myself the answer that I desired. The last group of people whose opinions I truly value are my core group of friends, which brings me to my next thought.

2. I miss my core group of friends.

I could end this thought at that and it would explain things. I have been blessed to have the same group of friends by my side throughout the years. I got to see them every day at school for nine years, a few days a week (or more) during high school, and sporadically during college. For the first time, it’s really hit me that we’re not all on the same paths. We are scattered throughout the country doing various things. I have not even seen Rob or Rex in person this calendar year and can count on one hand the times I’ve seen Dan and Merrill combined. I love the friends I’ve made over the past few years from a variety of places, but a lot of them aren’t people I can tangibly see or hang out with. My core group of friends is largely responsible for some of my finest memories and greatest periods of my life. Speaking of great periods of my life…

3. I miss being at Richards.

It is crazy for me to think that two weeks will mark the two year anniversary of the completion of my student teaching experience. It was one of the greatest times of my life. I was physically on top of the world after losing 60 pounds, and I felt accomplished in clearing the final hurdle of my undergraduate career. There were times that I surprised myself with how well I did, but I fully admit that I made more than my share of mistakes. Part of it can definitely be attributed to the learning curve that student teachers face, but I am not looking to make excuses. I was paired with a highly successful veteran teacher, and I should have listened more than I did. While I unfortunately did not apply all of the lessons he gave me during my student teaching experience, his lessons did not fall on deaf ears. Though I did not always do the right thing, I was able to grow. I am cognizant of my weaknesses as well as my strengths. One of my biggest surprises was how well I was able to connect with the students… this whole “Mr. D.” gimmick…

4. I play a character… or do I?

As I just mentioned above, I have been astonished at my ability to relate to students. I’ve also been surprised with how I acted with them. To be honest, when I started student teaching, I was scared to death of the kids. It showed in my first couple days of teaching. Eventually, I got comfortable with them, and I started to become more outgoing with them. In fact, I became more outgoing than I was used to being in my normal life. I felt like in addition to teaching I was playing a character. Over time my confidence in teaching combined with being at my physical peak bred more confidence in my social life. The social counterpart to the “Mr. D.” character became the “Greatest Man That Ever Lived”, which became my Stickam ID as well as my Facebook URL. The interesting thing about both characters is that they act in great contrast to who I have been, or at least in contrast to my self-image. I began to feel my normal reactions to start to become more like “Mr. D.” and less like Jakob, which caused me to wonder: was I really playing a character, or was I changing as a person? The answer was yes to both. Each have their perks, and each have their downfalls.

5. I have reaped what I have sown.

I am the product of the choices I have made. Many of those choices I take a measure of pride in. Others, I do not. In high school, many of the problems I faced were the direct result of the fact that I was an awkward dork who at times had unconventional methods and subpar social skills. There are people from each step of my life that do not like me, and many have good reason to do so. I am prone to missteps. I have exhibited poor judgment in my romantic pursuits. I do not deny this. I have not always been the person I should have been. I have not always been the person I have wanted to be. This cannot be blamed on anyone else but me. Sure, I have been wronged, but the only chronic wrong is me holding on to wrongs. To go back to my first point, thanks to a lot of these things, I truly don’t know if Katie and the others would be proud of me. I don’t know if my family or close group of friends are, either.

6. So where do I go from here?

The beauty of my life and most of our lives is that our issues are not permanent. There are aspects of each and every one of our lives that we do not necessarily like. These can be fixed. I know I need act better, present myself better, and live my live in a productive and appropriate manner. I’m working at it. I’ve initiated my own “Getting Good at Being Good Initiative”. So far, I can see some changes. I'm better at my job. In my social life, I am much more patient with others, am less prone to blowing up, and have made fewer bad decisions. It is always a good decision to live at peace with everyone. I know I am not perfect. I am still prone to missteps and temptation. That will probably never go away, but I am working towards a goal. To those who know me, whether it has been for 10 days or 10 years, I have one request of you. Please do not judge me based on who I was, for good or for bad. Evaluate me on who I am and who I am in the process of becoming.

The Soundtrack of Our Lives

I do not profess to be some sort of music expert, but I know what I do and don’t like. My ten thousand song music library is filled with a variety of bands encompassing a variety of genres. Some of the music is glorious. Others, I simply lack the heart to delete. I tell people I will give anything one listen and anything good multiple listens. My ears generally find pop punk music most favorable, but I also have a fondness towards peaceful indie/folk rock (think I’m Wide Awake, It’s Morning by Bright Eyes) as well as select music from the 1980s. In general, I do not like to listen to rap or country, but I am not completely closed off to either genre.

Since 2000, I have had the hobby of making “Mix CDs” of various songs for play in my stereo (when I had one) or in my car (after I got my license). I burn the CDs, give them a name, and label the date on them. My first few CDs were part of “The Favorites of Jakob Duehr” series. After that, I became less creative and labeled them by season (i.e. Spring 2k4) until I started the two current series: “Stand Up and Rock” and “The Pursuit of Peace”. I am up to the sixth edition of the “Stand Up and Rock” series and to the third addition of “The Pursuit of Peace”.

Recently I decided to look at these old CDs and create playlist equivalents on my computer. It amazes me how closely these songs and these albums are tied to memories. As I was creating these playlists, I felt like I was going through a journey through my adolescent and early adult years, rejoicing in my triumphs and experiencing pain once more. Just hearing those sounds brought me to places I wish I could visit again as well as places that I hope never to return.

Without going into details, this month has been a challenge and one that in time I will look back upon with great joy that it has passed. However, this month I have had the pleasure of hearing one of the greatest albums of the year and certainly one that has served as the soundtrack for my present situation. It’s by a band you probably haven’t heard of yet (unless I’ve hounded you to listen to them). Only Every Time by The Graduate is a tale of failure, perseverance and resiliency wrapped up on some of the most pleasurable notes and poignant lyrics that you will ever find. Please check it out.

I know this isn’t like a lot of my other blogs, but I am not a one dimensional person. I know your musical tastes may vary from mine, and that is fine and dandy. I’m just giving you, my loyal reader, a deeper glimpse into who I am and what I like. To end this blog, I am giving you my ten favorite albums ever (in no particular order).

1. The Graduate, Only Every Time
2. Rise Against, Appeal to Reason
3. Relient K, Mmhmm
4. FM Static, What Are You Waiting For
5. Anberlin, New Surrender
6. Day at the Fair, The Rocking Chair Years
7. Yellowcard, Paper Walls
8. New Found Glory, Coming Home
9. Better Luck Next Time, Third Time’s a Charm
10. Just Surrender, If These Streets Could Talk

On Sports Fandom

My apologies for another “un-Jakob” blog entry, but I’ve got some neat stuff planned for the rest of the year that should make up for it. I won’t ruin any surprises now, though, so just bear with me for now.

By now you probably already know that I am a pretty big sports fan. I have my teams that I love and I have my teams that I hate (looking at you, Pittsburgh Steelers). September is an interesting time of the year. Baseball season (the regular season, at least) ends mercifully for some teams and heartbreakingly for others. Simultaneously, the NFL begins its new season, and with it comes new hope for success.

The way I see it, my sports fandom mirrors my life: heartbreaks, near-misses, and a continued hope for success. Other than the Chicago Bulls’ run in the 1990s, my sports teams have not fared particularly well. The Cubs continue to tease every few seasons, only to choke in the postseason. The Senators made it to the Stanley Cup Finals only to squander their opportunity, and my most beloved team of all, the Seattle Seahawks, had an impressive run in the middle of the last decade, only to fall just short in Super Bowl XL, a loss that haunts me to this day.

With all those failures, some would suggest I join a fan base like the Yankees or the Lakers, one with a greater chance of happiness. That’s not how I live my life. I believe in fighting fair, in not taking the easy way out, and in doing your best with hope that it will all turn out well in the end. A lot of times, I’ve fallen short, but I keep going. I still believe that one day I’ll stand atop the mountain. I also believe that the Cubs and Seahawks will have their day atop their respective mountains as well. Call me crazy, but hope springs eternal.

"I don't care where or how, I want it now!"

Anyone who has seen Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory has seen the part where Veruca Salt has her epic brat fit and subsequently laughs when she's sent down the "bad egg" chute. We laugh at it, but we each have to deal with our inner Veruca Salt from time to time.

We live in a world not only full of desires and expectations but a world with instantaneous demands for these desires and expectations. We want what we want when we want it. There are incentives built into specific purchases to compensate the consumer if delivery does not occur within a certain time frame. Internet and technology continues to get faster and more convenient that virtually anything and everything can be obtained immediately.

We are so used to getting what we want when we want it that it becomes increasingly difficult when there is something in our lives we can not obtain in our personal time frames. Because we have become so accustomed to an instantaneous world we get more and more frustrated. Sometimes the frustration helps and causes us to work that much harder. Other times it causes us to wallow in self pity.

Unfortunately even when we work as hard as we can on something, if it is not meant to be at that point in time, it will not be. We can give and give until we are fully depleted, and it won't be enough. Sometimes patience is not only a virtue but also a necessity.

I personally am the product of life not meeting my own timetable. I would love to be in my own classroom, but for whatever reason that has not happened. Last year I probably felt more of a sense of entitlement in it all and didn't give everything I could have. This year, with a renewed focus, I did everything I could and still fell short of where I want to be. It's not fun, I admit it. My life at this point is full of unmet desires. It is absolutely unproductive, however, to mope around and lament what is not or pine for what I wish life to be. It requires proactive patience; that is, a knowledge that things will happen when they are meant to be but a life full of doing the necessary things to continue the quest and stave off stagnation and regression. Though I want what I want and I want it now, I have developed the knowledge that now is not always a possibility and am continuing in my quest to develop proactive patience. Hypomonē.

Hypomonē

When I was swimming at my grandparents' glorious pool, I saw a remarkable thing. There was this spider scaling the edge of the pool. Not a fan of spiders, I tried to splash some water on it to get it away. My big hands produced enough of a tidal wave that it knocked the spider into the water. Almost immediately it was back to scaling the wall, so I splashed again. Again, it made it back to the wall. This continued a few more times until I decided to let it go. By that point, however, the waves continued to knock the spider back into the water, but the spider still kept going. After a good five minutes of fighting and two legs lost, the spider lost its fight and its life.

It was a remarkable thing to watch and it got me thinking. We need to be like this. We need to fight until we are literally incapable of continuing, to give until our legs fall off or our heart caves in. Sometimes our all won't be enough, but that is no excuse. We will never know how much we can give until we have given it all. Sure, some battles may be losing battles, but we must persevere. We must keep going. Hypomonē.

Cuban Education: How the Communist System Has Impaired Individual Intellectual Progress

NOTE: I know I'm not posting brand new stuff this month, but I thought this piece might be interesting for others to read. It was my final for my Latin American History class in 2007.

The Cuban educational system has been one of the most well-known in the world since Fidel Castro ascended to power. Proponents praise the system for producing some of the highest rates of education and literacy in Latin America, while critics attack the system for its rigidity in the promotion of ideas as well as its reliance on the “Cumulative School File”, a cumulative report card which measures academic achievement as well as “revolutionary spirit”. A low measurement in the cumulative school file can result in a diminished amount of career opportunities. It is my argument that ultimately the Cuban educational system has served as an impediment to individual intellectual progress. Before coming to that argument, it is important to first understand the history of Cuban education both before Castro as well as the evolution of Cuban education during the Castro regime. The paper will conclude with a regional comparison of Cuba to its fellow Latin-American nations.

From the time Spanish explorers arrived in Cuba until the end of the nineteenth century, Cuban education almost exclusively fell under the authority of the clergy. Public education was existent, but very basic. The only high-level education found in Cuba fell under the authority of the Church. Unfortunately, the only students who were able to attend the private institutions were the students whose parents possessed some degree of wealth.

The story of modern Cuban education begins with the occupation of Cuba by the United States, a period which lasted from 1898 to 1902. At this time, Cuba was under control of the United States, a result of the Americans’ victory over Spain in the Spanish-American War. The President of the United States during that period, William McKinley, ordered for Cuba to be given a quality educational system patterned along the lines of the educational system found in the United States. Leonard Wood, the American governor over Cuba at the time, was placed in charge of this task by McKinley. Under Wood, the Cuban educational system was molded in the American model and moved away from the Spanish-influenced system that was in place. American textbooks were translated into Spanish, and Cuban teachers were sent to the States to study American teaching methods. During this time the Americans also built private Protestant schools in an attempt to counteract the many years of Spanish-led Catholicism in Cuba.

After Cuba became an independent nation, attempts were made by the nation to continue the trend started by the United States to improve the country’s educational system. In 1940, the Cuban Constitution required compulsory education for all students. Unfortunately, Cuban education at this time was not known for its quality but rather its inequality. This inequality existed along cultural divides. Children dwelling in the cities and more urban areas possessed greater access to resources than their rural counterparts. The opportunities and resources were all found in the cities. Cuban education hit a low point in 1958. During that year Cuba, which housed a population of approximately seven million people, contained one million completely illiterate people as well as over one million semi-illiterate Cubans. Saddest of all, 600,000 Cuban children never received any schooling at all. Things had regressed to the point that times were worse for Cuban education in the 1950s than in the 1920s.

During this time, the entire nation of Cuba was going through a period of great turmoil and upheaval, and eventually the revolutionary Fidel Castro was able to seize power. In the midst of wide-scale changes for the country, Castro’s government made the fight against illiteracy a high priority. The government enlisted the help of over one hundred thousand student volunteers to traverse the country to teach reading and writing. These students became known as the “literacy brigadistas” and were given adequate training and resources to travel to the rural areas to educate their peers.

While these brigadistas had a large deal of success, they were not immune from trials and tribulations. Since they were a group enlisted by the government, they became targets for counter-revolutionaries. The counter-revolutionaries in rural areas attacked and killed many of the young teachers with the hope that they could halt the spread of pro-Castro ideology. The literacy brigadistas went on this traveling campaign for just one year, but after this year, over seven hundred thousand people became literate, and the illiteracy rate fell from 20% at its low point in 1958 to just 3.9% at the end of 1961.

After the year-long literacy drive of 1961, education has remained a priority of the Cuban government under Castro. In 1961, Cuba also dissolved private schools and put them under the authority of the government. The education system became directed by the state, and there is no tuition for any level of schooling. The only slowing of Cuba’s education drive since 1961 occurred in 1991 during the “Special Period”. The “Special Period” was a period of economic instability directly resulting from the end of the Cold War and the discontinuation of Soviet funding of Cuba. This time of economic unrest somewhat impaired the government’s educational plans, as resources had to be spent on other matters. The government places a premium on education, and it shows in its expenditures, with over $2.7 billion CP spent annually as of 2002. The amount of education expenditures comes out to just under nine percent of Cuban GDP. That percentage doubles the percentage of expenditures allotted to Argentina (4.3%), a country which is Cuba’s closest rival in terms of education in Latin America.

All males and females between the ages of six and sixteen are required to go to school. Students are issued uniforms colored based on the grade of the student. Students are in primary education for their first six years of schooling. Cuban education differs greatly from American education when it comes to the secondary level. Secondary education in Cuba is divided into two levels. First, there is basic secondary education. At the completion of this level, students are given the choice whether to advance to pre-university education or move on to technical and professional education. The degree and progression for students vary based on this choice.

Education past the secondary level is found at the universities. All forty seven universities in Cuba are public and fall under the control of the Ministry of Higher Education (MES). In 1979, the Distance Education program was introduced by the MES. Under this program, night and afternoon courses are offered in fifteen centers for five degrees. This program currently affords approximately twenty thousand students the opportunity to complete their education in their own time while still working to provide for themselves as well as their families.

During Castro’s regime, Cuban education has fared consistently high not only among Latin American nations but in the world as a whole. Cuba’s rates of education and literacy soared to 96% in 1995, placing them second to Argentina among Latin American countries. Things have gone so well in Cuban education that a study in 1998 by UNESCO showed that the students who tested in the lower half of Cuban students were scoring higher than the upper half of students in some of the other Latin American countries in tests of mathematics and language skills.

Cuba’s education program has led to a large output of physicians. As of 2002, Cuba had the largest amount of physicians per one thousand people in the region (and third in the world) at just under six physicians. Conversely, Cuba’s number of lawyers has traditionally been small due to the government’s low prioritization of the legal field during the beginning of Castro’s regime, but in recent years the path to getting a law degree has been amended, leading to a rise in lawyers. All lawyers are contracted by the government, as there are no independent practices in Cuba.

Conventional wisdom would suggest that education in Cuba under Castro’s government has brought forth intellectual progress. However, I would argue with that claim at the individual level. While Cuba has succeeded at bringing equality into the educational system and ensuring that all children receive the opportunity to learn the same things, the subjectivity of the content is a gateway to wide-scale groupthink. The “Cumulative School File” has probably robbed countless students of career opportunities and educational advancement. Unfortunately, marks of individual achievement have not been evident.

In each and every Cuban school, one set of ideas is taught for everything. There is no room for debate or criticism of these ideas. Early in primary education students are taught that God does not exist and follows Marxist thought in dismissing religion as the “opium of the masses”. If students profess a belief in God while at school, their parents are brought in, and any parent that has been found to teach their children ideas different from communism are faced with a three year prison sentence. Interestingly enough, reports of this religious rigidity have come as recently as 2000, which was two full years after Pope John Paul II visited Cuba. Article 8 of the Cuban Code for Children states, “Society and the state work for the efficient protection of youth against all influences contrary to their Communist formation.” When there is only one set of thoughts and ideas being allowed to pass freely, it is extremely difficult for progress to occur. When independent thought is not taught or encouraged, it is difficult to proceed naturally. In the occasion that some great thought is even conceived, it must first pass through the government before it can affect the rest of the world. The educational system of Cuba has impaired individual intellectual progress in the very same manner it has improved literacy rates: by teaching one set of ideas in every school across the country, it has ensured that all students learn the same thing while preventing them from drawing their own conclusions.

In addition to the very restrictive Cuban curriculum, each student is subject to a “Cumulative School File” kept on them. This file is somewhat similar to the report cards found in American schools in that it keeps a record of academic achievements. In addition to academics, however, other areas are measured. The largest other area measured is “revolutionary integration”, in which both the student and the rest of his family are assessed by their involvement in mass demonstrations as well as their affiliations with any sort of religious group or denomination. If the student or his family is not living in a manner becoming of a Cuban Marxist, he is denied career opportunities, and his university options are limited. This Cumulative School file follows the people of Cuba throughout their entire lives and is constantly updated. One negative report early on and the rest a Cuban’s life can be permanently limited vocationally.

The Cumulative School File has served as a great impediment to individual intellectual progress. Those who think differently (or merely have family members who do) are denied the opportunities that their neighbors have regardless of merit. Though the schools in Cuba are free for all and teach the same things, the Cumulative School File has created a degree of inequality and has deprived some of their best and brightest from making a difference in both the intellectual and global community.

The results of the Cuban education drive have not been exceptionally unique in comparison to that of other Latin American nations during the same period. The top indicator of Cuba’s educational growth, its rise in literacy over the last forty-plus years, is not unique among other Latin American nations. Its percentage of increase between the 1950s and 2000 was equaled or bettered by Paraguay, Colombia, and Panama, and those nations’ literacy rates in 2000 are not far behind that of Cuba. Before the Castro regime took control of Cuba, the nation ranked fourth in literacy among Latin American nations. In 2000, it placed in a three nation tie for second.

A global indicator of intellectual progress is the Nobel Prize. Out of the 779 individuals whom have been awarded the Prize in all areas, not one of them has claimed Cuba as his or her residence. This is not due to some Latin American bias. In fact, non-peace prize winners have emerged from Argentina (3 Nobel Laureates), Brazil (1), Chile (2), Columbia (1), Guatemala (1), Mexico (2), and Venezuela (1). With a nation that produces as many doctors per capita as Cuba has, it is initially nearly unthinkable that none of them have made any sort of intellectual advances in the world of medicinal science that could be appreciated at the global level. At a closer look, it is not entirely surprising that no great individual progress has been made. This can almost solely be attributed to the traditional communist focus on the collective rather than the individual. Cuba has succeeded in getting its people in and out of school, but in doing so sacrifices a little “great” for a lot of “good”.

To conclude, it would not be prudent to state that the educational system in Cuba has not improved under the reign of Fidel Castro on the whole. However, the curricular makeup of Cuba’s educational system as well as the Cumulative School File have both done their parts to serve as an impediment to individual intellectual progress. If things do not change in both the curriculum as well as the blacklisting of those with alternative beliefs and ideas, it is not beyond the realm of reason to believe that the intellectual progress of Cuba will stagnate or decline within the next twenty years.

My Guide to Fantasy Football Success

NOTE: I wrote this for a class last year and wound up winning my fantasy football league. Hopefully this will be of use to you.

Some call it a game of luck. Others believe it is a game of skill. Truthfully, it is somewhere in between. It requires two parts history scholar, two parts statistician, and one part Nostradamus. This game refers to fantasy football. While it is a fact that no fantasy football manager can control how well his players perform, there are some easy steps that anyone can take to improve their chances of success.

Before diving headfirst into fantasy football, it is important to know some things about it, primarily what it is and why it is so popular. Fantasy football is an online game in which players build a roster of current players from the National Football League. Since the players’ primary role is managing the roster, they are often referred to as “managers”. In fantasy football, the terms are one in the same. Points are awarded based on the weekly statistics of the players. To put it simply, the better statistical game a player has, the more points he gains for his manager. On a larger scale, though all teams have an equal chance of winning each week (as the score starts 0-0), the team with the best players stands the greatest chance of winning. Rules differ from league to league, but one commonality across every fantasy football league is the team that has the most points at the end of the week (or year) is declared the winner. The prize for league champion also differs among leagues. In some leagues the champion wins money. In other leagues, a trophy is awarded. Some leagues play simply for bragging rights. No matter the end of season reward, fantasy football managers in general share two characteristics: a love for football and an enjoyment of competition.

Now that we have the basics out of the way, here are some valuable strategies for success in fantasy football. First, a manager must be familiar with the rules of the league. The two most popular types of leagues are the Points League and Head-to-Head League formats. In a Points League, teams are ranked by cumulative scoring. The team with the most points by the end of the season (either after Week 16 or 17) is crowned champion of the league. In a Head-to-Head League, teams are pitted in one-on-one matchups. Victory is determined like most sporting events: by outscoring one’s opponent. In a Head-to-Head League, the most important statistic is the amount of wins compared to the number of losses. The total number of points scored is only used as a tiebreaker for teams with identical records. The difference in strategies between the two formats is minimal at best, but it is important to be familiar with the types of league in terms of personal preference.

Once a manager has joined a league, he or she must get acquainted with the rules within the league. Each league has a commissioner who is in charge of creating the league as well as adjusting the league’s scoring settings. The value of specific players varies based on the scoring settings the commissioner places for the league. For instance, a league that places emphasis on rushing yards and touchdowns over passing yards and touchdowns inflates the value of a mobile quarterback such as Donovan McNabb while somewhat diminishing the value of a traditional pocket passer like Tom Brady. A league that rewards receivers for each reception increases the value of possession receivers like T.J. Houshmandzadeh, and leagues that award bonuses to receivers for certain yardage plateaus are suited for deep threats such as Randy Moss. There are differences among leagues in the number of starting roles allotted to each position, so bench spots should be accounted for based on the settings of the league. Some leagues even set a salary cap and assign value points to players. Familiarity with the rules should directly impact the roster decisions of a good manager.

Once a manager knows the rules, he or she must know the players. In the past, it would have been a nearly cataclysmic error to have selected Steve Smith of the New York Giants by accident over Steve Smith of the Carolina Panthers. That sort of error aside, it is at this point that a manager must take the role of history scholar. He or she must study the players as if they were a midterm examination. Each player has a history. Some have been riddled with injuries. He must also take on the role of statistician and evaluate trends. Some have had great success at points and have failed to meet expectations at other times. A player’s recent statistics (as well as his age) must be examined for signs of rise or decline as well as compared with average statistics for players of his age and position. There are very few “can’t miss” talents. Once the positives and negatives have been weighed against one another, a manager must determine whether reward outweighs risk and select his players based on what he has learned about them.

Now that the team has been selected, it is time to examine the in-season nuances of being a fantasy football manager. The most important responsibility of a fantasy football manager is setting his lineup on a weekly basis. Many things must be taken into account. Most importantly, the manager must make sure that he is fielding a full team. There is always power in numbers. Fielding a depleted roster significantly decreases a team’s chances for victory. The most common cause of a depleted roster is injuries. A simple browse through the football section of Yahoo! Sports or ESPN.com will tell a manager all he needs to know about the injury status of his players. He can then insert a player from his bench to fill the role until the starter is nursed to health.

Another roster-depleting component of fantasy football is the bye week. Each NFL team has one week during the regular season in which they do not play a game. While this should be taken into account during the draft (selection of players), it is often overlooked. To avoid depletion, it is imperative that the starters and reserves are on different bye weeks. This way points can still be earned for the team. Though there is usually a drop-off of some degree from the starter to the reserve, some points are better than nothing.

There will be weeks that managers will have the full roster at their disposal. At this point the manager is faced with the decision of determining his starting lineup. In all honesty, it comes down to prognostication, but there are some statistics to take into account. It is usually unwise to start a running back the week he plays a storied defense like the Baltimore Ravens. Conversely, it would be wise in theory to start an offensive player the week he faces an injury-depleted defense like the 2008 Seattle Seahawks. Playing the matchups is generally a better decision than following one’s hunches.

Unfortunately, injuries and inept play are inevitable components of a fantasy football team. The good news is that reinforcements are on the way—if the manager knows where to find them. There is usually an available player who is better than your worst player. These upgrades can be found on the Waiver Wire. Staying active on the Waiver Wire not only can improve a team but can also be used as a defense mechanism to thwart other teams in their attempts to strengthen themselves.

Reinforcements can be obtained through trades as well. Unfortunately, a manager must be willing to part with some of his own talent in order to trade. The best trade partner is another manager who has what you need and needs what you have. Bench depth should be sacrificed for starting talent. Points cannot be gained while players wallow on the bench, so it is important to upgrade when the opportunity presents itself. It is best to trade a player when his value is the highest (after he has an uncharacteristically good week) and to not get too attached to players. It is better to admit a mistake in drafting and recoup losses than to be stubborn and damage the team.

All it takes is internet access to be a fantasy football manager, but it takes a significant amount of involvement to be a good fantasy football manager. It requires knowledge, attentiveness, a proactive approach, and a bit of luck. These tips that have been given should help to improve your performance as a fantasy football manager. Remember, it is a game, but games were made to have winners. Why shouldn’t it be you?

Concerning Balance

Over a month ago I wrote about progress and that it was one of the two most important aspects of life. Finally, after many years of wanting to write about it, I have taken the opportunity to write about the other aspect, balance.

Balance can be a tricky thing. Each day is a balancing act, as we juggle our leisure activities with our responsibilities. A skew in one direction results in laziness, while a skew in the other direction can lead to burnout. Even within one’s responsibilities there is always a balancing act. To which responsibilities should one devote more time?

Parents probably have the most difficult balancing acts of all. Forget about leisure pursuits. They must somehow find enough hours in the day to take care of their work responsibilities, home responsibilities, spousal responsibilities, and even the balancing act of meting attention among the children.

I don’t know if others feel this way as well, but often I find myself in a balancing act in trying to be four people: 1) Who I am, 2) The summative total of what others want me to be, 3) Who I want to be, and 4) Who I should be. There is a daily battle in decision-making. Some days one of those people wins out. Other days it’s another. Nonetheless it is a balancing act.

Even this blog is a balancing act. With my obligations to this blog I have to balance between being boring (the post about my car accident) or interesting to the point that I shirked my responsibilities (the last post). It’s not always easy to talk about San Diego auto repair or to remind you to check engine light within the confines of what I want to speak about. But if a balancing act is required between the content of my posts and mentioning Ford F-150 and the auto shop, it is what it must be.

Balance is extremely important, but I feel that sometimes we feel overmatched trying to achieve perfect balance. Sometimes a 50/50 split is not only unfeasible but unnecessary. As long as we have all necessary components without spreading ourselves too thin, we have all that we need. Life is constantly changing. Sometimes we need to devote more time or energy to a specific component. Devote that necessary time and energy, but do not forget that component of your life is but one of many. Keep fighting the good fight. Keep juggling all that you juggle. One day you’ll be able to look back and be impressed at all you can do. Balance along with progress is a necessity of life.

No, Little Jackie, the World Does not Revolve Around You

For those of you confused about the title, there is a song by the group Little Jackie entitled “The World Should Revolve around Me”. The piece is as catchy as it is preposterous, but needless and oddly placed vulgarities will preclude me from linking to it. That said, as of late I have given some thought to the inherent egocentrism I see in the world and particularly in myself.

In general, as humans we are wired to not only have needs but wants as well. In the privileged world in which many of us live, needs are taken for granted and wants multiply in their stead. The more we have, the more we want. These wants eventually become demands. We take on this sense of entitlement, thinking that there are certain things we should have or should deserve, simply because a desire for it exists. Many of these things are not ours to have. Some of these things are not good for us. Instead of being petulant we must be thankful for what we have and hopeful for what is to come. If we are endowed with particularly good fortune we should do as much as we can to assist those who have fallen upon hard times. The world does not revolve around you.

The world does not revolve around me, either. A couple weeks back I got into an argument with an individual I deeply care about. The individual told me that while I thought I knew everything about that person, I did not. I thought long and hard about that, and I realized one of the greatest errors that I have committed in friendships, relationships, and relational pursuits. I have taken an egocentric view of the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule implores us to treat others the way we would like to be treated. It does not, however, implore us to treat others as if they were us. For far too long I have treated people as though they were Jakob Duehr carbon copies, ignoring past experiences, emotions, and personality differences. My expectations of others should not and cannot be as if they are me. My way is not the only way, and it is likely not the best way.

Both you and I also cannot push for that which we should not push for. What is meant for us to have, we do have. What is not meant for us to have, we do not. Our desires must not get in the way of our purpose. Where we want to be and where we should be unfortunately can be two very different locations. The egocentric mindset convinces us that we are the masters of our domains and our own life pilots. If things are meant to be, they will be regardless of our own efforts and self-imposed timelines. If we go our own way, we may succeed for a time, but we will crash. I have crashed. Do not be so arrogant as to believe that your plan has no flaws. Be smart, take counsel from those you trust, and pursue the path you should take. If it coincides with taking the path you want to take, congratulations! You are fortunate. But if you are among the many who do not have an easy mingling between the proper path and the desired path, be wise. The world does not revolve around you.

I write this to you not to condemn you as egotistical jerks, for if I were to do that I would be the greatest hypocrite of all. I simply remind you that as the world does not revolve around you, it does not revolve around me. Live life with an abundance of hope and a deficit in entitled expectation. Treat others as well as you possibly can. Remember that you are you and they are not. Stop trying to fit the square peg in the round hole. Enjoy today, and be anxious of tomorrow.

Everybody's Got a Price

When I was young, I thought “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase was the most evil man in the world. He would pay people to perform insulting tasks for his pleasure and arrogantly insist that everybody had a price. Obviously as I got older I realized that 1) he was merely playing a character and 2) he was actually one of the nicer people around. I never forgot his cackle and catchphrase. The older I got, the more I realized that everybody does indeed have a price.

Now before you get offended and send me hate mail and empty threats, allow me to explain myself. The price I am referring to does not necessarily correlate to greed. Sure, I have often joked that if I had a price it would be a Shamrock Shake. Honestly, my price is not that cheap. The fact of the matter is that while we choose to believe that our personal code of conduct is concrete and static, offers and circumstances appear to challenge those codes. A person with a crippling fear of public embarrassment might put away those fears if they were given a Toyota Corolla for free. Others might hold out for something more extravagant like a Ferrari or a Lamborghini. When we were in junior high, two of my friends sold the real name of another one of our classmates for spare change and giant Cheez-Its. Everybody’s got a price.

Again, let me reiterate that greed is not the only driving force behind our prices. Sometimes we are willing to compromise our code of conduct when we determine that what we want or need outweighs what we must sacrifice. People believe in certain things, but I would wager that they would (at least temporarily) put them aside if someone they love was in danger. We reach a breaking point where what we want or need overrides the rules and regulations we establish for ourselves.

Even this blog has a price. I have maintained this blog for years because I enjoy writing and expressing myself and a plethora of other reasons that will be further detailed in a later blog this year. But times are tough. Recently I realized I could be getting money for doing something I enjoy. Certainly I have had to tweak some things a bit. Instead of posting hidden links for the benefit of my lone subscriber to this blog, I now post advertisements. I have to alter the content of some of my posts or even write about things I had no intention of writing about. I never thought I would be talking about Chicago auto repair or water pump replacement, but due to the fact that professionally I am not quite where I want to be, I had to do some things I did not expect to do. Am I a sellout? Call me what you will, but everybody’s got a price.

Now that I have established my belief that everybody has a price, I need to say that it is not necessarily a bad thing. Complete rigidity in our lives is not a positive. That said, here are some little tips for maintaining your price. First, don’t sell out for just anyone or anything. You have a code of conduct for a reason. Complete fluidity is as much of a negative as complete rigidity. Second, ask yourself if it is truly worth it. Balance the gain against the loss. Finally, though we all have a price, make sure your price is high. Hold out to make sure the positive outweighs the negative.

Accidents Happen

I am fortunate that I have only been in one car accident in my life. It was not serious, but it was an experience I never want to go through again. Story time!

It was September 2006. I was in my second year of college at ONU and only had classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Only going to school two days a week meant long days. I had to get there early and go home late. I didn’t mind that. However, leaving early meant driving at sunrise. The design of my car coupled with my height makes driving east at sunrise a dangerous thing.

I left that morning from our house in Tinley. I had not even made it a mile when a red minivan pulled out right in front of me! Temporarily blinded by the sun, I rear ended the vehicle. The woman driving the vehicle quickly ran out to check on the van while her son began to take pictures of the accident. However, when the police came, she claimed “personal injury” and demanded an ambulance. Her husband came to pick up the children and wound up rear ending my vehicle! Since there was personal injury involved with my rear ending, I got a court date and ticket. I wound up late to school and only had twenty minutes to take a theology exam. At that point, it felt like one of the worst days of my life.

While none of that was anything I want to experience ever again, it could have been much worse. In Chicago auto repair companies are abundant, probably more so than San Diego Auto repair, so my dad found a place in Tinley to replace both bumpers. I was given a Toyota Camry to use while my car was being fixed (thankfully I was given a car and not the Ford F-150), and oddly that was the vehicle I used to drive my sister and (now) brother-in-law on one of their first dates. The auto repair shop did a great job on my car, and my Cobalt was as good as new. I had to pay a fine in court, and the woman tried to claim “right side injuries” but the ADA declined to press charges. While at the time it was an inconvenience it helped me to be safer and more alert, and I hope to never be the cause of an accident again.

The Importance of Putting Your Best Foot Forward

DISCLAIMER: This is going to be a pretty short entry and not as deep as a lot of my other entries. In fact, when you read this it may seem sort of random. However, keep reading later this month and it will make more sense.

In one of my earlier blogs I mentioned that I am not the biggest fan of Tiger Woods. His personal misdoings really don’t have much to do with my dislike of him. In fact this dislike started even before he defeated my beloved Rocco Mediate in the 2008 U.S. Open. I generally have issues with the overly successful. That said, over the years Nike has done a great job of marketing Woods to make him as tolerable and even (gasp!) likable as possible.

Nike has always been good at touting the successes of the athletes they sponsor. From Woods to Michael Jordan, the brand can tout itself as a winner because it associates itself with athletes who can truly claim to be the best in the world at what they do. Whether showing footage of an incredible shot Woods hit or airing a commercial highlighting Woods’ club-handling prowess, Nike makes the association between the athletes they sponsor and success. This in turn not only makes their products more marketable to the average Joe but also makes their athletes more appealing to the American public.

In the case of Tiger Woods, Nike has done an exceptional job of humanizing him and highlighting the importance of family to Woods’ life in commercials like this. While the company can do nothing about Woods’ continued ability to shoot himself in the foot, they repeatedly make remarkable attempts to make him seem more like a man and less like an island. Without the marketing Woods has received over the years, his winning would still speak volumes, but it is likely that he would be even more disliked without Nike’s attempts to give the public a reason to like him.

So what is the point of this? We are our own personal Nike. It is our job to make ourselves tolerable and likable to potential friends, employers, and love interests. We all have our selling points as well as our flaws. While it is necessary to be cognizant of our flaws, it is necessary to build around the strong points. We must recognize our successes to truly put ourselves in a position to succeed in the long-term.

Pay no attention to the people on your screen

I have never understood society’s worship for those of marginal fame. Sure, I am a big fan of Randy Orton and I loved Scottie Pippen’s work with the Bulls (and was so elated when he returned in 2003), but when the cameras are off them, I stop caring. I just don’t get why mainstream society scrutinizes anyone who is even remotely recognizable.

Jerks exist, but being a jerk is not exclusive to being famous. Granted, some celebrities are absolute jerks and deserve to be recognized as such. Tiger Woods is an infidel. What he did is absolutely uncool. For that, he owed his wife much more than an apology. He owed the same to the sponsors who did keep them. But he owes me nothing. Tiger Woods has absolutely no accountability to me. The worst thing he’s done to me was indirectly cause me to waste an afternoon watching him beat Rocco Mediate in a playoff for the 2008 U.S. Open.

I’ve always thought Ben Roethlisberger was a piece of work. I can’t stand him. His actions range from immature to dangerous. He owes a lot of people a lot of apologies. But the only apology he owes me is for being the beneficiary of one-sided officiating in Super Bowl XL. Simply because I watch (and root against) him does not give me any right to judge him or demand any sort of behavior from him.

Unfortunately we live in a society where the general populace renders their lives as mundane at best or meaningless at worst. Instead of doing something about it, society latches onto whomever or whatever is interesting at the moment. We live in a society where people can become famous for being famous (e.g. Paris Hilton, any of the Kardashians). We live (and leech) vicariously through these people, feed off their successes, hold them to higher standards than we hold ourselves, and feel betrayed when they inevitably falter.

Living in the spotlight does not take away the humanity of any of these people. Many famous people do not crave as much of the spotlight as they receive. When we commoners falter, we do not owe an explanation to the entire world. Just because their failures occurred with a camera does not mean that they owe us anything. We are accountable to those we are close to.

The best advice I can give is to not idolize those whom you do not know. Live your life, worry about yourself, and be the best you can be. Set high standards, but set them for yourself. “Common” life will seem much less mundane if an air of accountability is present.

Progress: Keep Moving Forward

Progress is a tricky thing. It is at times difficult to be gauged individually, and the rate of progression varies not only from person to person but from situation to situation as well. Sometimes it is very difficult for us to keep moving forward, especially when everything around us seems to be falling. At times it even hurts to keep moving forward, but progress is a necessity. It guards us from two very dangerous things.

The first thing that progress guards against is regression, which makes a great deal of sense because regression is the very opposite of progress. The worst thing we can do is to fall back to where we once were. We work so hard to get from where we are to where we want to be, and to return to an inferior version of ourselves would be a demoralizing blow. Not only is it demoralizing but it is also a massive waste of time. Very rarely do we get closer to where we want to be without spending time getting there. To regress from that point not only wastes the time we already spent but also adds additional time to simply return to where we were. The statement “Sometimes in order to take two steps forward we must take one step back” is occasionally true, but a continued habit of moving backward will never take us to where we want to be.

The other thing progress guards against is stagnation, or a settlement in one place for a prolonged period of time so that neither progression nor regression occurs. Stagnation comes in a variety of shapes and forms. At times it exists because there are impediments to progress that must be dealt with. At other times it is a result of complacency. This is the scary form of stagnation. In this case, we are not where we want to be, but we are farther along than when we started. We take too much enjoyment in what we have done that we lose sight of what is still left to be done. Stagnation can be described as this: Say I am on a road trip from Illinois to Idaho. Along the way I make a stop in South Dakota. I am fascinated by the sights and stay there. Enough time passes and I miss my targeted arrival to Idaho. Sure, I am farther along than when I started, but I am not yet where I want to be and am wasting time.

I know that there are times that it is hard to move forward. Other situations in our lives can discourage us and cause setbacks on our path. We must not lose sight of the finish. Some journeys take much longer than we would like, but as long as we keep moving forward step by step we will end each day closer to the finish than when we started the day.

Sometimes in order to move forward to make the brightest future we must let go of what we have today. I know this is not easy. I am living this myself and don’t particularly like it. Since I graduated college I have not exactly had a ton go right in my life. I have had one amazing thing that has unfortunately had to occur at the wrong time of my life. To make the best future for myself and whom I believe to be part of my future, I must do things the right way. It’s not easy now. I know some might hate me for it, and that hurts, but I do it as much for them as I do it for myself. I need to keep holding on and keep moving forward so that the best of our todays will be the worst of our tomorrows.

Forever Young

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever, forever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever
Forever young
-Alphaville, "Forever Young"

Sometimes I think to myself, "I never really did grow up, did I?" I still have memories as a young child of crying myself to sleep because I wanted my growing up to slow. Personally, the inevitable reality that I had to get older against my wishes was an unfavorable idea. Growing up was simply not in my plans.

The future was able to be put on the backburner as adolescence made the present less grim. I won't deny that my teenage years had some drama. However, things were fun, and it is easy to live in the moment when the moment is good. When things started to turn, I forsook the present to instead focus on what once was or what could be. What is became less important than what if. In my toughest trials I realized that growing up was the only thing to do. I thought maturity was the only path I could chase after. Quite honestly, my college years were the peak of my "maturity." At least, I thought so. It's amazing how things can just come to you.

Things got tricky when I started my student teaching experience. I felt more alive than I had in years and finally had the confidence to match my abilities. I felt younger, so I acted younger. In my social life and in life in general I began to take more risks. As I realized the past had passed it became more prudent to live in the here and now. While I am cognizant of my missteps, I have been wrong to myself for mistaking this change for personal regression.

Growing up and staying forever young are not mutually exclusive. Growing up is taking responsibility for better or for worse. It is not sitting on your porch complaining about how things were better in your day. There is no reason not to feel alive, even as things are changing.

When I turned 23 earlier this month, I felt old from a chronological standpoint until I realized that I act younger at 23 than I did at 18. I no longer clamor for the past, as I have realized that it was not as amazing as I had believed it to be. Even if it was, it is not coming back. I am also mindful of not focusing too far into the future. While it always good to plan, nothing ahead of us is guaranteed. Therefore, I live in a world where hope is more prevalent than expectation. I do believe that the best of my todays will be the worst of my tomorrows, but I realize that what I can affect most today is today itself. I may always act young. I do not apologize for that. I promise my best efforts to be grow up in terms of taking responsibility for who I am and what I do. I also promise to be forever young.

The Worst of My Yesterdays

NOTE: I actually wrote this for a composition class back in October. I chose to publicly post this for your reading pleasure. Also, in an attempt to be less slanderous, I replaced the offending party's name. Enjoy.

It was supposed to be the perfect day, a perfect ending to a perfect trip. Unfortunately, it will forever be etched in my memory as one of the worst days I have ever experienced. While it would be an untruth to state that my life changed drastically that day, it did serve as a catalyst for some necessary personal changes.
Before I delve into the events of the day itself, it would be irresponsible of me to not provide a background for the events. I had decided to reward the completion of my undergraduate studies with an April vacation with one of my closest friends. He wanted to experience our country’s great landmarks, and I desired to take the opportunity to enjoy warm weather and to meet a long distance friend in Florida. We compromised and decided to spend two days in Washington, D.C. and five days Tampa and Orlando in Florida.
That week we had the time of our lives. We climbed the steps of the Lincoln Memorial and drove past the Ford Theater. We saw Tampa Bay Rays games, toured the Kennedy Space Center, and basked in the sunlight at two beaches (Cocoa and Clearwater). Everything had gone perfectly except for two items: I spent too much time in the sun at Clearwater Beach and was badly sunburned, and I had yet to meet my friend. One of my most important reasons for taking the trip was to finally meet her. Based on the long conversations we had and the chemistry these conversations seemed to suggest we would have, I believed that a face to face meeting would jumpstart a romantic relationship. I began to worry that we would never meet. This was remedied that night. She called me to arrange a meeting at the airport before my flight departed. Hope turned to excitement and excitement to expectation. This was going to be the best day of my life!
I was so excited that I could not sleep. Though we were not scheduled to check out of our hotel until just after five o’clock in the morning, I was up at three to get ready for my 7:30 meeting. I showered, shaved, and showered again. The odor of my Michael Jordan Cologne permeated the room. I dressed myself in a brand new shirt, my favorite pair of jeans, and my “lucky” argyle socks. After prodding my traveling companion until he awakened, we were finally ready to leave.
In order to reach the airport in Orlando, we had to make a two hour drive from our hotel in Tampa. It was not an easy drive partly due to construction and partly due to the obstruction the sunrise caused on my sight. Loud, driving music blared from the speakers for the duration of the ride for the purpose of keeping us awake and easing my nerves. While it succeeded with the former, it failed with the latter. After two hours, we finally reached Orlando. All that was left to do before meeting S-Blah was to refill the gas tank of the rental car and then turn in the car (a serviceable 2008 Kia Rio). Once we reached the gas station, my day began to fall apart.
Just before we arrived at the gas station my phone received a new text message. I waited until we reached the gas station to check it. It was from S-Blah. My heart raced as I braced myself for the contents of the message. It read: “Recent sleep depravity has made me hungover (sic) with sleep. Will not make it to the airport.” I was crushed. The person that I had cared so much about that I spent thousands of dollars to travel a thousand miles to meet not only canceled on me but had the audacity to do so in a written message. I was extremely disappointed, but resigned myself to the fact that things could get worse. No sooner had I made that resignation, things did get worse.
After filling my tank with gas, we arrived at the Enterprise Rent-a-Car facility to return the vehicle. I was in a daze as they examined the car to ensure that it was in the same condition that it was on Wednesday when we picked it up. We signed some papers, and we caught the shuttle back to the airport for what we presumed would be a long wait there before our flight.
It turned out that our early schedule was a blessing in disguise. As we went to check in our luggage we were asked to show identification. I reached in my pocket for my wallet. It was gone! I was so upset about being stood up by S-Blah that I neglected to put my wallet back in my pocket after taking it out at the gas station. Both my friend and I remembered it being in the cup-holder of the car after that point, so we took a shuttle back to Enterprise to reclaim the wallet. When we returned to Enterprise, the manager said the car was just cleaned and there was no report of a wallet found. The manager suggested I return to the gas station to check to see if I had left it there. While I ran a mile in my black “Chuck Taylor’s” (not the most appropriate shoes for running) down a gravel path in the Orlando sun only to find that my wallet was not at the gas station, my friend sat with the manager of Enterprise as they watched the footage from the security camera. A rectangular black object was seen in the car, but once it went to be cleaned it was nowhere to be found. Unfortunately, the cleaners were independently contracted and could not be directly questioned by the manager. I was out of two hundred dollars in cash, another two hundred dollars in assorted gift cards, and two credit cards. I quickly called to cancel both cards, and we returned to the airport empty-handed.
I would have been upset if the money was the only thing I lost from my wallet. Unfortunately, I also lost all forms of identification and still needed to fly home to Chicago. I was crushed, disappointed, and angry. I soon was able to add embarrassment to my litany of emotions. Since I lacked the necessary identification to board a flight, I had to earn my boarding by “alternate means”. I was interrogated by airport security concerning nearly my entire life. I was asked my birth date, phone number, address, names of family members, destination of my vacation as well as the name of my traveling companion, and even the name of the high school from which I graduated. My parents were called to verify my answers. Any inconsistencies and who knows when I would have returned from Orlando. Once the interrogation was over, I was publicly frisked. As other travelers passed through the metal detector, I was frisked in a separate aisle. As I was frisked, other security members conducted a detailed search of my carry-on bag. My sunscreen violated the size requirement to be brought on carry-on luggage, and I was asked to “willingly surrender” the sunscreen to the airport. That was the metaphorical salt in my gaping wound. I was ready to finally go home.
The flight would have been exceedingly uncomfortable strictly due to my sunburn, but other items made it even worse. We were late boarders, so our seating choices were limited. My friend and I were able to sit together, but we were stuck in the second-to-last row of the airplane and were surrounded by patrons who had no respect for personal space. The passenger to my right commandeered the entire armrest, and the passenger behind me began to kick my seat. Worst of all, the passenger in front of me moved her seat the entire way back. Since I am 6 feet 4 inches tall, there is a general level of feeling cramped in an airplane, but this pushed it over the edge. Mercifully, we landed in Chicago, and I believed our troubles were finally behind us.
There was one more calamity awaiting us at Midway Airport. Our luggage took some time to get unloaded and sent to baggage claim. I quickly found my luggage, but my friend was having difficulty finding his. An hour passed, and it never came. He notified the airport, and they took down his information so that the luggage could be delivered if or when it finally arrived. The amusing part of all this (if missing luggage can be found amusing) is that a labeling error put his name on my bags, and vice versa. The luggage labeled “Jakob Duehr” was missing. Mercifully, the day was over.
That day sent me into a prolonged period of bitterness. My world had crashed around me. It was the first time in my life that I was devoid of hope. While I long struggled with issues of bitterness, I began to get even angrier about the smallest things and hold grudges for the bigger ones.
The day also sent me on a long and winding road to recovery. In an attempt to deal with this bitterness I read a book entitled The Gift: You Ask and You Get.. One of the most important points of the book was that our life is more affected by reactions to life’s events than the events itself. One night while I was tossing and turning in my bed, I thought of the trip and of the book. I realized that I could not control being stood up by S-Blah, losing my wallet, being treated like a member of the Watch List at the airport. I did, however, have a choice to remain bitter or react positively. I realized had a great learning experience that Sunday in April; that is, if I chose to learn from it. That day, though it was one of the worst of my life, helped me to get to the point of letting go of negativity and reacting calmly and positively. It has been said that sometimes in order to take two steps forward, one must take one step back. April 19, 2009 is proof of that.

23>22

This one will be quick, I promise.

As I write this, I am finishing up my journey as a 22 year old. Likely I will have turned 23 by the time many of you give this a read. I thought back on the year I spent at 22, and it was honestly quite a difficult one. Things quite often did not happen when I wanted them to happen, nor did they even go the way they wanted then to go. For my year as a 23 year old, I’m dreaming big. I am not lowering my goals or standards for the sake of a hollow victory. I have purposed to live my life though the 4 P’s.

Patient: Rome was not built in a day. I can not expect things to happen strictly because I desire them to be such. Most good things take time. By rushing, I run the risk of ruining. Things will happen when they are supposed to happen. If they don’t happen, they weren’t meant to be.
Prepared: Be prepared for anything and everything. Be ready to succeed. Treat every day like it is going to be the day everything falls into place. One day, it will be that day.
Proactive: As I said before, things do not happen strictly due to desire. Action needs to follow. The best way to ensure things will go the way I want them to is by putting myself in a position to succeed. Being proactive is a must.
Positive: While not a complete necessity, positivity is a much better weapon to have in one’s arsenal than negativity. There is no reason not to believe.

For those expecting a long blog, trust me, more of those will be coming. I expect big things in my year as a 23 year old. For those who have been a help to me in my journey, thanks for getting me this far. We’re almost there.

Victory, Defeat, Losing Through Winning, and Winning in Losing

I absolutely hate to lose. I cannot stand it when things do not go my way at all. Losses are among the bitterest pills to swallow. Months ago, this very day, I originally thought that I would be soaking sun, seeing an old friend, and victoriously basking in the glory that is WrestleMania in Phoenix, Arizona. Endless efforts on my part to make the trip happen were fruitless, and setting all my yearning aside, I had to give up the dream. While I would have loved the opportunity to have gone, it is increasingly apparent to me that it would unfortunately have been the wrong decision. It got me thinking, though.

Just as I have experienced, our lives are full of victories as well as an unfortunate amount of losses. Winning is fun, but the idea of remaining undefeated simply is not a realistic expectation to have. Yes, defeats are an inevitable reality. But it is not losing that makes a loser. We each have our moments in the sun, and times exist when effort is insufficient. It is my opinion that past all the wins and the losses there are wins and losses. Losing and winning both occur as a result of losing and winning. Please let me rephrase that. Our actions and behavior after every loss and every victory determine the real winners and losers.

Life is full of games and battles. Whether direct competitions or goals that are set, we end up on one of two sides. It is fun to win, but it is not always easy to be a winner. Quite often the winners turn out to be losers as a result of their victories. Some inflate their own self worth and rub their victory in the faces of those who have been defeated. Others reach the top of the proverbial mountain and forget that staying there is just as arduous of a task as getting there. Each victory has the potential to bring defeat in its aftermath. Here are three of my humble pointers to limit this potential.

1. Act like you've won before. Some victories are small victories. No need to overstate and humiliate others. Respect what you have achieved, but do it with class and dignity.
2. Be gracious without being patronizing. Acknowledge those who helped you get there. Very few victories were truly won alone, so thank those who helped you achieve what you have. Also, if in a direct competition, acknowledge the work done by those you have defeated. Just because they fell a bit short does not mean they did not put everything they had into the pursuit. Respect them without belittling them in the slightest.
3. Cherish each victory like it may be your last. Quite honestly, we never know when things may turn. Life is full of feast or famine cycles. Cherish each victory. Enjoy each victory. Don't get an increasing sense of entitlement with each victory. As quickly as it came, it can go.

Now, a message to all my fellow losers out there. Failure is not final. We need to do a better job of not losing as a result of the initial loss. Here is some advice on how to win in defeat.
1. Don't fight it. The worst sort of loser is the sore loser. Don't gripe about the loss. It happens. Lick your wounds, get back up, and fight that much harder the next time. The longer you complain about the loss, the longer it lingers, and the more of a loser the loser becomes
2. Endure defeat with grace and humility. Losing hurts a whole lot. It's awful, but it's true. Taking defeat in stride showcases the true winner you are. Give the winner his or her due, but take pride in your effort. Do not let be defeated by defeats.
3. Realize that rematches are possible. Not all defeat is final. The World Series is not decided by one game. Do not dwell on that loss, but work to do everything you can to swing momentum back to your favor. Analyze and improve your own weaknesses, and exploit the weaknesses of your opponent.
4. Be willing to walk away for the better good. This might be the hardest one of them all. Sometimes we want something so badly that might not be for us to have (temporarily or permanently). I know firsthand that this is difficult, but at times we must sacrifice our desire to win to put someone else in a position to succeed. This hurts, but this by no means makes us a quitter or a loser. It may lose us the battle, but it is a true victory.

Each of life's battles has two parts: the battle itself and the battle of reaction. Victory or defeat in the first part does not necessarily translate to victory or defeat in the second part. Victory or defeat in battles of reaction can potentially carry on to our next battles. Win like a champion. Lose like a champion. Win through losing to help someone else. Keep fighting, and never give up.