I honestly don’t know how official decades work, but tonight is the last night of a year beginning with “200-“, so we will proceed thusly. This decade has had its ups and downs, but I was able to grow from an awkward 12 year old to a slightly less awkward 22 year old. Like my “Year in Review” entries, I will make a brief rundown of each year then rank them from worst to best at the end. For more detailed looks at 2004-2009, click on the year.
2000: I consider it the birth of my “Modern Era”. I had my first intense crush, really established my niche group of friends, and began to move towards becoming who I wanted to be. Going back to Stone really helped that. For the first time in my life up to that point, I was in shape and it gave me confidence both socially and on the basketball court.
2001: The first up-and-down year. This would become a recurring theme of the decade. The first half of the year was great. I concluded my career at SCCA, went to camp for the first time, and had many good times at many 8th Grade graduation parties. Starting high school was probably more difficult for me than most. I went to a new school knowing no one, and it took me a very long time to figure out where I fit in. My apprehension towards high school was at points mistaken for snobbery and standoffishness and I was the target of some very rude behavior. Back then I unfortunately lacked the ability to stand up for myself, but all things are lessons learned.
2002: This year I think I spent a greater percentage of time trying to “find myself” than any other year of the decade. I was knee deep in involvement at the youth group at PBC, decided to start being myself more at school, and tried maintaining the friendships that I had. After hearing that a girl who I wanted to date found me “boring”, I devoted a large portion of my time trying to prove her wrong. I tried gimmick after gimmick, and it culminated in the creation of my former website “Inside the Mind of Jakob Duehr”, a site that became more popular than it ever should have. I met a lot of people this year, but the most notable were Murdock and Jessica.
2003: Socially, the year everything finally came together. Though the first two months of the year was spent with a feud at Stone and the last four months were spent attempting damage control at TPHS for a situation that was only partially my fault, the year was great. Perhaps the best decision I made all year was to leave PBC, where except for a few exceptions (mainly Pastor Scott… he was always great) I was underappreciated and felt unwanted. I made the choice to return to Stone’s youth group. It was that decision that brought me closer to my closest friends and set the groundwork for that summer, the greatest summer of my life. My friends and I spent practically every day together doing something fun, and our camp experience that year was filled with the most hilarity of any single week in my life.
2004: Honestly, this year felt like each day was even better than the one before. Though I still spent the first two months of the year diffusing that situation at school, things just kept getting better. Even my mistakes and missteps led to positives. At school, for a short time I felt like I was on top of the world. I had my greatest experience at camp ever, and going to Convention that year is still one of the greatest memories of my life. I look back on that year with unbelievably fond memories.
2005: The year the wheels fell off. After a promising beginning to the year, things fell apart. Nothing seemed to go right at all. I narrowly missed out on a full scholarship at one school, was cheated out of one at another, and had to say goodbye to how life was with my friends. I fell out of favor with some people at school and fell just short of winning my fantasy football championship. Even camp was a less than amazing experience. As everything around me was changing, I had to be strong and deal with some very intense personal issues. Looking for a job that summer was misery, and when I finally did get the job it was miserable. I would get three hours of sleep on school nights. Sometimes I wonder how I made it through the year.
2006: Another up and down year. I had to take the somewhat good with the really bad. My Seahawks fell short in an extremely questionably officiated Super Bowl, I was marginally betrayed (for the first of many times) by someone I thought cared about me, and most importantly I lost a great friend to a car accident. I gained thirty pounds in a month. I even spent my Christmas vomiting. However, it was not a lost year. I had some of my greatest professors in college, had some of my best work experiences, really got attuned to my thoughts and emotions, and became friends with Stacie.
2007: This, for all intents and purposes, was actually a good year (in fact the only good year I had in the second half of the decade), but I have this lingering feeling that it could have actually been great. I made my first attempt to lose weight and failed. I had a good time taking more responsibility as a youth leader, but I think I could’ve done more. I squandered some opportunities due to being me, and I stressed myself out more than I needed to. Even with that, the year was good. I had more enjoyable classes, moved to Orland, and went to my first WWE PPV event.
2008: It was a challenging year but an extremely productive one. I was able to transform some of my failures into successes. I traded a failed romantic pursuit and an out of shape body for a sixty pound weight loss. It didn’t help at all with the pursuit, but it gave me my body back as well as confidence to attack other goals. I took the bouncing around from school to school for my student teaching and made it a very positive experience at Richards that I will never forget. I accomplished my goal of completing my Bachelor’s degree early. I admit I made mistakes throughout the year that left me weary by its end, but from failure was born success, and there became a greater balance between my confidence and ability.
2009: An extremely challenging year. At many points it felt like I was dealing with 2005: the sequel. Most things did not go as I planned. Some did, but in the past it would’ve left a bitter taste in my mouth. I choose not to let it consume me. I’d like to think it was a rebuilding year of sorts and that everything will come together in 2010. I met some great people, and I finally eliminated a fear of failure. Nothing is as bad the second time around. I realized if I can deal with something once, then I can deal with it again.
All in all, I am pleased with how this decade has turned out. I would be lying if I told you that the twelve year old Jakob would have imagined the 22 year old Jakob to be exactly as I am, but perfect foresight is a luxury which few are granted. I made great strides in becoming who I wanted to become as opposed to what I thought everyone wanted me to be. That said, here are my year rankings. Thanks for coming along for the ride.
10. 2005
9. 2009
8. 2001
7. 2008
6. 2006
5. 2002
4. 2007
3. 2000
2. 2003
1. 2004
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009 in Review
In what has been one of my favorite traditions since 2004, it is that time of the year for me to give a month-by-month rundown of my 2009. I know I usually do it on New Year’s Eve, but this year I will be spending that doing a rundown of the decade. It has been quite a year. Here it goes.
January: We welcomed a new addition to the family with my sister’s wedding at the beginning of the month. Unfortunately I had to say goodbye to the two of them for a couple months, as my brother-in-law is a Marine stationed in North Carolina. Met the ever-interesting Shan, Jannelle, and Melmo and madness ensued. I also had one of the highlights of the year at the beginning of the month when Rex, Merrill and I went downtown and another highlight at the end of the month when Rob and I went to Detroit for the Royal Rumble. The Rumble was great, but Detroit is an absolutely awful city.
February: While subbing for my mom’s class, I realized I made the right decision to choose secondary education rather than elementary education. After one day of teaching a combined first and second grade class, I had the worst headache I have ever experienced. Again, I did not observe Valentine’s Day, but I did complete the 10000 crunch challenge.
March: I went to a teaching job fair, started to apply for jobs, and drank a lot of Shamrock shakes. I also stayed up for 40 hours straight once. I also hung out with Stay-C a couple times. Always great to hang with her.
April: I turned 22 and welcomed my sister and brother-in-law back to Illinois. I also embarked on a trip to D.C. and Florida with my friend Dan. The majority of the trip was great, as we saw our nation’s great landmarks as well as the Kennedy Space Center and some beautiful beaches, but I also had to endure the worst day of my life. To make a very long story short, let’s just say that I got awful sunburn, got stood up by the one person I went to Florida to see, lost my wallet and got treated like a terrorist at the airport, and endured a major personal space invasion on the flight back from St. Louis to Chicago.
May: Had the first of what would be many unsuccessful interviews with school districts. I kept filling out applications nonetheless. My brother-in-law shipped out to Afghanistan, so Heidi came back to live with us for an extended period. Unfortunately my cousin was not with us this summer, as I drove him to the airport for his flight to Washington to intern for Senator Burris. Stay-C also had a birthday party that was more fun than I expected.
June: This was a good month for catching up with old friends. Rob was actually back for the whole summer, and Merrill was back for a little while. We had some good times playing Rock Band. I got to see Pastor Scott a couple times, and it is always a positive experience hanging out with him. Had a really weird interview with a school district in which they never once told me what I was exactly interviewing for.
July: More unsuccessful interviews. Frustration began to mount. I had some good social experiences this month, though. Had great times with Rob at the Thunderbolts game as well as a trip to Cici’s where I finally got a chance to chat with my favorite Cardinal Fitness employee. I also snapped my string of awful experiences on July 12 when I had the opportunity to hang out with Melmo.
August: This was an awful month. I hit rock bottom. After the last of the unsuccessful interviews I was struck with an awful illness that kept me in bed for a couple days. Everything around me felt like it was crashing down. Reading “The Gift: You Ask and You Get” by David Dayan Fisher (shameless plug for a new friend: BUY THE BOOK NOW!!!!) really helped though. Things have happened, are happening, and will continue to happen. Much of them are uncontrollable, but reactions are a choice. I began to make the choice to react positively. At the end of the month, I moved from Orland back to Tinley.
September: I began my current position as a substitute teacher in a junior high school district. I was surprised to find I quite enjoy it, and even more surprised to find that the kids quite enjoy me! I obviously would like a full time position, but I guess sometimes dues need to be paid. I also finally got closure from an issue with a person.
October: More subbing; more fun. I was able to make it back to Richards for a football game. I can’t even begin to explain how great it is to visit there. Some of the greatest kids in the world can take pride in being a Bulldog. I also picked up SmackDown! vs. Raw 2010 and a PS3 and created some pretty sweet things.
November: I once again had the opportunity to go to Richards, this time for a playoff game. We unfortunately lost, but I loved cheering them on and really enjoyed the atmosphere. Thanksgiving wasn’t as great as I had hoped it to be, but I had a blast with Heidi and Andy at lunch that week.
December: We welcomed back my brother-in-law from Afghanistan, which is great for both him and my sister (though unfortunately it means we will be saying goodbye to both of them soon). Christmas was long but enjoyable, but by far my greatest achievement of the month was my first ever fantasy football championship. After falling short so many times, it feels great to finally succeed.
I would be lying if I said that this year was not a challenge. I would also be lying if I said this year was good, or even decent. For a lot of the year it felt like I was throwing stuff against the wall to see what would stick. My laundry list of goals for the year was only partially completed. I really need to thank the good friends I have, whether from face to face experiences or online as well as my family for being there for me. I am also thankful for the chances I had to connect with people like Shan, Jannelle, Melmo, Kacey, and David, because in one way or another you have helped to make me better (or at the least help me fix some of how I’ve been). For the most part, this year was an unmitigated failure. However, failure is not final, and it is not an option. I truly feel that the hardships of this year have set the groundwork for success in 2010. I am prepared to succeed. It’s time.
January: We welcomed a new addition to the family with my sister’s wedding at the beginning of the month. Unfortunately I had to say goodbye to the two of them for a couple months, as my brother-in-law is a Marine stationed in North Carolina. Met the ever-interesting Shan, Jannelle, and Melmo and madness ensued. I also had one of the highlights of the year at the beginning of the month when Rex, Merrill and I went downtown and another highlight at the end of the month when Rob and I went to Detroit for the Royal Rumble. The Rumble was great, but Detroit is an absolutely awful city.
February: While subbing for my mom’s class, I realized I made the right decision to choose secondary education rather than elementary education. After one day of teaching a combined first and second grade class, I had the worst headache I have ever experienced. Again, I did not observe Valentine’s Day, but I did complete the 10000 crunch challenge.
March: I went to a teaching job fair, started to apply for jobs, and drank a lot of Shamrock shakes. I also stayed up for 40 hours straight once. I also hung out with Stay-C a couple times. Always great to hang with her.
April: I turned 22 and welcomed my sister and brother-in-law back to Illinois. I also embarked on a trip to D.C. and Florida with my friend Dan. The majority of the trip was great, as we saw our nation’s great landmarks as well as the Kennedy Space Center and some beautiful beaches, but I also had to endure the worst day of my life. To make a very long story short, let’s just say that I got awful sunburn, got stood up by the one person I went to Florida to see, lost my wallet and got treated like a terrorist at the airport, and endured a major personal space invasion on the flight back from St. Louis to Chicago.
May: Had the first of what would be many unsuccessful interviews with school districts. I kept filling out applications nonetheless. My brother-in-law shipped out to Afghanistan, so Heidi came back to live with us for an extended period. Unfortunately my cousin was not with us this summer, as I drove him to the airport for his flight to Washington to intern for Senator Burris. Stay-C also had a birthday party that was more fun than I expected.
June: This was a good month for catching up with old friends. Rob was actually back for the whole summer, and Merrill was back for a little while. We had some good times playing Rock Band. I got to see Pastor Scott a couple times, and it is always a positive experience hanging out with him. Had a really weird interview with a school district in which they never once told me what I was exactly interviewing for.
July: More unsuccessful interviews. Frustration began to mount. I had some good social experiences this month, though. Had great times with Rob at the Thunderbolts game as well as a trip to Cici’s where I finally got a chance to chat with my favorite Cardinal Fitness employee. I also snapped my string of awful experiences on July 12 when I had the opportunity to hang out with Melmo.
August: This was an awful month. I hit rock bottom. After the last of the unsuccessful interviews I was struck with an awful illness that kept me in bed for a couple days. Everything around me felt like it was crashing down. Reading “The Gift: You Ask and You Get” by David Dayan Fisher (shameless plug for a new friend: BUY THE BOOK NOW!!!!) really helped though. Things have happened, are happening, and will continue to happen. Much of them are uncontrollable, but reactions are a choice. I began to make the choice to react positively. At the end of the month, I moved from Orland back to Tinley.
September: I began my current position as a substitute teacher in a junior high school district. I was surprised to find I quite enjoy it, and even more surprised to find that the kids quite enjoy me! I obviously would like a full time position, but I guess sometimes dues need to be paid. I also finally got closure from an issue with a person.
October: More subbing; more fun. I was able to make it back to Richards for a football game. I can’t even begin to explain how great it is to visit there. Some of the greatest kids in the world can take pride in being a Bulldog. I also picked up SmackDown! vs. Raw 2010 and a PS3 and created some pretty sweet things.
November: I once again had the opportunity to go to Richards, this time for a playoff game. We unfortunately lost, but I loved cheering them on and really enjoyed the atmosphere. Thanksgiving wasn’t as great as I had hoped it to be, but I had a blast with Heidi and Andy at lunch that week.
December: We welcomed back my brother-in-law from Afghanistan, which is great for both him and my sister (though unfortunately it means we will be saying goodbye to both of them soon). Christmas was long but enjoyable, but by far my greatest achievement of the month was my first ever fantasy football championship. After falling short so many times, it feels great to finally succeed.
I would be lying if I said that this year was not a challenge. I would also be lying if I said this year was good, or even decent. For a lot of the year it felt like I was throwing stuff against the wall to see what would stick. My laundry list of goals for the year was only partially completed. I really need to thank the good friends I have, whether from face to face experiences or online as well as my family for being there for me. I am also thankful for the chances I had to connect with people like Shan, Jannelle, Melmo, Kacey, and David, because in one way or another you have helped to make me better (or at the least help me fix some of how I’ve been). For the most part, this year was an unmitigated failure. However, failure is not final, and it is not an option. I truly feel that the hardships of this year have set the groundwork for success in 2010. I am prepared to succeed. It’s time.
Monday, December 28, 2009
On Uniforms, Communities, and Time Periods
And now, for something different….
My posts as of late have been pretty deep, and while I love that depth I am cognizant of the fact that it can be a little heavy for my readers (as well as for the writer). For this post and this post only, this will be a little bit of a lighter entry as it discusses two of my favorite subjects: sports and uniforms.
Maybe I’m looking at this too deeply, but I think you can learn a lot about a community by the uniforms its professional sports teams wears. As much as I hate Pittsburgh for Super Bowl XL and the continued success of the Penguins, the continuity in their uniforms across the board of black and yellow/gold symbolizes the unity present in the blue-collar community.
Conversely, take the large metropolises of the United States and you will see almost no continuity in logos or colors. Take Chicago for example. A few of the teams share red as a main color, and a few of the teams share black, but other than the Bulls and the Blackhawks, there is no continuity. Similar spectrums are found in New York and Los Angeles. In fact, if you take the ten largest cities in the United States and examine their sports teams, almost no continuity would be found outside of Houston (and their different uses of the color red could be classified as marginal continuity at best). The melting pot of colors is accurately representative of the diversity found in large cities.
I would be remiss if I failed to mention the city of Seattle. As most who know me can attest, I am quite the Seahawks fan, but my love for the Seahawks is mostly irrelevant to my love of Seattle uniforms. The city has not been afraid to take fashion risks. Sometimes these experiments flop, like the lime Seahawks uniforms they wore in a loss to the Chicago Bears this season. Others, like the current Mariners uniforms and the mid- to late-1990s Sonics uniforms were great because they stood out without being too extreme. I still personally believe those Sonics uniforms were the second greatest NBA uniforms of all time (behind the black pinstriped Bulls alternate uniforms during the same time period).
Finally, uniforms are indicative of the time period. The 1990s in particular was very experimental with its uniforms, creating color combinations and patterns (Vancouver Grizzlies) that were horribly unpleasing to the eyes. The NFL this decade has seen a shift towards sleeker, more intimidating uniforms with trimmed, modern-looking numbers and sectioned jerseys. The best part of sports uniforms is that they immediately alert the viewer to the era from which the event originally occurred (barring the use of any “throwback” uniforms) without having to know anything about the players.
Alright, let’s be honest. I just wanted to have an excuse to post these uniforms. Feast your eyes on some of my favorites.
The great Sonics uniform
These jerseys meant a 35 point victory was imminent
These didn't go over so well.
My posts as of late have been pretty deep, and while I love that depth I am cognizant of the fact that it can be a little heavy for my readers (as well as for the writer). For this post and this post only, this will be a little bit of a lighter entry as it discusses two of my favorite subjects: sports and uniforms.
Maybe I’m looking at this too deeply, but I think you can learn a lot about a community by the uniforms its professional sports teams wears. As much as I hate Pittsburgh for Super Bowl XL and the continued success of the Penguins, the continuity in their uniforms across the board of black and yellow/gold symbolizes the unity present in the blue-collar community.
Conversely, take the large metropolises of the United States and you will see almost no continuity in logos or colors. Take Chicago for example. A few of the teams share red as a main color, and a few of the teams share black, but other than the Bulls and the Blackhawks, there is no continuity. Similar spectrums are found in New York and Los Angeles. In fact, if you take the ten largest cities in the United States and examine their sports teams, almost no continuity would be found outside of Houston (and their different uses of the color red could be classified as marginal continuity at best). The melting pot of colors is accurately representative of the diversity found in large cities.
I would be remiss if I failed to mention the city of Seattle. As most who know me can attest, I am quite the Seahawks fan, but my love for the Seahawks is mostly irrelevant to my love of Seattle uniforms. The city has not been afraid to take fashion risks. Sometimes these experiments flop, like the lime Seahawks uniforms they wore in a loss to the Chicago Bears this season. Others, like the current Mariners uniforms and the mid- to late-1990s Sonics uniforms were great because they stood out without being too extreme. I still personally believe those Sonics uniforms were the second greatest NBA uniforms of all time (behind the black pinstriped Bulls alternate uniforms during the same time period).
Finally, uniforms are indicative of the time period. The 1990s in particular was very experimental with its uniforms, creating color combinations and patterns (Vancouver Grizzlies) that were horribly unpleasing to the eyes. The NFL this decade has seen a shift towards sleeker, more intimidating uniforms with trimmed, modern-looking numbers and sectioned jerseys. The best part of sports uniforms is that they immediately alert the viewer to the era from which the event originally occurred (barring the use of any “throwback” uniforms) without having to know anything about the players.
Alright, let’s be honest. I just wanted to have an excuse to post these uniforms. Feast your eyes on some of my favorites.
The great Sonics uniform
These jerseys meant a 35 point victory was imminent
These didn't go over so well.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Jimmy Football, Advertising Media, and the Mainstream Exploitation of Animals
I can’t seem to go a whole day without that “Jimmy Football” moron cluttering the airwaves, especially on Sunday afternoons. Most of the time I just roll my eyes at the ridiculous items he is advertising in his worst Billy Mays impression, but there was one item in particular that really bothered me: the Bud Light Tailgate Companion. Without transcribing the commercial for you, the item in question is more or less a bib to put on a dog so he or she can carry around condiments and like items. It made me sick. For just $4.99, you can use your dog to cart condiments to you without having to get your out of shape rear off the couch. This is unbelievable. As a society we have become ridiculously lazy, but there is not and never will be a reason that we need to use our pets to compensate for our laziness.
I tried to not let it bother me and just dismiss it in the latest edition in a long line of stupidity in the Jimmy Football ad campaign, but later that night, I saw another awful commercial. This time it was for the Yellow Pages. In this commercial, a group of people and their pets are waiting in the lobby of a veterinary facility. For some inexplicable reason an elderly woman has her bird sitting outside a cage and the bird is devoured by a large dog belonging to a young man. The tagline of the commercial then showed that the Yellow Pages can find help in any situation, including a lawyer. The act of killing the bird was heinous enough, but what made it worse was the young man’s apathetic attitude towards the loss of the woman’s pet.
Why has it come to this? Why has the exploitation of animals become a source of amusement? PETA is treated as more of a punchline than a positive, and hardcore activists are treated in the same vein as if they were lepers. Even in the case of Michael Vick (and let it be known that I do believe the man rightfully deserved a second chance), it bothers me that many were more prone to make jokes about him than be horrified at the activities that went down on his property. Maybe I’m taking these commercials too seriously, but I don’t see the comedy in them. I see the warning signs of a dangerous trend.
As I am writing this my cat sits under my bed. I would cause serious harm to anyone if they found humor if something were to happen to her, and I would never exploit her to serve my own laziness. I understand that most people would not do these things, but the message needs to get across that the exploitation of animals in those commercials as well as the Tailgate Companion will no longer be tolerated. I am not advocating veganism nor pushing anyone to attend Fur Free Friday. I personally will not be there. What I do encourage you to do is get involved in some small way, even if it’s something as small as taking extra time to play with your pet or changing the channel when that Jimmy Football idiot appears. Animals are our friends. Don’t turn your back on your friends.
I tried to not let it bother me and just dismiss it in the latest edition in a long line of stupidity in the Jimmy Football ad campaign, but later that night, I saw another awful commercial. This time it was for the Yellow Pages. In this commercial, a group of people and their pets are waiting in the lobby of a veterinary facility. For some inexplicable reason an elderly woman has her bird sitting outside a cage and the bird is devoured by a large dog belonging to a young man. The tagline of the commercial then showed that the Yellow Pages can find help in any situation, including a lawyer. The act of killing the bird was heinous enough, but what made it worse was the young man’s apathetic attitude towards the loss of the woman’s pet.
Why has it come to this? Why has the exploitation of animals become a source of amusement? PETA is treated as more of a punchline than a positive, and hardcore activists are treated in the same vein as if they were lepers. Even in the case of Michael Vick (and let it be known that I do believe the man rightfully deserved a second chance), it bothers me that many were more prone to make jokes about him than be horrified at the activities that went down on his property. Maybe I’m taking these commercials too seriously, but I don’t see the comedy in them. I see the warning signs of a dangerous trend.
As I am writing this my cat sits under my bed. I would cause serious harm to anyone if they found humor if something were to happen to her, and I would never exploit her to serve my own laziness. I understand that most people would not do these things, but the message needs to get across that the exploitation of animals in those commercials as well as the Tailgate Companion will no longer be tolerated. I am not advocating veganism nor pushing anyone to attend Fur Free Friday. I personally will not be there. What I do encourage you to do is get involved in some small way, even if it’s something as small as taking extra time to play with your pet or changing the channel when that Jimmy Football idiot appears. Animals are our friends. Don’t turn your back on your friends.
My friend Buttons reclining on my bed
Thursday, November 12, 2009
These are the best days.
“Tomorrow and yesterday always seem to be better than today until today becomes yesterday and tomorrow becomes today.”
I said this in conversation tonight with a good friend. We were discussing the glorified status of memories compared to their actual realities. For the most part, it is really true. We pontificate over the past to the point that memories become myths and our past is inflated to the point that our present can never compare. The good times we have are enjoyed the best after the fact.
The inflation is not reserved for positive memories. Molehills become Himalayan in size, and the trials and tribulations that we have been able to defeat become epic in our minds. Perception rarely accurately mirrors reality, but it is not a stretch to say that perception is closer to reality than memory.
Perhaps even more dangerous than inflated perception of the past is a heavy reliance on the future. The future is looked upon as a major crutch or even as a superpill. All of today’s problems can seemingly be erased by the simple phrase “It will all be better tomorrow.” I’m sorry, but not all the time will things be better all by themselves. Improvement takes action. I didn’t drop the weight I did by laying on the sofa with a bag of Cheetos on my gut. It is pretty well known by now that I had great success in the summer of 2008 in losing a lot of weight in a short amount of time. What is less known is that I tried to do the same thing in the summer of 2007 and failed. I wanted the results and I held to this all inclusive mythical power of “tomorrow”, but I did not take the right steps to improve myself. As long as we are living, we will have the future as a potential resource. It is our responsibility to use it when it becomes the present and not just talk about plans.
So why do we look so unfavorably on today? It is our most valuable resource. The past is an exhausted resource and the future is an unguaranteed resource. Improvement may not come right away, but proper utilization of today leads to positive tomorrows and rightfully positive memories of yesterday. Until we die, the present is something that can never be taken away from us. We can lose things, people, feelings….even our physical and mental capacity. But until our heart caves in, we cannot lose today. So why loathe something that is ours to use? Live, and love to live.
So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late
'Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives
-Graham Colton, “Best Days”
I said this in conversation tonight with a good friend. We were discussing the glorified status of memories compared to their actual realities. For the most part, it is really true. We pontificate over the past to the point that memories become myths and our past is inflated to the point that our present can never compare. The good times we have are enjoyed the best after the fact.
The inflation is not reserved for positive memories. Molehills become Himalayan in size, and the trials and tribulations that we have been able to defeat become epic in our minds. Perception rarely accurately mirrors reality, but it is not a stretch to say that perception is closer to reality than memory.
Perhaps even more dangerous than inflated perception of the past is a heavy reliance on the future. The future is looked upon as a major crutch or even as a superpill. All of today’s problems can seemingly be erased by the simple phrase “It will all be better tomorrow.” I’m sorry, but not all the time will things be better all by themselves. Improvement takes action. I didn’t drop the weight I did by laying on the sofa with a bag of Cheetos on my gut. It is pretty well known by now that I had great success in the summer of 2008 in losing a lot of weight in a short amount of time. What is less known is that I tried to do the same thing in the summer of 2007 and failed. I wanted the results and I held to this all inclusive mythical power of “tomorrow”, but I did not take the right steps to improve myself. As long as we are living, we will have the future as a potential resource. It is our responsibility to use it when it becomes the present and not just talk about plans.
So why do we look so unfavorably on today? It is our most valuable resource. The past is an exhausted resource and the future is an unguaranteed resource. Improvement may not come right away, but proper utilization of today leads to positive tomorrows and rightfully positive memories of yesterday. Until we die, the present is something that can never be taken away from us. We can lose things, people, feelings….even our physical and mental capacity. But until our heart caves in, we cannot lose today. So why loathe something that is ours to use? Live, and love to live.
So don't wait for someone to tell you it's too late
'Cause these are the best days
There's always something tomorrow
So I say let's make the best of tonight
Here comes the rest of our lives
-Graham Colton, “Best Days”
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
The Daily Battles of Relevance
Have you ever been fake for the sake of saving face?
-Cute is What We Aim For, "Do What You Do"
I have spent a sufficient amount of time and words detailing the broader "War of Relevance" here, so I will not recap any of it in this note. If you are curious, you can click the nifty little link and read for yourself.
Equally as important as the war of relevance are the daily battles of relevance. Just like the War of Relevance, these daily battles of relevance often appear innocuous and barely noticeable. They come in a variety of forms and can be potentially dangerous if ignored for too long.
Human beings have an inherent desire to belong. I am not trying to pass myself off as some sort of sage by stating that; it is a simple observation. What troubles me are the lengths that some take in their constant pursuit of belonging.
It starts out small, however. My home page on Facebook is often inundated by pop culture references. One person posts something, and it snowballs to thirty people posting the exact same thing: making reference to an event that had a minimal effect (if any) on their lives at all. Out of the 335 friends I have on here, I doubt that more than 10% could name ten NHL teams. Yet, while the Blackhawks made their run to the Western Conference finals, my main page was constantly plastered with pro-Blackhawks or anti-opponent messages, though most of them had not watched a game all season to that point. When Blink-182 announced their return to the music scene, there were all sorts of status updates made praising their return, one after another, until by the end these updates began to pour in from people who had no knowledge of the band past "Adam's Song" or "All the Small Things".
Posting status updates or Tweets to fit in with the crowd is not hurting anyone, so please do not take this as a personal crusade to eliminate such things. However, these are the beginning of a disturbing trend. Just as people feel the need to post something on Facebook to get the coveted "Like" notification, as a society we feel the need for approval, a need to have our real life "Like button" pressed. We begin to subtly alter who we are to fit into whatever group in which we desire membership. We start watching certain television shows or listening to certain bands so we have something to contribute to the conversation. We alter our speech or even our personal style so that it blends in better with the group. We allow ourselves to become increasingly generic. It is our membership fee for acceptance. The price for hollow victories in the daily battles of relevance is a vanilla society.
In my estimation, there are three general stances taken in these daily battles of relevance. First, there are those whom I discussed above. They are the ones who, to varying extents, allow their pursuit of acceptance to affect their individuality. Unfortunately for them, the pursuit of acceptance never ends, and there is no time for them to rest on their laurels.
The second group is that group who intentionally (and generally quite loudly) bucks the trend of societal norms. At first glance many of these seem to be true individualists and nonconformists, but after more detailed inspection many of them are banded together in a subculture of nonconformity. Embracing anything popular or "trendy" would be risking acceptance in this group. Those belonging to this group will shout their individuality at anyone within hearing range, but in reality, they are nothing more than the other side of the same coin.
The final group is truly inhabited by very few. This group acts not to please others, but to grow in themselves. They are not afraid to take risks or take stands, and though they may not always be right in these stands or risks, they rest well knowing that they were unabashedly themselves. These are the world-changers, the visionaries, the humanitarians. These are the ones who are less concerned with fleeting membership than they are in carving a legacy.
My intent is not to convince you to be part of any of these groups. Admittedly the last group was described in more glowing terms, but my goal is to encourage you to be happy. If you find happiness in feeling just like everyone else, go ahead and do that. If you find your comfort in the vocal minority do that. If you are comfortable in your own skin, then I encourage you to use that comfort to do great things. No matter how you fight these daily battles of relevance, I simply encourage you to not be afraid of being you and do what you do. Nobody can do it better than you.
-Cute is What We Aim For, "Do What You Do"
I have spent a sufficient amount of time and words detailing the broader "War of Relevance" here, so I will not recap any of it in this note. If you are curious, you can click the nifty little link and read for yourself.
Equally as important as the war of relevance are the daily battles of relevance. Just like the War of Relevance, these daily battles of relevance often appear innocuous and barely noticeable. They come in a variety of forms and can be potentially dangerous if ignored for too long.
Human beings have an inherent desire to belong. I am not trying to pass myself off as some sort of sage by stating that; it is a simple observation. What troubles me are the lengths that some take in their constant pursuit of belonging.
It starts out small, however. My home page on Facebook is often inundated by pop culture references. One person posts something, and it snowballs to thirty people posting the exact same thing: making reference to an event that had a minimal effect (if any) on their lives at all. Out of the 335 friends I have on here, I doubt that more than 10% could name ten NHL teams. Yet, while the Blackhawks made their run to the Western Conference finals, my main page was constantly plastered with pro-Blackhawks or anti-opponent messages, though most of them had not watched a game all season to that point. When Blink-182 announced their return to the music scene, there were all sorts of status updates made praising their return, one after another, until by the end these updates began to pour in from people who had no knowledge of the band past "Adam's Song" or "All the Small Things".
Posting status updates or Tweets to fit in with the crowd is not hurting anyone, so please do not take this as a personal crusade to eliminate such things. However, these are the beginning of a disturbing trend. Just as people feel the need to post something on Facebook to get the coveted "Like" notification, as a society we feel the need for approval, a need to have our real life "Like button" pressed. We begin to subtly alter who we are to fit into whatever group in which we desire membership. We start watching certain television shows or listening to certain bands so we have something to contribute to the conversation. We alter our speech or even our personal style so that it blends in better with the group. We allow ourselves to become increasingly generic. It is our membership fee for acceptance. The price for hollow victories in the daily battles of relevance is a vanilla society.
In my estimation, there are three general stances taken in these daily battles of relevance. First, there are those whom I discussed above. They are the ones who, to varying extents, allow their pursuit of acceptance to affect their individuality. Unfortunately for them, the pursuit of acceptance never ends, and there is no time for them to rest on their laurels.
The second group is that group who intentionally (and generally quite loudly) bucks the trend of societal norms. At first glance many of these seem to be true individualists and nonconformists, but after more detailed inspection many of them are banded together in a subculture of nonconformity. Embracing anything popular or "trendy" would be risking acceptance in this group. Those belonging to this group will shout their individuality at anyone within hearing range, but in reality, they are nothing more than the other side of the same coin.
The final group is truly inhabited by very few. This group acts not to please others, but to grow in themselves. They are not afraid to take risks or take stands, and though they may not always be right in these stands or risks, they rest well knowing that they were unabashedly themselves. These are the world-changers, the visionaries, the humanitarians. These are the ones who are less concerned with fleeting membership than they are in carving a legacy.
My intent is not to convince you to be part of any of these groups. Admittedly the last group was described in more glowing terms, but my goal is to encourage you to be happy. If you find happiness in feeling just like everyone else, go ahead and do that. If you find your comfort in the vocal minority do that. If you are comfortable in your own skin, then I encourage you to use that comfort to do great things. No matter how you fight these daily battles of relevance, I simply encourage you to not be afraid of being you and do what you do. Nobody can do it better than you.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Allow me to live in the past for a moment.
Today I was particularly reflective, a mood which only was magnified by hanging out with old friends and having a great time. While I am all about moving forward (especially in lieu of my last posting), there are many things and people I miss, good memories that I will always have. I decided to start thinking of a bunch off the top of my head and post them here. Hopefully some of these memories will bring back pleasant thoughts for you as well. Unlike my usual postings, this will primarily be in list form. If I tagged you in this note, you are relevant to one or more of the memories, which means I'm positively disposed to you.
And I still love the things I lost that brought me here
The things I hide behind to make up for the years
This is my heart, the rocking chair years
-"The Rocking Chair Years" by Day at the Fair
Things I Miss(in no particular order)
-Senior High Camp
-Bakers Square on 127th and Ridgeland
-Productive Fridays
-Countless rounds of Super Sudden Death in Super Smash Brothers: Melee
-Staying up all night retelling stories we've told hundreds of times
-ACSB AIM chats
-Rachael and Kim putting glitter on me and calling me Moonbeam
-Spanish 3, 2004-2005 schoolyear
-High school football games with Bob and Rob
-Aldo's Xena scream at Convention 2004
-Porch baseball with Heidi and Andy
-Convos with SJT
-The many sorts of conversations I had with Katie
-Whirlyball
-Junior Year Lunch with Brian Lyons, Murdock, Dirker, and Mike Nelin
-Talking up my Seahawks every Monday(and laughing at a certain older gentleman) in Latin American History
-Tuesday chats with Stacie while she was working downtown
-Tropicana Peach Papaya
-Random middle of the night phone calls from Shannon
-Core, the fact my guys and I were always put in the same small group, and the great leaders we had
-Junior High Church
-Being almost as close to the girls from Stone as I was to the guys
-Any class taught by Dr. Tuttle or Dr. Knowles
-Techno Tuesdays
-Wreaking havoc at Super Target with Nick (and bothering Liz)
-Yearlong poke battles and keeping things "HQ"
-Having a chapel buddy
-Learning how to drive with my dad
-Bowling and Pizza Hut with Dan
-SummerJam at PBC
Wow, it felt good to remember. I wouldn't be where I am today without these things, and without dwelling on them, hopefully I can use these memories to positively fuel me in the present and future. For the past is not to be discarded nor used as a crutch, but it is a resource for growth and learning.
And I still love the things I lost that brought me here
The things I hide behind to make up for the years
This is my heart, the rocking chair years
-"The Rocking Chair Years" by Day at the Fair
Things I Miss(in no particular order)
-Senior High Camp
-Bakers Square on 127th and Ridgeland
-Productive Fridays
-Countless rounds of Super Sudden Death in Super Smash Brothers: Melee
-Staying up all night retelling stories we've told hundreds of times
-ACSB AIM chats
-Rachael and Kim putting glitter on me and calling me Moonbeam
-Spanish 3, 2004-2005 schoolyear
-High school football games with Bob and Rob
-Aldo's Xena scream at Convention 2004
-Porch baseball with Heidi and Andy
-Convos with SJT
-The many sorts of conversations I had with Katie
-Whirlyball
-Junior Year Lunch with Brian Lyons, Murdock, Dirker, and Mike Nelin
-Talking up my Seahawks every Monday(and laughing at a certain older gentleman) in Latin American History
-Tuesday chats with Stacie while she was working downtown
-Tropicana Peach Papaya
-Random middle of the night phone calls from Shannon
-Core, the fact my guys and I were always put in the same small group, and the great leaders we had
-Junior High Church
-Being almost as close to the girls from Stone as I was to the guys
-Any class taught by Dr. Tuttle or Dr. Knowles
-Techno Tuesdays
-Wreaking havoc at Super Target with Nick (and bothering Liz)
-Yearlong poke battles and keeping things "HQ"
-Having a chapel buddy
-Learning how to drive with my dad
-Bowling and Pizza Hut with Dan
-SummerJam at PBC
Wow, it felt good to remember. I wouldn't be where I am today without these things, and without dwelling on them, hopefully I can use these memories to positively fuel me in the present and future. For the past is not to be discarded nor used as a crutch, but it is a resource for growth and learning.
How we survive is what makes us who we are.
Through two events in the past twenty four hours I finally came to the conclusion there has been a prodigious chasm between who I've been and who I need to be. While they are not the usual events that would get me to reconsider my attitude and behavior (as they were a dream and a song), they both served their purpose.
First of all, it would be appropriate to share the dream. Lately I have mostly had nightmares where I am teaching and things horribly fail or that someone is trying to kill me and/or jack my car. I am sure some dream experts could analyze me and figure out why those themes have continued to occur, but they are irrelevant to the purpose of this. Last night's dream was unpleasant, but it was different.
In the dream, I was on vacation with my four closest friends and at a party not unlike a grad party which I will be attending in a few weeks. While there, I was my typical snarky self and made a snide remark about one of the guys there (for those who know me well, you know exactly the kind of comment I'd make). In all honesty, it mirrored real life, because I haven't always been the biggest fan of the guy... clash of personalities. That said, in the dream he took offense to what I said and responded fiercely, and in response to that I more or less crossed a lot of lines in telling him off. It was very public and embarrassing to those who were around. When I returned to the hotel, there was a note from my friends saying "We can't be around you if you're going to be like this. You aren't who you used to be. Sorry." I was stung with the loss of one of the few things I still had going for me, and woke up.
Still thinking about that dream, I went to work out this afternoon while listening to my "Best of Rise Against" mix CD. The track "Survive" came on (as a disclaimer, if you are going to listen to the track, find a clean version...they're a bit strong in the original), and the chorus played.
Life for you has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive is what makes us who we are
It finally hit me. I have spent far too long whining about things instead of dealing with them. Life isn't great, but who am I to think that my life is worse than that of anyone else? Why am I so pompous to believe that the magnitude of my struggles are significantly greater than those around me? It is time to stop being a jerk, to stop feeling sorry for myself, and to let go. I need to admit my losses instead of continually trying to salvage unwinnable situations. It's time for less whining and more surviving.
First of all, it would be appropriate to share the dream. Lately I have mostly had nightmares where I am teaching and things horribly fail or that someone is trying to kill me and/or jack my car. I am sure some dream experts could analyze me and figure out why those themes have continued to occur, but they are irrelevant to the purpose of this. Last night's dream was unpleasant, but it was different.
In the dream, I was on vacation with my four closest friends and at a party not unlike a grad party which I will be attending in a few weeks. While there, I was my typical snarky self and made a snide remark about one of the guys there (for those who know me well, you know exactly the kind of comment I'd make). In all honesty, it mirrored real life, because I haven't always been the biggest fan of the guy... clash of personalities. That said, in the dream he took offense to what I said and responded fiercely, and in response to that I more or less crossed a lot of lines in telling him off. It was very public and embarrassing to those who were around. When I returned to the hotel, there was a note from my friends saying "We can't be around you if you're going to be like this. You aren't who you used to be. Sorry." I was stung with the loss of one of the few things I still had going for me, and woke up.
Still thinking about that dream, I went to work out this afternoon while listening to my "Best of Rise Against" mix CD. The track "Survive" came on (as a disclaimer, if you are going to listen to the track, find a clean version...they're a bit strong in the original), and the chorus played.
Life for you has been less than kind
So take a number, stand in line
We've all been sorry, we've all been hurt
But how we survive is what makes us who we are
It finally hit me. I have spent far too long whining about things instead of dealing with them. Life isn't great, but who am I to think that my life is worse than that of anyone else? Why am I so pompous to believe that the magnitude of my struggles are significantly greater than those around me? It is time to stop being a jerk, to stop feeling sorry for myself, and to let go. I need to admit my losses instead of continually trying to salvage unwinnable situations. It's time for less whining and more surviving.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Concerning the Domino Effect
The Domino Effect: One innocuous event influences another until nothing is quite as it was.
If we took the time to closely examine our lives, we would most likely find that components of our current lives can trace their lineage to an event, minute or grandiose, which previously occurred. Quite often these initial events seem unobtrusive, but upon closer inspection serve as catalysts for large things.
Lately I have taken the time to take a look at where I am now as well as the route it took me to get to this point. Some large decisions understandably influenced many things. Since I was not victorious in the Founder's Scholarship competition at Trinity Christian in February 2005, I ultimately decided to take the money Olivet was offering me. Thanks to deciding to go to Olivet, many dominoes fell as a result. Aside from the obvious fact that I would not have met the people I did at ONU if I did not attend the school, I also would not have worked at Target, because my class schedule at Trinity would not have been as compact. The placements I had for observations as well as student teaching likely would have differed both in their location and timing, and I would not have met the people that I did.
Small events that have occurred in my life have also set the groundwork for momentous occasions. Were it not for my cousin Andy going to Belgium last year, I would not have gone to Florida this spring. Since telephone communication would have been impractical, I bought a webcam and used Skype to communicate. Because I had a webcam, I decided to give Stickam a try, met Shannon in January, and decided to go to Florida as a result. If my cousin had stayed at U of I that semester, none of that would have likely happened.
Likewise, if my initial teaching observation had not bounced around from school to school, I may never have lost weight last year. Winding up at Bremen led to a student passing me a school newspaper, which led to me searching a girl on MySpace, which led to a friendship and eventual failed romantic pursuit, which led to her telling me that she was not physically attracted to me, which led to me killing myself at the gym 6-7 days a week last summer. While my initial motives were not the most upstanding (and they eventually changed), it can be argued that the groundwork for my weight loss began in March 2006.
While the domino effect is a very intriguing phenomenon, it unfortunately can be manipulated to be used as a replacement for personal responsibility. Too often we push aside any blame for failures or mistakes on events which previously occurred. Trust me, I have done it myself. For years, I claimed that my pursuit of Becky Jackson in 2000 failed because I was sabotaged by those who introduced me to her. While that may or may not have happened, the fact of the matter is that I was a creep who called and hung up 20 times. Those saboteurs did not put a gun to my head to force me to do that. While the dominoes fell to get me to that point, the ultimate decision was made by me.
While this was less coherent than I would have liked (and trust me, the ideas I had in the shower when I were thinking this up were so much greater, but alas I had no pen or paper), what I believe I am trying to convey is that the domino effect is an amazing phenomenon, but it is not immune to human responsibility. For the most part, we can positively or negatively affect our situations. No sense letting life simulate itself. Time to win or lose.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Second Verse, Same as the First
Here I am, now 22 years old in 2009, feeling very much as I did a year ago. While I look much different than my April 2008 counterpart and some of the settings have not changed, I find myself in similar situations.
When I was a senior in high school my math teacher, the legendary Larry Maday, introduced us to the function machine. It was, in his words, “a crude machine, but a reliable one.” No matter what, if you insert an x into the machine, a y would emerge from the other end. While that was the last math class I have taken, the lesson of the function machine has continued to serve me in practical situations.
April 2009 has been very similar to 2008. I face uncertainty regarding which school I will teach history to students. I also have put myself in a relational pursuit that does not seem geared to my particular drive and abilities. I will be completely honest. Last year, I was not happy. Things did not go as I would have liked. Sure, some things turned out decently in the end, but the journey to get to that point was not enjoyable.
When faced with these situations, I initially forgot the lesson of the function machine. I put in the same x as I always have and was surprised to be consistently met with y after y as a result. Stubbornly I have used the same modus operandi and continue to be met with the same failure, hoping that just once I will break through. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that it is some sort of admirable drive or determination but rather arrogance… or worse, insanity.
So what do I do? Ultimately I have to attack things differently, or the lessons I learned in 2008 will have been in vain. I no longer will settle for failure, for being a punch line, or for being treated consistently worse than I deserve. It is time to regroup and time for reinvention.
When I was a senior in high school my math teacher, the legendary Larry Maday, introduced us to the function machine. It was, in his words, “a crude machine, but a reliable one.” No matter what, if you insert an x into the machine, a y would emerge from the other end. While that was the last math class I have taken, the lesson of the function machine has continued to serve me in practical situations.
April 2009 has been very similar to 2008. I face uncertainty regarding which school I will teach history to students. I also have put myself in a relational pursuit that does not seem geared to my particular drive and abilities. I will be completely honest. Last year, I was not happy. Things did not go as I would have liked. Sure, some things turned out decently in the end, but the journey to get to that point was not enjoyable.
When faced with these situations, I initially forgot the lesson of the function machine. I put in the same x as I always have and was surprised to be consistently met with y after y as a result. Stubbornly I have used the same modus operandi and continue to be met with the same failure, hoping that just once I will break through. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that it is some sort of admirable drive or determination but rather arrogance… or worse, insanity.
So what do I do? Ultimately I have to attack things differently, or the lessons I learned in 2008 will have been in vain. I no longer will settle for failure, for being a punch line, or for being treated consistently worse than I deserve. It is time to regroup and time for reinvention.
A function machine similar to the Maday model.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Waiting for Spring
About five years ago while I was at my friend Rob’s house playing Risk he had his typical techno playlist in the background. A song came by an artist named Scooter entitled “Waiting for Spring”. The contents of the song and my positive feelings toward the song are irrelevant for this post, but that thought has stuck with me… the idea of waiting for spring.
Those of you who know me well probably know that my favorite seasons are in descending order. Spring is my favorite, followed by summer, fall, and winter. I absolutely loathe winter. The cold, the snow, the miserable feeling, and the inevitable sickness are all things I could do without. Conversely, I love spring. The return of green to the landscape, the warming of the temperature, and even spring rains all serve to create a positive feeling inside. The feeling that cold misery is being replaced by a fresh start is such a joyful feeling for me.
In looking back to my three favorite years (2000, 2003, and 2004), a common thread in each was an amazing spring. In 2000, I had my first real crush and an amazing 13th Birthday Party. In 2003, winter was marred by an ugly feud and a falling out with my youth group. With spring came a new relationship with a girl, reconciliation with an old friend, and a different youth group that was exactly what I needed. Spring 2003 set the stage for the greatest summer of my life. In 2004 I was plagued with sickness and unpopularity at high school due to my own stupidity. When spring arrived I finally started to take responsibility for my own actions, and the rest of 2004 was incredible.
That brings us to 2009. This year has not gone as smoothly as I would have preferred thus far, though I have no measurable complaints. I am just getting over my winter sickness, and I anxiously await the arrival of spring. There are so many great things on the horizon. Soon enough I will have the opportunity to see old friends once again. I am on the brink of achieving my main goal of full time employment (which I am so excited for) as well as possibly a new relationship. It is time for new beginnings and great successes!
That said, I am waiting for spring. Perhaps more than any other spring in my life, I anxiously await the new beginnings. Viva Spring!
Those of you who know me well probably know that my favorite seasons are in descending order. Spring is my favorite, followed by summer, fall, and winter. I absolutely loathe winter. The cold, the snow, the miserable feeling, and the inevitable sickness are all things I could do without. Conversely, I love spring. The return of green to the landscape, the warming of the temperature, and even spring rains all serve to create a positive feeling inside. The feeling that cold misery is being replaced by a fresh start is such a joyful feeling for me.
In looking back to my three favorite years (2000, 2003, and 2004), a common thread in each was an amazing spring. In 2000, I had my first real crush and an amazing 13th Birthday Party. In 2003, winter was marred by an ugly feud and a falling out with my youth group. With spring came a new relationship with a girl, reconciliation with an old friend, and a different youth group that was exactly what I needed. Spring 2003 set the stage for the greatest summer of my life. In 2004 I was plagued with sickness and unpopularity at high school due to my own stupidity. When spring arrived I finally started to take responsibility for my own actions, and the rest of 2004 was incredible.
That brings us to 2009. This year has not gone as smoothly as I would have preferred thus far, though I have no measurable complaints. I am just getting over my winter sickness, and I anxiously await the arrival of spring. There are so many great things on the horizon. Soon enough I will have the opportunity to see old friends once again. I am on the brink of achieving my main goal of full time employment (which I am so excited for) as well as possibly a new relationship. It is time for new beginnings and great successes!
That said, I am waiting for spring. Perhaps more than any other spring in my life, I anxiously await the new beginnings. Viva Spring!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Anti V-Day Post, Version 4.0
Those of you who know me well should not be surprised by this entry. In fact, it is one of the few traditions I still hold to. This is going to be different than in years past.
Let’s set a few things straight. I am not here to lament my current situation, nor am I going to cry over the spilt milk of my past pursuits. In fact, I am going to man up and take responsibility for each and every one of my previous failures. They were all undeniably my fault. Over the course of time I have been guilty of being shy, creepy, awkward, pushy, over-the-top, and overbearing. I do not deny any of these allegations. Unfortunately they were an unwanted side effect of growing up. A lot of them have finally gone away, and the wool is off my eyes so I can admit that I was guilty of a lot of foolishness. I am thankful for that at least.
Outside of the two-edged sword that is being Jakob Duehr, there have been other reasons for my failures. A large one is the notion that I have pursued people that were absolutely wrong for me. The past 18 months I have more or less run the gauntlet of people that I had no reason of involving myself with. I’m not saying that they are awful people or scum of the earth or anything like that. However, their current situations and views were utterly incompatible with mine, and I was a complete idiot for thinking otherwise. Again, I take all responsibility for it.
My current situation really is not all that awful. I can talk to potential interests without coming across as a total loser these days, and there’s a certain confidence that accompanies me these days. I no longer fear failure, as I have tasted its venom and have managed to survive. I even met someone pretty exciting a little while back. Though I am growing increasingly frustrated by the lack of contact I have had with this new someone as of late, I am definitely interested in seeing where it takes me, if anywhere.
All that I have written above brings me to the fourteenth day of February. I am not so arrogant to suggest that the holiday on that date be abolished. I don’t really mind all the jewelry commercials, and I’m sure the candy stores and florists don’t mind the temporary boost in sales. However, the day serves as a bitter pill for me. It is a 24 hour reminder that where I am in that facet of my life does not match where I would like to be. In some cases, it is a reminder that others have what I wanted.
Lastly, don’t even think of commenting this with “the right one is out there for you somewhere”. I know that, so don’t bother telling me that. It’s not an issue of if. I’m just not all that excited about waiting.
Let’s set a few things straight. I am not here to lament my current situation, nor am I going to cry over the spilt milk of my past pursuits. In fact, I am going to man up and take responsibility for each and every one of my previous failures. They were all undeniably my fault. Over the course of time I have been guilty of being shy, creepy, awkward, pushy, over-the-top, and overbearing. I do not deny any of these allegations. Unfortunately they were an unwanted side effect of growing up. A lot of them have finally gone away, and the wool is off my eyes so I can admit that I was guilty of a lot of foolishness. I am thankful for that at least.
Outside of the two-edged sword that is being Jakob Duehr, there have been other reasons for my failures. A large one is the notion that I have pursued people that were absolutely wrong for me. The past 18 months I have more or less run the gauntlet of people that I had no reason of involving myself with. I’m not saying that they are awful people or scum of the earth or anything like that. However, their current situations and views were utterly incompatible with mine, and I was a complete idiot for thinking otherwise. Again, I take all responsibility for it.
My current situation really is not all that awful. I can talk to potential interests without coming across as a total loser these days, and there’s a certain confidence that accompanies me these days. I no longer fear failure, as I have tasted its venom and have managed to survive. I even met someone pretty exciting a little while back. Though I am growing increasingly frustrated by the lack of contact I have had with this new someone as of late, I am definitely interested in seeing where it takes me, if anywhere.
All that I have written above brings me to the fourteenth day of February. I am not so arrogant to suggest that the holiday on that date be abolished. I don’t really mind all the jewelry commercials, and I’m sure the candy stores and florists don’t mind the temporary boost in sales. However, the day serves as a bitter pill for me. It is a 24 hour reminder that where I am in that facet of my life does not match where I would like to be. In some cases, it is a reminder that others have what I wanted.
Lastly, don’t even think of commenting this with “the right one is out there for you somewhere”. I know that, so don’t bother telling me that. It’s not an issue of if. I’m just not all that excited about waiting.
Something I saw in one of the aforementioned jewelry commercials
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Resolve, Fortitude, Honor
I have an astonishingly good track record of keeping my New Year's Resolutions. In 2003, I learned how to do the Worm. In 2007, I completed six of the seven steps for self-optimization, and the only one I did not complete (bring weight to below 190 pounds) became my resolution for 2008. That goal was shattered by over 20 pounds by my 61 pound weight loss.
Based on that high degree of success, I have decided to go on the attack this year. Simply making one resolution or setting one goal for 2009 is just not appropriate. Therefore, I have decided to make resolutions in nine different areas of my life. I have taken these nine areas and made at least one goal in each area. Without further ado, these are my goals for 2009.
Physical Goals
-Possess the ability to complete 10,000 crunches in one sitting. At this point I am able to do 3,500 crunches, so I am getting there. It is a test of fortitude and resolve, but should I complete it, I probably will be well on my way to my next goal.
-Get an abdominal six-pack. I am so much closer to that than I was nine months ago, but there is still some work to be done.
-If I achieve success in both those areas with a sufficient amount of time remaining in the year, I will add the goal of 333 push-ups in one sitting.
Maturity/Adulthood Goals
Since I am now a college graduate soon to live on my own, I need to increase my self-sufficiency. As such, there are some things I need to learn how to do.
-Learn how to do my laundry. Yes, I have much to learn in this area.
-Become more proactive in keeping my space clean.
-Become a better cook. I can boil water and put stuff in the oven and microwave. I'd like to be able to have one go-to meal so that I can impress my friends, family, and future significant other with my culinary skills.
Professional Goal
-Attain a full-time teaching job. I have a degree; it is time to use it. It's as simple as that.
Social Goals
-Maintain the friendships I have. I have been blessed to have been surrounded by some absolutely amazing people. It is my job to ensure things stay that way.
-Make five new friends. You can never have too many friends. It is time to expand my friendly horizons by adding at least five friends. Only two of them can be met via the internet or other electronic means (I have met one so far).
Appearance Goals
-Continue to find myself in how I present myself. I've branched out and started to dress more "me" instead of how I thought I was supposed to dress.
-Add another tattoo or get the labret pierced (which has always been an interest of mine) while maintaining the professionalism required of a rookie teacher.
Dating Goals
-Have one fulfilling dating relationship. I would definitely enjoy having a young lady to spend my time with who has the ability to make me happy and complement my strengths and weaknesses. Distance is not an issue; the ability to connect is.
-Change the way I've gone about dating in the past. Scale down the intensity other than when necessary. Take each day at a time, and walk away before making a fool out of myself by overreacting. Make use of every opportunity to let her know how amazing she is without giving an illusion of objectification.
Personality Goals
-Minimize fear of failure. Leave no stone unturned in terms of life and its risks. You never know unless you try.
-Learn how to effectively use sarcasm. I tend to overdo it and hurt feelings. I am going to do my best to be more caring.
Philosophical Goals
-Complete development of "Relevant Christianity" worldview. I am in the process of composing the components for my belief system to better explain it when asked by others. Once I've completed it, I'll probably be better equipped to live it.
-Read three books of a philosophical or metaphysical theme. Actually, I plan on reading one classic philosophical work, one modern philosophical work, and one metaphysical work. Whether I end up agreeing with what I read is irrelevant. It is just a way to broaden my horizons.
Miscellaneous Goals and Achievements
-Go on a road trip. I've been dreaming up a road trip to go with one of my buddies on that will take us down the East Coast. It would be amazing if it happened. I just need to get out of Illinois, as I have not departed the state in nearly five years.
-Take a camping trip. This is unrelated to the road trip. I have the physical capacity to camp now and am no longer afraid of the outdoors. I wimped out on too many things during my teen years. It is time to live.
-If I have a [specific] girlfriend, take her on the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier in Chicago. If I don't have said g/f, this goal is irrelevant. However, if I do, this is a must.
I am putting a lot on my plate this year. I know it. I'm a big boy now. II can only succeed as high as I aim. I will keep you updated on the status of my goals throughout the year. For once in my life, I am not afraid to live. Here's a line from one of my favorite songs.
I will breathe in and know what it feels to feel alive. I'm alive.
-Day at the Fair, "Monday Morning"
2009: Failure is Not an Option
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