Each dumb decision leads to harsh consequences

What went down last night:

In carefully considering my options, I decided that my course of action was to go to the dance by myself and hope to meet up with her there. I forgot a little promise that I made multiple times; I said the only way I would go to the dance is if I had her as a date. When I arrived, nobody (including my closest friends) expected me to come. Imagine the look you'd get if you were told your best friend had just died in a car crash, and that was the look that she and her friends got when they saw me here. Neither she nor myself had a date. In some strange twist of fate, our outfits actually matched, although that might have been due to the fact that I had long been ranting about how I wanted my date to wear pink. The crazy thing is that her pink was the exact same shade of pink as my tie.

As the dance progressed, we still hadn't danced yet, and I was getting more than my share of dirty looks. I was getting fairly annoyed. I actually walked out on a friend of mine while we were slow-dancing because I saw her dancing with another guy. My efforts to dance with her were continually thwarted, so I allowed that mutual male friend to attempt to do his magic and save the last dance for her and myself.

When the last dance (which was "I Need You Now", I believe) started, he went over to talk with her and asked her to dance with me. She refused. He begged and pleaded, and with a pained expression, she persuaded him to leave her alone. He called her some unkind names and returned back to me very dejected. I wound up sitting that last dance out, and she wound up dancing with one of her best female friends. Suffice to say, I don't think either of us had the night we were looking to have, and I got exactly what I deserved. To make matters worse, when I left to go out to eat afterwards with some friends, I turned on the radio and Gloria Estefan's "Everlasting Love" started playing. I must admit that the song set me off and I shed a sum total of two tears due to my demise.

Morals of story: Jakob is not as good of a guy as some think he is; she hurts people who hurt her; Jakob is now working on a note to her to try to improve relations. One thing is for sure, though: two broken hearts are tough to mend.

I don't know how to take risks

Well, tomorrow is our winter dance, and the events I will soon tell took place in the last month leading up to today.

I am months from graduating high school, and I have never attended a school dance. By some strange twist of fate, I have gained immense popularity this year, and numerous people have pleaded with me to go to the dance. All along I said I wasn't going to go without a date, and there was one girl in particular I had my sights on. I've had a crush on her all year. In the last few weeks, I've turned down five offers from five different female friends to go with them to the dance because I said I'd only go if I could get the aforementioned crush. Then yesterday, the unthinkable happened.

I was sitting in my Spanish class talking to a mutual male friend of the crush and myself. I finally divulged to him my interest in her, and he shared it with her two best friends who also happened to be in my Spanish class. It turned out she didn't have a date either, and I was to be her savior. I decided that I would ask her, but not right away, since I still had a day and a half remaining. I told enough people about my intentions that it eventually reached her, and to my knowledge, both she and her friends were relatively excited.

When today rolled around, I totally tweaked out. I did not even speak to her, let alone ask her to the dance, even though I clearly stated that morning that I was going to do so. I was feeling worse for myself until I saw her talking to one of her friends. He asked her what had come of the day, and her response was "Absolutely nothing. But, that's life. What can I do?" That comment and the look on her face left an impression on me far worse than if I had asked her and she said no. The fact that I hurt someone just to ensure that I wouldn't be rejected makes me a spineless jerk.