My World, My Words: December 2015

Many traditions come and go. However, some traditions stand the test of time. As I have grown, I have relinquished many of my personal traditions. However, my “Year in Review” post still stands. Though there was an unexpected delay in posting, this is the 12th (!!) edition of this post, and it remains an important exercise in introspection. 2015 was a unique year. As usual, there will be a month-by-month rundown of the year with some closing thoughts about the year as a whole

January: 2015 displayed its bipolar nature almost from the start. I had the opportunity to see my friend Dan for the first time in nearly three years, but I also got sick twice over the course of the month. For a few days I was virtually without a voice. Mrs. Balfour and I were informed the day we returned from break that we were going to be moved into a special education classroom. The rapport we had built with our students for an entire semester was gone, and we were forced to start from scratch. The Seahawks completed an improbable run to the Super Bowl by making one of the greatest comebacks in playoff history over the Packers. I officially completed grad school and achieved my goal of graduating with a 4.0 grade point average. It felt like things in my life were about to fall into place (from a personal standpoint, at least).

February: February could not be classified as anything less than a massive disappointment. My Seahawks were in position to win their second consecutive Super Bowl were it not for a poorly called and executed play that lost them the game. My obsessive nature put perhaps the final nail in the coffin of a pursuit with someone I cared about very much and thought I was going to date. Work was physically and emotionally draining.

March: I wish I could say that this month was the month that I got my act together and turned things around. It wasn’t. However, some very good things happened. My sister gave birth to an absolutely beautiful baby girl and I became an uncle for the first time. Since my parents went out to North Carolina to spend a few weeks with them, I was the only one from my immediate family in Illinois for a few weeks. I was pleased with myself for how well I handled responsibilities and independence. I met a number of new people this month. Unfortunately, I also injured my knee when I was chased by a dog during one of my runs. This injury completely threw off my workout regimen and I gradually got out of shape. However, the month ended on a strong note, as I had the opportunity to watch WrestleMania with my uncle and aunt and took a road trip to North Carolina to meet my niece for the first time.

April: I know that people were beginning to worry about me at this time, and in retrospect, I really could have gone either way. My obsession with life having to go the way I wanted it to go was beginning to consume me. I had fun times this month, such as dinner with Merrill, a day in South Carolina with E~! and Matt, and WWE Extreme Rules. Yet, because I was so consumed with my pursuit of Kim, I could not derive real pleasure from any of these experiences. I didn’t even enjoy my birthday because all I could do was sit around and hope that she would remember. When all I got was a “Happy birthday” on Facebook (no punctuation and not even a capitalized “B” for Birthday), it crushed me. Things had to change. I had to change. I wasn’t ready to do this yet, however.

May: I wrapped up what would (spoilers) eventually be my final year at AAA Academy by actually getting to watch the graduation instead of guarding the far door. That evening, I flew to Portland for the wedding of one of my longtime friends, Zach. I can honestly say that wedding was a once in a lifetime experience and that I will probably never experience another wedding quite like that. Following the wedding, I finally had the opportunity to meet Victoria for Voodoo Doughnuts (a Portland specialty). The following day, I drove up to Seattle to see Rob and Rex. For one day, I felt like I was a kid again. Even though my flight was cancelled and I had to spend the night at the airport in Portland, my heart felt full for the first time in a long time. I had my first interview for a job for the following school year, and even though it did not go my way, I was excited and encouraged for what was to come.

June: This month was full of job interviews. I knew that my Master’s Degree was paying dividends, as I had significantly more interest from schools as a teaching candidate than in previous years. It was fascinating and insightful to see how different schools conducted their interview process as well as the qualities that they were looking for in their future employees. I also had the opportunity to catch a baseball game with the Prosapio family. It was an amazing experience to sit back and tell stories about Katie and how much she meant to me as well as where our lives have taken us in the past few years. I also had the opportunity to take a trip to Minnesota to see my friend Shannon, who I had not seen in five years.

July: July 4, 2015. That is the day my life changed. I mentioned in April that I was starting to show signs of cracking. Though I didn’t mention anything about that in May and June, I had not really made any great improvement. Kim wasn’t interested in me. She moved on to someone else. I had to accept the reality that was in front of me. To that point, I wasn’t ready to accept my reality. I finally realized that in order to rebuild myself, I must first be broken. I engaged in one of my infamous Twitter rants because I needed to be freed of all that. Should I have been hurtful? Absolutely not. However, I did what I needed to do for myself at the time. Once I learned to not fear failure, my life turned around. I had more job interviews and finally obtained the public school teaching job that had eluded me for the better part of a decade. I attended the graduation ceremony for my completion of grad school. I went back to North Carolina to see Heidi, Randy, and Hadley and had all the fun I didn’t allow myself to have when I went in spring. I saw Merrill as well as E~! and Matt, and I really allowed myself to enjoy myself.

August: I got started at my new job. I hadn’t even unpacked from my Carolina trip when it was time to go in for an orientation for new teachers. That was a long and exhausting week, but it introduced me to many colleagues with whom I legitimately enjoy working. I learned more about the teaching position and the job I was supposed to do. The course I teach is only a nine week course, so I got my first batch of students that week. I can honestly say those students were a pleasure to teach, and they helped me get my feet wet at a new job.

September: I said goodbye to an old friend whilst simultaneously continuing my ascent in the world when I traded my 2005 Chevy Cobalt for a 2015 Kia Optima EX. I finally had an “adult” job, so it was time to get a vehicle that matched. I began to allow myself to be open to whatever life was going to throw at me, so I actually started dating again. Though the dates did not ultimately lead to a relationship, it was good to get back on the saddle.

October: I finished the first quarter and got a new group of students. The Cubs made the playoffs, and I enjoyed watching their games. I went to Six Flags for the first time in a number of years (on one of the aforementioned dates). Perhaps what I am most proud of is the fact that I allowed someone back into my life that many of my friends were afraid was going to ruin all the progress I had made. However, I knew that I needed to know if I had truly grown and the best way of doing that was by testing myself. Ultimately, I know that I passed that test with flying colors. I no longer look at life as what I wish it would be. I recognize the reality that is in front of me. When that reality can be changed, I challenge it, but I am cognizant to my limitations and aware that some battles are not worth fighting.

November: I had the opportunity to see Shannon again, this time in Chicago. It is always a great time when we spend time with one another. For the first time in my life, I spent Thanksgiving outside of Illinois, as I drove with my parents to Maryland to spend the holiday with Heidi, Randy, and Hadley. It is amazing to watch my niece grow and see how intelligent and intuitive she is. She definitely will not need to get by solely on her looks; she has a brain to match. The Seahawks finally started to turn things around and ended the month by beating the Steelers in a victory which proved quite profitable to me.

December: I wrapped the calendar year on a relatively high note. Christmas did not wind up being what we thought it was going to be, but it was an enjoyable Christmas nonetheless. My sister’s family wound up coming back to Illinois for the holidays, and it was great to spend a week with Hadley and see how much she had grown even in the three weeks since Thanksgiving. My computer unfortunately died on Christmas Day, and as I was foolish and did not have my hard drive backed up, I lost everything. While that part was frustrating, I had my health. I had gained some weight over the course of 2015 due in part to some nagging injuries but also due to declining motivation thanks to other frustrations and disappointments in my life. I finally took control back and found my motivation within. Physical fitness is always a process, but I can proudly say that I have worked myself into better condition than I have been in a long time.

Closing Thoughts
2015 reminded me of 2008 in so many ways, from the initial romantic failures to new jobs to cheap gas prices to about a dozen things in between. 2015 had some crushing defeats, yet I look back on this year and see it as a distinct victory. Things in my life finally began to happen. I got that job I waited so long for. I got a new car. I wrapped up another degree. But most importantly, I regained control of myself. My job can be stressful, but I feel less stressed than I have in years. I no longer feel like my life is this race against the clock, where I have to reach certain milestones by certain checkpoints or my life is a waste. I am content to let things in life come to me when they supposed to instead of relentlessly pursuing them and exasperating myself and others in the process.

Being an uncle has definitely mellowed me out. I find myself not saying or doing a number of things that I would have done in the past because I want Hadley to see me as someone to be proud of. I absolutely enjoy being her uncle, and I can say that having her around is the best thing that happened to me in 2015.

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank a number of people this year. From my immediate family for putting up with me on a daily basis, I have to thank Ken and SJT for reading all sorts of nonsense and enduring all the times I tried to read into things. I thank everyone who took the time out of their lives to spend time with me this year: Dan, Rex, Rob, Merrill, Victoria, Erika, Matt, Shannon, and Brittany. Thank you to Zach for thinking enough of me to put me in your wedding and to my Aunt Dianna for the many dinners and hours of conversation challenging me to extend myself farther than I believed I was capable. And thank you Jannelle for always allowing me to be part of your life and making me feel special

Thank you to all the new people in my life, both those I’ve met online and in person. Thank you to Lindsey for being a good workout buddy and better friend. Thanks Maegan for letting me sit by you at the reception (you have great taste in baby names, by the way). Thank you Missy for helping me put myself out there again. Thank you to Myrna, Jenn, and Ashley for teaching me that amazing people can be found virtually anywhere, and thank you for believing in me as much as I believe in each one of you. Thank you Michael for giving me that work camaraderie that I have not had since my days at Target.
I don’t know where 2016 will directly take me, but I’ve got big plans. Life is ascending, and I’m ready to launch into something even greater.

My World, My Words

Thursday, December 31, 2015

2015 in Review

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

2015 in List Form

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