A while back, I watched a video of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. reading a reflective letter he had written to his younger self. I was very moved by it, and I really liked the idea. Though I am still a relatively young man, I believe that I have learned enough over the past number of years to do something similar for myself. However, I am not merely limiting myself to one letter. Over the next year or so, I will be writing a few of these letters to myself at different ages, allowing me to reflect on my life in smaller chunks. This is the fourth and finall installment in the series.
Letter to Jakob Duehr: To be received August 29, 2005
Dear Jakob,
You have made it through the most difficult summer of your life to date. I know how miserable things have been, and I know you've felt it was your responsibility to hold things together as everything fell apart around you. All things considered, you did a good job, and you're a good kid.
Tomorrow starts the next chapter in your life. Things are going to change like crazy the next few years. You are going to start college, and the day after that, you are going to start your very first job. By the time September 2007 rolls around, you won't even be living in Tinley Park anymore! It's not going to be easy. You are going to have to work harder than you've ever worked before, and you are going to have to do it without your friends. Believe me when I tell you this: it gets better. Your first semester of college will be your toughest semester by far. The workload won't be an issue. You've always been a bright kid. But balancing school work with your job will be tough. Many Sunday nights you will not get home from work until 2:15. Then you'll get up for school at 5:30. You'll get 3 A's and 2 B+'s this semester. That will actually be the worst semester you have for all of college.
Let's talk a little about your time at Target. You will always realize that your time there was never meant to be long-term. At times, that will affect your work ethic. I wish I could say that you gave it your all at all times, but you didn't really put it together unless you felt particularly motivated. You'll bounce from department to department until you finally end up on a team with other like-minded people. After that first semester, you'll never have to close again. In fact, you'll spend the majority of your Target career getting up very early and working until the early afternoon. You'll like this, and you'll actually make some pretty good friends. You'll even go to a WWE event with a few of them!
As I said, college won't be an issue. Did you put forth a good effort? Certainly. Could you have given a little more? Probably. You will spend most of your college career in pursuit of a Summa Cum Laude graduation. To get that, you need to graduate with a 3.8 GPA. You wind up at 3.792. Yeah, falling just short doesn't just happen in high school. But ultimately you will enjoy college, make a few good friends, and learn from some great professors. They'll get to know you because you're always the first to class.
Things aren't all good for the next 3+ years, though. The Seahawks will make it to the Super Bowl. I know you're thinking right now, "Future Jakob, how in the world is THAT a bad thing?" Notice that I said that they made it to a Super Bowl. They lost, and it will upset you for a very long time. But that isn't what will haunt you most about that day. Everyone who knows you well knows that you love your Seahawks. Katie will call you during halftime of the game, and because you're frustrated with the score, you'll be a little short in the conversation. Not rude, just short. Cherish that conversation. It will be the last conversation the two of you ever have.
After Katie passes away, you begin to take comfort in food. In the month after her death, you will gain twenty pounds. That is not an exaggeration. You go from being average to being overweight. You have to start wearing 36x34 pants, and even those will be snug. Since you've never been much of a fan of physical activity, the weight will stay on and continue to grow for the entirety of your college career. In 2007, you'll try to lose that weight. You will fail. In 2008, you will try again. Fortunately, you will succeed far greater than you could even imagine.
Your love life is going to be nonexistent. You never have much luck with any of the girls from school, so you spend a good portion of your college years pursuing old camp flames. Neither of them want to or will want to date you, but you and I have never been great at dealing in reality, so you ignore the warning signs. You'll feel heartache and heartbreak again and again.
During your college career, you will have to observe at a number of schools. This will be great practice for student teaching (I should also mention that you really get behind the teaching profession because you fall out of love with politics by late 2006). You'll even meet someone. During your first observation experience, you'll still be eighteen years old. Someone will give you a newspaper, and you will see a mini-feature about a cute, quirky girl. Being the strange dude that you are, you'll add her on MySpace and you guys really hit it off. Eventually, you'll fall for her. She'll have none of it, and you two will lock horns frequently. She'll tell you that she's not attracted to you. There's your inspiration for losing weight. Oh, you guys never wind up together, but you do eventually become friends again.
Your friends won't always be around, but they will be there for you when you need them. You will go through stretches where you don't see or hear from some of them for an extended period of time, but you'll always know they care, and in many ways, it will prepare you for when they move away for good in the early 2010s. You'll learn a lot about yourself during this time. You'll soon realize that even if you don't necessarily understand someone's lifestyle choices, that shouldn't affect how much you care for them as a person. We are different people, and that is what makes us great. You actually become a lot less judgmental during this time.
Your college career won't be easy, but you'll make it. You always do. If there's anything I wish you could've learned sooner, it's to believe in yourself and to put forth your best effort at all times. Just because something is difficult doesn't mean it isn't worthwhile. You'll walk out of college a lot stronger than when you walked in. Thank your family and friends for that.
All the best,
Jakob Duehr, 2013 edition
