Alright, so this year is coming to a merciful close. There wasn't a hugely compelling reason to hate the year, but for the most part I definitely didn't enjoy it. In fact, as far as this decade goes, the only year I liked less was 2005. It's not to say this year didn't have its moments, but the good things took a lot of work. Well, with all that said, here it goes. It won't be as detailed as in previous years because there's honestly a lot I've forgotten.
January: Started the year off with my guys. It was a good time. Went down to Champaign to watch the Royal Rumble. New semester. Big fight with a girl.
February: I was working at Target the day the Lane Bryant shooting happened across the lot. Scary stuff. Also started observations at Lincoln-Way Central.
March: Surprise early birthday party. Resolved the fight of January. Student teaching placement bounced from school to school
April: 21st Birthday. Being straightedge I did not partake in any drinking. Give me snide comments if you wish. End of my last normal semester as a student.
May: Began weight loss. Got my first tattoo. Went to Cubs game and odd concert at O'Malley's. Started the month 230 pounds. Ended at 217.
June: Work actually started getting fun again. Fell out of favor with a friend. (Turned out it wasn't my fault) Continued weight loss. Ended month at 204 pounds.
July: My cousin got back from Europe. Fun times at the grandparents' pool. Retired from Target. Ended month at 188 pounds.
August: Student teaching at Richards began. Completed my 50 pounds of weight loss (I would go on to lose another 11 to end at 169 pounds, the lightest I've been since January 2002).
September: Got deeper into student teaching. Started connecting with the kids. Went to a wedding.
October: Intense student teaching. Kicked my rear to the point I was going to bed at 9:30.
November: Ended student teaching. The kids were amazing, and I absolutely miss them.
December: Waiting for my paperwork for graduation and certification to process. Got to see a lot of old friends. Possibly on the brink of some new things.
So all in all the year was tough. The glories of getting in shape and student teaching did not come without hard work and sacrifice. 2009 I know will bring a lot of changes. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't apprehensive, but I am anxious to get out of this year.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, April 21, 2008
The War of Relevance
Sometimes it seems life is nothing more than a constant fight. These battles take a variety of shapes and forms. Some of us have to fight physical battles, whether in an actual scuffle with another or due to a disease or infirmity. Some fight mental and emotional battles, whether in relationships, personal willpower, and other psychological issues. Then there are battles that each of us fight which are neither inherently physical or emotional. One such battle is against time. Much has been written about that, so I'm not going to waste my time repeating what has already been said, other than reiterating that the battle against time can never be truly won, only manipulated.
Another battle that each of us fights but not all of us take the time to consider is the war of relevance. We can lose relevance by over-activity, under-activity, and no activity at all. One day we can be of utmost relevance, and the very next expendable.
Case in point: I was bored the other night, so I read some old instant message conversations between myself and a female friend of mine. I don't know why I did it. Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. Nonetheless, I started with some conversations from last October and November and read up to the big fight we had in January. At the time, I thought I had lost relevance due to the big fight, but in re-reading the words of my life, I realized that I had lost relevance about a month before that. Apparently, for whatever reason, I must have fulfilled my full purpose in her life, and I was rendered irrelevant, an entrenchment of which I seriously doubt I will ever escape, no matter what I say or do or how much I care about her.
Now that case was a bit extreme, but think about it. How many friends did you have three years ago that you don't speak to now? Practically everyone I went to high school with I lost contact with. Once graduation came, the war of relevance came, and I lost.
Even with my closest friends, things have evolved from hanging out almost every day in 2003 to being lucky if we talk once a week now. In this case, have we lost relevance with each other? I wouldn't say that. Actually, it would seem that our seeing each other is now irrelevant to our friendship because we've progressed to that point of trust and knowing each other.
So what happens when we try to fight the war of relevance? Often, the results are not pretty. We strive so hard to revive what once was that we sacrifice the present and the future. Not only that, but we compromise who we are and who we are becoming. Sometimes, it's worth that fight, but other times it is not.
I say all of that to inform you that you are fighting a battle (and most likely losing) every day. In this case, it's not always a bad thing to lose, nor is it necessarily a good thing to win. It is an inevitable component of life, and while it can be painful, it can also lead to progress.
Another battle that each of us fights but not all of us take the time to consider is the war of relevance. We can lose relevance by over-activity, under-activity, and no activity at all. One day we can be of utmost relevance, and the very next expendable.
Case in point: I was bored the other night, so I read some old instant message conversations between myself and a female friend of mine. I don't know why I did it. Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment. Nonetheless, I started with some conversations from last October and November and read up to the big fight we had in January. At the time, I thought I had lost relevance due to the big fight, but in re-reading the words of my life, I realized that I had lost relevance about a month before that. Apparently, for whatever reason, I must have fulfilled my full purpose in her life, and I was rendered irrelevant, an entrenchment of which I seriously doubt I will ever escape, no matter what I say or do or how much I care about her.
Now that case was a bit extreme, but think about it. How many friends did you have three years ago that you don't speak to now? Practically everyone I went to high school with I lost contact with. Once graduation came, the war of relevance came, and I lost.
Even with my closest friends, things have evolved from hanging out almost every day in 2003 to being lucky if we talk once a week now. In this case, have we lost relevance with each other? I wouldn't say that. Actually, it would seem that our seeing each other is now irrelevant to our friendship because we've progressed to that point of trust and knowing each other.
So what happens when we try to fight the war of relevance? Often, the results are not pretty. We strive so hard to revive what once was that we sacrifice the present and the future. Not only that, but we compromise who we are and who we are becoming. Sometimes, it's worth that fight, but other times it is not.
I say all of that to inform you that you are fighting a battle (and most likely losing) every day. In this case, it's not always a bad thing to lose, nor is it necessarily a good thing to win. It is an inevitable component of life, and while it can be painful, it can also lead to progress.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
The Obligatory Annual Anti-Valentine's Day Post
Heh, I didn't think my first blog of 2008 would be on this subject, but life tends to throw more than its share of surprises and bitter pills. It has been my tradition as the years have gone by to lament my romantic plights in the middle of February, and sadly, this year is no different.
They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Well, I guess I'm insane. I have been experiencing the same mistakes over and over again for the last eight years, ever since I had my first real crush whom I met two days after Valentine's Day 2000.
Now, don't get me wrong... I've actually come a long way. I don't call people and hang up or have people bother other people via AIM anymore, but I am prone to blunder. My romantic mistakes generally come from one or more of these three areas:
1) I believe that the young lady is out of my league, and I begin to press, thinking that I have to do something big to gain her attention and affection. This never works, and I wind up falling flat on my face and looking like a creep.
2) I take a skewed view of reality and only choose to look at things in a favorable light for myself. I wind up telling everyone around these positive things, but they are so used to my quixotic views that the only person surprised at my eventual failure is myself.
3) I don't listen. For whatever reason, I tend to believe that I know exactly what ladies need, and I kill myself trying to provide this. More often than not I am providing the exact opposite of what she needs, and I continue to be so arrogant in my abilities that I obliviously sever all ties.
I thought things would be different this year, but it was not meant to be. In immediate retrospect, it looks like I just recently failed in all three of those areas. It's hard when you have to press so much for just a first chance.
So, I guess I'm at a crossroads. Do I utilize the familiar tried-and-failed formula yet again, or do I try something new? Something's got to give. Check back V-Day 2009 for the results.
They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Well, I guess I'm insane. I have been experiencing the same mistakes over and over again for the last eight years, ever since I had my first real crush whom I met two days after Valentine's Day 2000.
Now, don't get me wrong... I've actually come a long way. I don't call people and hang up or have people bother other people via AIM anymore, but I am prone to blunder. My romantic mistakes generally come from one or more of these three areas:
1) I believe that the young lady is out of my league, and I begin to press, thinking that I have to do something big to gain her attention and affection. This never works, and I wind up falling flat on my face and looking like a creep.
2) I take a skewed view of reality and only choose to look at things in a favorable light for myself. I wind up telling everyone around these positive things, but they are so used to my quixotic views that the only person surprised at my eventual failure is myself.
3) I don't listen. For whatever reason, I tend to believe that I know exactly what ladies need, and I kill myself trying to provide this. More often than not I am providing the exact opposite of what she needs, and I continue to be so arrogant in my abilities that I obliviously sever all ties.
I thought things would be different this year, but it was not meant to be. In immediate retrospect, it looks like I just recently failed in all three of those areas. It's hard when you have to press so much for just a first chance.
So, I guess I'm at a crossroads. Do I utilize the familiar tried-and-failed formula yet again, or do I try something new? Something's got to give. Check back V-Day 2009 for the results.
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