This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.
After four and a half months, this series is finally coming to a close. I knew from the beginning of the series that I was going to end with a piece on expectation, but I delayed the writing of said piece until I had the proper amount of inspiration for it.
For sake of this piece, I feel it necessary to delineate expectation from standards. There is nothing wrong with setting standards, or desired results for a person or group to achieve in a specific situation. I would never tell any of you to stop setting standards. I even wrote a piece on the fine line between being a settler and being a malcontent. Go check it out when you’re done with this piece.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, expectation is an unruly beast. Whether we intend to or not, we bestow expectations on most everything: our behavior, others’ behaviors, how enjoyable a situation or event will be, and even the goings-on of that event or situation. Before anything happens, we inevitably play out a myriad of scenarios in our minds. We are often so consumed by our expectations of something that it completely ruins the experience for us. Instead of living in the moment, we internally choreograph the moment. It never works.
I have spent way too much time talking about my Florida trip, so I will not pile page upon redundant page on you. Let me state, however, that everything that happened to me was awful, but it would not have been as awful had I not placed unfair expectations on the trip. I planned to go to Florida and win a girl’s heart. Never mind that we had spent the greater part of the last month fighting. Never mind that she’s a bit of a flake. I burdened myself and the trip with lofty objectives and failed miserably.
Since that debacle, I have had the opportunity to meet a number of internet friends. I have clicked with some better than others. In hindsight, I realized that the best experiences were the ones in which I placed no expectations on the event. Taking the time to simply enjoy the company of a friend is far better than any dream scenario I could cook up.
This past week I got the chance to finally meet a young woman who I pursued (and failed miserably with) at this time in 2010. If I would’ve met her last year, I would have been burdened with all sorts of expectations for myself, for her, and for the experience and would not have enjoyed myself because I would have been a nervous wreck. Because I went into seeing her with no expectations, I had a great time, and that time spent with her lives on in my heart and mind as one of my finest memories.
It should come as no surprise that the best experience I had at camp was in 2004, when my expectations were at an all time low. On the other hand, my expectations were so high for my last year of camp (2005) that the week failed to even be enjoyable in the slightest. Expectation influences enjoyability.
I do my best work in life in the absence of expectation. If I create expectations (not standards) for myself, there is an increased potential for me to cave under the pressure. If others bestow expectations on me (and verbalize them), being the pain in the rear that I am, I do not respond favorably. I know that others have not appreciated the expectations I have heaped upon them.
I write all of this because I not only have gone to war with expectation, but I also refuse to believe in it. Setting standards are good, but setting expectations are not. There is nothing wrong with hoping for a desired result. We have our wants, and we should not deprive ourselves of such. To expect our hopes to come to fruition is naïve at best and delusional at worst. Reality rarely mirrors imagination – and that is not a bad thing. We are so desire-centric that we often fail to look at things appropriately. What is supposed to be will be. Enjoy the journey. Enjoy experiences for what they are. Live life with an abundance of hope and an absence of expectation.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Living Life by the Rules
Sorry for the slight delay between posts. My apologia was rather lengthy, and after something as honest and emotionally charged as it was, I was burned out. That said, I am just as excited about being able to present this post to you, because it is one I have wanted to write for two years.
Many of you know that my favorite television show is NCIS. In that show, the lead character, Agent Gibbs, has a list of fifty rules which he lives by and expects his team members to follow. I was particularly fascinated by that concept and began internally compiling my own list of rules. I have kept most of them in my head over that course of time but thought it was time to write them down and share with all of you. After learning so much about me in the last post, I feel that this post goes hand in hand with the apologia. Enjoy.
1. Respect all. Like some. Trust few.
2. If something happens once, it MAY happen twice. If it happens twice, it WILL happen a third time.
3. Always have a reason for doing what you do. Have multiple reasons whenever you can.
4. Never let milestones become millstones. Don’t focus so much on the end result to the point you despise the journey.
5. Desire determines destiny. If you want something, go and get it.
6. What someone has to say is more important than the hair or piercings on their face, the amount of tattoos they have, or what they are wearing when they say it.
7. Bring your A-Game at all times. There is no substitute.
8. Sometimes, you’re wrong. Admit it and move on.
9. Never allow yourself more than 48 hours to be upset about any one situation. Two days is ample time to recover.
10. Keep your enemies at a manageable number. If you happen to make a new enemy, do everything you can to resolve things with another enemy.
11. Whatever you do, do not mess up the first impression you make on anyone. It cannot be undone.
12. Do not worry about the chapters of others’ lives that you are not in. The only thing that can come of it is unnecessary stress.
13. Forgive immediately, but be wary in terms of rebuilding trust.
14. Go out of your way to treat others well. It does not guarantee that they will treat you well, but they will think twice about treating you badly.
15. Choose your words carefully. The fewer you use, the more weight they carry.
16. In whatever you do, seek balance.
17. Never be content in settling.
18. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and the ones you’re unsure of closest of all.
19. Be of sound body and mind.
20. Be transparent and honest about the things that don’t matter. If you do that, others will respect your privacy on the things that do.
21. Everything is better with music.
22. Anything without purpose is pointless.
23. Reality is the mean average of the sum of all perception. Remember that 1000 people can see the same thing 1000 different ways, and none of them could be completely correct.
24. It is always better to know than to wonder “What if?”
25. Things happen. Adapt accordingly.
26. The fewer people you involve in an issue the better.
27. Use decorum appropriate to your surroundings. That is not compromising yourself; that is being smart.
28. Questioning what you are told is not rebellion. It is doing your due diligence.
29. Never ignore past lessons. Anything from the present can be related to something from the past.
30. Time nudges open some of the doors we thought were closed for good.
31. Avoid burning bridges. It is easier to cross a bridge than to rebuild one.
32. Accept every bitter pill with grace and humility.
33. Be sharpened by your successes and refined by your failures.
34. If you think something is over, it usually is not.
35. Never forget those who helped you get from where you were to where you are.
36. The worst sort of opinion is an unsolicited one.
37. The concepts of good and evil are sometimes easier to grasp when viewed as ends and not means. It allows for more wiggle room.
38. Knowing your enemy is important, but most of all, know yourself.
39. Being “nice” can lead to harder feelings in the long term than being honest.
40. It is better to deal with people with a finesse approach rather than a power approach.
41. What is supposed to be, will be.
42. The best help you can give to another is to help in preventing them from making the same mistakes you once made.
43. Be cognizant of both your strengths and your weaknesses.
44. Just has you have changed over time, so have others. Give them the same chances you deserve from others.
45. In a matchup of natural vs. contrived, natural wins 100% of the time.
46. Believe most of what you see, some of what you hear, and very little that you encounter over the internet.
47. Know where you are and where you want to be. Once you have that figured out, map a route to getting to where you want to be. Enlist the services of anyone who can be of aid.
48. Attention one draws to oneself can never compare to deserved attention showered upon them by others.
49. Sometimes, you have to wait.
50. Be who you are. Do what you do. Accept that some will not like it. Smile and keep going.
Many of you know that my favorite television show is NCIS. In that show, the lead character, Agent Gibbs, has a list of fifty rules which he lives by and expects his team members to follow. I was particularly fascinated by that concept and began internally compiling my own list of rules. I have kept most of them in my head over that course of time but thought it was time to write them down and share with all of you. After learning so much about me in the last post, I feel that this post goes hand in hand with the apologia. Enjoy.
1. Respect all. Like some. Trust few.
2. If something happens once, it MAY happen twice. If it happens twice, it WILL happen a third time.
3. Always have a reason for doing what you do. Have multiple reasons whenever you can.
4. Never let milestones become millstones. Don’t focus so much on the end result to the point you despise the journey.
5. Desire determines destiny. If you want something, go and get it.
6. What someone has to say is more important than the hair or piercings on their face, the amount of tattoos they have, or what they are wearing when they say it.
7. Bring your A-Game at all times. There is no substitute.
8. Sometimes, you’re wrong. Admit it and move on.
9. Never allow yourself more than 48 hours to be upset about any one situation. Two days is ample time to recover.
10. Keep your enemies at a manageable number. If you happen to make a new enemy, do everything you can to resolve things with another enemy.
11. Whatever you do, do not mess up the first impression you make on anyone. It cannot be undone.
12. Do not worry about the chapters of others’ lives that you are not in. The only thing that can come of it is unnecessary stress.
13. Forgive immediately, but be wary in terms of rebuilding trust.
14. Go out of your way to treat others well. It does not guarantee that they will treat you well, but they will think twice about treating you badly.
15. Choose your words carefully. The fewer you use, the more weight they carry.
16. In whatever you do, seek balance.
17. Never be content in settling.
18. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and the ones you’re unsure of closest of all.
19. Be of sound body and mind.
20. Be transparent and honest about the things that don’t matter. If you do that, others will respect your privacy on the things that do.
21. Everything is better with music.
22. Anything without purpose is pointless.
23. Reality is the mean average of the sum of all perception. Remember that 1000 people can see the same thing 1000 different ways, and none of them could be completely correct.
24. It is always better to know than to wonder “What if?”
25. Things happen. Adapt accordingly.
26. The fewer people you involve in an issue the better.
27. Use decorum appropriate to your surroundings. That is not compromising yourself; that is being smart.
28. Questioning what you are told is not rebellion. It is doing your due diligence.
29. Never ignore past lessons. Anything from the present can be related to something from the past.
30. Time nudges open some of the doors we thought were closed for good.
31. Avoid burning bridges. It is easier to cross a bridge than to rebuild one.
32. Accept every bitter pill with grace and humility.
33. Be sharpened by your successes and refined by your failures.
34. If you think something is over, it usually is not.
35. Never forget those who helped you get from where you were to where you are.
36. The worst sort of opinion is an unsolicited one.
37. The concepts of good and evil are sometimes easier to grasp when viewed as ends and not means. It allows for more wiggle room.
38. Knowing your enemy is important, but most of all, know yourself.
39. Being “nice” can lead to harder feelings in the long term than being honest.
40. It is better to deal with people with a finesse approach rather than a power approach.
41. What is supposed to be, will be.
42. The best help you can give to another is to help in preventing them from making the same mistakes you once made.
43. Be cognizant of both your strengths and your weaknesses.
44. Just has you have changed over time, so have others. Give them the same chances you deserve from others.
45. In a matchup of natural vs. contrived, natural wins 100% of the time.
46. Believe most of what you see, some of what you hear, and very little that you encounter over the internet.
47. Know where you are and where you want to be. Once you have that figured out, map a route to getting to where you want to be. Enlist the services of anyone who can be of aid.
48. Attention one draws to oneself can never compare to deserved attention showered upon them by others.
49. Sometimes, you have to wait.
50. Be who you are. Do what you do. Accept that some will not like it. Smile and keep going.
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