The Fine Line between Being a Settler or a Malcontent

Quite often I think about whether I am a “glass half empty” or “glass half full” sort of person. I look at my life and worry about whether or not I am a malcontent. (Mind you, I do not worry about whether others view me as a malcontent because I am not trifled by others’ interpretation of me.) The more I think about it, the difference between being pleased and being dissatisfied is not all that great.

Our satisfaction is related to the standards we set for ourselves. Those of you who know me well know that I have long lamented falling just short on the ACT. Had I gotten one more question correct I would have gained a full ride to ONU. Instead, I got a partial academic scholarship. The amount of money that I lost by that one question eats away at me on a fairly regular basis. I understand that the money I did receive is great. I really do. Don’t think that I am an ingrate. I simply set high standards for myself and am disappointed that I did not meet them.

Four years after beginning my collegiate career with a disappointment I ended it with one as well. I missed graduating summa cum laude by 8 thousandths of a grade point. Again, I am not intending to belittle those grades. I had an objective in mind and was displeased at falling short.

After reading the previous paragraphs, you may think that I am a malcontent. Let’s look at the other end of the spectrum. A little while back I was talking to a friend of mine about her new boyfriend. She proceeded to tell me a multitude of problems about this relationship, but she ended it with “…but I’m so happy with him.” I was shocked by that last part. I could not understand how she could be happy after detailing the things she had. It seemed to me she was settling.

When I thought about this later, I compared it to her previous relationships. Things in the past were not always very good. The problems she was having were nothing compared to what she had already endured in the past. Based on those things and her own knowledge of what she can or cannot withstand, she has formulated her own standards.

Our contentment is a product of these standards. Related to the “Confidence and Ability” post from last month, our ability (or the ability of others) often correlates to the standards we set for ourselves (or for them). Our past does as well. Based on who we are and who we were, we set standards for who we aspire to be. Based on our interpretation of where we are, we react thusly. Depending on our reaction, we can be perceived as either a settler (one whose standards are set too low) or a malcontent (one whose standards are set too high).

I do not believe these perceptions are fair. As long as someone is not telling others what their standards should be, each of us is entitled to our sets of standards. We are neither settlers nor malcontents. We know both where we are and where we want to be, and we will not be pleased until we move from Point A to Point B.

Can Anybody Find Me Somebody to Love?

(NOTE: The title of this piece is tongue-in-cheek because I heard the song this morning. It does not, by any means, imply a deeper or greater desperation on my part to have something romantic at this instant, nor does it indicate a desire to be set up by anyone. I’m quite picky.)

It is that time of the year. Winter has disgustingly set in, and “love” is in the air. It is also the time of year for my anti-Valentine’s Day blog. It is one of the many traditions I keep. For those of you wondering of my other traditions, they will be revealed at a later point this year. That’s not what this is about, though, so it is time to carry on.

This year is different. I am not going to lament previous failures nor ponder which of those failures was my fault and which were the faults of the other parties. That is both irrelevant and unproductive at this point. I am sincerely happy for those previous failures who have found love elsewhere. They deserve it. However, this is about me and not about them.

I may have finally found a common thread in all those that I pursued in the past, other than their ridiculously large eyes (admittedly I’m a sucker for big eyes). For the most part I have involved myself with individuals who for one reason or another were largely unattainable. For all my outward desire to have what others had there was an underlying aversion to commitment. Granted, I probably would’ve committed to them, but I didn’t have to, making it easier and lending proof to the notion that I valued the “chase” above the “catch”.

Things are changing in my life. I am feeling more and more grown up, and while I do not necessarily enjoy feeling grown up I do recognize it as a necessary evil. I also recognize that though I am a fairly motivated individual there are times that I need that little extra push to get from where I am to where I want to be. My weight, aversion to using the telephone, and general fear of failure were conquered both directly and indirectly thanks to some great young women in my life.

While I am actually fairly confident in my eventual success this year in a rather lengthy pursuit I have made, I am not actively seeking “love”, “happiness”, or whatever some would like to call it. It will happen, but it is more likely to happen in spite of me rather than because of me. I anxiously await the future. What is meant to be will be. What is not meant to be will not.