A Note to My (Soon to be) 13 Year Old Self

A little while back, I watched a video of Dale Earnhardt, Jr. reading a reflective letter he had written to his younger self. I was very moved by it, and I really liked the idea. Though I am still a relatively young man, I believe that I have learned enough over the past number of years to do something similar for myself. However, I am not merely limiting myself to one letter. Over the next year or so, I will be writing a few of these letters to myself at different ages, allowing me to reflect on my life in smaller chunks. This is the second in the series.

Letter to Jakob Duehr: to be received February 16, 2000

Dear Jakob.

Today is going to be a pretty big day for you. No, it's not because you kicked a home run in kickball at recess. It's also not because you FINALLY unlocked Captain Falcon in Super Smash Bros (don't worry, kid... you'll get better at video games as you get older). No, today is a special day. You're going to look back on today as the day that your life really began, the day the "Modern Era" of your life commenced. Today you are going to meet your first adolescent crush. She is going to be amazing. She'll be the one to finally make you forget about your Beverley Mitchell pipe dream. All of a sudden you are going to stop feeling like a little kid and start feeling like a teenager.

I'm not going to spoil too much of your life in this letter. I'm only going to give you enough information to get you through the summer of 2001. Over the next year or so, life is going to be pretty easy. Enjoy it. Take advantage of it. You're going to finish up your career at Stone on a high note. Cherish those days, because you will never like school nearly as much as you like Stone. Not only will you have that time at school, but you are also going to leave Christian Hills and return to Stone for church. This is a great thing for you, as it will bring you that much closer to Rob, Dan, and eventually Rex.

You just finished up your first year of basketball, and you worked your way up from bench-warmer to starter. I know how hard you worked to get to that point. I know that you wish that athletics came half as easily as academics. But you're going to keep at it, and you will get better. In eighth grade, you will start nearly every game AND be named the team's Most Improved Player. Good job, kid. You earned it.

Things aren't all roses, though. You're going to experience your first taste of heartbreak. Get used to it. It becomes a recurring theme for us. Later in life it won't always be your fault. This time it was. At this point, you still don't have much confidence. You're tall and thin now, but you still haven't grown into yourself yet, so to speak. After you fail with your first crush, you are going to start pursuing her younger sister. I shouldn't have to tell you that this is a bad idea, but we don't always think things all the way through.

The end of 7th grade will be bliss, but 8th grade will be challenging, not from an academic standpoint but from a social one. New classmates will test the bonds that your class made the previous year, and the increase of hormones will break the cohesion of the group. You will become frustrated with your classmates as well as your teammates on the basketball team, but you need to realize that life goes on, and nothing that happens at this point will have any bearing on your future.

This is the point of the note where I impart some wisdom to you to get you through the next year and a half. First of all, believe in yourself. Stop fearing failure. Too often you will sell yourself short, especially romantically. You always look at yourself as the underdog and don't believe that you're good enough for the girls that you are interested in. This lack of confidence will make you start to press and do silly things. I wish I could say you fully grow out of this, but at 25, we still do some stupid things every now and then. Don't block your own path. You're a good kid with a good heart. Sometimes you trust people a little too much. Don't let others make you bitter by their mistreatment of you. Stay who you are, because who you are is probably more awesome than you realize.

I don't know how this story ends. I'm still living and learning, but I do know what happens in the next chapter. I'll be there soon to help you through it.


Sincerely,

Your 25 Year Old Self

The End of an Era

As I stated at great length in my Apologia, I would not be who I am today without a number of places and people who have influenced me, both in person and online. On January 31, one of those places went away as Stickam shut down for the final time.

I joined Stickam in November of 2008, the same week that I completed student teaching at Richards and for all intents and purposes completed college. I joined the site due to two primary factors: 1) I had an abundance of free time, and 2) I had a webcam that was sitting around collecting dust. From the moment I joined, I knew it was unlike any other place I had seen on the internet. Unlike the message boards I had frequented on GameFAQs and even social networking sites like MySpace and Facebook, you could actually SEE all these people in real time.

With in my first couple months on the site, I was able to make connections with a number of people. I have never really been one to put myself out there, but I soon realized it wasn't hard to do so from the comfort of my own bedroom. And shockingly, people actually liked me!

Me being me, I eventually used the site as my own personal dating service. Being educated, well-spoken, and decent looking put me ahead of the curve, and it was what helped me gain the initial attention of Shannon and Jannelle, the two women that have shaped the romantic portion of my adult life more than any others. Meeting them (and any other marginal romantic pursuit)taught me things about myself, taught me things I should NOT do again in the future, and enabled me to grow as a person.

In addition to the romantic pursuits I had with Stickammers, I was able to make a number of meaningful friendships. I have met people from nearly every state and from a half dozen different countries. I would name them all individually, but it would take too much time and I would run the risk of forgetting someone and offending them. Over the past 4+ years, I have not seen or heard from my lifelong friends nearly as much as I had in years past. Sometimes it feels like we have grown completely out of touch. So it was nice to have met other people who have filled that void admirably. I have met nearly a dozen of them in person, and I hope to meet more in the future.

The site had its negatives, too. Was there unnecessary drama at times? Of course. Were there some people who I wish I had never met? Certainly. Did I waste too much time there instead of doing more productive things? Probably. But it was a place for people like me: weary people on the road from where they were to where they wanted to be. Over the course of my time there I met people from nearly every profession: students, teachers, musicians, tattoo artists, etc. Most of us probably wouldn't have ever hit it off if we had met in person, because we came from different backgrounds and had different interests. We came together because we wanted a place to get away from things for a little while.

Will I miss the site? Definitely. It had been the one constant in my adult life to this point. But am I ready to move on? Absolutely! I won't forget Stickam or the people I met there, but I am ready to move forward. It was a good four years, but it's time for a new era.

The Right Fit

Here I am, single as usual, on the fourteenth of February, so it is my obligation to post something on this day. It really isn't a pity party/"woe is me" sort of thing. It's just what I do.



I have recently given more thought to the idea of a future with a significant other than I had in the past. I can't really pinpoint why. Maybe I'm more mature now, with having my own classroom and the stresses that accompany that. Maybe it's because I'm seeing both real life and online friends begin to settle down. Maybe it's because I'm getting closer to 30 than to 20. Whatever the reason, there has been a change in my thinking.



I have long made a habit of pursuing people who were really not available. By that I do not mean that I exclusively pursued women who already had significant others. But I did pursue a great many people who either lived a vast distance from me or who were emotionally unavailable (and some women who met both criteria). It was always easier that way. I never had to deal with the daily commitments that a healthy relationship should have, and I had built-in excuses to soften the blow if/when things inevitably did not work out.



Things have changed, though. I'm not really in the market for something hollow, meaningless, or a road leading to nowhere. While I am certainly not saying that I would rule out anything that is long distance (as there are a plethora of lovely women who live outside the borders of Illinois), that is no longer an unconscious prerequisite.



When I say I am ready for something, I am not just ready to pounce on the first interested or interesting thing that crosses my path. I know what I am looking for, and I am willing to ride it out until the right fit comes along. I am content with my life to not need to force anything. I know I still have a long way to go as a person. I still catch myself making some of the same silly mistakes and decisions that my 13 year old self made or would have made. But I'm getting there, and I'm getting ready for that right fit.