You are the Story I Tell: Kim

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Kim,

For the most part, I’ve made these posts in a pretty random order other than when I posted some to coincide with birthdays. However, I knew as soon as I started this series that I would end with you. Part of that is because I love saving the best for last. Part of it is because I knew I’d have a hard time with this one. After all, what can I say to you that you don’t already know? We talk every day, and I’ve always been open with my heart.

There are a few things I won’t say to you yet because I want to save them for a time when we’re together in person. Some things are best saved for face to face when they can be richer and more meaningful. There are three words in particular that I’d love to say but am saving for the right time and place. That said, there’s still a lot have a lot to say.

The greatest things in life happen when we least expect but most need them. You, Kimberly, are a great thing. When you came into my life, I was in the midst of one of my most trying times. I was laid off from my job. My friends weren’t around. My on and off relationship had finally ended for good. I’ve always been an optimist, but I was beginning to lose hope. I needed something good to happen in my life. You were the best thing that ever could have happened to me. As soon as I met you, everything changed... all the things in my life that got me feeling down immediately ceased to matter. You instantly restored hope, meaning, and purpose to my life. Even if I would’ve dreamed up a perfect woman, she wouldn’t have compared to you.

Some relationships grow out of convenience or proximity, but that's not how it happened with us. The way that you came into my life convinces me that there is a higher purpose to “us”. You tweeted a celebrity with over a million followers. The odds that they’d see your tweet and then retweet it is low to begin with. The odds that I would notice the retweet as I was scrolling through my timeline was even lower, let alone take the time to take notice of your tiny thumbnail of a profile image. But I did. Something in me told me this was something I needed to do, so I followed my heart. I didn’t talk to you right away, though. When it felt like the right time, I finally did.

From the very first time we talked, we clicked. Since day one, we’ve been able to talk about anything and everything without it ever being forced or contrived. I believe that the most worthwhile and sustainable relationships have a balance between common goals/interests and healthy differences that make each other better. We have plenty of things in common, but we also have a number of differences that allow us to feed off one another and make each other better. As teachers and WWE fans, we can sympathize with one another professionally and share in a fun yet fairly dorky hobby. We also make each other better. I’m an eternal optimist. I don’t always see things as they are as much as I see them as I hope for them to be. You, on the other hand, are a massive realist. Because you care so deeply about life, it’s not all that hard to get you down. You are the yin to my yang. You help me realize that sometimes things aren’t going to go the way I want, and I can’t run from that. Hopefully I’ve also shown you the merits in looking on the bright side and always believing.

I don’t know if you’ve realized this or not, but you’ve changed my life. I think and look at things differently because of you. I don’t do that disingenuously or to try to impress you; you’ve honestly made me a better man. Before I met you, I had an irrational disdain for all things Pittsburgh (you can look at old blog posts). These days, I’m live tweeting Penguins games and buying Pirates hats. It’s not that I’m a "shameless bootlicker" as my dad would say; you matter so much to me that the things that matter to you matter to me too. Before I met you, I never realistically imagined ever leaving Chicago. Because of you, I fully expect to move to Pittsburgh someday. I've finally found someone who matters so much more to me than my comfort zone. Because of you, I’m learning to be more patient and to ride things out. I'm learning to speak my opinion less and care about you more.

I love that you appreciate and accept me for who I am without trying to change me. I can make all sorts of ridiculous references and quotes in a conversation, and it makes you laugh. I love that you let me be as sweet or mushy or as overly enthusiastic as I want. You accept me, and I’m pretty sure you even think it’s cute sometimes! I’m sure you sometimes wonder if I really mean and believe everything I say to you. I am super mushy and enthusiastic, after all. I fully and deeply believe in every word I say. I don’t know when it will all turn out, but I KNOW it’ll all come together. Some things are just meant to be.

I would never go so far to say that my world revolves around you. That would be creepy. But I will say that you’ve made me feel alive again. Each day I wake up excited for the opportunity to talk to you and learn more about you. I realize each morning I’m one day closer to where I want to be. I am in pursuit of my Personal Legend. You inspire me in a way no one else has. You make me want to be my best, and I’ve become better because of you. I’m a better and more patient teacher. I work out harder at the gym. I push through grad school. I want to be every bit of the man that you deserve and no less.

I’ve never seen you take a bad picture, so it was a challenge to choose one to put on this post. I settled on this one because you truly are my hero. No, you’re not perfect, and I’ve never expected you to be. But what you are is perfect for me. You’re a fantastic teacher, daughter, and friend. One day you’ll make an amazing wife and mother.

What sets you apart in this series is that while I am proud of our story so far, I am even more excited for the chapters of our story that haven’t yet been told. We have something special, and I’m very excited to see where it takes us. I’ve got big plans for you, my dear. I can’t wait until we spend time together, and I can’t wait for my 11:11 wish to come true. We’re gonna pick up these pieces and build a Lego house (sorry, couldn’t resist). As I tell you daily, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, and I like you lots. The past 7+ months have been a blessing, but I don’t think we’ve scratched the surface of our blessings yet, so buckle up baby!

Truly and fully yours,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: The Family I've Acquired

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Huntley Family,

There are two types of family members: the ones you like, and the ones you don’t like. Just kidding about that part! There are really two types of family members, though. There are the family members you inherit and there are the family members you acquire along the way. In both cases, I can say I’ve been pretty blessed. You are the family I’ve acquired.

I said it in an earlier post, but I’ll say it again because it rings true. It requires a special friendship to withstand lengthy hiatuses and emerge even stronger on the other side. Becky, you were friends with my parents before I even existed. I remember as a young child how much I enjoyed you being around. I’m still sorry to this day for my inability to make it all the way down the aisle at your wedding (a fact that you and Doug never let me live down!) Even though the girls were only toddlers, I remember having fun playing with them.

When you came back into my parents’ lives in 2010, it couldn’t have happened at a better time. My parents really didn’t have other couple friends that they did things with, and with Heidi having moved away, they weren’t going to get the entertainment they needed from me! I remember you (Becky) and Doug coming to our house one night after church, and it was like you and my parents had never missed a beat. What was really cool is that on that day, you didn’t only come back into my parents’ lives but also mine as well.

That particular time period was one of the rougher times in my life. 2010 was not kind to me, but having you guys around made things better. I’ll never forget those nights we spent at the CiCi’s in Lockport. We had to have spent hours there, and yet it never felt like hours.

I’m not the most outgoing person in the world. Yes, I can be lively and friendly, but only with people I truly like and trust. You guys were able to bring that side out of me right away. I felt comfortable around you, and at that point in my life, it was something I really needed.

It absolutely crushed me when Doug passed away, so I can only imagine how it’s been for you the past 13+ months. I still can hear his voice sometimes. I think about the time he asked for a cup full of ice in response to my request for no ice in mine. I think about the last time you guys were over here and the two of us watching a football game in my room. Not just anyone can get an invitation into my room, but with Doug I didn’t think twice. All the qualities in my dad that I really like, I saw in Doug as well. I’m sure that’s why they got along so well.

It would be so easy to deal with something like that and want to give up. Doug wasn’t even my dad or husband and I felt really down about it for a while. I know it can’t be easy to keep going, but that’s exactly what you’ve done, and that is so inspiring.

Jacquelyn and Alison, I am so proud of the work that both of you are doing. My mom gives me updates every now and then, and I am so impressed by your success. I wish I had been blessed with a quarter of the musical abilities that you possess. You’re both going to do some amazing things. Be ready for it.

Becky, I’ve always appreciated the relationship we’ve had. You and my mom tend to think very similarly, but you have an ability to say things in a way that bothers me exponentially less than the way my mom says it! I know it can’t be easy to stay strong, but that’s what you’ve done, and you deserve to know how much you’ve meant to me, especially the past four years. I wish Doug could’ve known how much he meant to me as well.

We’re not related by blood or by marriage, but I consider you to be every bit as much of my family as anyone else. Thank you for being there for me and bringing out the best in me. I hope to see you in the near future.

Love always,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: The Family I Inherited

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Family,

There are two types of family members: the ones you like, and the ones you don’t like. Just kidding about that part! There are really two types of family members, though. There are the family members you inherit and there are the family members you acquire along the way. In both cases, I can say I’ve been pretty blessed.

Let me talk to the family members I’ve inherited; that is, those of you who are blood relatives. Collectively, I don’t know that there is a harder-working or more generous group of people around. You have always been ready, willing, and able to help both Heidi and me with anything that we’ve ever needed. You’ve helped my family both times we moved, and everyone was more than accommodating in celebrating two family weddings out of state. I can’t promise that in the event I get married it will be in Illinois, so mentally prepare yourselves for a third out of state wedding!

I don’t know that I’ve really ever given any of you the best chance to truly get to know me because I’m not the most outgoing or gregarious person around, but I have always been appreciative of everything you’ve done and have admired certain traits that I’ve observed in you over the years.

Uncle Tim, I’ve always admired how hard you work and how well you’ve treated us. You’ve been far more generous to us than you’ve ever had to be. Your encyclopedic knowledge on a variety of things has always been impressive. I’ve always thought you should go on Jeopardy!

Auntie Dee and Uncle Bob, thank you for always allowing Andy to come and do things with Heidi and me. It made growing up so much fun and helped create a lot of good memories. I’ll always look fondly on the sleepovers in the tent that we had in your backyard at your house in Mokena. You’ve always treated Heidi and me very well. Uncle Bob, I always enjoy seeing you on the holidays. Your friendly nature and wonderful mealtime prayers always serve to enhance the holidays. Auntie Dee, I see a lot of the same qualities in you that I see in my mom. You are both very organized, hard-working people who succeed because they understand the importance of planning and organization. I appreciate that quality in my mom, and I appreciate it in you as well.

Uncle Jerry and Aunt Lisa, the two of you have always made life seem like a big deal. Whether it’s Christmas or our annual WrestleMania party, you have a way of bringing out the best of life. What I appreciate most about both of you is that even though you’re adults and have all sorts of adult responsibilities, you’ve never lost that childlike enthusiasm for life. You guys have fun living, and you have fun with each other. Too many people lose sight of those things.

Aunt Dianna, I only see you maybe one or two times a year, but you have always been one of my favorite relatives. It’s easy to have a conversation with you because you seem to genuinely care about everything that is going on in my life. You have a knack for keeping conversations going and focusing on the positives. Thank you for always making me feel like who I am and what I’m doing matters.

The family you inherit can't be chosen. God doesn't allow us to pick our relatives, but even if He did, I don't think I could do much better. I am blessed to have been surrounded by hard-working and generous people who not only followed the example of the generation above them but also set an example for my generation. Thank you for all that you have done for me.

Love always,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: Grandparents and One "Great" Aunt

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Ahmah, Papa, Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Helen,

Let me just first of all say, thanks for the good genetics. With the approximately 400 combined years that you have lived, I’m a lock for 100! In all seriousness though, I have plenty for which to thank all of you other than that.

I know over the years you may not have gotten to know me as well as other family members. By nature, I am not as outgoing or gregarious as Heidi, as quirky as Andy, or as… Beth… as Beth (not sure how I could put that any better). Even though I’ve always been a bit more reserved, I hope that it’s never come across as me being disinterested or anything of the like. I am just as appreciative for everything that you’ve done for me. I’ve learned a lot from each of you over the years.

Ahmah, I have benefited from your guidance both personally and professionally. The insights you gave me into being a substitute teacher were so valuable. I probably would not have survived those three years in Orland without them. The fact that you still teach and at nearly 80 years old can control a classroom better than educators half your age is both astonishing and inspiring. I have always appreciated your ability to make everyone feel appreciated and loved, each in their own individual way.

Papa, your work ethic is legendary. You put people my age to shame with how hard you’ve worked and how you continue to still do things. You’ve shown that pain is never an excuse, and ultimately you’ve shown that excuses should never get in the way of doing what needs to be done. I know over the years that you’ve joked that your granddaughters were tougher than your grandsons. I hope that two marathons later, I’ve caused you to reexamine those views at least.

Grandma, thank you for being the best cook I know, although it might be because your cooking is so good that I won’t settle for certain things being made by anyone else! Thank you for everything you’ve done for Heidi and me over the years. Our summers growing up would not have been the same if you hadn’t been around. I still look back fondly on the mall trips, the rounds of miniature golf, the games of bowling, and the lunches afterward. Your generosity has never gone unnoticed.

Grandpa, I wouldn’t be able to type up this letter were it not for you teaching me how to type many years ago. I’ve always appreciated the interest you’ve taken in whatever it is that I’ve been doing with my life, whether school or work. I’ve always noticed the way your eyes light up when Heidi or I tell you what’s going on in our lives. It means a lot to know that you’re proud of us and support us in all of our endeavors. Thank you for that.

Aunt Helen, though technically not a grandparent, I have always thought of you as a fifth grandparent. As I get older (and yes, I understand that by this point I am still by no means “old”), a little doubt starts to creep in as to whether I will ever wind up marrying anyone. You have shown me that in the event that I never do get married, I can still lead a full and rewarding life. You still have the ability to do things that people a quarter of your age cannot do. Your creativity is something that I hope to be able to mirror and channel in my own life. Put simply, you are one of a kind.

You have all been so generous with your time and resources, and it has always been appreciated. Sometimes I think you treat me too well. I cannot underscore how blessed I am to be 27 years old and still have all my living grandparents (plus an Aunt Helen). There are two things that I’ll be able to collectively take from you for the rest of my life. First, you are a testament to making things work and finding a love that lasts. Your two marriages have a combined longevity of close to 120 years. That’s incredible. Also, I’d like to think I couldn’t do any better in the parental department than the parents I have. They had to have learned from somewhere. Thank you for setting such a great example in parenting and in life and creating a legacy that my parents carry on and one which I hope to continue one day.

Love always,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Guys,

I’ve written at great length about the five guys whom I’d consider my closest friends. Growing up, there were times that those guys weren’t around. I’ll fully admit that making new friends isn’t something that’s one of the sharpest tools in my arsenal. I don’t always put myself out there, and I very rarely venture into uncharted waters. That said, each of you helped me more than you probably ever realized, and it’s about time you knew that.

Rick, let me be completely honest. I HATED going to Christian Hills. Like, I seriously despised going. Most of the people there were people that I couldn’t stand. But all of a sudden a lot of that changed. Sitting with you, Mark Ebbers, and whoever else we could get to sit with us made Kids Church infinitely more enjoyable. Churches theoretically are supposed to be places where people make friends and feel welcome. Thank you for being a friend and making my Sunday mornings tolerable in the late 90s.

Mark Ross, it’s no secret that I wasn’t the most popular person at PBC. Part of that was because I was an awkward kid. Part of it was that I was shy and lacked confidence to put myself out there and let people see who I was. You were always extremely friendly to me. I don’t think I appreciated it enough back then. I focused on all the people that didn’t like me that I didn’t take the time to recognize the blessings I had. Thanks for being there for me back then. It meant a lot.

Hoover, it's funny that the first memory I have of you was the girls from my church trying to get me to fight you by planting nonsense in my ears. Once we started talking, I realized you were a super chill dude, and having you around made camp even more fun. It's a shame we never got to room together any of those years. You've always been someone I've enjoyed talking to. Meeting up at Woodfield Mall in spring 2010 was one of the highlights of my year.

Brian Lyons, Murdock, and Adam, like I said earlier, I am not always the best at making friends. I’m certainly not the best about approaching new people. Yet somehow I became friends with the three of you, and I don’t think that I could’ve done any better picking friends from TPHS. Brian Lyons, aside from having the most fun to say name ever, you’ve always been super cool and understanding about how I’ve felt about things. You’ve encouraged me plenty times when I was down. Murdock, I’ve always admired the fact that you’ve always had a plan. You’ve known what you want, and you’ve always worked hard to get there. I’m bummed that I missed the last Docfest. I thought it was the following week! Adam, you’ve taught me how to be more comfortable with myself. I’ve always kind of envied how comfortable you are within your own skin and how you have such a great sense of self. I’ve learned to get better at that myself, thanks in large part to seeing how you were. To all three of you, I can say hands down that my greatest memories of high school occurred at our lunch table junior year. High school wasn’t particularly good to me, but you guys were.

Dave Campbell, junior year was pretty rough for me. Some of it was my own doing, while some of it wasn’t. I never forgot how cool you were to me during that year. Here I was, this quiet dude who most people thought was stalking a girl (and let’s be fair, I didn’t exactly do myself any favors back then), and you treated me much better than I probably deserved. The two of us leaving English early to go to the cafeteria was a highlight for me that year, and I’ve never forgotten the high pitched “woo” we’d do in the hallways. During a time where I really didn’t feel good about myself and could’ve spiraled into a really bad place, you helped me out of it, whether you knew it at the time or not.

Peter, while I may never forgive you for the fact that the 8 Polish Foods of Christmas is STILL stuck in my head 11 years later, I can’t do enough to thank you for the mentor that you were. I didn’t always like everyone in the youth group, but when I was in your small group on Sunday nights I forgot about all of that and felt both wanted and accepted. You were a constant during my high school years, and you helped me get through my most awkward stages. What I’ll remember most actually is a conversation we had long after I had graduated high school. You called me out of the blue in spring 2008 when I was at the point of losing my mind. So much in my life seemed like it needed to change. You called me and provided me with enough calm encouragement that I KNEW I was going to make it. Thank you.

Bob, I don’t know that anyone ever thanked you and your family enough for how hospitable you were in fall 2004 having everyone over at your house during the football season. That was super cool of you, and it wasn’t something you had to do. I’ve always admired and appreciated your almost Machiavellian ways in getting the things you desire, especially while playing Risk! You taught me to find comfort and confidence in myself. You were a huge part of the summer of 2003 being the best summer of my life.

Jason, there are times when I get down and wonder how much of who I am and what I do matters. Since we met nearly a decade ago, you have always taken an interest in my life. It feels good to know that people out there actually care about what I’m doing. I don’t know that I’ve thanked you enough for that. I’m hoping that one of these days I’ll finally be able to tell you I’ve gotten what I’ve waited for.

Matt, I didn’t know you very long during college, but you made my last year at ONU a whole lot more fun. It was nice to have someone in class who shared the same snarky humor that I did, someone who wasn’t afraid to point out how ridiculous some people were (a certain Hugo Chavez supporter comes to mind). I enjoyed chatting music with you, and I discovered a lot of good bands as a result of our conversations. Keep fighting the good fight!

Mark and Kevin, I would not have lasted more than one year at Target were it not for you two. Those long day shifts actually became enjoyable. I’d look forward to breaks and lunches chatting about sports and WWE. My love for WWE actually grew because of the two of you. It gave us something to talk about. One of my greatest memories during my college years was the time we went to No Mercy at Allstate. While I don’t miss working at Target one bit, I do miss the times we shared during those years. You guys were like two big brothers in red and khaki.

Nick, easily the best part about working at Target was all the adventures I had with you. I still think about some of the things we did and said and laugh. I’ll never forget when we took all those carts and evenly dispersed them throughout the parking lot and then bought Jenna a sympathy card so she wouldn’t fire us. Thanks for all the great music you introduced me to. We need to get to Little Caesars one of these days. It’s been way too long.

Tay, there were a lot of guys on Stickam who were absolutely intolerable. I’d go so far as to say that 90% of the males I encountered on the site were people that I’d have to consciously refrain from punching were I ever to meet them in person. You, however, are part of the 10% that were seriously good dudes. You always made things fun and made a room more entertaining. Whether it was your rap battles, your arbitrary debates, or your “going in” on someone, you brought humor to a time in my life where humor was severely lacking. I’ve always appreciated your honesty with me, even when it’s not exactly what I want to hear.

In life, all the roles that we play are important. Even when we think we have just a supporting role or are just an extra, we cannot underscore the importance of what we do. Each of you, whether you knew it or not, made my life better. In some cases, your friendship helped me out of some really rough times. None of us were ever “best” friends, but you don’t have to be best friends to be a good friend and do some serious good in someone else’s life. Thanks for the good you’ve done, and thanks for helping make me a better me.

All the best,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: Tiffany

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Tiffany,

Friendship, like most things, requires a delicate balance. There can’t be too much give or too much take. One person can’t be doing all the work. What many people do not realize is that friendship shouldn’t require one person being too easy or too hard on the other. There needs to be balance.

Often, we tiptoe around saying certain things to our friends for fear that they won’t respond well to what we have to say. Other times, we say whatever we feel without any fear of repercussions. The best friends know when to say something and when not. They can tear you a new one yet make you feel loved while they’re doing that. You have that rare quality.

I’ve told you before that you are one of two people in the world who can say literally anything to me without me being offended or bothered by it. You’ve earned that status. That’s not something that is freely given. We’ve known each other for two years now. Never once have I doubted that you care about me. Never once have I wondered if you were truly looking out for my best interests. You have the ability to notice things that either I can’t see or choose not to see. Instead of shutting up and forcing me to learn by myself, you’ve always taken the time to talk things out to me and explain why something might not be the best idea or what might happen if I continue down a specific path. You don’t do it because you think you could do a better job being Jakob Duehr. You do it because you honestly don’t want to see me hurt. I can’t always say that I listen to your advice (I am me, after all), but I can say that it has always been and will always be appreciated.

With a lot of my friends, I can remember how we met, but in most cases I don’t remember the first day we met. You’re an exception that way. Things were goofy and crazy that night, and they set the tone for our friendship. The past two years hasn’t been the smoothest sailing in either of our lives, but having a friend there for you helps soften the blow a bit.

You’ve always believed in me when I have pursued my goals (though not always in my love life goals haha). It is so much easier to keep going when you know that others believe in you. Thank you for believing in me.

I know these days that you have some goals of your own in mind, especially as it pertains to fitness. I’ve been there. I’ve actually been there twice! I’d be lying to you if I told you it was going to be easy. But I know you can do it. Not only CAN you do it, but you WILL do it. Be prepared to succeed. Just like you believe in me, I believe in you.

I don’t know when our paths will cross in person, but I am sure it will be a whole lot of fun when they do. Thank you for helping me be honest and accountable to myself, thank you for helping me see the bigger picture, and thank you for always being there for me.

Love always,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: K-Sue

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Katrina,

The good thing about good friends is that they can come from virtually anywhere. Some are childhood friends. Others are brought together out of necessity or proximity, while still others are brought together by common interests or passions. However, some of the best friendships come virtually out of nowhere. We met fairly randomly online years ago. It wasn’t even a site for people of similar interests.

Immediately upon meeting you I realized you had a kind spirit. This is something that has proved to be true over and over again over the past 4+ years. You’re good to people, and you make people want to be good to you as well. You have such a nurturing nature to you, which is why it did not surprise me at all to find out that you work with small children. You have the perfect personality to positively impact them and set them on the right path at a very early age.

As time progressed, we realized we have a decent amount in common, most notably a love for the NFL and quality pop punk music (not to mention Randy Orton action figures haha). It’s always been nice to have a friend with whom I can share these interests. You’ve introduced me to bands and songs that I probably would not have discovered otherwise, and I’d like to think that I’ve done the same for you. Plus it’s always great to have a friend who is also a fan of The Graduate! But someday when I get old and look back on our friendship, that’s not going to be what I remember most.

Without fail, you have always had the ability to not only make me feel better about myself but also to feel better about whatever the situation is that I’m going through. I can think of countless times when I was in the midst of a bad day or a particularly trying period and you sent me a nice text message to help me feel better. You’ve always had an ability to know just what to say to make me believe in myself and believe that things can and will get better. I don’t know that I’ve thanked you enough for that, but it’s been easier for me to believe in myself because I know that you’re out there believing in me as well.

It still both amazes and amuses me that despite only living one state apart, our paths have never crossed in person. One day, I hope we wind up at the same concert. I wish you’d come down to Tinley to see Warped this summer with me! No matter when we meet (and yes, it’s a “when”, not an “if”), I look forward to it. I look forward to thanking you for being one of the most positive parts of my life the past 4 years, a silver lining during a time where my life was filled with clouds. Thank you for everything. Above all, thanks for being my friend.

Love always,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: Aldo

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Aldo,

In theory, church should be a place that is welcoming and inviting for all who attend; yet, for one reason or another that is not always the case. Unfortunately, people often tend to remember the situations at a church where they felt unloved. They don’t often share the good experiences. It’s time I do my part to change that.

You probably don’t recall when we met, but I’ve never forgotten. It wasn’t 2002 or 2003, when I began attending both Core and Wednesday night service on a regular basis. It was two years before that, during a Sports City in 2000. Despite me being only 13 years old, you still approached me and asked me if I wanted to be a part of a basketball team with you for the 3-on-3 tournament that went on that night. I didn’t care whether or not you were any good or if we won. I just thought it incredibly cool that a high school kid would approach me and want to be on a team with me.

Our paths didn’t cross much from that point on until I started attending youth group functions. I was not surprised to discover that you were that same open and friendly guy as a college student and youth leader that you were as a high school student. You started doing stuff with my group of friends, and it was great.

You helped my music tastes grow. You showed me that there was more out there (even on the Christian scene) than 89.7 played. Because of you, I learned about bands like FM Static and Hawk Nelson. I’ll never forget how much you hyped up Anberlin in 2003. Eleven years later, they are one of my favorite bands, and I am listening to them as I type this letter to you. One of my favorite memories of my high school years is the night we went to the Vic to see Relient K and Anberlin perform. Even though your beloved Cubs had just frittered away the NLCS two nights before (and we had to pass Wrigley to reach the venue), we had an amazing time seeing some amazing bands. That show became a measuring stick by which I compare all other live shows.

Some of my favorite memories at Stone happened in the sound booth on Wednesday nights. I’ll never forget the one night that the drama team did a skit and one of the girls pronounced Potiphar as “Pot-a-fire”. You walked around the sound booth saying “Pot-a-fire, pants on fire” and we couldn’t stop laughing. I didn’t always feel like I belonged with some of the people in the youth group. Whether it was their fault or mine is irrelevant. What matters is that in that sound booth, I always felt welcome, and I always enjoyed myself. Thank you for that.

There’s a couple things I learned from you that I’ve been able to carry on for the past decade-plus and hope to carry on for the rest of my life. First, it’s to recognize and appreciate good music. I’ve grown to love music more and more each year. That’s a seed you planted in me. More importantly, I learned to treat people well, especially young people. At that age, not only do people need to be treated well, but they also need good influences to show them how they should be. You treated me well when you had no reason to. Though our paths do not cross as often as they once did, I still value and appreciate your friendship, and there is no reason for us to not meet up at some point.

All the best,
JD

You are the Story I Tell: Shanwow

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Shan,

You deserved better. I was really tempted to limit this entire post to that sentence, but that wouldn’t tell the whole story.

Unfortunately for you, we met during a time period that I thought I was invincible. I believed the world was at my fingertips. I was riding high after completing college (and student teaching) and losing 62 pounds. I was on top of my world, and I was ready to make someone my world. You had the misfortune of me choosing you to be that someone.

You taught me a lot of things about life and about myself... probably much more than I taught you. I learned that there is a right and a wrong way to go about things. I learned that those right and wrong ways are person-specific. What might work with one person could lead to disastrous results with someone else. I didn’t understand that with you. I thought that I knew what you needed better than you did. As I type that out, that sounds completely arrogant, misguided, and delusional, but that is truly what I believed at the time.

I also learned the importance of riding things out. We had some good highs, but we had some really bad lows. I was young and stupid, and I thought that every minor squabble was the end of the world. I overreacted to anything and everything, and we fought far too often. I don’t think you would have had the inclination to fight if I hadn’t been so… me, though.

Perhaps the most important lesson that I learned from you is that there’s a time and a place for everything. April 2009 was NOT the time for me to take a trip to Florida to see you. You made that very clear to me, but I ignored that and did what I wanted because I believed I could not fail. Between you standing me up and me losing my wallet 10 minutes later, I learned that trying to force things in life would lead to my downfall.

After I came home from that trip, I felt like junk. I felt like junk for a long time. Everything I wanted had eluded my grasp. However, as I took the time to really reflect and examine the path I had taken, I realized that my anger was misplaced. I really needed to be looking at the man in the mirror (how’s that for an old-timey music reference?). The person you needed was not the person I was, and the person I had been was not the person you deserved. Even in a strictly platonic way, you deserved better.

It amazes me that we have still been able to be friends some five-plus years later. I’m thinking that you can tolerate me better in small doses. I do thank you for all the lessons I learned because you became a part of my life. I’ve always admired your hard work, determination, and complete comfort within your own skin. Maybe we’ll be able to meet one day without standing up the other. Thank you for being you, and thank you for putting up with me.


All the best,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: The Leading Ladies

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Ladies,

I can’t imagine it’s always been easy to be a platonic friend of mine. In fact, I’d argue that being a platonic friend of Jakob Duehr is just as bad as being a romantic interest! I wish I had the time to write long and flowery letters to each of you, but as the month winds down, please accept this as a token of my gratitude. If I tagged you in this letter, it is because I have a message specifically for you. You may have to scroll a little to find it.

Angela, you and Katie were the two closest female friends I had growing up. In fact, if I had written this series 5-10 years ago, you would’ve received one of the longest entries. You put up with me being me, which a lot of times was rather difficult. You were my Voice of Reason, and I would not have survived my awkward adolescence without your friendship, support, and advice. Thank you.

Thea, if I were to compose a list of my favorite people from the first 15 years of my life, you would be a lock to make the list. Many of my fondest memories of junior high occurred in Mr. Glasch’s class when I sat in front of you. Your Fitzpatrick wit and humor always brightened up a room. You accepted me even when I wasn’t the easiest person to tolerate. Thank you.

Alanna, our friendship took a nearly 15 year hiatus before it picked back up. For most people, such a lengthy hiatus would be a death knell. For us, it somehow worked. Though it has now been a good six years since we’ve seen each other in person, I can always count on your good humor to brighten up one of my Facebook statuses. I’m so happy for you that you’ve finally found what you were looking for, and I wish you nothing but continued happiness.

Amanda, you were probably my best friend at ONU during our time there. You made me feel like I mattered. We worked so well together in the classes that we took. My fondest memories of college come from our times in Dr. Tuttle’s class. You were a sweet person with a sweet spirit, and I always enjoyed being around you.

Laurryn, you were my chapel buddy during my time at ONU. Though I wasn’t always a fan of the services, seeing you every Wednesday morning was a highlight of my week. You had (and still have) a way of making the people around you feel at ease. I’m not surprised in the slightest that you’re a fantastic mother.

Danae, every social studies course we took together was so much more enjoyable because of you. You put up with my snarky sense of humor and kept me focused when I needed to be. Were it not for you, I probably would've sat quietly by myself in a lot of those classes. Thanks for being a friend.

Becky, it’s crazy for me to say this, but the one person from ONU who made the greatest impact on my life was someone I never met in person. I was so moved by your testimony that was shown on a video at chapel that I had to add you on Facebook. Our friendship flourished almost immediately. You were such a blessing to me at a time I really needed it. One of my only regrets during college is that we never had the opportunity to meet in person. You made me feel loved, and I will never forget that.

Melmo, you are the first online friend that I ever met in person. You were just as cool in person as you were online. The afternoon we spent together was one of the highlights of a somewhat difficult summer. I’ve always admired your willingness to be yourself and do your thing. I’m very proud of the success your go-go’s have had.

Cindy, you are the first Muslim friend that I ever made. I’ve always been so impressed by the way that you let it represent your life but refuse to define yourself simply by that. I don’t tell you enough how much I admire how hard you work, not only at school but also in your efforts to break down stereotypes and uninformed opinions. You have been such a great friend and encouragement to me these past 3+ years.

Trin, you are, at your core, an encourager. You have a knack for making people feel cared for. The video you and Ellie made for me before my first marathon is a memory that will never leave me. It made me feel that what I was doing mattered, and it meant the world that someone had pride in me. I know life has dealt you a bad hand at times, but I admire your refusal to stay down for too long. Keep at it. Your day will come.

T-Linds, I was a pain in the rear when we met. For the most part, you were patient with me. I'm so proud of how much you've grown the past couple years and how you've become more comfortable in your own skin. I always enjoy our conversations, no matter how much time goes by between them. You do a good job of making me feel loved.

Courtney, you are one of my more “recent” friends. We’ve had a number of conversations, and you’ve put up with me at my most annoying! I appreciate our ability to have conversations ranging from the serious to the absurd. I’ve always appreciated your honesty and patience with me. I hope I’m not too bad for a “Yank”.

Steph & Chelsie, you two are among the sweetest and most encouraging people I know. I can only assume your parents raised you well. Steph, I can’t say enough about how proud I am of how well you balance your profession and parenthood. I can only hope one day I can be a similar type of father and teacher. Chels, I am so excited for your upcoming delivery. You’re gonna be great.

Brandy, you blessed my life in a rather unexpected way. While you were in college, you and I worked together on some of your school work. I am a teacher after all, so it was practically in my wheelhouse. What neither you or I realized at the time was that helping you with that schoolwork was as much of a blessing to me as it was for you. By the time I started grad school, I wasn’t rusty despite the fact that four years had elapsed since I was a full time student. Helping you kept me fresh, and our friendship has always been something that I’ve valued. I’m so excited for you as you start this next chapter in your life.

Jess, you have the ability to make me feel good about myself. You’re the last friend I made on Stickam, and you’ve turned out to be one of the best. I am so proud of how hard you’re working to reach your goals. Keep at them. You’ll get there.

They say that behind ever good man is a good woman. I have had the privilege of having dozens of good women behind me as my friends. While I have not always been the person I wanted to be, I wouldn’t be the man I am today were it not for each of you. Your encouragement, guidance, and friendship has brought me from where I was to where I now am. I am eternally in your debt for that, and I hope that you know that your wisdom and strength of character made its mark on me.

All the best,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: Stay-C

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Stacie,

The fact that we are friends today defies any sort of logic or reason. Logically, it never should have reached this point.

The way we met is easily THE strangest way I have met anyone. The fact it worked is even stranger. I saw you in a school newspaper and subsequently searched for you on MySpace, and you were okay with it. That still blows my mind to this day. But there was something about that newspaper article that made you seem so captivating. You weren’t just someone I wanted to meet. You were someone I had to meet.

When you meet someone in a way as awkwardly as we did, you’d expect the friendship to be a bit awkward (if it ever materializes at all). Somehow, that didn’t happen. We hit it off right away, and we made a pretty deep connection. Despite the fact that we got along so well and only lived 15 minutes apart, it took us about a year and a half to meet in person. For you, that was probably the worst thing that could happen!

After we met, I stopped thinking of you just as a friend and instead as someone that I REALLY wanted to be with, like in a super overbearing creepy kind of way. You were fine with us being friends, but you didn’t want any of that for multiple reasons.

You finally wrote me a letter that explained your reasons for not wanting to date me. That letter altered the course of my early adult years. During college, I had let myself go. I was significantly heavier than I had been at any point in my life. You let me know that you were not physically attracted to me in the slightest. That immediately made me want to be better. You were the catalyst for my drastic weight loss. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but when I was on the elliptical in 2008, I would visualize you being at the finish line. That’s what got me through my workouts.

We definitely weren’t in the same place in 2008. You had your struggles, and I was struggling to find myself. I still lacked an understanding of people, and I didn’t realize my methods weren’t working. All of a sudden, you were out of my life, and I wasn’t really even sure why.

Being the guy that I am, I never take a closed door as such, so I got the bright idea to go visit you at Oberweis to show you my new svelte self. Bad idea! I had to wait forever for that milkshake. By that point, I thought the door was closed for good.

By the time I was done student teaching in November 2008, I felt like I was on top of the world and that I could accomplish anything, so I added you on Facebook again. I didn’t expect you to accept. I definitely didn’t expect you to consent to doing dinner with me in February 2009. All of a sudden we became friends, and it was amazing.

We got to see each other once a month or so for a couple years. I’d never take back those memories for anything. It was during a time of my life where I really needed someone to be there for me. You were there, and I had the privilege to see you grow as a person right before my eyes.

You changed my life. In 2008, I knew I needed to change in order to function in life. The way I was going about things just wasn’t going to work any longer. Whether it was my eating habits, my lack of confidence in myself, or my odd methods of pursuit, I knew I had to do something. However, the knowledge that change is necessary doesn’t always lead to change. There has to be a spark, a reason to make it happen. You were my reason. I stopped thinking about the man I wanted to be, and I actually started being that man. I’m not fully there yet, but I was able to move in that direction thanks to you.

One of my favorite songs says “The end will justify the pain it took to get us there.” Our friendship took quite the circuitous route to get to its ultimate destination. No matter how hard things were, our friendship has ALWAYS been worth it. I know I probably exasperated you, and I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t some hurt I felt along the way. But through it all, I never stopped caring about you. Over the years, I’ve finally seen you realize what I’ve known all along: there is a strength within you greater than you often recognize. It is that strength that allowed you to not only return to school but to succeed. It is that strength that allowed you to study halfway across the world. Things like that aren’t easy for introverts unless they’re strong. You’re strong, my dear. You always have been.

I’ve never looked at you the way you look at yourself. I’ve always seen the best. Thank you for helping me to look at myself in different lights as well.

Love always,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: My Students

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Students,

If you are the story I tell, then I have a few thousand stories to tell from the past five years. As much as I’d love to think I taught you something (anything, really), the reality is that you all have taught me far more. Because of each of you, I’ve learned so much about myself as a person and as an educator.

To my HLR “kids” (I put kids in quotes because you’re all adults now), I can’t stress enough how much I love each of you. You changed my life. I went into student teaching with a lot of apprehension. I took all these education classes that were supposed to teach me how to be a teacher, but no class in the world can prepare you for the feelings that you get when you step into a classroom on the other side for the first time. For the first time in my life, I had confidence. You guys gave me that by listening to and caring about what I had to say. Were my pedagogical skills the best back then? Probably not. Where my classroom management skills what they needed to be? Definitely not. But that’s okay. What was important was that because of each of you, I not only believed in myself but also believed that I was in the right field. I will never forget the laughs and memories we made, from purple to Babalou’s vocal performances to poorly timed Halloween pictures. Every classroom that I walk into has you as a measuring stick. I still tell my students today about each of you. Thank you for starting my career on the right foot.

To the Orland kids that had me as a substitute teacher, thank you for growing along with me. Being a substitute teacher is not an easy job. In a lot of ways, you’re set up to fail. I’ll be honest with you. I wasn’t any good at my job when I started. All I cared about was getting you to like me. It took me until midway through my second year of subbing to realize that you didn’t have to be easy on kids to get them to like you. All I needed to do was care about you. During my three years spent with you, I learned a lot about how to deal with kids and make things work. By the time I was done, I’d like to think that I was able to do just that.

To my AAA Academy kids, you have taught me so much the last two years, and I’m not just talking about all the urban slang that I now know, nor am I talking about your encyclopedic knowledge of Chicago’s underground rap scene. Because of how small our class was last year and this year, I have been able to get through to you guys on a more personal level and figure out what does and doesn’t work with you from a behavioral and educational standpoint. I’ve realized that even though my life also feels challenging, some of you have gone through a whole lot more in half the time. You’ve taught me perspective and patience. You’ve taught me that a classroom can be a family too and that it should always be a safe haven.

I don’t know where my professional journey will take me next. What I do know is that no matter where I go, I will have gotten there because of the lessons each of you taught me. You’ve made me a better teacher and a better man. If you don’t remember anything I’ve taught you, remember that at least.

All the best,
“Mr. D.”

You are the Story I Tell: Montes

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Montes,

Of all the letters in this series I’ve done, this is one I’ve tended to put off because I knew it would be a humbling experience for me. I don’t know that I’m necessarily high on your list of student teachers that you’d like to hear from. But I never got a chance to thank Matt Gavin for all the help he was for me during that time period, and I’m not about to let any more time go by without expressing to you what you’ve meant to me as an educator.

McSweeney couldn’t have put me with a better teacher to learn from. I’ve learned from some phenomenal teachers, but none of them did things quite like you. You had a knack for experiential learning and presenting social studies in a way that students could relate and make connections. I know you shrugged it off and attributed all of that to the “History Alive” curriculum, but if that were the truth, then all teachers would be able to pull it of as well as you do. You and I both know that’s not the case. The lessons you taught were incredible. I’ve been able to use the Kush token trading lesson as an example of my favorite lesson in every teaching interview I’ve had.

I can’t thank you enough for how generous you were with your resources. You had a formula that worked, and instead of simply keeping it to yourself, you were more than willing to share it with me. I still have all your lessons saved on my hard drive, and I have been able to use a number of things in my own classroom. You gave me a background in experiential learning that I would not have had otherwise.

Despite all that, I don’t know that we ever really clicked. I’m sure you probably saw me as some clueless kid who didn’t want to listen and only cared about the approval of the kids. That honestly wasn’t the case, at least not fully. I was just trying to find my sea legs. I was finding myself not only as an educator but also as a person, and I just didn’t know any better. I was trying to find a way that worked for me.

As someone who had never been the most confident person in the world to that point, the adulation of the students became addicting. I thought that in order to succeed as a teacher, I needed to get the kids on my side, so to speak. As a result, I was more lax as a 21 year old student teacher than I am as a 27 year old teacher. I had a hard time feeling like I had to live up to Matt Gavin. After all, he was your prize protégé turned star HLR teacher. I realized I was never going to be able to live up to him, so I foolishly tried to carve my own niche. I should have realized that both of you guys knew better because you were doing it longer, and I should have been more receptive to the advice that you gave me.

After student teaching, I thought about the philosophical differences we had. I chalked it up to our differences in age. As I got older and more experienced, I realized that it really was a matter of you knowing better and me needing to realize that I didn’t have all the answers. Some of your lessons took a few years to percolate and finally sink in, but they got there.

I’ve spent the last two years teaching in an alternative middle school. I’m sure you’re even more surprised that they didn’t eat me alive. I’ve gotten older and (hopefully) a little wiser over time. As such, I need to man up and admit you were right. I may never do things quite like you do, but I need to tell you that more often than not, you were right. I feel so privileged to have learned under you, and I hope someday I can positively influence young teachers in the same way that you influenced me. Maybe one day we can grab a bite and I can tell you about the journey my career has taken since Richards.

All the best,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: The All-Star Teachers

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Mrs. Lindemulder, Mrs. Toranzo, Mr. Clifton, Mr. Pfeffer, Ms. O’Malley, and Dr. Tuttle,

Most people have one or two teachers that they can look back on and say “Wow, they really made a difference in my life.” I have had the good fortune of having six teachers that I can look back on and definitively notice the impact that was made on my life. Sure, I had other good to great teachers, but the six of you stood out the most.

I believe the Bible says something to the effect of “Train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” For that reason, I believe that primary grade teachers are especially important. I admire anyone who can effectively work with children of that age. I could never do it because I could never deal with all the crying!

Mrs. Lindemulder, you were the perfect kindergarten teacher. You made each of us feel valued and important. You took a potentially scary experience (starting school) and made it enjoyable, and you did it in a way that did not compromise our education. I still remember all sorts of things I learned during kindergarten (especially that crayon song). I hope I didn’t cause any permanent damage to your arm with how hard I shook it during kindergarten graduation!

The one thing I will remember most is the way that you were able to get your point across without raising your voice with us. You had 24 of us in that room, and you did not have the luxury of having any aide in the classroom. You were able to reach us and get us to cooperate and focus by treating us with love and patience—the hallmarks of a great educator.

Mrs. Toranzo, I will always remember you for a number of reasons. First, you were the first teacher I was taller than while I was a student! Secondly, I have never met a teacher with the classroom management skills that you had. There were nearly 30 of us, and not once did we get too far out of control. I remember on the first day of school we did not get to go to gym because our behavior was not what it needed to be. You set the tone from day one how things were going to work, and we quickly fell into place. I also remember how you had a way of making everything we did seem like the most exciting thing in the world. I remember how much I wanted to get to wear the “Quiet Worker” or “Wise Worker” pin to lunch. You made school something to be excited about, and your enthusiasm for learning made first grade one of the best years of my life. I still think back on it quite fondly.

Mr. Clifton (sorry, I still cannot bring myself to call you Rob), you are the reason I ever thought about a career in teaching at all. You were my first male teacher, and you were the youngest teacher I ever had. You had an innate ability to relate to us, whether by talking to us about your own life story and interests, finding out our interests, or relating the text to bizarre pop culture items. I’ll never forget the Whopper Jr./Grasshopper Jr. comparison. You were everything I thought a middle school teacher should be. As I have learned these past five years, it takes a unique individual to thrive in a setting with students of that age. You cared about us in a genuine way, and you made us feel respected. In every job interview I am asked what made me want to be a teacher, and in every interview I get to talk about you a little bit. That’s the impact you have made.

Mr. Pfeffer, when I got to high school, I didn’t want to be there in the slightest. It was all new and unfamiliar, and at that age I had a serious aversion to new and unfamiliar. Most days during my freshman year of high school I had a genuine fear of coming to school. Yet every day I looked forward to your Global Studies class. It was the one hour of the day that I truly felt safe. We had a small class, and you took the time to get to know us and work with us individually. I’ll never forget being in that class on September 11, 2001. What could’ve been a truly scary and scarring experience for us kids turned into a learning experience. You were calm and collected and really helped to ease our fears. I’m sorry I didn’t do as well in A.P. European History as I probably could have, but it was a blessing to have learned under you in two classes. It was an even greater blessing to come back to Tinley during college and spend my practicum hours learning under you. As far as social studies teachers go, there is none finer.

Ms. O’Malley, you taught me everything I needed to know about writing. From day one, you set high expectations for us. I remember being horrified about having to do a writing assignment on the first day of class. You set high standards for us because you knew we could reach them. You didn’t just stand back and watch us fail. You guided us each step of the way. You helped me find my voice as a writer, and you gave me confidence to express myself through the written word. It is because of you that I fell in love with writing and started a blog.

Later on in high school, I had a teacher who wanted things done her way. I remember being so frustrated in that class because things were done so much differently than how you taught me. But I remember seeing you in the hallway one day and you just encouraged me to do my best. By the time I got to college, I decided to forget everything I learned from that teacher and just write the way you taught me. I never received anything less than an A on any paper, both during my undergraduate and master’s experiences. Thank you for giving me my voice.

Dr. Tuttle, you showed me what it takes to be a good teacher. The class I took from you in college was my favorite undergraduate class. You were always firm, but you were always fair as well. You set high expectations but always showed us that you had a heart for us students. You were such a great mentor as my university supervisor during my student teaching experience. I recall one day when you were in for an evaluation and my students were working a bit more loudly than I would have preferred. I started to get frazzled and you pulled me aside and told me to take a step back and examine the noise. The chatter I was hearing was all about their work. You taught me how to focus on the right things as a teacher.

Each of you has made a significant impact in my life. Every day I walk into my classroom and hope to be half as good as each of you were to me. I try to use something I learned from you in my own educational practice. You have influenced me so greatly as a student, as a teacher, and as a person. I am so grateful to have learned under each of you, and I hope you recognize the impact you have made in my life.

All the best,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: ACSB Girls

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Jess, Manda, and Janelle,

Many people came and left the ACSB way back when, both guys and girls alike. Heck, it’s been a good number of years since I’ve even made my way over there. But whether you know it or not, the three of you had a big impact on my life ten years ago and set the groundwork for the following decade.

Jess, you have the distinction of being my first online friend. I made the decision to post in your Valentine’s Day stalker topic because the situation hit close to home (of course, in my situation, I was the one being accused of being the stalker haha). I then decided to hit you up on AIM. We hit it off and became friends. Looking back, that was a huge deal. I wasn’t the most confident guy in the world at that point by any stretch of the imagination. Taking that step to contact a total stranger was a huge deal. If you hadn’t treated me well (and really, you had no reason to), I would’ve figuratively packed my bags and went home. It was my first foray into the world of online friendships. You treated me well, and you opened the door for me to make countless other lasting and meaningful relationships over the past decade.

Our communications are always on and off, but when they’re on, they’re great. You will always have a very special place in my heart as my first online friend. You treated me well and helped me believe in myself a little more than I had. You put up with me even at my most persistent. I’m pretty sure you were the one who once described me as “persistent almost to the point of obsession.” I’m not sure I’ve ever been described better. Thanks for always being my friend.

Manda, you have the distinction of being my first friend who didn’t fit the narrow description that I thought all my friends would have. To that point, all my friends fit within this small, homogeneous box. I wasn’t used to people who were different. You, however, were different. I didn’t know it right away. In fact, I didn’t know for a few months. That was probably the best possible thing for me. It taught me that people who were different than me could be amazing people and still be great friends and that I would be missing out on a lot in life if I was so narrow-minded with my friends. You set the groundwork for me to react appropriately when I found out a few years later that one of my closest friends did not fit inside that box, either.

Though I do not do as good of a job as I should in keeping in touch, I want you to know how proud I am of you as a person. Your inner strength has been apparent since day one, and you’ve always been a great friend and great big sister. I’m going to do better at reminding you how proud I am of you.

Janelle, you might be the hardest working friend I have. I’ve yet to meet someone more organized, passionate, and determined. When you want something, you put forth a plan in motion to go and get it. I have always admired that trait about you. You have never been shy to speak your mind, and while that attribute might be seen as a weakness in other people, in you it has always been a strength. Your opinions have always been well-informed, and I’ve always appreciated your passion in what you believe. I always appreciate the opportunity to catch up with you. You’ve helped me learn so much about myself, and you’ve always been extremely helpful. Your advice ranks among the best I have ever received.

In a time period when I wasn’t all that good making meaningful connections with females, the three of you were exactly what I needed. You helped an awkward kid grow into his skin, so to speak. You helped me to become comfortable with who I was, and you helped me to eventually grow into a more confident person. I am proud to know each of you, and I am excited to see what the future has in store for you.

Love always,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: Gary

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Gary,

I’ve had a number of people over the years that I could consider mentors. From family members to teachers to pastors, I have learned and been inspired by a number of people over the course of my first 27+ years. It’s a veritable who’s who list of people who have shaped my life. Even in that crowd of people, you stand out.

Like Shannon (who I wrote about yesterday), your greatest role in my life was played during the time that I most needed it. From late 2007 to early 2008, I was an absolute mess. I didn’t know who I was, but I knew that things needed to change or I would lose my mind. I’m not sure why you took a liking to me. I don’t know if it was pity or that the worker in you could see what the end product could be just by looking at the supplies, but you took me under your wing and gave me a lot of help and guidance.

Looking back, I was a clueless kid who just didn’t know any better. I thought that every minor trial was the end of the world. I needed to become tougher mentally. Fortunately for me, you were a true man’s man. While you showed a great deal of compassion to me (probably more than I deserved), you taught me that life was going to be tough and that the only way I was going to survive is if I got tough myself and soldiered through it. I know I had to have driven you nuts by rehashing the same problems over and over again. You never told me “Hey, shut up kid. Just deal with it.” Instead, we talked things out and you taught me a lot. Granted, it took me a while to fully “get” what you were teaching me, but it happened eventually.

The best mentors sacrifice one of three things: time, energy, or money. You spent a lot of your free time on me. In hindsight, I didn’t show enough gratitude for that. For you, your time really is your most valuable currency. You worked your tail off at your job and then came home to be a standup father and husband (and even assumed some extended family responsibilities that you did not expect to have to assume), yet you still made time for me and my litany of issues which were so paltry by comparison. I still remember the night when H talked to me on AIM instead of you and gave me all sorts of advice. It was at that moment that I truly realized and appreciated the sacrifice of time that you made for me.

I’m sorry I took so long to understand such simple concepts. I’m sorry I couldn’t see the forest through the trees. I was so near-sighted those days, but you never stopped investing in me, and I eventually broke through and started to become the person I always wanted to be.

When I think of people I should try to emulate, you are near the top of the list. Your work ethic is legendary, and I hope to be half the husband and father that you are someday. Maybe I’ll even have the chance to show some clueless kid that every little thing isn’t the end of the world. Thanks for being my friend, and thanks for the patience you always showed me. It never went unnoticed.

All the best,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: SJT

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Shannon,

Mentors come in all shapes and sizes. Mentors are not restricted by age, gender, ability, interests, or anything else. The one thing that makes a good mentor is the willingness to be there for someone when they most need it. You had that willingness, and I appreciate it every day.

If someone had told me in early 2008 that one of the people who would most impact my life would be a bus driver from Alabama with unnatural sensibilities, and that I’d meet that person on a message board on GameFAQs, I would have laughed a hearty laugh. Yet, that’s what happened. I still remember that in the beginning I thought you were trying to catfish us. I remember Ken and myself demanding proof that you were indeed a woman. Oh, I was silly (sillier?) in those days.

When we became friends, I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I was so down because of things failing with Stacie that it began to affect the rest of my life. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wasn’t happy with who I was. I was out of shape and had absolutely no self-confidence. I was so worried about student teaching and my ability to become an effective teacher. You helped to restore some of my faith in myself. You showed me that I needed to deal with things that I could control and not worry so much about the things I couldn’t. You did it in a way that really pulled no punches yet let me know that you still cared about me.

After a while, you clued me in about some of your sensibilities that most people don’t have. That helped me to see things in a different light. I don’t know how many times I’ve come to you over the years about dreams that I’ve had and you’ve helped me gain greater clarity from them. You told me about a sense that you had about me narrowly avoiding a car accident because my mind was so preoccupied by other things. That happened that day. During that period, my mind was so scattered that there were days that I made the 35 mile drive to school and had virtually no recollection of the ride at all. That was a wakeup call for me, especially since one of my closest friends had passed two years prior in a car accident.

You always believed in me. You gave me advice, but never tried telling me that it was what I HAD to do. You just offered it as a friend. You helped me move on in the summer of 2008. You taught me that what was meant to be would be, and if it wasn’t meant to be, there was no sense fretting over it. I needed to stay positive and appreciate life's blessings. That friendship and faith in me allowed me to shake a lot of the things about myself that I didn’t like in 2008 and become someone I had a greater sense of pride in.

Our correspondences slowed over the years, as I grew more adult-like (hah!) with my responsibilities and your time became occupied by a new exciting relationship and the responsibilities of being a mother of an adolescent. That said, I know you’ve never stopped caring about me and never stopped believing in me. I can think of a few times the past few years of some times that you slapped some virtual sense into me because I was back on a track that had the potential for present and future problems. I didn’t always like what you had to say, but I appreciated that you cared enough about me to say it.

I am so excited for the next chapter of your life upon which you are about to embark. I am so thankful for our friendship and the way you’ve mentored me these past six years. I hope I’ve grown into the person you’ve always known I could become.

Love always,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: Andy

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Androodles,

Most people are surprised when I tell them I only have two cousins. They laugh when I classify my cousins as “The one I talk to” and “The one I don’t talk to”. The more I think about it, the more I think I only really have one cousin. Before you take that as a not so subtle dig and decide to prank me next Christmas with another large picture of Beth and Rob, let me clarify. You have been the close thing Heidi and I have had to another sibling.

Ahmah and Papa’s house would have been fun by itself, but you being around made things infinitely more fun. You made childhood more enjoyable. You always found things to do, from porch baseball to the rock game to the various things we did in the field. Life with you has always been more interesting.

There are a lot of things I’ve learned from you. You have such a great sense of self. You know who you are, and you are comfortable in your own skin. I remember having a conversation about that in August 2002 after you told me that Rachel Jackson thought I was boring. During that time, I really struggled with being okay with who I was. I tried so hard to get people to like me that after a while, not many people did. I was so jealous of you for the fact that people wanted to be around you. You helped me see that being me was the best favor I could do for myself.

I’ve never been all that great at trying new things. I like what I like and don’t often stray from it. You’re not that type of person in the slightest. I’ve always been impressed by your ability to adapt and thrive in whatever your surroundings are, no matter the country or continent. At 25, you make The Most Interesting Man in the World seem tame by comparison. Though I am by no means ready to do half the things you’ve done, you’ve shown me the merits of leaving my comfort zone. Slowly but surely, I’m getting there. There’s a whole world out there!

No matter how far apart we are, I’ll always appreciate the adventures we’ve shared. From the things you’ve done with me and my friends (camp, the Decatur trip, etc.), the things we’ve done as part of the whole family (the Michigan trip, every holiday gathering), and the many things you, Heidi, and I have done together (TTC House Plans, billions of other random experiences, trips to the pool), you’ve been a big part of my life. I know how much you enjoy weddings, so one day I’ll ask you to complete running the gauntlet and stand in my wedding.

I know you’re not quite where you want to be career wise, but I know you’ll get there someday. I have no doubt in my mind that your travels will take you near and far, but I hope you’ll never forget those of us who care about you back home. Thanks for always being there for Heidi and me. I hope that we’ve been able to do the same for you and that you know that we’d do anything for you and support you in anything you do. Thanks for not only being a cousin but also a friend.

Your Favorite Older Male Cousin,
Jakob

You are the Story I Tell: Dan

I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.

Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.

Dear Dan,

Before you worry, I don’t have your last name or any picture attached to this, nor did I tag you on Facebook. I know how much you value your online anonymity.
You are, without question, my oldest friend. Since our moms were in pregnancy class together, our friendship got a head start and got launched even before we set foot on this planet! We hit the ground running and never looked back.

When I think of the one friend I’d want with me to embark on any sort of crazy mission, I’d probably pick you for two reasons. One, you have a skill set that is conducive for success. You know how to do all sorts of things, both electronically and non-electronically. Secondly, you’ve always been extremely loyal and have followed me even on my craziest journeys.

It amazes me how our friendship somehow got stronger over the years. Sure, we were close during our SCCA years, but things picked up when we got to high school. I still laugh when I think about the things we’d do at Six Flags. I won’t forget our bowling and Pizza Hut outings, nor will I forget the year we roomed together at camp. Thinking about Cavallone screaming about seeing talking eyes at 3 AM is a memory that will always make me laugh.

Even as we got to college and beyond, our friendship grew. Most of my finest memories from the past 6-7 years involve your presence. From the trip to the random ski lodge in Lisle to see the first Graduate concert to the mini-road trip to Decatur that I will NEVER forget, your presence in my life was a steady force when most other things around me were falling apart.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring up our vacation in 2009. Up until the last day, that was the trip of a lifetime. I can still remember most of it so clearly. To this day it amazes me that I did so many stupid things involving food, from the exploding Slurpee in Maryland to the greasiest wings ever in Florida. If you hadn’t been there, I would have lost my mind when everything fell apart on the last day. Thanks for keeping me grounded.

We haven’t seen each other in the past two years, which by my estimation is ridiculous considering we live within 15 minutes of one another. I know work and your relationship/impending marriage takes a great deal of your time. As an aside, it still blows my mind that my mom was right about you being the first one in our group to get hitched. But I am happy for you and where your life has taken you. You have always worked hard, and I am pleased and proud that your hard work has reaped the rewards you so rightfully deserve.

Even if we don’t ever see each other again in our lives (which I would personally find frustrating as I still have you penciled in for a slot as one of my groomsmen), you made more of an impact in the first 25 years of my life than most others could have made in 100. Thanks for being my friend, and thanks for loyally following me into some of my more unorthodox situations while letting me be me.

All the best,
Jakob