Nearly three years ago, I wrote the predecessor to this post (which you can read by clicking HERE). Despite the title, the post had little to do with the actual growth of facial hair but instead focused on the symbolic moments in our lives that things turn around. This post will take a similar theme.
As long as I have been able to grow decent facial hair (so from about 2005 on), I have fluctuated from style to style. While some might consider that as a display of how fickle I am, there was always a purpose or a method to my madness. If you know anything about me by now, it’s that I’m a sucker for symbolism. A completely clean shaven Jakob indicated a desire to be serious and buckle down on life (particularly professionally), while the extended soul patch that went down my chin came to define my “GMTEL” look and my attempts to find enjoyment during early adulthood. Various mustaches and other odd fashions signified apathy or a desire to break from the norm.
Growing a beard long indicated grief of some sort, usually due to romantic missteps. In fact, I came to refer to it as a “Beard of Sorrow”. I would grow a beard while I let my spirit heal, and when I felt sufficiently healed I would shave it off and move forward. It became a symbol for whatever hurt I was feeling.
You may have noticed that this year I have had a beard for a greater percentage of time than any other year. However, it has not been a sign of my pain. As you may recall from the previous post, the trope of “Growing the Beard” consists of the singular defining moment that things got better. I no longer grow a “Beard of Sorrow”. Instead, I grow a “Beard of Waiting”. There are two things in my life that I want more than anything else. Those are the two things that drive me on a daily basis. When I look in the mirror and see the beard, it is a reminder that I am not yet where I want to be. Therefore, the onus is on me to end each day a little bit closer to my Personal Legend than I was the day before. When I am close to either of these dreams, I’ll shave off the beard.
So do I think that growing a beard is going to make everything magically fall into place? Of course not. I may be a little off, but I’m not THAT off. What I do know is that every day I have a tangible reminder that where I am and where I want to be are not one in the same. At this point, I’m not there yet. In the meantime, the beard will grow (meticulously trimmed, of course).
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Monday, September 8, 2014
Taking a Look at the AFC
By this point, you probably know I like to keep my fingers in a lot of pies. While I use this blog primarily to discuss things I have learned and observed in my own life, I do also like to write about some of my interests. By this point (unless you have paid me absolutely no attention at all the past 16 years) you also know that I love the Seattle Seahawks more than I love a lot of people, so it is no surprise that I want to see them repeat as Super Bowl Champions. That said, I do have an interest in who I would like to see them face in the Super Bowl, and for your benefit, I have ranked them in descending order. This is by no means a power ranking and there is no scientific method to my madness. These are merely my opinions and preferences. This is meant to be lighthearted in nature, so don’t take offense to anything I say.
16. Denver Broncos: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. No really, I do have the t-shirt of the Super Bowl XLVIII Lombardi Trophy that says the Seahawks defeated the Broncos by a score of 43-8. We learned that the immovable object beats the irresistible force, and I have absolutely no interest in a rematch.
15. Indianapolis Colts: Historically speaking, Andrew Luck has received significantly more love and plaudits than Russell Wilson. Imagine what would happen if he made it to a Super Bowl. Don’t get me wrong… I have nothing against the guy other than the fact that his laugh and facial expressions are absolutely terrifying. I just don’t want to see him in a Super Bowl at this point. Plus, I still have some ill will toward T.Y. Hilton after the Seahawks/Colts game I attended last year.
14. Cleveland Browns: As a rule, I generally prefer to root for teams that do not have a sustained history of success. That’s why you’ll see the Bengals and Chargers ranked fairly high on this list. I have no such goodwill toward the Browns. Johnny Manziel bothers me on a visceral level. Johnny Football? What sort of nickname is that? That would be like my coworkers and students calling me Jakey History or something equally as obnoxious. I want him to have a career that makes Tim Tebow seem like Joe Montana. I want him to get to the point that he makes Ryan Leaf look like Peyton Manning by comparison. As long as he is in Cleveland I will root against the Browns.
13. Miami Dolphins: There is so much not to like about the Dolphins. I do not like their ’72 alumni and the arrogant ways by which they carry themselves. I do not like the color of their new uniforms or the ridiculous font they chose to display on said uniforms. I do not like the fact that they still employ Mike Pouncey despite the fact that in many ways he was just as bad as Richie Incognito. I do not like that their running backs have always been wasted picks in fantasy football. Keep them off my TV, please.
12. New York Jets: The Jets are the embodiment of all the negative stereotypes that people outside the city of New York have about New Yorkers. Misplaced sense of bravado? Check. Delusional belief in abilities? Check. The belief that everyone can, should, and does care about every move they make? Check, check, and check. The fact that Rex Ryan is still head coach is a joke, as is the fact that the team reached out to that ridiculous blowhard in the fireman’s hat. Go away, Jets. I won’t miss you. I promise.
11. New England Patriots: Yeah, every few years they seem to make it back to the big game. It’s boring. I respect the abilities of Belichick as a coach, Brady as a quarterback, and Gronkowski as an insufferable moron, but I’m bored of them. They don’t have anything new or exciting to offer. A Super Bowl featuring the Patriots is too bland for my tastes.
10. Oakland Raiders: I’m not particularly concerned about a Seahawks/Raiders Super Bowl occurring since I was only a sophomore in high school when the Raiders were last relevant. I do not like the city of Oakland or their stadium. I don’t like that they still insist on signing guys who are 3-5 years past their prime instead of attempting a legitimate rebuild. Have fun in the basement, boys.
9. Houston Texans: My sister has an irrational hatred for J.J. Watt that I find absolutely hilarious. While I personally am ambivalent towards him and negatively disposed to Arian Foster, I don’t mind the organization and believe that last year was an aberration. They’ve got some work to do, but they’ve got a pretty talented roster that, when firing on all cylinders, is interesting to watch. A Seahawks/Texans Super Bowl could be fun at some point. Do I see it happening this year? No.
8. Buffalo Bills: Any of us who have ever come close to achieving a goal or dream and fell just short can empathize with the Bills. These guys lost 4 Super Bowls in a row, after all. You just have to feel for them and hope that they FINALLY get to where they want to be. Sadly for them, it won’t be this year….though if it was this year, I think I’d be okay with it.
7. Tennessee Titans: I’ve always had a soft spot for the Titans. Maybe it’s because my high school was also the home of the Titans. Maybe it was because of how awesome their uniforms seemed when they debuted in 1999. Whatever the reason, I don’t mind this team. That said, they always seem like they’re just sort of there, like someone who shows up to your party and you can’t figure out who invited them. While they’re there, they don’t do much of anything and nobody sees them leave, but you don’t mind their presence because they’re relatively inoffensive. That’s pretty much what the Titans are to me.
6. Jacksonville Jaguars: This team has pretty much become the Seahawks of the east, as their coaching staff and roster is peppered with former members of the Seahawks. That should make me like them a lot more than I actually do. I have a lot of goodwill toward the former Seahawks that are on the Jaguars roster, and I would love to see them succeed at some point. I’ve seen what it takes to build a team from the ground up. This team isn’t there yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion it won’t take too long…
5. Baltimore Ravens: I have a fairly positive disposition towards this team because of some friends who are Ravens fans. I also can’t wipe the smile off my face that came from Jim Harbaugh’s 49ers losing the Super Bowl because of these very Ravens. I would’ve loved to have seen Seattle’s defense face off against the Ravens and their defense of old. I still would be interested in seeing how these two teams would match up against each other in a Super Bowl.
4. San Diego Chargers: I should be ashamed to admit this, but I’ll say it nonetheless: I actually like Philip Rivers. There is something that endears me to him and the way he plays. He’s never seemed like he’s been blessed with the most natural ability in the world, but he makes the most of what he has and is pretty tough to boot. I think Mike McCoy is going to be an excellent NFL coach. Plus, the Chargers have only made one Super Bowl. I wouldn’t mind seeing them get back there.
3. Cincinnati Bengals: I think Andy Dalton is an extremely mediocre quarterback and that the Bengals only drafted him because his hair matches the color of their helmets and the accent color in their uniforms, but this is an organization I’ve always had a fondness for. If they can finally get over the hump and actually win a playoff game, I would be interested to see how far they could go. A Super Bowl against the Seahawks would be fun.
2. Kansas City Chiefs: Sometime in the middle of last decade I developed a fondness for the Chiefs. I like their dedication to running the football and their fanbase that in terms of passion is very similar to our 12th Man. I would love to see Andy Reid continue to succeed and for Alex Smith to state his case that the 49ers made a mistake in choosing Kaepernick over him. I think they’ve got a much tougher road this season, but if they got to the Super Bowl, I wouldn’t complain.
1. Pittsburgh Steelers: Are you surprised? I bet you are. After the Seahawks won Super Bowl XLVIII, any and all lingering resentment I harbored toward the Steelers organization dissipated. I’m still not the biggest fan of Ben Roethlisberger, but I do love Antonio Brown, and the Steelers have an organization that has been dedicated to excellence and has maintained that excellence for the better part of 40 years. I would love nothing more than to get back to the Super Bowl and give them a little repayment for Super Bowl XL. Plus, I can only imagine the smack talk that Kim and I would engage in leading up to and during the Super Bowl. Come on Steelers. Make it happen.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Two Fiddy
Hey there. Sorry for the slight delay between posts. It’s been a relatively busy month full of both disappointments and things that have me extremely excited for what is to come. I’ve wanted to give this post the time and attention that it needed. It is a milestone, after all.
If you had told me a decade ago that I would have a blog with 250 posts and thousands of page views, I probably would have believed you, but I would have had no idea where this would have taken me. Allow me to indulge you in a bit of a history lesson.
By the time I started blogging, I was no stranger to writing on the internet. I had a fairly successful webpage called Inside the Mind of Jakob Duehr that I updated on a weekly basis. After doing that for over a year, I began to burn out and quickly found myself devoid of new and exciting ideas. I wanted to keep writing but in smaller and more measured doses.
One thing that most people don’t know is that my blog has actually moved a number of times. My original blog was located on Xanga (remember when that was a thing) before migrating to MySpace and LiveJournal. I finally consolidated all my old posts and imported each of them to Blogger, and that is where my writing has lived since 2008.
Sometimes people ask me “Why do you write?” Though that may seem like a simple question, it does not elicit a simple response. I write because I’m not the most boisterous person in the world. I’ve never believed that the world HAS to hear what I have to say, but I believe that I should make my thoughts and the lessons I have learned available to anyone who is interested in reading them. At my heart, I am a teacher, and I would love nothing more than for others to learn from the mistakes I have made so that they do not have to experience some of the discomforts I have. Sometimes we rise by stepping on the backs of others who have made the same mistakes we were about to make. I have no problem helping others rise. I write because I believe in the power of the written word, much as I believe in the power of the spoken word. Some things gain a greater degree of poignancy when they are written.
I am grateful that I decided to start writing because my blog has served as a veritable snapshot of my life over the course of the past decade. It is both amusing and humbling to go back and read old posts. Sometimes I feel a great sense of pride in all that I have accomplished and overcome, while other times I am frustrated because I find myself making some of the same mistakes I made long ago. I am fortunate to have tangible proof of where I was and where I now am. I can only hope that those things will guide me to where I want to be.
There have been so many blessings that have come as a result of this blog. I have cultivated friendships with members of a number of bands that I listen to thanks to what I have written about them. I got back in touch with so many of you this past spring during the “You Are the Story I Tell” series. It was so humbling and inspiring to know that I’ve impacted many of you in a small way, especially considering how integral you have been to making me the man I am today. I have learned so much about myself through writing, and I thank you for actually taking the time to read what I have to say.
So what does the future hold for me and this blog? Do I have another 250 posts in me? I’d like to think so. Who knows where my life will lead and what it will give to me, but I certainly plan to keep writing. At some point, I’m going to finish writing my book. Thank you for reading, and thank you for inspiring me to continue to write. You are the stories I have told, and you are the stories I will continue to tell.
If you had told me a decade ago that I would have a blog with 250 posts and thousands of page views, I probably would have believed you, but I would have had no idea where this would have taken me. Allow me to indulge you in a bit of a history lesson.
By the time I started blogging, I was no stranger to writing on the internet. I had a fairly successful webpage called Inside the Mind of Jakob Duehr that I updated on a weekly basis. After doing that for over a year, I began to burn out and quickly found myself devoid of new and exciting ideas. I wanted to keep writing but in smaller and more measured doses.
One thing that most people don’t know is that my blog has actually moved a number of times. My original blog was located on Xanga (remember when that was a thing) before migrating to MySpace and LiveJournal. I finally consolidated all my old posts and imported each of them to Blogger, and that is where my writing has lived since 2008.
Sometimes people ask me “Why do you write?” Though that may seem like a simple question, it does not elicit a simple response. I write because I’m not the most boisterous person in the world. I’ve never believed that the world HAS to hear what I have to say, but I believe that I should make my thoughts and the lessons I have learned available to anyone who is interested in reading them. At my heart, I am a teacher, and I would love nothing more than for others to learn from the mistakes I have made so that they do not have to experience some of the discomforts I have. Sometimes we rise by stepping on the backs of others who have made the same mistakes we were about to make. I have no problem helping others rise. I write because I believe in the power of the written word, much as I believe in the power of the spoken word. Some things gain a greater degree of poignancy when they are written.
I am grateful that I decided to start writing because my blog has served as a veritable snapshot of my life over the course of the past decade. It is both amusing and humbling to go back and read old posts. Sometimes I feel a great sense of pride in all that I have accomplished and overcome, while other times I am frustrated because I find myself making some of the same mistakes I made long ago. I am fortunate to have tangible proof of where I was and where I now am. I can only hope that those things will guide me to where I want to be.
There have been so many blessings that have come as a result of this blog. I have cultivated friendships with members of a number of bands that I listen to thanks to what I have written about them. I got back in touch with so many of you this past spring during the “You Are the Story I Tell” series. It was so humbling and inspiring to know that I’ve impacted many of you in a small way, especially considering how integral you have been to making me the man I am today. I have learned so much about myself through writing, and I thank you for actually taking the time to read what I have to say.
So what does the future hold for me and this blog? Do I have another 250 posts in me? I’d like to think so. Who knows where my life will lead and what it will give to me, but I certainly plan to keep writing. At some point, I’m going to finish writing my book. Thank you for reading, and thank you for inspiring me to continue to write. You are the stories I have told, and you are the stories I will continue to tell.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
I ain't young but I ain't dead yet. I got more promise than regret.
*Post title comes courtesy of “A Fond Farewell” by Versus the World*
In my last post I touched on my illness a bit. That was by far the longest I have ever been sick, but after the doctor gave me antibiotics, I started to recover. That’s what made last week’s scare even scarier.
Last Thursday, I finally felt good enough to run my usual three miles. At an average speed of 8 minutes per mile, it wasn’t as brisk of a pace as I would have preferred, but the fact that I was able to make it through the entire run was particularly encouraging. That afternoon, I got a call from the doctor’s office. All the receptionist told me was “The doctor looked at your x-ray results. Come in as soon as possible.”
I have long prided myself on my optimism, but when you hear something like that, even the most optimistic of people can begin to fear the worst. I had no idea what I had. Tuberculosis? Cancer? Was I terminal? I didn’t know, and it scared me.
Fortunately, what happened was that the x-ray indicated that in addition to the pinkeye and strep that I had, I also had pneumonia. The doctor had prescribed me a strong antibiotic for the strep and wanted to see if the antibiotic also wiped out the pneumonia. I took a follow-up x-ray, and the pneumonia was cleared out of my lungs.
As I sat in the room waiting for the doctor to appear, my life began to flash before my eyes. Actually, it was more of the things I had not yet done that flashed before me. I thought about my lack of wife and children. I thought of my unfinished literary masterpiece. I thought about the fact I still haven’t made it to Pittsburgh. I was troubled by the things that have yet to (and may not) occur.
Now that I’ve been given a clean bill of health and a new lease on life so to speak, it has allowed me to look at things in a slightly more rational light. No, I’m not as young as I once was. I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20. College is fast becoming a distant memory. It used to be only days that would pass between seeing my closest friends. Now years separate our gatherings. There is a lot that I hoped to accomplish by now that hasn’t happened.
However, I can’t create my timetable based on the lives of others. Yeah, my younger sister is married and out on her own halfway across the country. Yeah, some of my peers are in the jobs of their dreams and/or have families of their own. That’s great for them. But I have to stop living on their timetables. Life doesn’t always happen when we want it to. If it did, I’d be on step 4 or 5 of my #SixStepsAway plan. In some cases, the best we can do is make sure we’re at least pointed in the right direction. If we are, we can hope that we’ll get there someday. Therefore, I live in hope that she'll come around soon enough and that I'll be able to provide for my family while working my dream job.
That said, there are other goals or “bucket list items” that are within my control. If there’s one thing that this health scare taught me, it is to live in relentless pursuit of the things I want to accomplish so that the man I am and the man I want to be are one in the same. I may not be a kid anymore, but I’ve got a lot left in the tank. I’m ready to be viewed for my output rather than my potential.
In my last post I touched on my illness a bit. That was by far the longest I have ever been sick, but after the doctor gave me antibiotics, I started to recover. That’s what made last week’s scare even scarier.
Last Thursday, I finally felt good enough to run my usual three miles. At an average speed of 8 minutes per mile, it wasn’t as brisk of a pace as I would have preferred, but the fact that I was able to make it through the entire run was particularly encouraging. That afternoon, I got a call from the doctor’s office. All the receptionist told me was “The doctor looked at your x-ray results. Come in as soon as possible.”
I have long prided myself on my optimism, but when you hear something like that, even the most optimistic of people can begin to fear the worst. I had no idea what I had. Tuberculosis? Cancer? Was I terminal? I didn’t know, and it scared me.
Fortunately, what happened was that the x-ray indicated that in addition to the pinkeye and strep that I had, I also had pneumonia. The doctor had prescribed me a strong antibiotic for the strep and wanted to see if the antibiotic also wiped out the pneumonia. I took a follow-up x-ray, and the pneumonia was cleared out of my lungs.
As I sat in the room waiting for the doctor to appear, my life began to flash before my eyes. Actually, it was more of the things I had not yet done that flashed before me. I thought about my lack of wife and children. I thought of my unfinished literary masterpiece. I thought about the fact I still haven’t made it to Pittsburgh. I was troubled by the things that have yet to (and may not) occur.
Now that I’ve been given a clean bill of health and a new lease on life so to speak, it has allowed me to look at things in a slightly more rational light. No, I’m not as young as I once was. I’m closer to 30 than I am to 20. College is fast becoming a distant memory. It used to be only days that would pass between seeing my closest friends. Now years separate our gatherings. There is a lot that I hoped to accomplish by now that hasn’t happened.
However, I can’t create my timetable based on the lives of others. Yeah, my younger sister is married and out on her own halfway across the country. Yeah, some of my peers are in the jobs of their dreams and/or have families of their own. That’s great for them. But I have to stop living on their timetables. Life doesn’t always happen when we want it to. If it did, I’d be on step 4 or 5 of my #SixStepsAway plan. In some cases, the best we can do is make sure we’re at least pointed in the right direction. If we are, we can hope that we’ll get there someday. Therefore, I live in hope that she'll come around soon enough and that I'll be able to provide for my family while working my dream job.
That said, there are other goals or “bucket list items” that are within my control. If there’s one thing that this health scare taught me, it is to live in relentless pursuit of the things I want to accomplish so that the man I am and the man I want to be are one in the same. I may not be a kid anymore, but I’ve got a lot left in the tank. I’m ready to be viewed for my output rather than my potential.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
The Comeback Trail
The Comeback Trail is an interesting thing. Nobody really sets out to wind up on this trail. It’s not as if we wake up on New Year’s Day and happily proclaim, “This year I will get on the Comeback Trail!” We wind up on this trail due to circumstances in our lives (often unforeseen) that knock us off the path upon which we were traveling previously. To be eligible for the Comeback Trail, we had to have either stagnated or downright regressed from where we were. If we ever want to get to where we want or even need to be, we find ourselves on this trail.
The Comeback Trail can also be a frustrating thing. It takes a great degree of effort, focus, and motivation to merely get back to where we were. It can be very disheartening to realize that we have expended time and effort only to get back to where we were. However, for the sake of our own sanity, we cannot look at it in that manner. We cannot compare our current location to where we once were. For one reason or another, whether it was in or out of our control, we are there no longer. All we can do is work to get to where we want to be. Even if we are not as close to that point as we once were, we must not lose focus and we must not lose heart. It is imperative that we keep sight of where we want to be and press on.
I currently find myself on this Comeback Trail due to circumstances that were entirely unforeseen. July 2014 will go down as one of the most challenging months of my life to this point in a number of ways. I’ve already blogged about my trip to the Carolinas and cancellation of my trip to Pittsburgh, so I will spare you a repeat of my broken heart ballad. What I will say is that trip set my heart and spirit in a direction I had not planned on taking.
Unfortunately, my body took that trip as well. While I had the time of my life at Warped Tour, the place is a cesspool for germs and illnesses, especially if you try to see bands as close to the stage as possible. Last Monday, I began to notice a deep chest cough, and by the time I went to bed that night I was experiencing chills. Over the course of the next few days, a number of other symptoms came, and while some left, others lingered. It took the occurrence of pinkeye to get me to finally bite the bullet and see a doctor. Upon my visit I discovered that in addition to the pinkeye, I was also afflicted with strep and “a touch of a lung infection”. I was put on an antibiotic and set out for the Comeback Trail.
As someone who prides themselves on the fact that I only *maybe* miss going to the gym once a month, this inactivity, while necessary, has been frustrating. I don’t know when I’ll be back to the gym, and I definitely don’t know when my body will be capable of performing at the level that it was before the sickness. My strength and my cardiovascular endurance were better than they ever have been, and it’s frustrating to have to climb that ladder again. Likewise, it’s frustrating to have to get my heart back on track (especially as I struggle to comprehend why this all went sour). But I can’t get to where I want to be unless I get back to where I was. Sure, this lengthens the process of getting to where I want to be, but it’s worthwhile. I’m on the Comeback Trail, and by the time I’m off it, I have a good feeling that I’ll wind up even better than ever. Time to get to work!
The Comeback Trail can also be a frustrating thing. It takes a great degree of effort, focus, and motivation to merely get back to where we were. It can be very disheartening to realize that we have expended time and effort only to get back to where we were. However, for the sake of our own sanity, we cannot look at it in that manner. We cannot compare our current location to where we once were. For one reason or another, whether it was in or out of our control, we are there no longer. All we can do is work to get to where we want to be. Even if we are not as close to that point as we once were, we must not lose focus and we must not lose heart. It is imperative that we keep sight of where we want to be and press on.
I currently find myself on this Comeback Trail due to circumstances that were entirely unforeseen. July 2014 will go down as one of the most challenging months of my life to this point in a number of ways. I’ve already blogged about my trip to the Carolinas and cancellation of my trip to Pittsburgh, so I will spare you a repeat of my broken heart ballad. What I will say is that trip set my heart and spirit in a direction I had not planned on taking.
Unfortunately, my body took that trip as well. While I had the time of my life at Warped Tour, the place is a cesspool for germs and illnesses, especially if you try to see bands as close to the stage as possible. Last Monday, I began to notice a deep chest cough, and by the time I went to bed that night I was experiencing chills. Over the course of the next few days, a number of other symptoms came, and while some left, others lingered. It took the occurrence of pinkeye to get me to finally bite the bullet and see a doctor. Upon my visit I discovered that in addition to the pinkeye, I was also afflicted with strep and “a touch of a lung infection”. I was put on an antibiotic and set out for the Comeback Trail.
As someone who prides themselves on the fact that I only *maybe* miss going to the gym once a month, this inactivity, while necessary, has been frustrating. I don’t know when I’ll be back to the gym, and I definitely don’t know when my body will be capable of performing at the level that it was before the sickness. My strength and my cardiovascular endurance were better than they ever have been, and it’s frustrating to have to climb that ladder again. Likewise, it’s frustrating to have to get my heart back on track (especially as I struggle to comprehend why this all went sour). But I can’t get to where I want to be unless I get back to where I was. Sure, this lengthens the process of getting to where I want to be, but it’s worthwhile. I’m on the Comeback Trail, and by the time I’m off it, I have a good feeling that I’ll wind up even better than ever. Time to get to work!
Sunday, July 20, 2014
I Survived (and Enjoyed) Warped Tour: A Review of My Experience
You know me. I can’t really do anything without eventually writing about it. Yesterday I had the opportunity to hit up the Vans Warped Tour for the first time. It was a long but enjoyable day, as I was able to catch 17(!) bands in all. In fact, the only band that I really wanted to see but wasn’t able to catch to catch was Bayside. More on that later. Here is a review of the bands I did see (in chronological order of when I was them) as well as some other general thoughts.
State Champs: The day started off on a very strong note as relative newcomers to the pop punk scene, State Champs, absolutely killed it. They played a very strong and energetic set and included my personal favorite song of theirs, “Simple Existence”. Honestly, this is only the start of bigger and better things for the band. I would not be surprised if within three years these guys would wind up headlining the whole tour.
The Summer Set: At this point my trip took a detour into the poppier side of the pop punk genre with The Summer Set. The Summer Set is an interesting band, as I feel the most popular band member is not their frontman but rather their drummer, Jess Bowen. I don’t think there’s a single fan of pop punk (whether male or female, gay or straight) that doesn’t absolutely adore her. I know I do! She is crazy talented. The band played a solid set, but there was something with the lead singer that didn’t fully connect with me. He was extremely energetic, but there’s a fine line between harnessing that energy into something amazing (see Stephen Christian of Anberlin) and coming across as disingenuous. Maybe I was just reading it wrong, but it didn’t connect with me.
Icon for Hire: After the previous set, I bought a cup of lemonade and briefly checked out Icon for Hire. I had heard of the band and vaguely knew of them, so I figured I’d check them out on my way back to the main stage. I saw a band that has a lot of room to grow but possesses the potential to get there. The lead singer was dressed like a patient in a hospital. Her presentation was reminiscent of Ashley Costello of New Year’s Day. Another band I could see moving up in the world in a few years, though there’s just as much potential to go the other way.
Four Year Strong: If two rather large bearded gentlemen told you to scream along the words of their songs with them, it would probably be a good idea to do exactly that. Four Year Strong put on an extremely strong performance. The first thing I noticed about the band’s dual lead singers, Alan Day and Dan O’Connor, is that they are really big. Standing 6’5 myself, I don’t really notice such things. Dan in particular looks like he belongs in a WWE ring. These guys were great, and the fact that they ended their set with my personal favorite of theirs, “Wasting Time”, made it even better.
Secrets: I was a little worn out (in a good way) from the previous performance, so I settled back into the main auditorium with two guys I had met while standing in line earlier that morning. I had completely forgotten that I actually listened to these guys a bit last summer. Though their performance was merely a pit stop for me as I was waiting for other bands, it wasn’t bad.
Echosmith: The only reason I stuck around for Echosmith was because there was someone I was intending to meet up with during their performance. However, my supernatural ability to scan large crowds and find persons of interest is not what it used to be, and I was unable to find her at that point. I had never heard of Echosmith before that performance, and while it didn’t blow me away to the point of wanting to go and buy all of their merchandise, it did leave me intrigued enough to want to check out more of their songs. Emo meets 80s is always intriguing.
We the Kings: If I had been seeing We the Kings five years ago, I probably would have been a lot more excited. That said, I was still very happy to see them. Travis Clark has a phenomenal stage presence and excellent sense of humor that translates well to larger audiences. While the band played two hits from their eponymous debut album, I would’ve loved to have heard even more numbers from that album, as that release had a special magic that the band has been trying to recapture ever since.
Yellowcard: I can’t begin to tell you how excited I was to see this band perform live. I liked them in high school, LOVED them in college, and have grown to appreciate them even more as I’ve settled into adulthood. They did not disappoint. Ryan Key is as polished a frontman as you will find in the scene, a pro’s pro if you will. What I didn’t realize prior to seeing them live was how integral of a role that violinist Sean Mackin plays in the live experience. I knew how crucial the violin was to the band’s sound, but he does so much more than that. With the backing vocals, the encouragement to get the crowd to participate (not that we needed much help that way), and even the backflip, it is almost as if the band has a second frontman out there. I wrenched my back trying to boost a girl so that she could crowd surf. Some people just aren’t meant to surf the crowd. My phone also died during this set, so I was unable to get any more pictures the rest of the day. That said, Yellowcard put on one amazing performance, and I wish it could’ve gone on longer.
We Are the In Crowd: I’ve kept this band on my periphery for years, as they actually followed me back on Twitter in 2010 and my path has crossed with vocalist Tay Jardine on a few occasions on Stickam. The band put on a pleasant performance, though I was distracted as I FINALLY (and unexpectedly) ran into the person I was trying to meet during the Echosmith set. All in all, a very good half hour.
Less Than Jake: I’m not the biggest fan of ska around, but I’ve followed Less Than Jake for a few years, and their song “The Rest of My Life” would rank in my top 50 songs of the previous decade. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no idea about the creepy uncle complex these guys had going on. Even though they’ve been doing this for the better part of my lifetime, they still have ridiculous amounts of talent. I just wish they would’ve let their talent take the forefront instead of the whole creepy uncle thing. I hope my favorite bands aren’t like that in ten years.
The Story So Far: Parker Cannon gets his fair share of hate out there (some probably deserved) because he marches to the beat of his own drum. If you’re going to expect him to behave like Ryan Key or Stephen Christian, you’re going to be disappointed. But the guy has skills, and the band was put in an unfortunate spot between Yellowcard and the next band. The band did a good job of keeping it together even though a good portion of the crowd was starting to get restless.
A Day to Remember: So yesterday morning, A Day to Remember announced on their Facebook that they would be making a surprise appearance at this stop of the tour, as they are not scheduled for the rest of the tour. Because of the impact that Common Courtesy had on my life last year, I made the decision to see these guys play instead of Bayside. I was bummed that I had to miss Bayside, but extremely excited for the unexpected opportunity to see ADTR. I have never seen a crowd quite like the crowd during this set. They turned everything into a massive mosh pit, with frontman Jeremy McKinnon egging it on. I started “Right Back at it Again” on one side of the stage and ended it 30 feet to the right of where I started due to all the shoving and shifting. It is a rather good thing I do not suffer from claustrophobia, as all the bodies on top of me would’ve have been perilous. Right before “All I Want”, I decided I had enough of that audience and watched the rest of the set from a distance. The band is incredible, but I learned my lesson that they are best enjoyed from a distance.
Mayday Parade: Jannelle introduced me to this band very shortly after we started talking, and they quickly blossomed into one of my favorites. They put on a good yet disappointing performance. Nearly the entirety of the set was spent on songs from either their debut album A Lesson in Romantics or their most recent album Monsters in the Closet. They did not include any songs from Anywhere but Here, my favorite album of theirs. They did, however, close their set with “Jersey”, which made simultaneously happy and nostalgic.
Real Friends: Prior to this week, I had absolutely no idea that these guys hailed from my hometown of Tinley Park, so this was a homecoming for them. At this point, these guys are not at the same level as The Story So Far or even State Champs, but they had something going for them last night that cannot be underscored: pure emotion. In my opinion, music is so much better when you can feel the emotion that the band or singer is attempting to convey. You could feel the emotion in the singer’s voice as he talked about attending this very event many times as a kid and the humble beginnings the band had playing in the party room of the local bowling alley. You have to feel proud when people, especially local people, “make it”. That was more important than anything during this set.
The Maine: This is a band that I’ve known of for years but couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to. This set didn’t really do them any favors in moving up in my eyes. At first, I was perplexed as to why the lead singer was wearing a hood during the performance. After a couple minutes, I realized that he had the misfortune of a bad haircut with that matched the colors of his shirt. For some reason, he brought up a random Australian to sing part of a song despite the fact that the guy could carry a tune about as well as Swiss cheese could carry water.
Volumes: I do not like hardcore punk. I don’t know if some people would classify these guys as metalcore instead, but I did not like this. The only reason I watched this set was so that I could snag a better spot for the Anberlin set. I’m not going to say these guys aren’t talented, but I will say that this particular style of music is one that my ears do not find particularly palatable.
Anberlin: I had the opportunity to see Anberlin in concert in 2003 when they had only been a band for a very short time. They are one of the few bands that I have been consistently interested in from start to finish, so it was imperative that I saw them one last time. The band was phenomenal in 2003, and they have only grown for the past 11 years. Their set was legendary, as they included tracks from each of their first six albums. If I do not get the chance to see them on their farewell tour, this would serve as a great farewell.
General Thoughts
• Prices at the First Midwest Bank Amphitheater are ridiculous. A slice of pizza, lemonade, and water bottle cost me nearly 20 dollars. I know that’s the nature of the beast, but that doesn’t mean I have to be a fan of it.
• There were so many shows I wanted to see that I wasn’t really able to explore the tents and all the goodies there. The whole festival atmosphere is great, though, and there’s something for everyone.
• The weather yesterday was very temperate for the time of year. Therefore, there was no excuse for some of the clothing attires present, especially with some of the young ladies. There’s a time and place for everything. Yesterday was not the time. I’ll let you figure out the place.
• I do not understand the intrigue of “circle pits”. There’s not a necessity for them. All that comes from it is the potential for injury. Also, some bands’ music is not conducive to said circle pit. A Day to Remember I can get. Four Year Strong I can understand to an extent as well. But to try to get a pit going and crowd surf during Anberlin and Yellowcard? Now you’re just being silly.
• The security did a great job keeping all the crowd surfers safe. I was very impressed with their patience with everyone.
• Despite people flailing around like crazy, there were no hotheads in the crowd that I encountered. There were no fights or near-fights, and everyone seemed to get along with one another.
• That said, the venue really needs to reconsider their stance on smoking inside the building, and some people do not need to be so inconsiderate to light one up when there is only 2 inches of clearance between themselves and the people around them. Smoking is a personal decision, and I understand that. But it takes a special kind of selfishness to blow your smoke when you’re two inches from someone else.
• It’s a real shame my phone went out, because I had absolutely great spots to see most of the sets. In some cases, I was no more than ten feet from the stage. It’s also a shame my phone went out before I spontaneously ran into Kristen, as no photographic evidence exists of our encounter. But we did meet, and (much like most people), her first reaction was to marvel at my height.
It was a long but incredible day. I’m still sore, but it was worth it. It was an amazing experience to hear so many songs that have connected to me in unspeakable ways. I’d love to go back again. Maybe you’ll accompany me!
Friday, July 18, 2014
Music: Healing the Heart and Easing the Mind
By now, you know that music and I have a pretty special relationship. I wouldn’t have written a 27 part blog series if we didn’t! Though I haven’t participated in the making or replication of music since the late 1990s, music and I have formed a bond that has only been strengthened over the course of time. From Relient K and Hawk Nelson in high school to Yellowcard and Day at the Fair in college to The Graduate and Fireworks as an adult, music has gotten me through some difficult times. My life has been for the most part both productive and successful, but it has been far from smooth sailing, and there have been a lot of hurts. It is inevitable that there are going to be moments where you feel alone. I certainly have. It has been during those times that music truly exhibited healing powers in my life.
When you’re going through tough times, it’s really important to realize that there is someone out there who gets it. Maybe their situation isn’t exactly the same, but you can tell that they comprehend the basic principles of what is going on. It is for that reason that some of my greatest bonds to bands and albums were forged during some of the most difficult times of my life. The role The Graduate’s Only Every Time played in dragging me out of a funk and turning my life around in 2010 has been well-documented. But that’s not the only album that has done that for me. Different albums and songs have hit me right in the heart at the very moment I needed to hear them.
It is no secret by now that my trip earlier this month did not go as I had planned or hoped. I probably can’t adequately express how much that tore me up. As a result of what I was feeling, I decided that my next course of action was to disconnect from everyone and everything. I didn’t know if that was going to be the best thing for me in order to recover, but it was the path I was intending to travel. I even had a lengthy blog post prepared that was going to explain my decision and subsequent isolation. However, something stopped me.
If you’ve ever been driven in a car by me, you know that I still have an affinity for making “Mix CDs”. Every few months I gather 18-22 of my favorite tracks at the moment and put them into one of two series: “Stand Up and Rock” for the faster and heavier stuff and “The Pursuit of Peace” for the slower and mellower tracks. On my way home, I had “Stand Up and Rock XIII” playing. Even though I had compiled this album before my trip and thus lacked the knowledge of how things were going to turn sour, I was amazed at the relevance many of the tracks had to my life and my current situation. One track in particular, “Remember Me” from The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (yes, they still make music) hit me and totally changed my thoughts on the situation.
Right then I realized that there were a lot of people, both near and far, who were there for me, people who showed a legitimate concern and compassion for my situation and the hurt I was feeling. To disconnect from them would have been selfish and counterproductive.
Tomorrow I am crossing off an item on my bucket list. For the first time in my life, I have the privilege of attending Warped Tour. A dozen of my favorite bands will be performing. Some, such as Yellowcard and Anberlin, have played an important role in my development over the last decade. I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to meet any of these bands, but if I do, I’m going to thank them for how they’ve helped me heal over the years. I’m still not whole, but I’m sure there’s a song for me out there to fix that!
When you’re going through tough times, it’s really important to realize that there is someone out there who gets it. Maybe their situation isn’t exactly the same, but you can tell that they comprehend the basic principles of what is going on. It is for that reason that some of my greatest bonds to bands and albums were forged during some of the most difficult times of my life. The role The Graduate’s Only Every Time played in dragging me out of a funk and turning my life around in 2010 has been well-documented. But that’s not the only album that has done that for me. Different albums and songs have hit me right in the heart at the very moment I needed to hear them.
It is no secret by now that my trip earlier this month did not go as I had planned or hoped. I probably can’t adequately express how much that tore me up. As a result of what I was feeling, I decided that my next course of action was to disconnect from everyone and everything. I didn’t know if that was going to be the best thing for me in order to recover, but it was the path I was intending to travel. I even had a lengthy blog post prepared that was going to explain my decision and subsequent isolation. However, something stopped me.
If you’ve ever been driven in a car by me, you know that I still have an affinity for making “Mix CDs”. Every few months I gather 18-22 of my favorite tracks at the moment and put them into one of two series: “Stand Up and Rock” for the faster and heavier stuff and “The Pursuit of Peace” for the slower and mellower tracks. On my way home, I had “Stand Up and Rock XIII” playing. Even though I had compiled this album before my trip and thus lacked the knowledge of how things were going to turn sour, I was amazed at the relevance many of the tracks had to my life and my current situation. One track in particular, “Remember Me” from The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (yes, they still make music) hit me and totally changed my thoughts on the situation.
Remember you still have friends
And we will be with you until the end
Everybody gets their heart broken
Get off your knees and start again
Right then I realized that there were a lot of people, both near and far, who were there for me, people who showed a legitimate concern and compassion for my situation and the hurt I was feeling. To disconnect from them would have been selfish and counterproductive.
Tomorrow I am crossing off an item on my bucket list. For the first time in my life, I have the privilege of attending Warped Tour. A dozen of my favorite bands will be performing. Some, such as Yellowcard and Anberlin, have played an important role in my development over the last decade. I don’t know if I’ll get a chance to meet any of these bands, but if I do, I’m going to thank them for how they’ve helped me heal over the years. I’m still not whole, but I’m sure there’s a song for me out there to fix that!
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Full Circle
Life has a funny way of cycling so that old becomes new again and vice versa. It amazes me how we can come so far and still wind up in a familiar place.
Four years ago, I went to North Carolina on very short notice to help my sister pack up her stuff and move back to Chicagoland. I’ve talked about this trip before. I’m not going to go into detail as to why I had to do that because it’s not my place. However, I will say that both her life and mine were nowhere near the place we wanted them to be. For me, everything truly felt hopeless for the first time. The woman I loved made a choice that left me on the outside looking in. My career was in flux. My friends weren’t around.
The night before I left for the North Carolina trip, Buttons (my cat) was very sick. For some reason, she decided to vomit under my bed. In order to fully clean that, I had to take every piece of my bed apart (probably a metaphor for my life falling apart). Needless to say, I was not pleased about having to do so. As was the norm back then, I distracted myself by logging on to Stickam. I went into my friend Erika’s live. Upon entering, there was a guy I didn’t know very well who made some sort of crack about my user name. Normally I would’ve laughed such a thing off, but I was particularly cranky. So I abused my power as moderator and promptly kicked him out of the chat. I had no idea that Erika was interested in him, and it was the closest she ever got to being angry with me. This probably sounds like a strange aside, but remember this story. It’ll be important later.
That trip to North Carolina changed my life. It didn’t all happen right away, but it was a realization that I needed to both grow up and stop pitying myself. I became a more mature teacher as a result. That trip laid the groundwork for me to become the man I am today. However, because of the sadness attached to that trip, I said I would never go back to North Carolina… except, I did.
Two weeks ago I went with my parents, my sister, and my brother-in-law to North Carolina, for a very different reason. Instead of helping my sister pick up the pieces of her life, we were merely helping her put the finishing touches on putting it all together. They found a nice place, and they’re ready to finally start the next chapter of their lives together, a chapter that was delayed as he was in Afghanistan almost immediately following their wedding. It was a bittersweet experience, as I never like it when people close to me move far away, as I fear they will move on without me. Yet I am happy for them and excited for the next step of their journey.
I spent the majority of the trip in North Carolina, but I took a little detour down to South Carolina to see two people who have become very important to me over the past four years. As it turns out, after I kicked that guy (Matt) out of Erika’s live, it kickstarted conversation between the two of them. They realized they liked each other quite a bit, and eventually Erika moved down to Myrtle Beach to live with Matt. Over the course of time, my friendship with both of them grew, and I had the privilege of spending a day with the two of them. It was crazy to think of where the past four years had taken us, and the timing of meeting them was not lost on me. We had an awesome relaxed day, and I can’t wait to see them again. It’s amazing how live was able to bring us together.
That love interest that I talked about earlier? About a week after my North Carolina trip, she had some very interesting news. Yesterday (though the doors on the possibility of the two of us ever being together have completely closed) she texted me to give me that same news. My life has gone full circle.
The first North Carolina trip resulted in my life falling back together. I’ll be honest with you. I could use that right now. My trip was supposed to have a third leg in Pittsburgh, and to make a long story short, that didn’t happen and it crushed me. I’m not happy that my sister is gone, and there’s more uncertainty about my career than I would prefer. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that life comes full circle. Things have fallen back into place before. I’m hopeful that they do again.
Four years ago, I went to North Carolina on very short notice to help my sister pack up her stuff and move back to Chicagoland. I’ve talked about this trip before. I’m not going to go into detail as to why I had to do that because it’s not my place. However, I will say that both her life and mine were nowhere near the place we wanted them to be. For me, everything truly felt hopeless for the first time. The woman I loved made a choice that left me on the outside looking in. My career was in flux. My friends weren’t around.
The night before I left for the North Carolina trip, Buttons (my cat) was very sick. For some reason, she decided to vomit under my bed. In order to fully clean that, I had to take every piece of my bed apart (probably a metaphor for my life falling apart). Needless to say, I was not pleased about having to do so. As was the norm back then, I distracted myself by logging on to Stickam. I went into my friend Erika’s live. Upon entering, there was a guy I didn’t know very well who made some sort of crack about my user name. Normally I would’ve laughed such a thing off, but I was particularly cranky. So I abused my power as moderator and promptly kicked him out of the chat. I had no idea that Erika was interested in him, and it was the closest she ever got to being angry with me. This probably sounds like a strange aside, but remember this story. It’ll be important later.
That trip to North Carolina changed my life. It didn’t all happen right away, but it was a realization that I needed to both grow up and stop pitying myself. I became a more mature teacher as a result. That trip laid the groundwork for me to become the man I am today. However, because of the sadness attached to that trip, I said I would never go back to North Carolina… except, I did.
Two weeks ago I went with my parents, my sister, and my brother-in-law to North Carolina, for a very different reason. Instead of helping my sister pick up the pieces of her life, we were merely helping her put the finishing touches on putting it all together. They found a nice place, and they’re ready to finally start the next chapter of their lives together, a chapter that was delayed as he was in Afghanistan almost immediately following their wedding. It was a bittersweet experience, as I never like it when people close to me move far away, as I fear they will move on without me. Yet I am happy for them and excited for the next step of their journey.
I spent the majority of the trip in North Carolina, but I took a little detour down to South Carolina to see two people who have become very important to me over the past four years. As it turns out, after I kicked that guy (Matt) out of Erika’s live, it kickstarted conversation between the two of them. They realized they liked each other quite a bit, and eventually Erika moved down to Myrtle Beach to live with Matt. Over the course of time, my friendship with both of them grew, and I had the privilege of spending a day with the two of them. It was crazy to think of where the past four years had taken us, and the timing of meeting them was not lost on me. We had an awesome relaxed day, and I can’t wait to see them again. It’s amazing how live was able to bring us together.
That love interest that I talked about earlier? About a week after my North Carolina trip, she had some very interesting news. Yesterday (though the doors on the possibility of the two of us ever being together have completely closed) she texted me to give me that same news. My life has gone full circle.
The first North Carolina trip resulted in my life falling back together. I’ll be honest with you. I could use that right now. My trip was supposed to have a third leg in Pittsburgh, and to make a long story short, that didn’t happen and it crushed me. I’m not happy that my sister is gone, and there’s more uncertainty about my career than I would prefer. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that life comes full circle. Things have fallen back into place before. I’m hopeful that they do again.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
I've Been PMSing for a Decade (And Enjoying Every Minute of It)*
*Acronym Still Funny
“No man is an island.” Though I have heard that phrase dozens of times throughout my life, there have been times during which I sought to prove that phrase incorrect. However, each attempt to disprove the phrase led to rather humbling experiences. Put simply, we (or at least I) need the company of like-minded individuals. It is important to become part of a community, to become part of something where the whole is so much greater than the sum of its parts. It is also important to note that in this age of advanced technology, not all communities exist on a physical plane. Some communities are not like church buildings or schools that you can get into your car and physically visit. Some of these communities exist virtually. Stickam was one of those communities for me. The ACSB was another. Today I’d like to talk about a little place known as Paper Mario Social, or PMS to its inhabitants.
Before the days of MySpace or Facebook (or even Xanga), message boards were the hub of internet communities and communications. As a typical adolescent with some socially awkward tendencies, it should come as no surprise to discover that I was a pretty avid video gamer (though considerably less hardcore of a gamer than most of my friends). I stumbled on a little site known as GameFAQs. I shopped around communities for a while before finally settling at the ACSB in early 2004. I hit it off immediately with a number of the board members and formed friendships that still carry on to this day. However, even in online communities, infighting and drama permeate areas that are populated with adolescents. At some point during the summer of 2004 I felt like I needed a break from the ACSB to see what else the sight had to offer. A couple of my friends kept alluding to a “Safe Haven”, and eventually one of them invited me to this place. It was Paper Mario Social.
No sooner had I checked the board out than I realized that it was a very different place than the ACSB. Everyone seemed to know each other for years (which they did), and there was a deeper sense of understanding of one another than one would expect to find in an internet community. There were still some of the fun and silly game topics like at the ACSB, but there were topic after topic about real life and intellectual and philosophical matters. It was different, but I liked it.
Even behind the safety of a screen and keyboard, it isn’t always easy to be the new guy. Heck, after a decade I still feel like the new guy at times. I’ll be honest and share something that I’ve never shared before. I was intimidated by the group. While I would never go so far to say that I expect to be the smartest guy in any room I enter, I know that I can more than hold my own. It was an intimidating to enter into a place in which everyone was my intellectual peer or superior (or at least, I interpreted everyone in that way). I’m even used to being the tallest person wherever I go. At 6’5, there are no fewer than 3 people on the board who are taller than me! I didn’t know how well I would fit in. In the beginning, I didn’t make much of an effort to fit in. It was just another place to go, a place that I could visit and connect with friendly acquaintances every now and then.
An interesting thing happened over time. The ACSB began to fall apart. Though we all established our friendships and relationships, none of us ever really gave any focus to the long-term sustainability of our little community. Those of us who wanted to keep in touch with one another did so outside the confines of the community, and those who did not fell by the wayside. By fall 2007, I needed some sort of community in my life. I needed a constant in my daily routine. Things were changing around me, and I knew that I could either adapt to those changes or perish. I made a better effort to become a part of things.
The more I got to know everyone, the less intimidated I became. While the guys are every bit as smart as advertised (and have some hobbies that would bore me to tears), they were good people. I had some of my greatest laughs in early 2008 when we went through the whole Monty and Mark ordeal. As we have all grown, we have become less “HeyDude” , “BUM”, “Kylo Force”, or “Power of 3” and more Alex, Mark, Jon, and Jakob.
The friendships that I have made within this community have been extremely valuable. I’ve already talked at great length about Gary (one of my mentors and heroes) and Zach in my previous series. I wouldn’t have made it to 2014 without them. It’s time to brag on some of the other people. I can honestly say that within our little community, there is no one whom I dislike. There is such diversity in the community, and each member contributes his own unique talents and perspectives. We have teachers, writers, thinkers, dancers, sports fans, and all around good dudes. Whether the topic is made by Brandon, Fred, James, Mark, or Will, I know I’m going to learn or think about something in a way I had never thought before. I have laughed, empathized, debated, and learned (most notably that EVERYONE wants an epic boyfriend). We have shared hopes and dreams, successes and failures, and grown from goofy kids to less goofy adults.
I had the privilege of meeting Jon and Zach for dinner in Seattle two years ago. Too often you hear horror stories of meeting people whose real world personas failed to match their online counterparts. That wasn’t for us. It was probably the best 90 minutes of conversation I had in all of 2012. It’s great to know that our community is not simply filled with good posters; it’s filled with good people, too.
I’ve been at the board for 10 years now. Over that time I have undergone many changes. I started out as the awkward high school kid. Since then I have been the neurotic wreck of a college student, the fun-loving yet unmotivated graduate, the determined professional, and the current me which I like to think is an amalgamation of the positive aspects of my two previous incarnations. A lot has changed over time (especially in my facial hair). I’ve gained and lost a number of things, but PMS was always a constant. We’ve lost some members over the years. Some really good people moved on with their lives. Our community isn’t the bustling metropolis of the internet that it once was. To those of you who have been around longer than me, that might be a bit disheartening. Yet the way I see it, we still have something that very few in the world can claim: a rich and meaningful community.
I don’t know where the community is going, but I will say that I am grateful it has gotten me to this point. All the PMSing that I’ve done over the past decade has made me into the man I am today. Thank you for opening your doors to me way back when. A PMS life for the win.
“No man is an island.” Though I have heard that phrase dozens of times throughout my life, there have been times during which I sought to prove that phrase incorrect. However, each attempt to disprove the phrase led to rather humbling experiences. Put simply, we (or at least I) need the company of like-minded individuals. It is important to become part of a community, to become part of something where the whole is so much greater than the sum of its parts. It is also important to note that in this age of advanced technology, not all communities exist on a physical plane. Some communities are not like church buildings or schools that you can get into your car and physically visit. Some of these communities exist virtually. Stickam was one of those communities for me. The ACSB was another. Today I’d like to talk about a little place known as Paper Mario Social, or PMS to its inhabitants.
Before the days of MySpace or Facebook (or even Xanga), message boards were the hub of internet communities and communications. As a typical adolescent with some socially awkward tendencies, it should come as no surprise to discover that I was a pretty avid video gamer (though considerably less hardcore of a gamer than most of my friends). I stumbled on a little site known as GameFAQs. I shopped around communities for a while before finally settling at the ACSB in early 2004. I hit it off immediately with a number of the board members and formed friendships that still carry on to this day. However, even in online communities, infighting and drama permeate areas that are populated with adolescents. At some point during the summer of 2004 I felt like I needed a break from the ACSB to see what else the sight had to offer. A couple of my friends kept alluding to a “Safe Haven”, and eventually one of them invited me to this place. It was Paper Mario Social.
No sooner had I checked the board out than I realized that it was a very different place than the ACSB. Everyone seemed to know each other for years (which they did), and there was a deeper sense of understanding of one another than one would expect to find in an internet community. There were still some of the fun and silly game topics like at the ACSB, but there were topic after topic about real life and intellectual and philosophical matters. It was different, but I liked it.
Even behind the safety of a screen and keyboard, it isn’t always easy to be the new guy. Heck, after a decade I still feel like the new guy at times. I’ll be honest and share something that I’ve never shared before. I was intimidated by the group. While I would never go so far to say that I expect to be the smartest guy in any room I enter, I know that I can more than hold my own. It was an intimidating to enter into a place in which everyone was my intellectual peer or superior (or at least, I interpreted everyone in that way). I’m even used to being the tallest person wherever I go. At 6’5, there are no fewer than 3 people on the board who are taller than me! I didn’t know how well I would fit in. In the beginning, I didn’t make much of an effort to fit in. It was just another place to go, a place that I could visit and connect with friendly acquaintances every now and then.
An interesting thing happened over time. The ACSB began to fall apart. Though we all established our friendships and relationships, none of us ever really gave any focus to the long-term sustainability of our little community. Those of us who wanted to keep in touch with one another did so outside the confines of the community, and those who did not fell by the wayside. By fall 2007, I needed some sort of community in my life. I needed a constant in my daily routine. Things were changing around me, and I knew that I could either adapt to those changes or perish. I made a better effort to become a part of things.
The more I got to know everyone, the less intimidated I became. While the guys are every bit as smart as advertised (and have some hobbies that would bore me to tears), they were good people. I had some of my greatest laughs in early 2008 when we went through the whole Monty and Mark ordeal. As we have all grown, we have become less “HeyDude” , “BUM”, “Kylo Force”, or “Power of 3” and more Alex, Mark, Jon, and Jakob.
The friendships that I have made within this community have been extremely valuable. I’ve already talked at great length about Gary (one of my mentors and heroes) and Zach in my previous series. I wouldn’t have made it to 2014 without them. It’s time to brag on some of the other people. I can honestly say that within our little community, there is no one whom I dislike. There is such diversity in the community, and each member contributes his own unique talents and perspectives. We have teachers, writers, thinkers, dancers, sports fans, and all around good dudes. Whether the topic is made by Brandon, Fred, James, Mark, or Will, I know I’m going to learn or think about something in a way I had never thought before. I have laughed, empathized, debated, and learned (most notably that EVERYONE wants an epic boyfriend). We have shared hopes and dreams, successes and failures, and grown from goofy kids to less goofy adults.
I had the privilege of meeting Jon and Zach for dinner in Seattle two years ago. Too often you hear horror stories of meeting people whose real world personas failed to match their online counterparts. That wasn’t for us. It was probably the best 90 minutes of conversation I had in all of 2012. It’s great to know that our community is not simply filled with good posters; it’s filled with good people, too.
I’ve been at the board for 10 years now. Over that time I have undergone many changes. I started out as the awkward high school kid. Since then I have been the neurotic wreck of a college student, the fun-loving yet unmotivated graduate, the determined professional, and the current me which I like to think is an amalgamation of the positive aspects of my two previous incarnations. A lot has changed over time (especially in my facial hair). I’ve gained and lost a number of things, but PMS was always a constant. We’ve lost some members over the years. Some really good people moved on with their lives. Our community isn’t the bustling metropolis of the internet that it once was. To those of you who have been around longer than me, that might be a bit disheartening. Yet the way I see it, we still have something that very few in the world can claim: a rich and meaningful community.
I don’t know where the community is going, but I will say that I am grateful it has gotten me to this point. All the PMSing that I’ve done over the past decade has made me into the man I am today. Thank you for opening your doors to me way back when. A PMS life for the win.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
You are the Story I Tell: The Epilogue
While I knew that I wanted my last post in the series to be about Kim, I realized that a highly intense and emotional post probably wasn’t the best way to wrap up the series. So for the benefit of both you and me, I’ve decided to make a nice little wrap-up post to share some things that I learned and let out any feelings that weren’t let out earlier.
There are a couple matters that need to be cleared up, questions that were asked multiple times over the course of the series. First, I am not ill or dying, nor do I have any plans for my life to end in the near future. However, after the multiple deaths that occurred over the past year or so, I didn’t want to wait any longer to do this series. It was a series that had been on my mind for a while before that, and I knew it was the right time to make it happen. Second, the title for the series, “You are the story I tell”, is NOT derived from that One Direction song. It was taken from the bridge of Day at the Fair’s “Everything I’ve Ever Wanted”, my favorite song on the planet. Now that we’ve cleared up those things, on to other matters.
This series was probably the best thing I have ever done in my life. It certainly was the best thing I have ever done on my blog. It felt really rewarding to let people know what they have meant to me over time. I’m not always the best at sharing these feelings right away, but I very rarely forget anything, and I certainly don’t forget the good that others do for me. Each of you have meant a lot to me and continue to mean a lot to me.
The best part of this series was that it allowed me to hear from most of you. Honestly, as I conceived and composed this series, I didn’t expect to receive any feedback from anyone. You can’t go into something like this expecting anything in return. It humbled and inspired me to hear from as many people as I did, and it meant a lot to find out that in some cases, I was able to positively impact your lives as well. I’ll be honest. Sometimes I myself wonder if who I am and what I do matters. Thank you for the positive reinforcement.
Writing these letters really forced me to be honest with myself. That’s not always an easy thing to do. We don’t always like to focus on the parts of ourselves that we do not like or the times in our lives during which we could have (and should have) been better. On more than a few occasions, I was humbled by certain memories and the knowledge that people treated me better than I deserved. I cannot thank you enough for that, and I thank you for how well you received what I had to say. I hope I have shown progress over the years.
The series taught me a lot about myself and about the people with whom I choose to associate. At each step of my life, I have been surrounded by great people who have challenged me and made me a better person. I have had a long list of quality mentors, from teachers to family members to church leaders to handymen and psychic bus drivers. I know that my insistence on doing things my way can be frustrating to others, both mentors and friends alike. But no one ever gave up on me. Even during the periods of my life where I was in a bit of a holding pattern and not moving forward, you stood by my side.
Thank you for taking the time to read this series. If there’s one thing I wanted everyone to get out of this, it’s that while I am one man, I tell the story of hundreds of individuals. I would not be who I am without each and every one of you. I have learned so much from you, and I hope to be able to inspire others the way you have inspired me. I don't know where the next chapter of my life will take me. No matter where it leads me, I will always carry on your stories inside me. I hope to do a better job at keeping in touch. Again, thank you for being who you are and doing what you do.
There are a couple matters that need to be cleared up, questions that were asked multiple times over the course of the series. First, I am not ill or dying, nor do I have any plans for my life to end in the near future. However, after the multiple deaths that occurred over the past year or so, I didn’t want to wait any longer to do this series. It was a series that had been on my mind for a while before that, and I knew it was the right time to make it happen. Second, the title for the series, “You are the story I tell”, is NOT derived from that One Direction song. It was taken from the bridge of Day at the Fair’s “Everything I’ve Ever Wanted”, my favorite song on the planet. Now that we’ve cleared up those things, on to other matters.
This series was probably the best thing I have ever done in my life. It certainly was the best thing I have ever done on my blog. It felt really rewarding to let people know what they have meant to me over time. I’m not always the best at sharing these feelings right away, but I very rarely forget anything, and I certainly don’t forget the good that others do for me. Each of you have meant a lot to me and continue to mean a lot to me.
The best part of this series was that it allowed me to hear from most of you. Honestly, as I conceived and composed this series, I didn’t expect to receive any feedback from anyone. You can’t go into something like this expecting anything in return. It humbled and inspired me to hear from as many people as I did, and it meant a lot to find out that in some cases, I was able to positively impact your lives as well. I’ll be honest. Sometimes I myself wonder if who I am and what I do matters. Thank you for the positive reinforcement.
Writing these letters really forced me to be honest with myself. That’s not always an easy thing to do. We don’t always like to focus on the parts of ourselves that we do not like or the times in our lives during which we could have (and should have) been better. On more than a few occasions, I was humbled by certain memories and the knowledge that people treated me better than I deserved. I cannot thank you enough for that, and I thank you for how well you received what I had to say. I hope I have shown progress over the years.
The series taught me a lot about myself and about the people with whom I choose to associate. At each step of my life, I have been surrounded by great people who have challenged me and made me a better person. I have had a long list of quality mentors, from teachers to family members to church leaders to handymen and psychic bus drivers. I know that my insistence on doing things my way can be frustrating to others, both mentors and friends alike. But no one ever gave up on me. Even during the periods of my life where I was in a bit of a holding pattern and not moving forward, you stood by my side.
Thank you for taking the time to read this series. If there’s one thing I wanted everyone to get out of this, it’s that while I am one man, I tell the story of hundreds of individuals. I would not be who I am without each and every one of you. I have learned so much from you, and I hope to be able to inspire others the way you have inspired me. I don't know where the next chapter of my life will take me. No matter where it leads me, I will always carry on your stories inside me. I hope to do a better job at keeping in touch. Again, thank you for being who you are and doing what you do.
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