*Acronym Still Funny
“No man is an island.” Though I have heard that phrase dozens of times throughout my life, there have been times during which I sought to prove that phrase incorrect. However, each attempt to disprove the phrase led to rather humbling experiences. Put simply, we (or at least I) need the company of like-minded individuals. It is important to become part of a community, to become part of something where the whole is so much greater than the sum of its parts. It is also important to note that in this age of advanced technology, not all communities exist on a physical plane. Some communities are not like church buildings or schools that you can get into your car and physically visit. Some of these communities exist virtually. Stickam was one of those communities for me. The ACSB was another. Today I’d like to talk about a little place known as Paper Mario Social, or PMS to its inhabitants.
Before the days of MySpace or Facebook (or even Xanga), message boards were the hub of internet communities and communications. As a typical adolescent with some socially awkward tendencies, it should come as no surprise to discover that I was a pretty avid video gamer (though considerably less hardcore of a gamer than most of my friends). I stumbled on a little site known as GameFAQs. I shopped around communities for a while before finally settling at the ACSB in early 2004. I hit it off immediately with a number of the board members and formed friendships that still carry on to this day. However, even in online communities, infighting and drama permeate areas that are populated with adolescents. At some point during the summer of 2004 I felt like I needed a break from the ACSB to see what else the sight had to offer. A couple of my friends kept alluding to a “Safe Haven”, and eventually one of them invited me to this place. It was Paper Mario Social.
No sooner had I checked the board out than I realized that it was a very different place than the ACSB. Everyone seemed to know each other for years (which they did), and there was a deeper sense of understanding of one another than one would expect to find in an internet community. There were still some of the fun and silly game topics like at the ACSB, but there were topic after topic about real life and intellectual and philosophical matters. It was different, but I liked it.
Even behind the safety of a screen and keyboard, it isn’t always easy to be the new guy. Heck, after a decade I still feel like the new guy at times. I’ll be honest and share something that I’ve never shared before. I was intimidated by the group. While I would never go so far to say that I expect to be the smartest guy in any room I enter, I know that I can more than hold my own. It was an intimidating to enter into a place in which everyone was my intellectual peer or superior (or at least, I interpreted everyone in that way). I’m even used to being the tallest person wherever I go. At 6’5, there are no fewer than 3 people on the board who are taller than me! I didn’t know how well I would fit in. In the beginning, I didn’t make much of an effort to fit in. It was just another place to go, a place that I could visit and connect with friendly acquaintances every now and then.
An interesting thing happened over time. The ACSB began to fall apart. Though we all established our friendships and relationships, none of us ever really gave any focus to the long-term sustainability of our little community. Those of us who wanted to keep in touch with one another did so outside the confines of the community, and those who did not fell by the wayside. By fall 2007, I needed some sort of community in my life. I needed a constant in my daily routine. Things were changing around me, and I knew that I could either adapt to those changes or perish. I made a better effort to become a part of things.
The more I got to know everyone, the less intimidated I became. While the guys are every bit as smart as advertised (and have some hobbies that would bore me to tears), they were good people. I had some of my greatest laughs in early 2008 when we went through the whole Monty and Mark ordeal. As we have all grown, we have become less “HeyDude” , “BUM”, “Kylo Force”, or “Power of 3” and more Alex, Mark, Jon, and Jakob.
The friendships that I have made within this community have been extremely valuable. I’ve already talked at great length about Gary (one of my mentors and heroes) and Zach in my previous series. I wouldn’t have made it to 2014 without them. It’s time to brag on some of the other people. I can honestly say that within our little community, there is no one whom I dislike. There is such diversity in the community, and each member contributes his own unique talents and perspectives. We have teachers, writers, thinkers, dancers, sports fans, and all around good dudes. Whether the topic is made by Brandon, Fred, James, Mark, or Will, I know I’m going to learn or think about something in a way I had never thought before. I have laughed, empathized, debated, and learned (most notably that EVERYONE wants an epic boyfriend). We have shared hopes and dreams, successes and failures, and grown from goofy kids to less goofy adults.
I had the privilege of meeting Jon and Zach for dinner in Seattle two years ago. Too often you hear horror stories of meeting people whose real world personas failed to match their online counterparts. That wasn’t for us. It was probably the best 90 minutes of conversation I had in all of 2012. It’s great to know that our community is not simply filled with good posters; it’s filled with good people, too.
I’ve been at the board for 10 years now. Over that time I have undergone many changes. I started out as the awkward high school kid. Since then I have been the neurotic wreck of a college student, the fun-loving yet unmotivated graduate, the determined professional, and the current me which I like to think is an amalgamation of the positive aspects of my two previous incarnations. A lot has changed over time (especially in my facial hair). I’ve gained and lost a number of things, but PMS was always a constant. We’ve lost some members over the years. Some really good people moved on with their lives. Our community isn’t the bustling metropolis of the internet that it once was. To those of you who have been around longer than me, that might be a bit disheartening. Yet the way I see it, we still have something that very few in the world can claim: a rich and meaningful community.
I don’t know where the community is going, but I will say that I am grateful it has gotten me to this point. All the PMSing that I’ve done over the past decade has made me into the man I am today. Thank you for opening your doors to me way back when. A PMS life for the win.
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Sunday, June 8, 2014
You are the Story I Tell: The Epilogue
While I knew that I wanted my last post in the series to be about Kim, I realized that a highly intense and emotional post probably wasn’t the best way to wrap up the series. So for the benefit of both you and me, I’ve decided to make a nice little wrap-up post to share some things that I learned and let out any feelings that weren’t let out earlier.
There are a couple matters that need to be cleared up, questions that were asked multiple times over the course of the series. First, I am not ill or dying, nor do I have any plans for my life to end in the near future. However, after the multiple deaths that occurred over the past year or so, I didn’t want to wait any longer to do this series. It was a series that had been on my mind for a while before that, and I knew it was the right time to make it happen. Second, the title for the series, “You are the story I tell”, is NOT derived from that One Direction song. It was taken from the bridge of Day at the Fair’s “Everything I’ve Ever Wanted”, my favorite song on the planet. Now that we’ve cleared up those things, on to other matters.
This series was probably the best thing I have ever done in my life. It certainly was the best thing I have ever done on my blog. It felt really rewarding to let people know what they have meant to me over time. I’m not always the best at sharing these feelings right away, but I very rarely forget anything, and I certainly don’t forget the good that others do for me. Each of you have meant a lot to me and continue to mean a lot to me.
The best part of this series was that it allowed me to hear from most of you. Honestly, as I conceived and composed this series, I didn’t expect to receive any feedback from anyone. You can’t go into something like this expecting anything in return. It humbled and inspired me to hear from as many people as I did, and it meant a lot to find out that in some cases, I was able to positively impact your lives as well. I’ll be honest. Sometimes I myself wonder if who I am and what I do matters. Thank you for the positive reinforcement.
Writing these letters really forced me to be honest with myself. That’s not always an easy thing to do. We don’t always like to focus on the parts of ourselves that we do not like or the times in our lives during which we could have (and should have) been better. On more than a few occasions, I was humbled by certain memories and the knowledge that people treated me better than I deserved. I cannot thank you enough for that, and I thank you for how well you received what I had to say. I hope I have shown progress over the years.
The series taught me a lot about myself and about the people with whom I choose to associate. At each step of my life, I have been surrounded by great people who have challenged me and made me a better person. I have had a long list of quality mentors, from teachers to family members to church leaders to handymen and psychic bus drivers. I know that my insistence on doing things my way can be frustrating to others, both mentors and friends alike. But no one ever gave up on me. Even during the periods of my life where I was in a bit of a holding pattern and not moving forward, you stood by my side.
Thank you for taking the time to read this series. If there’s one thing I wanted everyone to get out of this, it’s that while I am one man, I tell the story of hundreds of individuals. I would not be who I am without each and every one of you. I have learned so much from you, and I hope to be able to inspire others the way you have inspired me. I don't know where the next chapter of my life will take me. No matter where it leads me, I will always carry on your stories inside me. I hope to do a better job at keeping in touch. Again, thank you for being who you are and doing what you do.
There are a couple matters that need to be cleared up, questions that were asked multiple times over the course of the series. First, I am not ill or dying, nor do I have any plans for my life to end in the near future. However, after the multiple deaths that occurred over the past year or so, I didn’t want to wait any longer to do this series. It was a series that had been on my mind for a while before that, and I knew it was the right time to make it happen. Second, the title for the series, “You are the story I tell”, is NOT derived from that One Direction song. It was taken from the bridge of Day at the Fair’s “Everything I’ve Ever Wanted”, my favorite song on the planet. Now that we’ve cleared up those things, on to other matters.
This series was probably the best thing I have ever done in my life. It certainly was the best thing I have ever done on my blog. It felt really rewarding to let people know what they have meant to me over time. I’m not always the best at sharing these feelings right away, but I very rarely forget anything, and I certainly don’t forget the good that others do for me. Each of you have meant a lot to me and continue to mean a lot to me.
The best part of this series was that it allowed me to hear from most of you. Honestly, as I conceived and composed this series, I didn’t expect to receive any feedback from anyone. You can’t go into something like this expecting anything in return. It humbled and inspired me to hear from as many people as I did, and it meant a lot to find out that in some cases, I was able to positively impact your lives as well. I’ll be honest. Sometimes I myself wonder if who I am and what I do matters. Thank you for the positive reinforcement.
Writing these letters really forced me to be honest with myself. That’s not always an easy thing to do. We don’t always like to focus on the parts of ourselves that we do not like or the times in our lives during which we could have (and should have) been better. On more than a few occasions, I was humbled by certain memories and the knowledge that people treated me better than I deserved. I cannot thank you enough for that, and I thank you for how well you received what I had to say. I hope I have shown progress over the years.
The series taught me a lot about myself and about the people with whom I choose to associate. At each step of my life, I have been surrounded by great people who have challenged me and made me a better person. I have had a long list of quality mentors, from teachers to family members to church leaders to handymen and psychic bus drivers. I know that my insistence on doing things my way can be frustrating to others, both mentors and friends alike. But no one ever gave up on me. Even during the periods of my life where I was in a bit of a holding pattern and not moving forward, you stood by my side.
Thank you for taking the time to read this series. If there’s one thing I wanted everyone to get out of this, it’s that while I am one man, I tell the story of hundreds of individuals. I would not be who I am without each and every one of you. I have learned so much from you, and I hope to be able to inspire others the way you have inspired me. I don't know where the next chapter of my life will take me. No matter where it leads me, I will always carry on your stories inside me. I hope to do a better job at keeping in touch. Again, thank you for being who you are and doing what you do.
Friday, June 6, 2014
Round 2 of Teaching: A Story of Survival and Persistence
I’ve always been of the belief that if you’re able to do something once, you can do it again. That said, I also believe that it is exponentially more difficult to do something a second time. A repeat performance has its own unique set of challenges. Having run two marathons, I know firsthand the challenges that come the second time around.
When you do something for the first time, you do not have a full and true understanding of the challenges that are going to arise. As a result, all you can do is encounter each challenge as it comes. There is a certain bravado and blissful ignorance when it comes to dealing with these challenges. You don’t know what you’re about to be hit with, but you don’t really care because you have a distinct end in mind.
There are two potentially dangerous traps to avoid when attempting a repeat performance. Since you know what it takes to succeed, there is the possibility of downplaying these challenges and becoming overconfident. On the other end, because you do know what is coming, you may live in fear of these challenges and not face them with the same confidence and tenacity with which you attacked them the first time.
I say all that to introduce this post. At the end of last school year, I wrote about my year and, quite honestly, felt like a conquering hero. I had a fantastic group of kids who wanted to succeed, and I did everything I could to facilitate their growth and future success. I was so ready and so excited for Round 2.
Unfortunately, there are things in life for which we do not plan and which we cannot change. I didn't even get out of the blocks before adversity struck. Two days before the school year began, I was informed that I was out of a job until enrollment improved. To say that hit me hard would be an understatement. The confidence that took a lifetime to build had been shaken to its very core. I didn’t know what to do. I was so afraid of falling back into some of the same bad habits that plagued me from 2009-2011. I knew that couldn’t happen.
Fortunately for me (or so I thought at the time), I was able to land on my feet as I was offered a social studies teaching position at an alternative high school. Because of my success the prior year, I believed that I would have no problems duplicating that success with a new group of students. Quite honestly, I had no idea what I was getting into. The school had a disturbing lack of academic vision and behavioral accountability for its students. It took me a week to realize that I was going to lose my mind if I stayed there any longer. It was a very difficult decision for me (as those of you who know me well know that I detest giving up on anything), but I took a leap of faith and walked away from the job.
Again, I knew that to go back to where I was would just be wrong (there’s some retro Relient K lyrics for you), so I needed to keep myself as productive as possible. I was still working out daily and working on my master’s degree, but I needed more. So I volunteered my afternoons at the school where I was laid off. I had very strong positive feelings towards the school from the last year, and I wanted to do everything I could to help them out. Plus, I thought that if I was there enough, I’d be the first person they would bring back once enrollment improved. I did the volunteering thing for over two months. It was enjoyable at the start, but it got frustrating as time went on. I was honestly about to call it a day and figure out something different when I was asked to return full time. My persistence had paid off!
To compare this class to my class from last year would be like comparing apples and oranges. In fact, the only things they had in common were that both classes were full of 6th and 7th grade students and that class was held in the same building. This group challenged me more than I was expecting. Though the classroom numbers were much smaller than they were last year, this group was a much needier and significantly more vocal group. Whereas my students last year truly got along with each other (save for once instance between two of my boys), my classroom was in constant conflict. It was a lot more difficult to get this group engaged in activities. I had to alter my strategies a lot to make things work.
Don’t get me wrong. I still liked this group of kids. Things were just different, and there were a number of challenges that arose that were beyond our control. The school went through three social workers over the course of the year before they finally wound up with a good one. We lost our gym teacher, and we classroom teachers were responsible for our kids’ P.E. periods, losing our breaks and gaining headaches in the process. It got even worse when basketball (the sport of choice for about 90% of the students in the school) was outlawed. My class had to move classrooms because the heating unit in our original classroom went out. We even had to spend two days in the library and conference room when our replacement classroom had problems! But as I told my kids, sometimes survival is the greatest victory. We may have limped to the finish line, but we crossed that line nonetheless.
I wouldn’t have made it through the year were it not for a number of wonderful coworkers. We pooled our lemons together to make the best lemonade we possibly could. It wasn’t easy, but we made it work. We always do.
I don’t know where my journey will take me next. I’m not sure whether or not this particular chapter of my life is ready to be closed. What I do know is that this year, though extremely exhausting, made me better, stronger, and wiser. I’ve got what it takes to go toe to toe with the next challenge, wherever and whatever that is.
When you do something for the first time, you do not have a full and true understanding of the challenges that are going to arise. As a result, all you can do is encounter each challenge as it comes. There is a certain bravado and blissful ignorance when it comes to dealing with these challenges. You don’t know what you’re about to be hit with, but you don’t really care because you have a distinct end in mind.
There are two potentially dangerous traps to avoid when attempting a repeat performance. Since you know what it takes to succeed, there is the possibility of downplaying these challenges and becoming overconfident. On the other end, because you do know what is coming, you may live in fear of these challenges and not face them with the same confidence and tenacity with which you attacked them the first time.
I say all that to introduce this post. At the end of last school year, I wrote about my year and, quite honestly, felt like a conquering hero. I had a fantastic group of kids who wanted to succeed, and I did everything I could to facilitate their growth and future success. I was so ready and so excited for Round 2.
Unfortunately, there are things in life for which we do not plan and which we cannot change. I didn't even get out of the blocks before adversity struck. Two days before the school year began, I was informed that I was out of a job until enrollment improved. To say that hit me hard would be an understatement. The confidence that took a lifetime to build had been shaken to its very core. I didn’t know what to do. I was so afraid of falling back into some of the same bad habits that plagued me from 2009-2011. I knew that couldn’t happen.
Fortunately for me (or so I thought at the time), I was able to land on my feet as I was offered a social studies teaching position at an alternative high school. Because of my success the prior year, I believed that I would have no problems duplicating that success with a new group of students. Quite honestly, I had no idea what I was getting into. The school had a disturbing lack of academic vision and behavioral accountability for its students. It took me a week to realize that I was going to lose my mind if I stayed there any longer. It was a very difficult decision for me (as those of you who know me well know that I detest giving up on anything), but I took a leap of faith and walked away from the job.
Again, I knew that to go back to where I was would just be wrong (there’s some retro Relient K lyrics for you), so I needed to keep myself as productive as possible. I was still working out daily and working on my master’s degree, but I needed more. So I volunteered my afternoons at the school where I was laid off. I had very strong positive feelings towards the school from the last year, and I wanted to do everything I could to help them out. Plus, I thought that if I was there enough, I’d be the first person they would bring back once enrollment improved. I did the volunteering thing for over two months. It was enjoyable at the start, but it got frustrating as time went on. I was honestly about to call it a day and figure out something different when I was asked to return full time. My persistence had paid off!
To compare this class to my class from last year would be like comparing apples and oranges. In fact, the only things they had in common were that both classes were full of 6th and 7th grade students and that class was held in the same building. This group challenged me more than I was expecting. Though the classroom numbers were much smaller than they were last year, this group was a much needier and significantly more vocal group. Whereas my students last year truly got along with each other (save for once instance between two of my boys), my classroom was in constant conflict. It was a lot more difficult to get this group engaged in activities. I had to alter my strategies a lot to make things work.
Don’t get me wrong. I still liked this group of kids. Things were just different, and there were a number of challenges that arose that were beyond our control. The school went through three social workers over the course of the year before they finally wound up with a good one. We lost our gym teacher, and we classroom teachers were responsible for our kids’ P.E. periods, losing our breaks and gaining headaches in the process. It got even worse when basketball (the sport of choice for about 90% of the students in the school) was outlawed. My class had to move classrooms because the heating unit in our original classroom went out. We even had to spend two days in the library and conference room when our replacement classroom had problems! But as I told my kids, sometimes survival is the greatest victory. We may have limped to the finish line, but we crossed that line nonetheless.
I wouldn’t have made it through the year were it not for a number of wonderful coworkers. We pooled our lemons together to make the best lemonade we possibly could. It wasn’t easy, but we made it work. We always do.
I don’t know where my journey will take me next. I’m not sure whether or not this particular chapter of my life is ready to be closed. What I do know is that this year, though extremely exhausting, made me better, stronger, and wiser. I’ve got what it takes to go toe to toe with the next challenge, wherever and whatever that is.
Saturday, May 31, 2014
You are the Story I Tell: Kim
I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Kim,
For the most part, I’ve made these posts in a pretty random order other than when I posted some to coincide with birthdays. However, I knew as soon as I started this series that I would end with you. Part of that is because I love saving the best for last. Part of it is because I knew I’d have a hard time with this one. After all, what can I say to you that you don’t already know? We talk every day, and I’ve always been open with my heart.
There are a few things I won’t say to you yet because I want to save them for a time when we’re together in person. Some things are best saved for face to face when they can be richer and more meaningful. There are three words in particular that I’d love to say but am saving for the right time and place. That said, there’s still a lot have a lot to say.
The greatest things in life happen when we least expect but most need them. You, Kimberly, are a great thing. When you came into my life, I was in the midst of one of my most trying times. I was laid off from my job. My friends weren’t around. My on and off relationship had finally ended for good. I’ve always been an optimist, but I was beginning to lose hope. I needed something good to happen in my life. You were the best thing that ever could have happened to me. As soon as I met you, everything changed... all the things in my life that got me feeling down immediately ceased to matter. You instantly restored hope, meaning, and purpose to my life. Even if I would’ve dreamed up a perfect woman, she wouldn’t have compared to you.
Some relationships grow out of convenience or proximity, but that's not how it happened with us. The way that you came into my life convinces me that there is a higher purpose to “us”. You tweeted a celebrity with over a million followers. The odds that they’d see your tweet and then retweet it is low to begin with. The odds that I would notice the retweet as I was scrolling through my timeline was even lower, let alone take the time to take notice of your tiny thumbnail of a profile image. But I did. Something in me told me this was something I needed to do, so I followed my heart. I didn’t talk to you right away, though. When it felt like the right time, I finally did.
From the very first time we talked, we clicked. Since day one, we’ve been able to talk about anything and everything without it ever being forced or contrived. I believe that the most worthwhile and sustainable relationships have a balance between common goals/interests and healthy differences that make each other better. We have plenty of things in common, but we also have a number of differences that allow us to feed off one another and make each other better. As teachers and WWE fans, we can sympathize with one another professionally and share in a fun yet fairly dorky hobby. We also make each other better. I’m an eternal optimist. I don’t always see things as they are as much as I see them as I hope for them to be. You, on the other hand, are a massive realist. Because you care so deeply about life, it’s not all that hard to get you down. You are the yin to my yang. You help me realize that sometimes things aren’t going to go the way I want, and I can’t run from that. Hopefully I’ve also shown you the merits in looking on the bright side and always believing.
I don’t know if you’ve realized this or not, but you’ve changed my life. I think and look at things differently because of you. I don’t do that disingenuously or to try to impress you; you’ve honestly made me a better man. Before I met you, I had an irrational disdain for all things Pittsburgh (you can look at old blog posts). These days, I’m live tweeting Penguins games and buying Pirates hats. It’s not that I’m a "shameless bootlicker" as my dad would say; you matter so much to me that the things that matter to you matter to me too. Before I met you, I never realistically imagined ever leaving Chicago. Because of you, I fully expect to move to Pittsburgh someday. I've finally found someone who matters so much more to me than my comfort zone. Because of you, I’m learning to be more patient and to ride things out. I'm learning to speak my opinion less and care about you more.
I love that you appreciate and accept me for who I am without trying to change me. I can make all sorts of ridiculous references and quotes in a conversation, and it makes you laugh. I love that you let me be as sweet or mushy or as overly enthusiastic as I want. You accept me, and I’m pretty sure you even think it’s cute sometimes! I’m sure you sometimes wonder if I really mean and believe everything I say to you. I am super mushy and enthusiastic, after all. I fully and deeply believe in every word I say. I don’t know when it will all turn out, but I KNOW it’ll all come together. Some things are just meant to be.
I would never go so far to say that my world revolves around you. That would be creepy. But I will say that you’ve made me feel alive again. Each day I wake up excited for the opportunity to talk to you and learn more about you. I realize each morning I’m one day closer to where I want to be. I am in pursuit of my Personal Legend. You inspire me in a way no one else has. You make me want to be my best, and I’ve become better because of you. I’m a better and more patient teacher. I work out harder at the gym. I push through grad school. I want to be every bit of the man that you deserve and no less.
I’ve never seen you take a bad picture, so it was a challenge to choose one to put on this post. I settled on this one because you truly are my hero. No, you’re not perfect, and I’ve never expected you to be. But what you are is perfect for me. You’re a fantastic teacher, daughter, and friend. One day you’ll make an amazing wife and mother.
What sets you apart in this series is that while I am proud of our story so far, I am even more excited for the chapters of our story that haven’t yet been told. We have something special, and I’m very excited to see where it takes us. I’ve got big plans for you, my dear. I can’t wait until we spend time together, and I can’t wait for my 11:11 wish to come true. We’re gonna pick up these pieces and build a Lego house (sorry, couldn’t resist). As I tell you daily, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world, and I like you lots. The past 7+ months have been a blessing, but I don’t think we’ve scratched the surface of our blessings yet, so buckle up baby!
Truly and fully yours,
Jakob
Friday, May 30, 2014
You are the Story I Tell: The Family I've Acquired
I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Huntley Family,
There are two types of family members: the ones you like, and the ones you don’t like. Just kidding about that part! There are really two types of family members, though. There are the family members you inherit and there are the family members you acquire along the way. In both cases, I can say I’ve been pretty blessed. You are the family I’ve acquired.
I said it in an earlier post, but I’ll say it again because it rings true. It requires a special friendship to withstand lengthy hiatuses and emerge even stronger on the other side. Becky, you were friends with my parents before I even existed. I remember as a young child how much I enjoyed you being around. I’m still sorry to this day for my inability to make it all the way down the aisle at your wedding (a fact that you and Doug never let me live down!) Even though the girls were only toddlers, I remember having fun playing with them.
When you came back into my parents’ lives in 2010, it couldn’t have happened at a better time. My parents really didn’t have other couple friends that they did things with, and with Heidi having moved away, they weren’t going to get the entertainment they needed from me! I remember you (Becky) and Doug coming to our house one night after church, and it was like you and my parents had never missed a beat. What was really cool is that on that day, you didn’t only come back into my parents’ lives but also mine as well.
That particular time period was one of the rougher times in my life. 2010 was not kind to me, but having you guys around made things better. I’ll never forget those nights we spent at the CiCi’s in Lockport. We had to have spent hours there, and yet it never felt like hours.
I’m not the most outgoing person in the world. Yes, I can be lively and friendly, but only with people I truly like and trust. You guys were able to bring that side out of me right away. I felt comfortable around you, and at that point in my life, it was something I really needed.
It absolutely crushed me when Doug passed away, so I can only imagine how it’s been for you the past 13+ months. I still can hear his voice sometimes. I think about the time he asked for a cup full of ice in response to my request for no ice in mine. I think about the last time you guys were over here and the two of us watching a football game in my room. Not just anyone can get an invitation into my room, but with Doug I didn’t think twice. All the qualities in my dad that I really like, I saw in Doug as well. I’m sure that’s why they got along so well.
It would be so easy to deal with something like that and want to give up. Doug wasn’t even my dad or husband and I felt really down about it for a while. I know it can’t be easy to keep going, but that’s exactly what you’ve done, and that is so inspiring.
Jacquelyn and Alison, I am so proud of the work that both of you are doing. My mom gives me updates every now and then, and I am so impressed by your success. I wish I had been blessed with a quarter of the musical abilities that you possess. You’re both going to do some amazing things. Be ready for it.
Becky, I’ve always appreciated the relationship we’ve had. You and my mom tend to think very similarly, but you have an ability to say things in a way that bothers me exponentially less than the way my mom says it! I know it can’t be easy to stay strong, but that’s what you’ve done, and you deserve to know how much you’ve meant to me, especially the past four years. I wish Doug could’ve known how much he meant to me as well.
We’re not related by blood or by marriage, but I consider you to be every bit as much of my family as anyone else. Thank you for being there for me and bringing out the best in me. I hope to see you in the near future.
Love always,
Jakob
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Huntley Family,
There are two types of family members: the ones you like, and the ones you don’t like. Just kidding about that part! There are really two types of family members, though. There are the family members you inherit and there are the family members you acquire along the way. In both cases, I can say I’ve been pretty blessed. You are the family I’ve acquired.
I said it in an earlier post, but I’ll say it again because it rings true. It requires a special friendship to withstand lengthy hiatuses and emerge even stronger on the other side. Becky, you were friends with my parents before I even existed. I remember as a young child how much I enjoyed you being around. I’m still sorry to this day for my inability to make it all the way down the aisle at your wedding (a fact that you and Doug never let me live down!) Even though the girls were only toddlers, I remember having fun playing with them.
When you came back into my parents’ lives in 2010, it couldn’t have happened at a better time. My parents really didn’t have other couple friends that they did things with, and with Heidi having moved away, they weren’t going to get the entertainment they needed from me! I remember you (Becky) and Doug coming to our house one night after church, and it was like you and my parents had never missed a beat. What was really cool is that on that day, you didn’t only come back into my parents’ lives but also mine as well.
That particular time period was one of the rougher times in my life. 2010 was not kind to me, but having you guys around made things better. I’ll never forget those nights we spent at the CiCi’s in Lockport. We had to have spent hours there, and yet it never felt like hours.
I’m not the most outgoing person in the world. Yes, I can be lively and friendly, but only with people I truly like and trust. You guys were able to bring that side out of me right away. I felt comfortable around you, and at that point in my life, it was something I really needed.
It absolutely crushed me when Doug passed away, so I can only imagine how it’s been for you the past 13+ months. I still can hear his voice sometimes. I think about the time he asked for a cup full of ice in response to my request for no ice in mine. I think about the last time you guys were over here and the two of us watching a football game in my room. Not just anyone can get an invitation into my room, but with Doug I didn’t think twice. All the qualities in my dad that I really like, I saw in Doug as well. I’m sure that’s why they got along so well.
It would be so easy to deal with something like that and want to give up. Doug wasn’t even my dad or husband and I felt really down about it for a while. I know it can’t be easy to keep going, but that’s exactly what you’ve done, and that is so inspiring.
Jacquelyn and Alison, I am so proud of the work that both of you are doing. My mom gives me updates every now and then, and I am so impressed by your success. I wish I had been blessed with a quarter of the musical abilities that you possess. You’re both going to do some amazing things. Be ready for it.
Becky, I’ve always appreciated the relationship we’ve had. You and my mom tend to think very similarly, but you have an ability to say things in a way that bothers me exponentially less than the way my mom says it! I know it can’t be easy to stay strong, but that’s what you’ve done, and you deserve to know how much you’ve meant to me, especially the past four years. I wish Doug could’ve known how much he meant to me as well.
We’re not related by blood or by marriage, but I consider you to be every bit as much of my family as anyone else. Thank you for being there for me and bringing out the best in me. I hope to see you in the near future.
Love always,
Jakob
You are the Story I Tell: The Family I Inherited
I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Family,
There are two types of family members: the ones you like, and the ones you don’t like. Just kidding about that part! There are really two types of family members, though. There are the family members you inherit and there are the family members you acquire along the way. In both cases, I can say I’ve been pretty blessed.
Let me talk to the family members I’ve inherited; that is, those of you who are blood relatives. Collectively, I don’t know that there is a harder-working or more generous group of people around. You have always been ready, willing, and able to help both Heidi and me with anything that we’ve ever needed. You’ve helped my family both times we moved, and everyone was more than accommodating in celebrating two family weddings out of state. I can’t promise that in the event I get married it will be in Illinois, so mentally prepare yourselves for a third out of state wedding!
I don’t know that I’ve really ever given any of you the best chance to truly get to know me because I’m not the most outgoing or gregarious person around, but I have always been appreciative of everything you’ve done and have admired certain traits that I’ve observed in you over the years.
Uncle Tim, I’ve always admired how hard you work and how well you’ve treated us. You’ve been far more generous to us than you’ve ever had to be. Your encyclopedic knowledge on a variety of things has always been impressive. I’ve always thought you should go on Jeopardy!
Auntie Dee and Uncle Bob, thank you for always allowing Andy to come and do things with Heidi and me. It made growing up so much fun and helped create a lot of good memories. I’ll always look fondly on the sleepovers in the tent that we had in your backyard at your house in Mokena. You’ve always treated Heidi and me very well. Uncle Bob, I always enjoy seeing you on the holidays. Your friendly nature and wonderful mealtime prayers always serve to enhance the holidays. Auntie Dee, I see a lot of the same qualities in you that I see in my mom. You are both very organized, hard-working people who succeed because they understand the importance of planning and organization. I appreciate that quality in my mom, and I appreciate it in you as well.
Uncle Jerry and Aunt Lisa, the two of you have always made life seem like a big deal. Whether it’s Christmas or our annual WrestleMania party, you have a way of bringing out the best of life. What I appreciate most about both of you is that even though you’re adults and have all sorts of adult responsibilities, you’ve never lost that childlike enthusiasm for life. You guys have fun living, and you have fun with each other. Too many people lose sight of those things.
Aunt Dianna, I only see you maybe one or two times a year, but you have always been one of my favorite relatives. It’s easy to have a conversation with you because you seem to genuinely care about everything that is going on in my life. You have a knack for keeping conversations going and focusing on the positives. Thank you for always making me feel like who I am and what I’m doing matters.
The family you inherit can't be chosen. God doesn't allow us to pick our relatives, but even if He did, I don't think I could do much better. I am blessed to have been surrounded by hard-working and generous people who not only followed the example of the generation above them but also set an example for my generation. Thank you for all that you have done for me.
Love always,
Jakob
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Family,
There are two types of family members: the ones you like, and the ones you don’t like. Just kidding about that part! There are really two types of family members, though. There are the family members you inherit and there are the family members you acquire along the way. In both cases, I can say I’ve been pretty blessed.
Let me talk to the family members I’ve inherited; that is, those of you who are blood relatives. Collectively, I don’t know that there is a harder-working or more generous group of people around. You have always been ready, willing, and able to help both Heidi and me with anything that we’ve ever needed. You’ve helped my family both times we moved, and everyone was more than accommodating in celebrating two family weddings out of state. I can’t promise that in the event I get married it will be in Illinois, so mentally prepare yourselves for a third out of state wedding!
I don’t know that I’ve really ever given any of you the best chance to truly get to know me because I’m not the most outgoing or gregarious person around, but I have always been appreciative of everything you’ve done and have admired certain traits that I’ve observed in you over the years.
Uncle Tim, I’ve always admired how hard you work and how well you’ve treated us. You’ve been far more generous to us than you’ve ever had to be. Your encyclopedic knowledge on a variety of things has always been impressive. I’ve always thought you should go on Jeopardy!
Auntie Dee and Uncle Bob, thank you for always allowing Andy to come and do things with Heidi and me. It made growing up so much fun and helped create a lot of good memories. I’ll always look fondly on the sleepovers in the tent that we had in your backyard at your house in Mokena. You’ve always treated Heidi and me very well. Uncle Bob, I always enjoy seeing you on the holidays. Your friendly nature and wonderful mealtime prayers always serve to enhance the holidays. Auntie Dee, I see a lot of the same qualities in you that I see in my mom. You are both very organized, hard-working people who succeed because they understand the importance of planning and organization. I appreciate that quality in my mom, and I appreciate it in you as well.
Uncle Jerry and Aunt Lisa, the two of you have always made life seem like a big deal. Whether it’s Christmas or our annual WrestleMania party, you have a way of bringing out the best of life. What I appreciate most about both of you is that even though you’re adults and have all sorts of adult responsibilities, you’ve never lost that childlike enthusiasm for life. You guys have fun living, and you have fun with each other. Too many people lose sight of those things.
Aunt Dianna, I only see you maybe one or two times a year, but you have always been one of my favorite relatives. It’s easy to have a conversation with you because you seem to genuinely care about everything that is going on in my life. You have a knack for keeping conversations going and focusing on the positives. Thank you for always making me feel like who I am and what I’m doing matters.
The family you inherit can't be chosen. God doesn't allow us to pick our relatives, but even if He did, I don't think I could do much better. I am blessed to have been surrounded by hard-working and generous people who not only followed the example of the generation above them but also set an example for my generation. Thank you for all that you have done for me.
Love always,
Jakob
Thursday, May 29, 2014
You are the Story I Tell: Grandparents and One "Great" Aunt
I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Ahmah, Papa, Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Helen,
Let me just first of all say, thanks for the good genetics. With the approximately 400 combined years that you have lived, I’m a lock for 100! In all seriousness though, I have plenty for which to thank all of you other than that.
I know over the years you may not have gotten to know me as well as other family members. By nature, I am not as outgoing or gregarious as Heidi, as quirky as Andy, or as… Beth… as Beth (not sure how I could put that any better). Even though I’ve always been a bit more reserved, I hope that it’s never come across as me being disinterested or anything of the like. I am just as appreciative for everything that you’ve done for me. I’ve learned a lot from each of you over the years.
Ahmah, I have benefited from your guidance both personally and professionally. The insights you gave me into being a substitute teacher were so valuable. I probably would not have survived those three years in Orland without them. The fact that you still teach and at nearly 80 years old can control a classroom better than educators half your age is both astonishing and inspiring. I have always appreciated your ability to make everyone feel appreciated and loved, each in their own individual way.
Papa, your work ethic is legendary. You put people my age to shame with how hard you’ve worked and how you continue to still do things. You’ve shown that pain is never an excuse, and ultimately you’ve shown that excuses should never get in the way of doing what needs to be done. I know over the years that you’ve joked that your granddaughters were tougher than your grandsons. I hope that two marathons later, I’ve caused you to reexamine those views at least.
Grandma, thank you for being the best cook I know, although it might be because your cooking is so good that I won’t settle for certain things being made by anyone else! Thank you for everything you’ve done for Heidi and me over the years. Our summers growing up would not have been the same if you hadn’t been around. I still look back fondly on the mall trips, the rounds of miniature golf, the games of bowling, and the lunches afterward. Your generosity has never gone unnoticed.
Grandpa, I wouldn’t be able to type up this letter were it not for you teaching me how to type many years ago. I’ve always appreciated the interest you’ve taken in whatever it is that I’ve been doing with my life, whether school or work. I’ve always noticed the way your eyes light up when Heidi or I tell you what’s going on in our lives. It means a lot to know that you’re proud of us and support us in all of our endeavors. Thank you for that.
Aunt Helen, though technically not a grandparent, I have always thought of you as a fifth grandparent. As I get older (and yes, I understand that by this point I am still by no means “old”), a little doubt starts to creep in as to whether I will ever wind up marrying anyone. You have shown me that in the event that I never do get married, I can still lead a full and rewarding life. You still have the ability to do things that people a quarter of your age cannot do. Your creativity is something that I hope to be able to mirror and channel in my own life. Put simply, you are one of a kind.
You have all been so generous with your time and resources, and it has always been appreciated. Sometimes I think you treat me too well. I cannot underscore how blessed I am to be 27 years old and still have all my living grandparents (plus an Aunt Helen). There are two things that I’ll be able to collectively take from you for the rest of my life. First, you are a testament to making things work and finding a love that lasts. Your two marriages have a combined longevity of close to 120 years. That’s incredible. Also, I’d like to think I couldn’t do any better in the parental department than the parents I have. They had to have learned from somewhere. Thank you for setting such a great example in parenting and in life and creating a legacy that my parents carry on and one which I hope to continue one day.
Love always,
Jakob
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Ahmah, Papa, Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt Helen,
Let me just first of all say, thanks for the good genetics. With the approximately 400 combined years that you have lived, I’m a lock for 100! In all seriousness though, I have plenty for which to thank all of you other than that.
I know over the years you may not have gotten to know me as well as other family members. By nature, I am not as outgoing or gregarious as Heidi, as quirky as Andy, or as… Beth… as Beth (not sure how I could put that any better). Even though I’ve always been a bit more reserved, I hope that it’s never come across as me being disinterested or anything of the like. I am just as appreciative for everything that you’ve done for me. I’ve learned a lot from each of you over the years.
Ahmah, I have benefited from your guidance both personally and professionally. The insights you gave me into being a substitute teacher were so valuable. I probably would not have survived those three years in Orland without them. The fact that you still teach and at nearly 80 years old can control a classroom better than educators half your age is both astonishing and inspiring. I have always appreciated your ability to make everyone feel appreciated and loved, each in their own individual way.
Papa, your work ethic is legendary. You put people my age to shame with how hard you’ve worked and how you continue to still do things. You’ve shown that pain is never an excuse, and ultimately you’ve shown that excuses should never get in the way of doing what needs to be done. I know over the years that you’ve joked that your granddaughters were tougher than your grandsons. I hope that two marathons later, I’ve caused you to reexamine those views at least.
Grandma, thank you for being the best cook I know, although it might be because your cooking is so good that I won’t settle for certain things being made by anyone else! Thank you for everything you’ve done for Heidi and me over the years. Our summers growing up would not have been the same if you hadn’t been around. I still look back fondly on the mall trips, the rounds of miniature golf, the games of bowling, and the lunches afterward. Your generosity has never gone unnoticed.
Grandpa, I wouldn’t be able to type up this letter were it not for you teaching me how to type many years ago. I’ve always appreciated the interest you’ve taken in whatever it is that I’ve been doing with my life, whether school or work. I’ve always noticed the way your eyes light up when Heidi or I tell you what’s going on in our lives. It means a lot to know that you’re proud of us and support us in all of our endeavors. Thank you for that.
Aunt Helen, though technically not a grandparent, I have always thought of you as a fifth grandparent. As I get older (and yes, I understand that by this point I am still by no means “old”), a little doubt starts to creep in as to whether I will ever wind up marrying anyone. You have shown me that in the event that I never do get married, I can still lead a full and rewarding life. You still have the ability to do things that people a quarter of your age cannot do. Your creativity is something that I hope to be able to mirror and channel in my own life. Put simply, you are one of a kind.
You have all been so generous with your time and resources, and it has always been appreciated. Sometimes I think you treat me too well. I cannot underscore how blessed I am to be 27 years old and still have all my living grandparents (plus an Aunt Helen). There are two things that I’ll be able to collectively take from you for the rest of my life. First, you are a testament to making things work and finding a love that lasts. Your two marriages have a combined longevity of close to 120 years. That’s incredible. Also, I’d like to think I couldn’t do any better in the parental department than the parents I have. They had to have learned from somewhere. Thank you for setting such a great example in parenting and in life and creating a legacy that my parents carry on and one which I hope to continue one day.
Love always,
Jakob
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
You are the Story I Tell: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Guys,
I’ve written at great length about the five guys whom I’d consider my closest friends. Growing up, there were times that those guys weren’t around. I’ll fully admit that making new friends isn’t something that’s one of the sharpest tools in my arsenal. I don’t always put myself out there, and I very rarely venture into uncharted waters. That said, each of you helped me more than you probably ever realized, and it’s about time you knew that.
Rick, let me be completely honest. I HATED going to Christian Hills. Like, I seriously despised going. Most of the people there were people that I couldn’t stand. But all of a sudden a lot of that changed. Sitting with you, Mark Ebbers, and whoever else we could get to sit with us made Kids Church infinitely more enjoyable. Churches theoretically are supposed to be places where people make friends and feel welcome. Thank you for being a friend and making my Sunday mornings tolerable in the late 90s.
Mark Ross, it’s no secret that I wasn’t the most popular person at PBC. Part of that was because I was an awkward kid. Part of it was that I was shy and lacked confidence to put myself out there and let people see who I was. You were always extremely friendly to me. I don’t think I appreciated it enough back then. I focused on all the people that didn’t like me that I didn’t take the time to recognize the blessings I had. Thanks for being there for me back then. It meant a lot.
Hoover, it's funny that the first memory I have of you was the girls from my church trying to get me to fight you by planting nonsense in my ears. Once we started talking, I realized you were a super chill dude, and having you around made camp even more fun. It's a shame we never got to room together any of those years. You've always been someone I've enjoyed talking to. Meeting up at Woodfield Mall in spring 2010 was one of the highlights of my year.
Brian Lyons, Murdock, and Adam, like I said earlier, I am not always the best at making friends. I’m certainly not the best about approaching new people. Yet somehow I became friends with the three of you, and I don’t think that I could’ve done any better picking friends from TPHS. Brian Lyons, aside from having the most fun to say name ever, you’ve always been super cool and understanding about how I’ve felt about things. You’ve encouraged me plenty times when I was down. Murdock, I’ve always admired the fact that you’ve always had a plan. You’ve known what you want, and you’ve always worked hard to get there. I’m bummed that I missed the last Docfest. I thought it was the following week! Adam, you’ve taught me how to be more comfortable with myself. I’ve always kind of envied how comfortable you are within your own skin and how you have such a great sense of self. I’ve learned to get better at that myself, thanks in large part to seeing how you were. To all three of you, I can say hands down that my greatest memories of high school occurred at our lunch table junior year. High school wasn’t particularly good to me, but you guys were.
Dave Campbell, junior year was pretty rough for me. Some of it was my own doing, while some of it wasn’t. I never forgot how cool you were to me during that year. Here I was, this quiet dude who most people thought was stalking a girl (and let’s be fair, I didn’t exactly do myself any favors back then), and you treated me much better than I probably deserved. The two of us leaving English early to go to the cafeteria was a highlight for me that year, and I’ve never forgotten the high pitched “woo” we’d do in the hallways. During a time where I really didn’t feel good about myself and could’ve spiraled into a really bad place, you helped me out of it, whether you knew it at the time or not.
Peter, while I may never forgive you for the fact that the 8 Polish Foods of Christmas is STILL stuck in my head 11 years later, I can’t do enough to thank you for the mentor that you were. I didn’t always like everyone in the youth group, but when I was in your small group on Sunday nights I forgot about all of that and felt both wanted and accepted. You were a constant during my high school years, and you helped me get through my most awkward stages. What I’ll remember most actually is a conversation we had long after I had graduated high school. You called me out of the blue in spring 2008 when I was at the point of losing my mind. So much in my life seemed like it needed to change. You called me and provided me with enough calm encouragement that I KNEW I was going to make it. Thank you.
Bob, I don’t know that anyone ever thanked you and your family enough for how hospitable you were in fall 2004 having everyone over at your house during the football season. That was super cool of you, and it wasn’t something you had to do. I’ve always admired and appreciated your almost Machiavellian ways in getting the things you desire, especially while playing Risk! You taught me to find comfort and confidence in myself. You were a huge part of the summer of 2003 being the best summer of my life.
Jason, there are times when I get down and wonder how much of who I am and what I do matters. Since we met nearly a decade ago, you have always taken an interest in my life. It feels good to know that people out there actually care about what I’m doing. I don’t know that I’ve thanked you enough for that. I’m hoping that one of these days I’ll finally be able to tell you I’ve gotten what I’ve waited for.
Matt, I didn’t know you very long during college, but you made my last year at ONU a whole lot more fun. It was nice to have someone in class who shared the same snarky humor that I did, someone who wasn’t afraid to point out how ridiculous some people were (a certain Hugo Chavez supporter comes to mind). I enjoyed chatting music with you, and I discovered a lot of good bands as a result of our conversations. Keep fighting the good fight!
Mark and Kevin, I would not have lasted more than one year at Target were it not for you two. Those long day shifts actually became enjoyable. I’d look forward to breaks and lunches chatting about sports and WWE. My love for WWE actually grew because of the two of you. It gave us something to talk about. One of my greatest memories during my college years was the time we went to No Mercy at Allstate. While I don’t miss working at Target one bit, I do miss the times we shared during those years. You guys were like two big brothers in red and khaki.
Nick, easily the best part about working at Target was all the adventures I had with you. I still think about some of the things we did and said and laugh. I’ll never forget when we took all those carts and evenly dispersed them throughout the parking lot and then bought Jenna a sympathy card so she wouldn’t fire us. Thanks for all the great music you introduced me to. We need to get to Little Caesars one of these days. It’s been way too long.
Tay, there were a lot of guys on Stickam who were absolutely intolerable. I’d go so far as to say that 90% of the males I encountered on the site were people that I’d have to consciously refrain from punching were I ever to meet them in person. You, however, are part of the 10% that were seriously good dudes. You always made things fun and made a room more entertaining. Whether it was your rap battles, your arbitrary debates, or your “going in” on someone, you brought humor to a time in my life where humor was severely lacking. I’ve always appreciated your honesty with me, even when it’s not exactly what I want to hear.
In life, all the roles that we play are important. Even when we think we have just a supporting role or are just an extra, we cannot underscore the importance of what we do. Each of you, whether you knew it or not, made my life better. In some cases, your friendship helped me out of some really rough times. None of us were ever “best” friends, but you don’t have to be best friends to be a good friend and do some serious good in someone else’s life. Thanks for the good you’ve done, and thanks for helping make me a better me.
All the best,
Jakob
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Guys,
I’ve written at great length about the five guys whom I’d consider my closest friends. Growing up, there were times that those guys weren’t around. I’ll fully admit that making new friends isn’t something that’s one of the sharpest tools in my arsenal. I don’t always put myself out there, and I very rarely venture into uncharted waters. That said, each of you helped me more than you probably ever realized, and it’s about time you knew that.
Rick, let me be completely honest. I HATED going to Christian Hills. Like, I seriously despised going. Most of the people there were people that I couldn’t stand. But all of a sudden a lot of that changed. Sitting with you, Mark Ebbers, and whoever else we could get to sit with us made Kids Church infinitely more enjoyable. Churches theoretically are supposed to be places where people make friends and feel welcome. Thank you for being a friend and making my Sunday mornings tolerable in the late 90s.
Mark Ross, it’s no secret that I wasn’t the most popular person at PBC. Part of that was because I was an awkward kid. Part of it was that I was shy and lacked confidence to put myself out there and let people see who I was. You were always extremely friendly to me. I don’t think I appreciated it enough back then. I focused on all the people that didn’t like me that I didn’t take the time to recognize the blessings I had. Thanks for being there for me back then. It meant a lot.
Hoover, it's funny that the first memory I have of you was the girls from my church trying to get me to fight you by planting nonsense in my ears. Once we started talking, I realized you were a super chill dude, and having you around made camp even more fun. It's a shame we never got to room together any of those years. You've always been someone I've enjoyed talking to. Meeting up at Woodfield Mall in spring 2010 was one of the highlights of my year.
Brian Lyons, Murdock, and Adam, like I said earlier, I am not always the best at making friends. I’m certainly not the best about approaching new people. Yet somehow I became friends with the three of you, and I don’t think that I could’ve done any better picking friends from TPHS. Brian Lyons, aside from having the most fun to say name ever, you’ve always been super cool and understanding about how I’ve felt about things. You’ve encouraged me plenty times when I was down. Murdock, I’ve always admired the fact that you’ve always had a plan. You’ve known what you want, and you’ve always worked hard to get there. I’m bummed that I missed the last Docfest. I thought it was the following week! Adam, you’ve taught me how to be more comfortable with myself. I’ve always kind of envied how comfortable you are within your own skin and how you have such a great sense of self. I’ve learned to get better at that myself, thanks in large part to seeing how you were. To all three of you, I can say hands down that my greatest memories of high school occurred at our lunch table junior year. High school wasn’t particularly good to me, but you guys were.
Dave Campbell, junior year was pretty rough for me. Some of it was my own doing, while some of it wasn’t. I never forgot how cool you were to me during that year. Here I was, this quiet dude who most people thought was stalking a girl (and let’s be fair, I didn’t exactly do myself any favors back then), and you treated me much better than I probably deserved. The two of us leaving English early to go to the cafeteria was a highlight for me that year, and I’ve never forgotten the high pitched “woo” we’d do in the hallways. During a time where I really didn’t feel good about myself and could’ve spiraled into a really bad place, you helped me out of it, whether you knew it at the time or not.
Peter, while I may never forgive you for the fact that the 8 Polish Foods of Christmas is STILL stuck in my head 11 years later, I can’t do enough to thank you for the mentor that you were. I didn’t always like everyone in the youth group, but when I was in your small group on Sunday nights I forgot about all of that and felt both wanted and accepted. You were a constant during my high school years, and you helped me get through my most awkward stages. What I’ll remember most actually is a conversation we had long after I had graduated high school. You called me out of the blue in spring 2008 when I was at the point of losing my mind. So much in my life seemed like it needed to change. You called me and provided me with enough calm encouragement that I KNEW I was going to make it. Thank you.
Bob, I don’t know that anyone ever thanked you and your family enough for how hospitable you were in fall 2004 having everyone over at your house during the football season. That was super cool of you, and it wasn’t something you had to do. I’ve always admired and appreciated your almost Machiavellian ways in getting the things you desire, especially while playing Risk! You taught me to find comfort and confidence in myself. You were a huge part of the summer of 2003 being the best summer of my life.
Jason, there are times when I get down and wonder how much of who I am and what I do matters. Since we met nearly a decade ago, you have always taken an interest in my life. It feels good to know that people out there actually care about what I’m doing. I don’t know that I’ve thanked you enough for that. I’m hoping that one of these days I’ll finally be able to tell you I’ve gotten what I’ve waited for.
Matt, I didn’t know you very long during college, but you made my last year at ONU a whole lot more fun. It was nice to have someone in class who shared the same snarky humor that I did, someone who wasn’t afraid to point out how ridiculous some people were (a certain Hugo Chavez supporter comes to mind). I enjoyed chatting music with you, and I discovered a lot of good bands as a result of our conversations. Keep fighting the good fight!
Mark and Kevin, I would not have lasted more than one year at Target were it not for you two. Those long day shifts actually became enjoyable. I’d look forward to breaks and lunches chatting about sports and WWE. My love for WWE actually grew because of the two of you. It gave us something to talk about. One of my greatest memories during my college years was the time we went to No Mercy at Allstate. While I don’t miss working at Target one bit, I do miss the times we shared during those years. You guys were like two big brothers in red and khaki.
Nick, easily the best part about working at Target was all the adventures I had with you. I still think about some of the things we did and said and laugh. I’ll never forget when we took all those carts and evenly dispersed them throughout the parking lot and then bought Jenna a sympathy card so she wouldn’t fire us. Thanks for all the great music you introduced me to. We need to get to Little Caesars one of these days. It’s been way too long.
Tay, there were a lot of guys on Stickam who were absolutely intolerable. I’d go so far as to say that 90% of the males I encountered on the site were people that I’d have to consciously refrain from punching were I ever to meet them in person. You, however, are part of the 10% that were seriously good dudes. You always made things fun and made a room more entertaining. Whether it was your rap battles, your arbitrary debates, or your “going in” on someone, you brought humor to a time in my life where humor was severely lacking. I’ve always appreciated your honesty with me, even when it’s not exactly what I want to hear.
In life, all the roles that we play are important. Even when we think we have just a supporting role or are just an extra, we cannot underscore the importance of what we do. Each of you, whether you knew it or not, made my life better. In some cases, your friendship helped me out of some really rough times. None of us were ever “best” friends, but you don’t have to be best friends to be a good friend and do some serious good in someone else’s life. Thanks for the good you’ve done, and thanks for helping make me a better me.
All the best,
Jakob
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
You are the Story I Tell: Tiffany
I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Tiffany,
Friendship, like most things, requires a delicate balance. There can’t be too much give or too much take. One person can’t be doing all the work. What many people do not realize is that friendship shouldn’t require one person being too easy or too hard on the other. There needs to be balance.
Often, we tiptoe around saying certain things to our friends for fear that they won’t respond well to what we have to say. Other times, we say whatever we feel without any fear of repercussions. The best friends know when to say something and when not. They can tear you a new one yet make you feel loved while they’re doing that. You have that rare quality.
I’ve told you before that you are one of two people in the world who can say literally anything to me without me being offended or bothered by it. You’ve earned that status. That’s not something that is freely given. We’ve known each other for two years now. Never once have I doubted that you care about me. Never once have I wondered if you were truly looking out for my best interests. You have the ability to notice things that either I can’t see or choose not to see. Instead of shutting up and forcing me to learn by myself, you’ve always taken the time to talk things out to me and explain why something might not be the best idea or what might happen if I continue down a specific path. You don’t do it because you think you could do a better job being Jakob Duehr. You do it because you honestly don’t want to see me hurt. I can’t always say that I listen to your advice (I am me, after all), but I can say that it has always been and will always be appreciated.
With a lot of my friends, I can remember how we met, but in most cases I don’t remember the first day we met. You’re an exception that way. Things were goofy and crazy that night, and they set the tone for our friendship. The past two years hasn’t been the smoothest sailing in either of our lives, but having a friend there for you helps soften the blow a bit.
You’ve always believed in me when I have pursued my goals (though not always in my love life goals haha). It is so much easier to keep going when you know that others believe in you. Thank you for believing in me.
I know these days that you have some goals of your own in mind, especially as it pertains to fitness. I’ve been there. I’ve actually been there twice! I’d be lying to you if I told you it was going to be easy. But I know you can do it. Not only CAN you do it, but you WILL do it. Be prepared to succeed. Just like you believe in me, I believe in you.
I don’t know when our paths will cross in person, but I am sure it will be a whole lot of fun when they do. Thank you for helping me be honest and accountable to myself, thank you for helping me see the bigger picture, and thank you for always being there for me.
Love always,
Jakob
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Tiffany,
Friendship, like most things, requires a delicate balance. There can’t be too much give or too much take. One person can’t be doing all the work. What many people do not realize is that friendship shouldn’t require one person being too easy or too hard on the other. There needs to be balance.
Often, we tiptoe around saying certain things to our friends for fear that they won’t respond well to what we have to say. Other times, we say whatever we feel without any fear of repercussions. The best friends know when to say something and when not. They can tear you a new one yet make you feel loved while they’re doing that. You have that rare quality.
I’ve told you before that you are one of two people in the world who can say literally anything to me without me being offended or bothered by it. You’ve earned that status. That’s not something that is freely given. We’ve known each other for two years now. Never once have I doubted that you care about me. Never once have I wondered if you were truly looking out for my best interests. You have the ability to notice things that either I can’t see or choose not to see. Instead of shutting up and forcing me to learn by myself, you’ve always taken the time to talk things out to me and explain why something might not be the best idea or what might happen if I continue down a specific path. You don’t do it because you think you could do a better job being Jakob Duehr. You do it because you honestly don’t want to see me hurt. I can’t always say that I listen to your advice (I am me, after all), but I can say that it has always been and will always be appreciated.
With a lot of my friends, I can remember how we met, but in most cases I don’t remember the first day we met. You’re an exception that way. Things were goofy and crazy that night, and they set the tone for our friendship. The past two years hasn’t been the smoothest sailing in either of our lives, but having a friend there for you helps soften the blow a bit.
You’ve always believed in me when I have pursued my goals (though not always in my love life goals haha). It is so much easier to keep going when you know that others believe in you. Thank you for believing in me.
I know these days that you have some goals of your own in mind, especially as it pertains to fitness. I’ve been there. I’ve actually been there twice! I’d be lying to you if I told you it was going to be easy. But I know you can do it. Not only CAN you do it, but you WILL do it. Be prepared to succeed. Just like you believe in me, I believe in you.
I don’t know when our paths will cross in person, but I am sure it will be a whole lot of fun when they do. Thank you for helping me be honest and accountable to myself, thank you for helping me see the bigger picture, and thank you for always being there for me.
Love always,
Jakob
Monday, May 26, 2014
You are the Story I Tell: K-Sue
I truly believe that the greatest gift that you can give to another person is to genuinely let them know that who they are and what they do matters. It has been my goal in 2014 to become a more thoughtful person. A string of deaths to some individuals who positively affected my life led me to conceive this series. As the words to my favorite song go, “And for those who have stood by my side, you are the story I tell.” You are the words and pages to my story.
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Katrina,
The good thing about good friends is that they can come from virtually anywhere. Some are childhood friends. Others are brought together out of necessity or proximity, while still others are brought together by common interests or passions. However, some of the best friendships come virtually out of nowhere. We met fairly randomly online years ago. It wasn’t even a site for people of similar interests.
Immediately upon meeting you I realized you had a kind spirit. This is something that has proved to be true over and over again over the past 4+ years. You’re good to people, and you make people want to be good to you as well. You have such a nurturing nature to you, which is why it did not surprise me at all to find out that you work with small children. You have the perfect personality to positively impact them and set them on the right path at a very early age.
As time progressed, we realized we have a decent amount in common, most notably a love for the NFL and quality pop punk music (not to mention Randy Orton action figures haha). It’s always been nice to have a friend with whom I can share these interests. You’ve introduced me to bands and songs that I probably would not have discovered otherwise, and I’d like to think that I’ve done the same for you. Plus it’s always great to have a friend who is also a fan of The Graduate! But someday when I get old and look back on our friendship, that’s not going to be what I remember most.
Without fail, you have always had the ability to not only make me feel better about myself but also to feel better about whatever the situation is that I’m going through. I can think of countless times when I was in the midst of a bad day or a particularly trying period and you sent me a nice text message to help me feel better. You’ve always had an ability to know just what to say to make me believe in myself and believe that things can and will get better. I don’t know that I’ve thanked you enough for that, but it’s been easier for me to believe in myself because I know that you’re out there believing in me as well.
It still both amazes and amuses me that despite only living one state apart, our paths have never crossed in person. One day, I hope we wind up at the same concert. I wish you’d come down to Tinley to see Warped this summer with me! No matter when we meet (and yes, it’s a “when”, not an “if”), I look forward to it. I look forward to thanking you for being one of the most positive parts of my life the past 4 years, a silver lining during a time where my life was filled with clouds. Thank you for everything. Above all, thanks for being my friend.
Love always,
Jakob
Over the course of the next several months, I will be writing open letters to those who have positively impacted my story. I’m not going to lie. It is my goal to make you cry, not out of grief or pain but out of the realization that you do truly matter. I am not doing this in order of how important you are to me. For the most part (other than birthdays or other important events), the letters will be done in a random order. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you come away from this with the realization that you are extremely important to me.
Dear Katrina,
The good thing about good friends is that they can come from virtually anywhere. Some are childhood friends. Others are brought together out of necessity or proximity, while still others are brought together by common interests or passions. However, some of the best friendships come virtually out of nowhere. We met fairly randomly online years ago. It wasn’t even a site for people of similar interests.
Immediately upon meeting you I realized you had a kind spirit. This is something that has proved to be true over and over again over the past 4+ years. You’re good to people, and you make people want to be good to you as well. You have such a nurturing nature to you, which is why it did not surprise me at all to find out that you work with small children. You have the perfect personality to positively impact them and set them on the right path at a very early age.
As time progressed, we realized we have a decent amount in common, most notably a love for the NFL and quality pop punk music (not to mention Randy Orton action figures haha). It’s always been nice to have a friend with whom I can share these interests. You’ve introduced me to bands and songs that I probably would not have discovered otherwise, and I’d like to think that I’ve done the same for you. Plus it’s always great to have a friend who is also a fan of The Graduate! But someday when I get old and look back on our friendship, that’s not going to be what I remember most.
Without fail, you have always had the ability to not only make me feel better about myself but also to feel better about whatever the situation is that I’m going through. I can think of countless times when I was in the midst of a bad day or a particularly trying period and you sent me a nice text message to help me feel better. You’ve always had an ability to know just what to say to make me believe in myself and believe that things can and will get better. I don’t know that I’ve thanked you enough for that, but it’s been easier for me to believe in myself because I know that you’re out there believing in me as well.
It still both amazes and amuses me that despite only living one state apart, our paths have never crossed in person. One day, I hope we wind up at the same concert. I wish you’d come down to Tinley to see Warped this summer with me! No matter when we meet (and yes, it’s a “when”, not an “if”), I look forward to it. I look forward to thanking you for being one of the most positive parts of my life the past 4 years, a silver lining during a time where my life was filled with clouds. Thank you for everything. Above all, thanks for being my friend.
Love always,
Jakob
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