It blows my mind how fast time flies. By this time next week, ten years will have elapsed since my graduation from eighth grade at the (now-defunct) Stone Church Christian Academy. In some ways, it doesn’t feel that long. In other ways, it amazes me that it has only been ten years.
I could give a year-by-year rundown of my time at the school, but that would only be self-edifying, and I really don’t feel like doing that. I could give a recap of our eighth grade graduation, as I still have VHS footage of the event. I’ll spare you that as well. Nothing of great note occurred outside of some amusing one-liners from Mr. Prosapio and a family of one of my classmates causing a bit of a scene. I guess I will attack this post from three directions. I will do my best to cover the things about my experience that were positive, the things that were negative, and some of my feelings, etc. that have changed over the course of the past ten years.
I had the good fortune of spending all day for nine years (since we did not switch classes at Stone) with three of my closest friends growing up. Not unsurprisingly, those guys are still my closest friends. In addition to them, I was close with a great number of my other classmates. A lot of the girls were all sorts of fun, and in all honesty, I looked forward to getting up each morning with the opportunity to hang out with (most of) my classmates. Sure, I did not get along with a few of my classmates at times, but it was nothing serious (and nothing close to what I had to deal with at times in high school).
I also had the privilege of having my favorite teacher twice. Mr. Clifton was about THE best person possible to deal with the 24 of us. No, he was not the perfect teacher, and yes, some educational scholars may have cringed at some of his styles and methods, but he was successful in reaching us, in connecting with us, and in making us care about what he had to say. His relative youth (it’s a weird thought to think that I am currently the same age that he was when he taught our eighth grade class) and Virginian charm really resonated with most of us. He was one of the primary reasons I became interested in education. There were many other excellent teachers (as well as a few teachers that I did not enjoy). For the most part, the school excelled in providing instructors who gelled with the students.
The final positive I feel like discussing were some of the special events that made Stone what it was. We had weekly chapel, but for the three major holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter) things were turned up a notch. It had a more important feel. I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving dinners we had following the chapel, nor will I forget Field Day (a day of athletic events) or Grandparents Day (a day where our grandparents got to observe our classes and eat lunch out of an elaborately decorated box).
As much as I probably gushed about the school in the previous paragraphs, Stone was certainly not without its faults. First things first, the curriculum was atrocious. While it was strong in its grammatical foundations and its rote memorization training, it certainly lacked in most other areas. Science was a joke, and math did absolutely nothing to prepare students for high school. The disallowance of calculators did students no favors as well. The history curriculum was thorough, but unfortunately biased. Anyone and anything without a fundamentalist Christian background was more or less doomed to the depths of hell and buried in the book.
While I cannot fault Stone entirely for the curriculum (since they were not the ones who wrote it), I can not say the same for the next point. Stone attempted to instill a sense of discipline and respect in its students but did so at the cost of breaking down the individuality of the students. While I was more than fine with wearing uniforms (because I really didn’t care what I looked like until early 2003), some of the rules were excessive. In-school suspensions for boys who got their hair cut too short were way over the top. Limiting the color of girls’ nail polish to red, pink, and purple was ridiculous as well. There are many other rules with which I do not agree, but I will not continue on because a) I think I have said enough, b) many not involved with the school will find them unbelievable, and c) I do not wish to come across as condescending to those who found these rules perfectly acceptable.
Unfortunately, the most glaring negative of the school (and I truly do not believe this one was intentional) was its inability to socially prepare its students for the non-sheltered world of public high school. As I have progressed in my study of the educational field, I have become more and more of a proponent of the middle school system. It is a specific system that prepares students academically, socially, and emotionally. It is an especially important period of students’ lives, and it is the responsibility of the school to do their part in shaping the lives of its students and aiding their journey of self-discovery and self-sufficiency. By providing an extremely sheltered “bubble”, it made the transition to high school exponentially more challenging. While I do not speak for all students in saying that, I know this to be true in my own life, and in speaking with some other graduates, it was true in theirs.
So, what has changed the past ten years? Other than finally beginning to grow into my ears (a little), a lot. If you had asked me ten years ago about the school, I would’ve likely told you of my belief that the school could do no wrong. As I got older, and as I became slightly more socially adept, I became more aware of some of its shortcomings. I realized that for many years I truly did live in a bubble.
A lot has changed with my classmates as well. A number of them are married. One has sadly passed away. Some have probably gotten arrested. I am no longer close with any of my female classmates. It happens. Time goes by and people grow apart. It doesn’t make any of us bad people. It just makes us human.
The school itself is no longer in existence. After a tumultuous final few years, the school closed its doors for the last time in May 2009. Stone Church no longer exists in that location, either. As I said, much has changed.
After all this reflection and remembrance, I asked myself two questions. First, if I could go back in time and change my personal history, would I still have attended Stone? Second, would I ever send my (potential future) children to a school like Stone? To answer the first question, I weighed the social negatives against the friends I made and still have to this day. I would not trade them for anything; therefore, I would still choose to attend Stone. To answer the second question, I don’t believe we live in a day and age where private school is that much of a greater good than public school. In my experiences with both private and public schools, both have their positive and negatives. The positives of private schooling do not offset the economic burden. So, while I would not change the details of my life, I would not choose that life for my children.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Five Improvements to the Traditional Wedding
So the world (or at least the United States) has been abuzz with this “Royal Wedding” stuff (and likely making some combination of Washington, Franklin, and Jefferson turn over in their graves). Rest assured, loyal reader(s). I was not one of them! It frankly seemed like a waste of time and sleep to get up in the middle of the night to watch some ridiculously extravagant event for two people who have absolutely no effect on my life. It did get me thinking of ways I could outdo this “Royal Wedding” when it’s Ol’ JD’s turn to get hitched. Granted, any woman who would consent to any of these ideas either has a great sense of humor or is certifiably insane, so I won’t hold my breath. Given some of the women I have aligned myself with in the past, it’s not totally out of the question. Here are five ideas for the GREATEST WEDDING EVER~!
1. The Foil Wedding: Too many people undeservedly made a big deal out of the Royal Wedding. A “Foil Wedding” would deservedly be a huge event. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’re wondering what in the world a Foil Wedding is. It is exactly what it sounds like. Everything is made out of aluminum foil, from the attire of the wedding participants (other than undergarments) to the displays to life-sized statues of the bride and groom. The Foil Wedding is the latest breakthrough in wedding technology and is sure to be the preferred marriage ceremony of the 21st Century!
2. Pyrotechnic Displays: Perhaps it’s the WWE fan in me coming through, but I absolutely love the idea of coming down the aisle while Europe’s “The Final Countdown” plays and glorious fireworks rain from the sky. Of course, this would mean the wedding would have to be outdoors, but that does not bother me. We’re eschewing tradition as it is. I’m thinking an amazing display after our first kiss as a married couple would be in order too.
3. Motorcycle Entrances for the Attendants: While I have absolutely no desire to hop on a chopper myself, I believe that there should be a time for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to shine. Since we’ve already established the idea of an outdoor wedding, I’m thinking that we install a motorcycle ramp for the wedding party to arrive in style. Of course, there might be some pyrotechnics in it for them as well.
4. A Live Performance by The Graduate: Seriously, it’s not an event unless those five guys are involved, and nothing screams epic more than Corey Warning belting out “Surround Yourself” or “Pull Me In” while he, Max, Matt, Jared, and Tim wear those tuxedo t-shirts. This would be during the wedding and not the reception, of course.
5. A Minister-by-Committee Approach: I have two pastors that I absolutely love, Scott Bradley and Doug Harris, and I would be very hard-pressed to pick one over the other. In addition, I realize the future Mrs. D. may have her preferred minister as well. Therefore, I have come up with the revolutionary minister-by-committee approach. The responsibilities for the wedding would be evenly distributed amongst the ministers, however many there may be. If possible, each minister would sign the marriage certificate as well.
Some of you who know me might be surprised at my “progressive” approaches to improving on the traditional wedding. Some of these ideas might not work as well in application as they do in principle, but we shall see. To my future wife (whose name will likely begin with an A, J, R, or S), I look forward to negotiating the terms of this wedding with you. I would settle for at least one of my five ideas being approved. Guess we’ll wait and see.
1. The Foil Wedding: Too many people undeservedly made a big deal out of the Royal Wedding. A “Foil Wedding” would deservedly be a huge event. I’m sure if you’re reading this, you’re wondering what in the world a Foil Wedding is. It is exactly what it sounds like. Everything is made out of aluminum foil, from the attire of the wedding participants (other than undergarments) to the displays to life-sized statues of the bride and groom. The Foil Wedding is the latest breakthrough in wedding technology and is sure to be the preferred marriage ceremony of the 21st Century!
2. Pyrotechnic Displays: Perhaps it’s the WWE fan in me coming through, but I absolutely love the idea of coming down the aisle while Europe’s “The Final Countdown” plays and glorious fireworks rain from the sky. Of course, this would mean the wedding would have to be outdoors, but that does not bother me. We’re eschewing tradition as it is. I’m thinking an amazing display after our first kiss as a married couple would be in order too.
3. Motorcycle Entrances for the Attendants: While I have absolutely no desire to hop on a chopper myself, I believe that there should be a time for the bridesmaids and groomsmen to shine. Since we’ve already established the idea of an outdoor wedding, I’m thinking that we install a motorcycle ramp for the wedding party to arrive in style. Of course, there might be some pyrotechnics in it for them as well.
4. A Live Performance by The Graduate: Seriously, it’s not an event unless those five guys are involved, and nothing screams epic more than Corey Warning belting out “Surround Yourself” or “Pull Me In” while he, Max, Matt, Jared, and Tim wear those tuxedo t-shirts. This would be during the wedding and not the reception, of course.
5. A Minister-by-Committee Approach: I have two pastors that I absolutely love, Scott Bradley and Doug Harris, and I would be very hard-pressed to pick one over the other. In addition, I realize the future Mrs. D. may have her preferred minister as well. Therefore, I have come up with the revolutionary minister-by-committee approach. The responsibilities for the wedding would be evenly distributed amongst the ministers, however many there may be. If possible, each minister would sign the marriage certificate as well.
Some of you who know me might be surprised at my “progressive” approaches to improving on the traditional wedding. Some of these ideas might not work as well in application as they do in principle, but we shall see. To my future wife (whose name will likely begin with an A, J, R, or S), I look forward to negotiating the terms of this wedding with you. I would settle for at least one of my five ideas being approved. Guess we’ll wait and see.
Jakob's Look at the NBA Playoffs
The “It’s Time For War” mini-series is still in a bit of an intermission, so bear with me for the next two posts. While I like to write about both serious and humorous topics, I am a man of many interests. The NBA and NHL are two of those interests. With the playoffs kicking off, I thought I’d give a little bit of my perspective concerning them. I do not profess to be an advanced sabermetric expert on either sport, so I will not be providing any power rankings. However, I will rank the teams in order of how much I would like to see them win their respective titles. You might find some of my reasons ridiculous. To that I respond, “You shouldn’t be surprised.” I apologize for getting this so late after the NHL playoff preview, but once it got into the first round, I thought it would be best to wait until the second round. Plus, I only had to do 50% of the writing! With all that said, here are my NBA rankings.
8. Miami Heat: Did you seriously expect any other team to be at the bottom of my list? Though I have met Dwyane Wade, I absolutely can’t stand his running buddies, and they seem to have led to a regression in Mr. Wade’s attitude. For all the hype and hoopla this group heaped upon themselves, they should have focused more on closing out games.
7. Los Angeles Lakers: Before “The Decision” last summer, the Lakers had a stronghold as my 30th favorite team. I think that Phil Jackson values his opinions far too highly and that Kobe Bryant is a (talented) jerk. I’m tired of seeing them at the top.
6. Boston Celtics: It somewhat pains me to have to put them here because I like Ray Allen and Doc Rivers so much, but the three-headed monster of awful (Rondo, Pierce, and Garnett) forces me to hate this team. That said, I’m rooting for them in this series against Miami.
5. Atlanta Hawks: It’s nothing against the organization, the front office, or any of the players. I just don’t like the way they play. They run far too many isolation plays. They seem like a team built to lose in the second round.
4. Dallas Mavericks: They’ve been close enough to the top that it wouldn’t be THAT awful to see them eventually reach the pinnacle. I think this may be their best shot. Mark Cuban needs to tone down his “Cubanness” a bit.
3.Seattle Sonics Oklahoma City Thunder: I can’t stand their owner, but I don’t hold that against the players. Kevin Durant is my favorite player not named Derrick Rose, and I like the amount of young athleticism they have. Barring anything unforeseen, this team should be very good for a very long time.
2. Memphis Grizzlies: There is something absolutely charming about this team. Quite honestly, they don’t seem like they should be as good as they are, but they continue to find ways to win. Plus, everyone likes a good underdog story.
1. Chicago Bulls: If you were expecting any other team at the top of this list, you’re even crazier than me. I love my Bulls. I love the defensive tenacity this team has played with the entire season, the sense of purpose that Tom Thibodeau has instilled in each player, and the play of their (likely) MVP, Derrick Rose. While the play of Carlos Boozer has been maddening at times, the team has done a good job of negating the most troubling components of his play.
8. Miami Heat: Did you seriously expect any other team to be at the bottom of my list? Though I have met Dwyane Wade, I absolutely can’t stand his running buddies, and they seem to have led to a regression in Mr. Wade’s attitude. For all the hype and hoopla this group heaped upon themselves, they should have focused more on closing out games.
7. Los Angeles Lakers: Before “The Decision” last summer, the Lakers had a stronghold as my 30th favorite team. I think that Phil Jackson values his opinions far too highly and that Kobe Bryant is a (talented) jerk. I’m tired of seeing them at the top.
6. Boston Celtics: It somewhat pains me to have to put them here because I like Ray Allen and Doc Rivers so much, but the three-headed monster of awful (Rondo, Pierce, and Garnett) forces me to hate this team. That said, I’m rooting for them in this series against Miami.
5. Atlanta Hawks: It’s nothing against the organization, the front office, or any of the players. I just don’t like the way they play. They run far too many isolation plays. They seem like a team built to lose in the second round.
4. Dallas Mavericks: They’ve been close enough to the top that it wouldn’t be THAT awful to see them eventually reach the pinnacle. I think this may be their best shot. Mark Cuban needs to tone down his “Cubanness” a bit.
3.
2. Memphis Grizzlies: There is something absolutely charming about this team. Quite honestly, they don’t seem like they should be as good as they are, but they continue to find ways to win. Plus, everyone likes a good underdog story.
1. Chicago Bulls: If you were expecting any other team at the top of this list, you’re even crazier than me. I love my Bulls. I love the defensive tenacity this team has played with the entire season, the sense of purpose that Tom Thibodeau has instilled in each player, and the play of their (likely) MVP, Derrick Rose. While the play of Carlos Boozer has been maddening at times, the team has done a good job of negating the most troubling components of his play.
Regarding the Death of Osama bin Laden
DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be an intelligence analyst or foreign affairs expert, so take my opinions accordingly.
Unless you have lived under a rock much like Osama bin Laden himself the last decade (HI-YO!), you have probably heard the news that American forces have killed the noted terrorist and spokesmodel for hirsute fashion. I have seen countless posts on Facebook and Twitter concerning his death, and unfortunately many of the posts fall somewhere between ignorant and uninformed. While I have no intention of dissecting these individual posts or starting anything with their authors, I will touch upon some of the common themes I found.
Erroneous Point #1: Osama bin Laden was omnipotent and omnipresent.
I’m not even going to insert any Saddam Hussein body double jokes here. The fact of the matter was that bin Laden was the face of a powerful and radical terrorist organization. He was not the president, premier, or prime minister of the nation of Terror, nor any other nation for that matter. He had no seat in the governments of Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Syria, Libya, North Korea, or any other nation that we feel falls in our ideological firing range. He was not the head of OPEC. He was one man.
Erroneous Point #2: The death of bin Laden is going to lead to some sort of utopian society.
The world was not a perfect place before September 11, 2001. It is even less perfect on May 2, 2011. There are a number of factors for this, and it would be asinine to even attempt to place the blame for the world’s problems on one individual. The death of one man is not going to lead to heaven on earth (though, if Belinda Carlisle is to be believed, Heaven is a Place on Earth). It is not going to lead to all the troops going home immediately. It is not going to bring gas back down to under $2 a gallon. It is not going to fix the economy or bring jobs to those looking for it. It was a significant and largely symbolic victory in an ideological war, but if you think that nobody is going to step up and assume his authority, you are a bit naïve. If anything, it is potentially proof of a return to competence by U.S. intelligence. The world still needs a whole lot of fixing. This was not some sort of wide-covering bandage.
Erroneous Point #3: The death of bin Laden is an elaborate ruse to lead to feelings of goodwill for the Obama Administration.
There are those out there who seriously apparently believe this was a hoax. They probably believe the moon landing was staged and that WWE superstar Kane was played by a different man after unmasking. These thoughts are ridiculous, but I will play along for just one moment and counter with this: EVEN IF there is the potential for you to be right, we are still a good 18 months away from reelection. That is the equivalent to me taking a shower for a date many hours in advance when I know there is the potential to get quite sweaty and dirty. I wouldn’t do it.
Erroneous Point #4: “Muslims” will get their revenge on us.
I am not going to take a long time on this one. Anyone who truly believes that all Muslims are terrorists are beyond hope. You are a moron, and I am not wasting any more time on you.
What I found most troubling is the volume of people openly celebrating the death of another person. Believe me, I know that bin Laden was one bad man. I understand that. If I was directly affected by the 9/11 attacks, I might feel differently. However, with him having no direct affect on my life, I cannot in good conscience celebrate the end of another man’s life. I am more than happy that this puts an end to his actions, but I cannot and will not celebrate his death. I will not join any Facebook pages “liking” “The Guy Who Killed bin Laden”. Call me unpatriotic if you will. It sickens me that there are those who both praise God for this death and take pleasure of bin Laden spending an eternity “burning in hell.” The hypocrisy in those statements is disgusting.
So, where do we go from here? Back to business as usual. I am going to take the bold step and assume that none of my readers either a) worked under bin Laden or b) were tasked with capturing and/or killing him. Therefore, nothing has really changed for us. We still have our lives, our jobs, our families, our goals, and our dreams. Keep working on improving those things, and maybe we will move closer to that perfect world that many erroneously believe bin Laden’s death will bring.
Unless you have lived under a rock much like Osama bin Laden himself the last decade (HI-YO!), you have probably heard the news that American forces have killed the noted terrorist and spokesmodel for hirsute fashion. I have seen countless posts on Facebook and Twitter concerning his death, and unfortunately many of the posts fall somewhere between ignorant and uninformed. While I have no intention of dissecting these individual posts or starting anything with their authors, I will touch upon some of the common themes I found.
Erroneous Point #1: Osama bin Laden was omnipotent and omnipresent.
I’m not even going to insert any Saddam Hussein body double jokes here. The fact of the matter was that bin Laden was the face of a powerful and radical terrorist organization. He was not the president, premier, or prime minister of the nation of Terror, nor any other nation for that matter. He had no seat in the governments of Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Syria, Libya, North Korea, or any other nation that we feel falls in our ideological firing range. He was not the head of OPEC. He was one man.
Erroneous Point #2: The death of bin Laden is going to lead to some sort of utopian society.
The world was not a perfect place before September 11, 2001. It is even less perfect on May 2, 2011. There are a number of factors for this, and it would be asinine to even attempt to place the blame for the world’s problems on one individual. The death of one man is not going to lead to heaven on earth (though, if Belinda Carlisle is to be believed, Heaven is a Place on Earth). It is not going to lead to all the troops going home immediately. It is not going to bring gas back down to under $2 a gallon. It is not going to fix the economy or bring jobs to those looking for it. It was a significant and largely symbolic victory in an ideological war, but if you think that nobody is going to step up and assume his authority, you are a bit naïve. If anything, it is potentially proof of a return to competence by U.S. intelligence. The world still needs a whole lot of fixing. This was not some sort of wide-covering bandage.
Erroneous Point #3: The death of bin Laden is an elaborate ruse to lead to feelings of goodwill for the Obama Administration.
There are those out there who seriously apparently believe this was a hoax. They probably believe the moon landing was staged and that WWE superstar Kane was played by a different man after unmasking. These thoughts are ridiculous, but I will play along for just one moment and counter with this: EVEN IF there is the potential for you to be right, we are still a good 18 months away from reelection. That is the equivalent to me taking a shower for a date many hours in advance when I know there is the potential to get quite sweaty and dirty. I wouldn’t do it.
Erroneous Point #4: “Muslims” will get their revenge on us.
I am not going to take a long time on this one. Anyone who truly believes that all Muslims are terrorists are beyond hope. You are a moron, and I am not wasting any more time on you.
What I found most troubling is the volume of people openly celebrating the death of another person. Believe me, I know that bin Laden was one bad man. I understand that. If I was directly affected by the 9/11 attacks, I might feel differently. However, with him having no direct affect on my life, I cannot in good conscience celebrate the end of another man’s life. I am more than happy that this puts an end to his actions, but I cannot and will not celebrate his death. I will not join any Facebook pages “liking” “The Guy Who Killed bin Laden”. Call me unpatriotic if you will. It sickens me that there are those who both praise God for this death and take pleasure of bin Laden spending an eternity “burning in hell.” The hypocrisy in those statements is disgusting.
So, where do we go from here? Back to business as usual. I am going to take the bold step and assume that none of my readers either a) worked under bin Laden or b) were tasked with capturing and/or killing him. Therefore, nothing has really changed for us. We still have our lives, our jobs, our families, our goals, and our dreams. Keep working on improving those things, and maybe we will move closer to that perfect world that many erroneously believe bin Laden’s death will bring.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Jakob's Look at the NHL Playoffs
The “It’s Time For War” mini-series is still in a bit of an intermission, so bear with me for the next two posts. While I like to write about both serious and humorous topics, I am a man of many interests. The NBA and NHL are two of those interests. With the playoffs kicking off, I thought I’d give a little bit of my perspective concerning them. I do not profess to be an advanced sabermetric expert on either sport, so I will not be providing any power rankings. However, I will rank the teams in order of how much I would like to see them win their respective titles. You might find some of my reasons ridiculous. To that I respond, “You shouldn’t be surprised.” With that said, here are my NHL rankings.
16. Pittsburgh Penguins: Perhaps it is my hatred of all things Pittsburgh. Perhaps it is my disdain for Sydney Crosby’s facial hair growing ability (or lack thereof). Whatever the reason, I absolutely cannot stand the Penguins. They are one of two NHL teams that I actively root against. The other is…
15. Detroit Red Wings: If the Penguins are my Public Enemy #1, the Wings are Public Enemy #1A. I don’t like the city of Detroit. I don’t like their stadium and its ridiculous prices for Little Caesars. I don’t like their players, and there is something troubling about Mike Babcock. I refuse to watch a minute of another Wings/Penguins Cup Final.
14. Boston Bruins: I really had nothing against the Bruins until Zdeno Chara’s hit on Max Pacioretty. Don’t mess with the Habs.
13. Anaheim Ducks: I don’t like the Ducks for a few reasons. First of all, they are no longer mighty. Secondly, as a rule, I root against NHL teams based in California. Finally (and most importantly), I haven’t forgiven them for the 2007 Cup Finals.
12. New York Rangers: I do not like New York teams. Too often I see them trying to buy a championship, only to fall flat. I don’t think the Rangers have much of a chance against the Caps anyways.
11. Vancouver Canucks: While as a rule I generally root for Canadian teams to appease my repressed love for our neighbors to the north, I don’t like the Canuckleheads. There’s something about the way they play and the way they carry themselves that I am put off by. Their coach particularly bothers me as well.
10. Philadelphia Flyers: This ranking is more indicative of how I feel about Philadelphia sports fans and their use of terms such as “boojawn” than about the team itself. I respect that they’re mired in a Cup drought and are looking to break it. That said, I wouldn’t be bothered by anything they do in these playoffs.
9. Nashville Predators: The Preds’ relatively low ranking is a product of my dislike for Gary Bettman. The expansion of the late 1990s was particularly pointless, and I don’t think of Nashville as being a rabid hockey town in the same way that I do Winnipeg, Hartford, or Quebec. A decade later and I still think of the Predators as an expansion team.
8. Phoenix Coyotes: You may be wondering why I don’t have the Coyotes ranked lower. For one, I hope that the former Winnipeg Jets become the future Winnipeg Jets. I also feel bad for the players and the way their ownership situation has been handled. I like their goalie, and I hope they take out the Wings.
7. Los Angeles Kings: I am completely apathetic to this team and this organization. I don’t like them, but I don’t dislike them. That is why they are ranked here.
6. Tampa Bay Lightning: While I’m not sold on hockey in Florida, I really like Steven Stamkos. He is an exciting player to watch, and he did wonders for my fantasy team. The fact they are playing the Penguins in the first round makes me like them that much more.
5. San Jose Sharks: It doesn’t feel like there is as much pressure on them this year, and I hope that works out for them. They have a supremely talented roster, and while I don’t like the way Dany Heatley left Ottawa, I wouldn’t mind seeing success for the Sharks.
4. Washington Capitals: The Eastern Conference version of the Sharks. If they don’t get to at least the conference finals this year, I don’t think they ever will with this current roster. I like Ovie more than I like Crosby, and I hope the Caps make at least a respectable run.
3. Buffalo Sabres: I do admit I’m slightly swayed by the awesome buffalo they have on their uniforms, but I’m more swayed by the fact that when Ryan Miller is on his game, there’s nobody better. If he can lock down the goal, the Sabres have a shot.
2. Chicago Blackhawks: My hometown team is going to have a tougher go of it this postseason. The run to the Cup was amazing last year, but I don’t think they have enough in the tank. Of course, I could be wrong, as they still have a large amount of the star power that got them the victory last year.
1. Montreal Canadiens: The last couple years I have really grown to love the Habs almost as much as I love the Senators. If there’s going to be a team to bring the Cup home to Canada, it should be the team who has won more titles than any other NHL team. Carey Price will be key to their playoff success. I’m also selfishly hoping for another playoff tune from Annakin Slayd.
16. Pittsburgh Penguins: Perhaps it is my hatred of all things Pittsburgh. Perhaps it is my disdain for Sydney Crosby’s facial hair growing ability (or lack thereof). Whatever the reason, I absolutely cannot stand the Penguins. They are one of two NHL teams that I actively root against. The other is…
15. Detroit Red Wings: If the Penguins are my Public Enemy #1, the Wings are Public Enemy #1A. I don’t like the city of Detroit. I don’t like their stadium and its ridiculous prices for Little Caesars. I don’t like their players, and there is something troubling about Mike Babcock. I refuse to watch a minute of another Wings/Penguins Cup Final.
14. Boston Bruins: I really had nothing against the Bruins until Zdeno Chara’s hit on Max Pacioretty. Don’t mess with the Habs.
13. Anaheim Ducks: I don’t like the Ducks for a few reasons. First of all, they are no longer mighty. Secondly, as a rule, I root against NHL teams based in California. Finally (and most importantly), I haven’t forgiven them for the 2007 Cup Finals.
12. New York Rangers: I do not like New York teams. Too often I see them trying to buy a championship, only to fall flat. I don’t think the Rangers have much of a chance against the Caps anyways.
11. Vancouver Canucks: While as a rule I generally root for Canadian teams to appease my repressed love for our neighbors to the north, I don’t like the Canuckleheads. There’s something about the way they play and the way they carry themselves that I am put off by. Their coach particularly bothers me as well.
10. Philadelphia Flyers: This ranking is more indicative of how I feel about Philadelphia sports fans and their use of terms such as “boojawn” than about the team itself. I respect that they’re mired in a Cup drought and are looking to break it. That said, I wouldn’t be bothered by anything they do in these playoffs.
9. Nashville Predators: The Preds’ relatively low ranking is a product of my dislike for Gary Bettman. The expansion of the late 1990s was particularly pointless, and I don’t think of Nashville as being a rabid hockey town in the same way that I do Winnipeg, Hartford, or Quebec. A decade later and I still think of the Predators as an expansion team.
8. Phoenix Coyotes: You may be wondering why I don’t have the Coyotes ranked lower. For one, I hope that the former Winnipeg Jets become the future Winnipeg Jets. I also feel bad for the players and the way their ownership situation has been handled. I like their goalie, and I hope they take out the Wings.
7. Los Angeles Kings: I am completely apathetic to this team and this organization. I don’t like them, but I don’t dislike them. That is why they are ranked here.
6. Tampa Bay Lightning: While I’m not sold on hockey in Florida, I really like Steven Stamkos. He is an exciting player to watch, and he did wonders for my fantasy team. The fact they are playing the Penguins in the first round makes me like them that much more.
5. San Jose Sharks: It doesn’t feel like there is as much pressure on them this year, and I hope that works out for them. They have a supremely talented roster, and while I don’t like the way Dany Heatley left Ottawa, I wouldn’t mind seeing success for the Sharks.
4. Washington Capitals: The Eastern Conference version of the Sharks. If they don’t get to at least the conference finals this year, I don’t think they ever will with this current roster. I like Ovie more than I like Crosby, and I hope the Caps make at least a respectable run.
3. Buffalo Sabres: I do admit I’m slightly swayed by the awesome buffalo they have on their uniforms, but I’m more swayed by the fact that when Ryan Miller is on his game, there’s nobody better. If he can lock down the goal, the Sabres have a shot.
2. Chicago Blackhawks: My hometown team is going to have a tougher go of it this postseason. The run to the Cup was amazing last year, but I don’t think they have enough in the tank. Of course, I could be wrong, as they still have a large amount of the star power that got them the victory last year.
1. Montreal Canadiens: The last couple years I have really grown to love the Habs almost as much as I love the Senators. If there’s going to be a team to bring the Cup home to Canada, it should be the team who has won more titles than any other NHL team. Carey Price will be key to their playoff success. I’m also selfishly hoping for another playoff tune from Annakin Slayd.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
24 Things I Have Learned in the Past Year
With my 24th birthday coming tomorrow, I thought I would take a brief break from my ten part series and post some of the lessons I have learned in the past year. Enjoy.
1. If you have an out of state license plate, don’t even think about going over the speed limit.
2. It is better to earn respect than seek to be liked. If you’re true to yourself, people will like you regardless.
3. Loving someone isn’t always enough.
4. My cat is pretty much the best ever.
5. Full Throttle should have never gotten rid of the orange flavor.
6. I look pretty good with a beard.
7. Good music is always out there. You just have to discover it.
8. Boy Meets World is even funnier when you understand what they’re talking about.
9. Getting retribution on those who wronged you doesn’t bring satisfaction as much as it just prevents you from moving on.
10. Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be.
11. The older I get, the more amusing I become.
12. Things happen in my life well beyond the point that I wanted them to happen.
13. Politeness goes a long way.
14. When times are good, enjoy them. When times are bad, get past them.
15. Worry about yourself. If you get hung up on what everyone else is doing, you will lose your mind.
16. Pizza with both shrimp and pepperoni on it is surprisingly good.
17. People for the most part are better to me than I am to them. Thank you for that.
18. Take nothing for granted.
19. Life like high in hope and low in expectation.
20. If you look hard enough, you’ll find you have something in common with anyone. Use that to connect with them.
21. Distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder. Now that I see my friends less, I enjoy the times I do see them more than I used to.
22. I don’t know nearly as much as I thought.
23. Pick your spots.
24. Keep moving forward
1. If you have an out of state license plate, don’t even think about going over the speed limit.
2. It is better to earn respect than seek to be liked. If you’re true to yourself, people will like you regardless.
3. Loving someone isn’t always enough.
4. My cat is pretty much the best ever.
5. Full Throttle should have never gotten rid of the orange flavor.
6. I look pretty good with a beard.
7. Good music is always out there. You just have to discover it.
8. Boy Meets World is even funnier when you understand what they’re talking about.
9. Getting retribution on those who wronged you doesn’t bring satisfaction as much as it just prevents you from moving on.
10. Sometimes, it’s just not meant to be.
11. The older I get, the more amusing I become.
12. Things happen in my life well beyond the point that I wanted them to happen.
13. Politeness goes a long way.
14. When times are good, enjoy them. When times are bad, get past them.
15. Worry about yourself. If you get hung up on what everyone else is doing, you will lose your mind.
16. Pizza with both shrimp and pepperoni on it is surprisingly good.
17. People for the most part are better to me than I am to them. Thank you for that.
18. Take nothing for granted.
19. Life like high in hope and low in expectation.
20. If you look hard enough, you’ll find you have something in common with anyone. Use that to connect with them.
21. Distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder. Now that I see my friends less, I enjoy the times I do see them more than I used to.
22. I don’t know nearly as much as I thought.
23. Pick your spots.
24. Keep moving forward
Saturday, April 2, 2011
It's Time For War, Pt. 3: Jakob vs. "Friday"
This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.
No, I am not going to war with the sixth day of the week. I happen to like Fridays (both the day and the restaurant) very much. I am actually going to war against the ridiculous song by Rebecca Black that has become an internet sensation. No, I am not going to embed it or link to it, because that would give the song more exposure than I think it deserves. Watch it for yourself if you are curious. Actually, don’t. I will give you everything you need to know right here.
Let me start out by saying that the song itself is actually somewhat catchy, but that the lyrics are some of the inanest that I have ever heard. Also, let me go on the record by saying that this is not a personal attack on Ms. Black. She is simply a girl trying to live out her dream as a singer. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s time for war.
The video itself opens with some Disney Channel-esque graphics as we see a virtual display of Rebecca’s calendar quickly advancing to Friday. We then see perhaps the most unrealistic looking alarm clock possible. Looks like it’s time for the song to start!
It is now 7 AM and with 7 AM comes the most autotuned voice this side of T-Pain. It’s not one of those cool sounding autotunes either. It is downright robotic. At first listen, I hoped that the robotic sound was to illustrate the monotony of the daily grind (which I would have actually found to be a good touch), but as things pick up we quickly realize that BeccaBot is here to stay for the duration of the song.
While everyone else in the Black family seems to be in a rush to get to where they need to be (and at this point I look for T-Black in the background, but alas she is absent), BeccaBot is taking her sweet time. In addition to being a robot, she also apparently possesses the power of teleportation. She is now at the bus stop. It is at this point the inanity really starts to pick up. Her friends, who are no older than 13, pull up to the bus stop. I have a few problems with this. First of all, they are junior high students. In no state is it legal for junior high students to drive. Secondly, her friend is driving a very nice looking convertible. Even the snobbiest of snob parents would not entrust such an expensive vehicle to someone who can barely see above the steering wheel. Thirdly, her friends have decided to go to the bus stop to pick her up. If they were such good friends, why wouldn’t they just pick her up at her house? Why would they make her walk? What a great group of kids.
At this point, BeccaBot laments one of the great dilemmas of life: Which seat should she take? Based on the fact that there is only ONE available seat, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that she should probably take that one and stop wasting everyone’s time. Now that she has made that excruciatingly painful decision, she is now ready to hit the chorus. All you need to know is that the girl really LOVES Friday. She is so caught up in the excitement that she loses her ability to form coherent sentences and instead just shouts out words like “Partying” and “Fun” repeatedly to express her great anticipation for the weekend.
We now start the second verse approximately 12 hours into the future, as BeccaBot is STILL in this vehicle (road trip, anybody?) and about to hit the JUNIOR HIGH PARTY SCENE~! She is breaking all sorts of safety laws and being a poor role model by standing up in a moving vehicle. What you really need to know about this verse is that both BeccaBot and everyone else “got this.” What “this” is, I do not know. But congratulations, we all possess “this”! She is still lamenting her seat decision despite the fact she is IN THE CAR and presumably has been for quite some time.
The chorus has hit for a second time and we have mercifully reached the party. The other partygoers seem to be particularly enthused about the fact that it is, indeed, Friday. There are a group of kids whose only purpose is to provide a superfluous “Yeah!” as BeccaBot drones the chorus.
If you’re still reading to this point and haven’t extracted your eyelids with a nail filer yet, have I got a treat for you! We have reached my favorite point of the song: the EPIC BRIDGE~! It says, and I quote (and also with the return of virtual visual calendar, which not only shows the day but also these groundbreaking lyrics): Yesterday was Thursday. Today it is Friday. We we we so excited. We so excited. We gonna have a ball today. Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards. I have nothing to add to this other than to say if I ever change educational paths and decide to become a first grade teacher, I know exactly how I am going to teach the days of the week to my students.
How can we follow this up? With a GUEST RAPPER~! He has so much street cred that I can’t find his name anywhere. All I know is he looks like the lovechild of Usher and Gary Sheffield. He is spitting mad flow about switching lanes and passing up school buses. After about a minute more of BeccaBot eloquently extolling the virtues of Friday, the song is mercifully over.
So many things about this blow my mind. I can’t believe that anyone thought it was a good idea to write this song. I can’t believe that someone thought it was a good idea to make a music video and put the most ridiculous lyrics of the entire song (and that’s saying a lot) on the screen. I can’t believe that Rebecca Black herself thought this song would actually help her garner a credible career. It drives me crazy that this song might potentially be listened to more times than every song by The Graduate combined. And lastly, it kills me that we live in a society where we hand celebrity to the inane. This song is an example of a bigger problem. In part four of this series, I go to war with undeserved celebrity. Stay tuned.
No, I am not going to war with the sixth day of the week. I happen to like Fridays (both the day and the restaurant) very much. I am actually going to war against the ridiculous song by Rebecca Black that has become an internet sensation. No, I am not going to embed it or link to it, because that would give the song more exposure than I think it deserves. Watch it for yourself if you are curious. Actually, don’t. I will give you everything you need to know right here.
Let me start out by saying that the song itself is actually somewhat catchy, but that the lyrics are some of the inanest that I have ever heard. Also, let me go on the record by saying that this is not a personal attack on Ms. Black. She is simply a girl trying to live out her dream as a singer. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s time for war.
The video itself opens with some Disney Channel-esque graphics as we see a virtual display of Rebecca’s calendar quickly advancing to Friday. We then see perhaps the most unrealistic looking alarm clock possible. Looks like it’s time for the song to start!
It is now 7 AM and with 7 AM comes the most autotuned voice this side of T-Pain. It’s not one of those cool sounding autotunes either. It is downright robotic. At first listen, I hoped that the robotic sound was to illustrate the monotony of the daily grind (which I would have actually found to be a good touch), but as things pick up we quickly realize that BeccaBot is here to stay for the duration of the song.
While everyone else in the Black family seems to be in a rush to get to where they need to be (and at this point I look for T-Black in the background, but alas she is absent), BeccaBot is taking her sweet time. In addition to being a robot, she also apparently possesses the power of teleportation. She is now at the bus stop. It is at this point the inanity really starts to pick up. Her friends, who are no older than 13, pull up to the bus stop. I have a few problems with this. First of all, they are junior high students. In no state is it legal for junior high students to drive. Secondly, her friend is driving a very nice looking convertible. Even the snobbiest of snob parents would not entrust such an expensive vehicle to someone who can barely see above the steering wheel. Thirdly, her friends have decided to go to the bus stop to pick her up. If they were such good friends, why wouldn’t they just pick her up at her house? Why would they make her walk? What a great group of kids.
At this point, BeccaBot laments one of the great dilemmas of life: Which seat should she take? Based on the fact that there is only ONE available seat, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that she should probably take that one and stop wasting everyone’s time. Now that she has made that excruciatingly painful decision, she is now ready to hit the chorus. All you need to know is that the girl really LOVES Friday. She is so caught up in the excitement that she loses her ability to form coherent sentences and instead just shouts out words like “Partying” and “Fun” repeatedly to express her great anticipation for the weekend.
We now start the second verse approximately 12 hours into the future, as BeccaBot is STILL in this vehicle (road trip, anybody?) and about to hit the JUNIOR HIGH PARTY SCENE~! She is breaking all sorts of safety laws and being a poor role model by standing up in a moving vehicle. What you really need to know about this verse is that both BeccaBot and everyone else “got this.” What “this” is, I do not know. But congratulations, we all possess “this”! She is still lamenting her seat decision despite the fact she is IN THE CAR and presumably has been for quite some time.
The chorus has hit for a second time and we have mercifully reached the party. The other partygoers seem to be particularly enthused about the fact that it is, indeed, Friday. There are a group of kids whose only purpose is to provide a superfluous “Yeah!” as BeccaBot drones the chorus.
If you’re still reading to this point and haven’t extracted your eyelids with a nail filer yet, have I got a treat for you! We have reached my favorite point of the song: the EPIC BRIDGE~! It says, and I quote (and also with the return of virtual visual calendar, which not only shows the day but also these groundbreaking lyrics): Yesterday was Thursday. Today it is Friday. We we we so excited. We so excited. We gonna have a ball today. Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards. I have nothing to add to this other than to say if I ever change educational paths and decide to become a first grade teacher, I know exactly how I am going to teach the days of the week to my students.
How can we follow this up? With a GUEST RAPPER~! He has so much street cred that I can’t find his name anywhere. All I know is he looks like the lovechild of Usher and Gary Sheffield. He is spitting mad flow about switching lanes and passing up school buses. After about a minute more of BeccaBot eloquently extolling the virtues of Friday, the song is mercifully over.
So many things about this blow my mind. I can’t believe that anyone thought it was a good idea to write this song. I can’t believe that someone thought it was a good idea to make a music video and put the most ridiculous lyrics of the entire song (and that’s saying a lot) on the screen. I can’t believe that Rebecca Black herself thought this song would actually help her garner a credible career. It drives me crazy that this song might potentially be listened to more times than every song by The Graduate combined. And lastly, it kills me that we live in a society where we hand celebrity to the inane. This song is an example of a bigger problem. In part four of this series, I go to war with undeserved celebrity. Stay tuned.
Friday, April 1, 2011
It's Time For War, Pt. 2: Jakob vs. Redundancy
This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.
If you know me well, you know that I am slow to be terribly angry but very easily annoyed. I do my best to not be annoyed by things that could best be classified as quirks, for I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world if I got annoyed by quirkiness. Since redundancy is not covered under the broad umbrella of quirkiness amnesty, it is fair game.
For those of you who did not learn the meaning of this word in a vocabulary list, it is, according to dictionary.com, “superfluous repetition or overlapping, especially of words.” The next definition after that should be “something that especially bothers Jakob Duehr.” If you say something once, there is no need to say it again, especially immediately after saying it the first time. Let me give you a few examples of this bothersome behavior.
1. The Current Cheetos Ad Campaign: “Take a Cheetos Break with Cheetos.”
If you haven’t seen these commercials, they ultimately involve a bunch of guys sitting around not doing their job and eating Cheetos with Chester the Cheetah, while a coworker or boss is not invited to partake in the break. The commercial ends with the above slogan. Aside from the fact that this is an absolutely STUPID campaign in that it equates sloth with using the product, the slogan is ridiculous. What else would they be taking a Cheetos Break with? Funyuns? Tic Tacs? Are they trying to target the world’s dumbest demographic—those who have no idea what the necessary ingredients are in order to take a Cheetos Break? As much as that bothers me, it does not annoy me nearly as much as the next example.
2. One of the personal trainers at my gym is guilty of double redundancy. Everyone in the gym sees her working out with the aesthetically unfortunate and also sees them return to her desk, which is only used by -- you guessed it-- personal trainers. Therefore, it is absolutely redundant that she wears a shirt that says “Personal Trainer”. I would probably let this slide in and of itself because the gym is full of oblivious people. However, I cannot accept this further example of egregious redundancy. There is another line on the shirt directly below the “Personal Trainer” line. This line reads “Ask me about personal training!” What else would I ask you about? How to balance my stock portfolio? The best tourist spots in downtown Chicago? The meaning of life? I can only imagine how fun she must be on a date. Ask her a simple question like how her day went and prepare to hear the same answer multiple times.
3. When people use multiple phrases with the same meaning consecutively.
One of my online hangout spots is a little place called Stickam. While I could write on and on about my experiences there, the only purpose it serves in this blog is as a background. I am often in chatrooms, so I am somewhat fluent in “chatspeak”. One of the most glaring offenses of redundancy occurs when someone decides to end their own statements with both “LOL” and “haha” (or other acronyms such as ROFL, etc. which mean the same thing). First of all, it is poor form to end your own statements with laughter. It is like a comedian standing on stage laughing at his or her own jokes, or a singer clapping at the end of a song. Let the people respond as they see fit. It is NEVER appropriate to stack a “haha” on top of an “LOL”. You are trying way too hard to get us to be amused, and even if I found the initial statement amusing, I am now so put off by your redundancy that I am negatively disposed to the entire statement.
Redundancy is an affliction that affects many in the world today, but it is a fight that can be won. Do your part to slay this dragon. If you or anyone you know has been affected by this, please make a concerted effort to correct this destructive behavior. Together, we can make a difference in creating a less repetitive world for generations to come.
If you know me well, you know that I am slow to be terribly angry but very easily annoyed. I do my best to not be annoyed by things that could best be classified as quirks, for I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world if I got annoyed by quirkiness. Since redundancy is not covered under the broad umbrella of quirkiness amnesty, it is fair game.
For those of you who did not learn the meaning of this word in a vocabulary list, it is, according to dictionary.com, “superfluous repetition or overlapping, especially of words.” The next definition after that should be “something that especially bothers Jakob Duehr.” If you say something once, there is no need to say it again, especially immediately after saying it the first time. Let me give you a few examples of this bothersome behavior.
1. The Current Cheetos Ad Campaign: “Take a Cheetos Break with Cheetos.”
If you haven’t seen these commercials, they ultimately involve a bunch of guys sitting around not doing their job and eating Cheetos with Chester the Cheetah, while a coworker or boss is not invited to partake in the break. The commercial ends with the above slogan. Aside from the fact that this is an absolutely STUPID campaign in that it equates sloth with using the product, the slogan is ridiculous. What else would they be taking a Cheetos Break with? Funyuns? Tic Tacs? Are they trying to target the world’s dumbest demographic—those who have no idea what the necessary ingredients are in order to take a Cheetos Break? As much as that bothers me, it does not annoy me nearly as much as the next example.
2. One of the personal trainers at my gym is guilty of double redundancy. Everyone in the gym sees her working out with the aesthetically unfortunate and also sees them return to her desk, which is only used by -- you guessed it-- personal trainers. Therefore, it is absolutely redundant that she wears a shirt that says “Personal Trainer”. I would probably let this slide in and of itself because the gym is full of oblivious people. However, I cannot accept this further example of egregious redundancy. There is another line on the shirt directly below the “Personal Trainer” line. This line reads “Ask me about personal training!” What else would I ask you about? How to balance my stock portfolio? The best tourist spots in downtown Chicago? The meaning of life? I can only imagine how fun she must be on a date. Ask her a simple question like how her day went and prepare to hear the same answer multiple times.
3. When people use multiple phrases with the same meaning consecutively.
One of my online hangout spots is a little place called Stickam. While I could write on and on about my experiences there, the only purpose it serves in this blog is as a background. I am often in chatrooms, so I am somewhat fluent in “chatspeak”. One of the most glaring offenses of redundancy occurs when someone decides to end their own statements with both “LOL” and “haha” (or other acronyms such as ROFL, etc. which mean the same thing). First of all, it is poor form to end your own statements with laughter. It is like a comedian standing on stage laughing at his or her own jokes, or a singer clapping at the end of a song. Let the people respond as they see fit. It is NEVER appropriate to stack a “haha” on top of an “LOL”. You are trying way too hard to get us to be amused, and even if I found the initial statement amusing, I am now so put off by your redundancy that I am negatively disposed to the entire statement.
Redundancy is an affliction that affects many in the world today, but it is a fight that can be won. Do your part to slay this dragon. If you or anyone you know has been affected by this, please make a concerted effort to correct this destructive behavior. Together, we can make a difference in creating a less repetitive world for generations to come.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
It's Time For War, Pt. 1: Jakob vs. Winter
This is part of a ten part series in which I “go to war” against a thing or group. Some of these posts are to be taken seriously; others are not. It is up to you, the reader, to differentiate between the two.
Seriously. Your time is up. I’ll give you your props. You have put up quite the fight this year with your “blizzards”, your “winter weather advisories”, and your “thundersnow.” That last one was quite a nice touch. You are nothing if not persistent.
Winter, I’m not going to mince words. I hate you. I like to be able to look outside and see grass. I’m not even one of those landscaping snobs who will complain about the grass not being a perfect shade of green. I just want to be able to see it. I don’t like your white mounds that grow over the winter months like the bulbous gut of an alcoholic (or Cheetos fanatic, take your pick). I don’t like that these white mounds decided to extend past the grass and sidewalks and invade my parking lot at the gym. Parking spots are already sparse due to half the population of Tinley Park holding a membership at Cardinal Fitness. Your territorial nature did not help matters one bit.
Let’s get past the snow. I understand snow is part of the season. However, there was no good reason to deprive us of a 60 degree day for three months. THREE MONTHS!!! A quarter of the year was consecutively spent in temperatures ranging from tolerable to ridiculous. I’m going to let you know some things about me. I don’t like wearing a coat. I don’t like having to put the heat on in my car, and I prefer to drive with the windows down. You are cramping my style, and you are not appreciated.
I thought we were done with each other for the foreseeable future. That 70 degree day got me excited. I even got to *gasp* WEAR SHORTS~! to the gym – for a day. Then life got back to being as chilly as most of the girls I have attempted to date. If you think I appreciated that, you’d be wrong.
If you think you are going to win this war, you are sorely mistaken. My good friend Vernal Equinox has made his arrival, which means your days are numbered. Meteorologically speaking, it means you’re gone. Oh, I know you’ll be back for another round in 7-8 months. I’ll be ready. Just get of out my life now.
Seriously. Your time is up. I’ll give you your props. You have put up quite the fight this year with your “blizzards”, your “winter weather advisories”, and your “thundersnow.” That last one was quite a nice touch. You are nothing if not persistent.
Winter, I’m not going to mince words. I hate you. I like to be able to look outside and see grass. I’m not even one of those landscaping snobs who will complain about the grass not being a perfect shade of green. I just want to be able to see it. I don’t like your white mounds that grow over the winter months like the bulbous gut of an alcoholic (or Cheetos fanatic, take your pick). I don’t like that these white mounds decided to extend past the grass and sidewalks and invade my parking lot at the gym. Parking spots are already sparse due to half the population of Tinley Park holding a membership at Cardinal Fitness. Your territorial nature did not help matters one bit.
Let’s get past the snow. I understand snow is part of the season. However, there was no good reason to deprive us of a 60 degree day for three months. THREE MONTHS!!! A quarter of the year was consecutively spent in temperatures ranging from tolerable to ridiculous. I’m going to let you know some things about me. I don’t like wearing a coat. I don’t like having to put the heat on in my car, and I prefer to drive with the windows down. You are cramping my style, and you are not appreciated.
I thought we were done with each other for the foreseeable future. That 70 degree day got me excited. I even got to *gasp* WEAR SHORTS~! to the gym – for a day. Then life got back to being as chilly as most of the girls I have attempted to date. If you think I appreciated that, you’d be wrong.
If you think you are going to win this war, you are sorely mistaken. My good friend Vernal Equinox has made his arrival, which means your days are numbered. Meteorologically speaking, it means you’re gone. Oh, I know you’ll be back for another round in 7-8 months. I’ll be ready. Just get of out my life now.
Backwards
"Forward motion is harder than it sounds... Every time I gain some ground I gotta turn myself around again."
-Relient K
Last Friday I had the pleasure of once again seeing my favorite band (The Graduate) in concert. Unlike last concert, I had to spend nearly three hours traveling to get there. Instead of the random Illinois ski lodge where we went for the last show, this was on the campus of Millikin University in Decatur. Once I got past the pervasive stench of soy, I really enjoyed myself, and it really was the show of a lifetime. Those guys ALWAYS bring it. However, that is not what this post is about.
As I was standing there surrounded by college kids, I thought about how awesome of a 19 year old I act these days. There’s only one problem: I am merely days from my 24th birthday. I came to the startling conclusion that I have more or less lived the last five years backwards.
Let’s rewind to 2006. Going into my 19th birthday, I probably acted more like a 24 or 25 year old. I was a very serious person. I was extremely diligent in my studies. I went to bed early and got up early. I hardly watched any television. I dressed professionally. Even the music I listened to was (mostly) different. I had a good perspective on life (that was largely grounded due to the loss of my friend Katie). The only thing I really did not have going for me was any sort of effort to maintain nutrition and exercise.
Oddly enough, when I decided to get my physical well-being order, the other things started to slip. Unlike the change in my physical appearance, which in hindsight was very rapid, my maturity regression happened over the course of time. After I completed student teaching, I was devoid of a mandatory daily grind for the first time in my life. I would be lying if I said that wasn’t one of the worst things that happened to me in my life. Life becomes much less enjoyable when there is no purpose, and substituting personal needs in place of true purpose always fails.
So, in the course of five years I transitioned from the early to bed/early to rise, Hollister wearing, serious bookworm to a big goof who watches all sorts of television, stays up much too late, lacks a sense of urgency, and dresses like he’s in a rock band. Don’t get me wrong. This is not a self-loathing piece. A great number of the changes I have made in myself I actually like very much. I cannot and should not be who I was five years ago. However, the current version of Jakob Duehr isn’t exactly cutting it, either. For someone who preaches balance and progress as much as I have over time, I have set a very poor example. Don’t worry… I’ll figure it out.
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