Grown Up

Well, I have heard it said by some that growing up is a gradual process. As of this time last year, I would've agreed. However, the last 365 days of my life have been a rather tumultuous journey. On July 22, 2005, I arrived back to Tinley Park from the last Senior High Camp I could attend as a camper. While it wasn't my best camp, it was definitely an enjoyable experience. While I was there, I felt like it was my last hurrah as a kid. What I experienced the next year after that was much more than I expected.

In August, I had to deal with some very scary personal issues. In due time, it might be expedient to share, but for now, it is best left at that. I had to endure one of the most traumatic events of my life that I still shudder at the thought of. Later that month, I had to say goodbye to some lifelong friends as they embarked on college journeys from coast to coast. In the month of September, my journey was about to begin.

I began the month of September with my first day of classes at Olivet Nazarene University. The very next day, I began working for the first time ever. Having to adjust to one would have been difficult enough; dealing with both was miserable. For my first three months at my job, I was forced to work until close, meaning I didn't get out until they let me. That could be as late as 2 AM. I eventually got into the swing of school (not without one minor incident with a classmate that I can laugh about now), but work was extremely difficult, especially since I woke up at 5 in the morning for class. One night in December, I decided to leave when my shift stated instead of closing as they would have liked. That decision nearly cost me my job. Thankfully and miraculously, Target had mercy on me and even let me change my availability after the holidays so I did not have to close anymore. At that point, I felt that 2006 was looking up.

The only struggles I had the first two months of the year were minor, and my great disappointment was the Seahawks' loss in Super Bowl XL. My love life was nonexistent, but that didn't matter. Things were definitely seeming to be rising when I got the call that a lifelong friend had passed away. I had not ever even had a close relative pass away, so I really did not know how to deal with such loss. To this day, I do not know if I do. I finished my second semester on a high note yet with a heavy heart.

The beginning of the summer was certainly interesting. I had to work as a cashier at Target while taking an online course. Those courses take a great deal of motivation, and I am extremely fortunate to have fared as well as I did. I went to Hanover Park, IL for counselor training as a way to give back to the camp. However, I was notified a week before camp that I was being placed as support staff due to my age. I was extremely disappointed and was not really looking forward to going, especially since none of my buddies were.

When I got to camp, things changed. Due to a counselor shortage, I was given a room of students. It was a different experience looking out for the well-being of nine teen boys instead of trying to have the best time possible personally. While this was certainly different, it was definitely rewarding, and the experience was invaluable.

When I got home from camp, I realized that I have come full circle in the past year. I have gone from a kid just looking to kill the time the way I know best to a young adult assuming more and more responsibility with each passing day. The only constant of life is change; and though I am one who clings to the past, I am excited to see what lies ahead.

I don't like July 12th

Honestly, I hate the day. Nothing good of it has come in the 2000s. In 2000 and 2001, I was pretty much rejected. In 2001, it was a brutal rejection. In 2k2, I was pretty much depressed. In '03 and '04 nothing too great happened, and from what I remember, '05 was pretty blah. Today I learned that I am indeed still capable of feeling intense emotions. Have you ever planned something two months before and ever since then built it up in your mind only to find out it won't be nearly what you hoped? I have. Next year I think I'm going on vacation from July 12th.

JD 333

Well, loyal readers, I have been wanting to post this blog for a while but had lacked motivation. Due to the imminent 5-part series starting next Monday, I found it most expedient to post this blog today. In keeping with the "Get a degree in JD" series, I have taught you general information about myself and have moved on to giving you a heads-up on some of the nuances of my personality, I decided to again kick it up a notch. This time JD and the Power of 3 combine to bring you JD 333: The Unabridged History. Sit back, 'cause this one's going to be a doozy.

To start the story off, we'll start when I began. I was born April 4, 1987. Nothing of too much consequence occurred for the first couple years of my life (at least anything that I can remember) other than the arrival of my sister in 1989, a necessary and much-appreciated arrival to the family.

By the time I was three, in 1990, I was sporting the mullet and a very outgoing personality. I made Mr. Rogers look like Oscar the Grouch. As the legend goes, I even went so far as to allow a girl to bite me in the face. I don't much remember it, but there are enough credible sources to verify the story. This era of my personality lasted until 1992.

In 1992, I entered kindergarten. I struggled to find my niche for most of the schoolyear and started to turn inward a bit. It was a rough beginning to my schooling. By the end of the year, I came into my own and developed into a friendly, yet rambunctious child, a phase that lasted until 1995. During this time, I was never hesitant to make new friends, and even had little to no fear of rejection, as evidenced by my pursuit of a girl named Cassie from 1993-1994.

By 1995, I had begun to gain weight and was out of shape. Also, that year, my family left Stone Church for Christian Hills. It was not a good time for me, as I was never really accepted at that church and had no choice but to hang out with the misfits and troublemakers. During this time, I had the tendency to not think before I acted while also becoming more of an introvert. It did not help that also during this period I was often used as a physical and verbal punching bag in tae kwon do by one of the instructors. This phase lasted until 1999.

By 1999, I began a personal renaissance. I had undergone a growth spurt that eliminated me of the chunkiness and began to exhibit some athleticism (though I still ran on my toes, an unfortunate habit that did not leave me until 2004). I was freer to be myself at times and act out in ways. It was at this time I truly found my group of friends, and we've hung out ever since. In 2000, my family returned to Stone. I finally gave up having crushes on celebrities and actually fell for a real girl. Due to my inexperience and immaturity, I hilariously fell on my face in that pursuit, but as you can see, I've lived and learned in a way. The renaissance lasted from 1999 to 2001, culminating with my graduation from Stone Church Christian Academy.

In 2001, I moved out of the parochial bubble and on to public school. That summer, I experienced my first taste of rejection at Junior High Camp, a feeling that I will probably never forget. When I started high school, I didn't know how to act, how to dress, and who I really was. Therefore, for my first couple months of high school I was basically silent. This silence some unfortunately viewed as arrogance, and the first semester was an absolute nightmare. By the beginning of 2002, I decided it was time to try to make a name for myself.

By the middle of 2002, I had gone through a bunch of personality gimmicks because none of them really seemed to fit me. I wasn't making any more friends from any of them, either. Then, I got the idea to be as strange as possible. I'd use large words rarely heard in conversation and drop the word "disturbed" every chance I got. Well, this behavior certainly got everyone's attention, but couldn't quite keep it. Then, I knew exactly how to hold it. This idea became known as Inside the Mind of Jakob Duehr.

Inside the MInd of Jakob Duehr was my AOL Hometown website that I updated weekly, long before blogs became trendy. I'd start the column with a dedication, then move on to a top 10, random opinions, a column airing disturbances, and the occasional DFilm movie. For whatever reason, this website did gain a lot of popularity, receiving over 10,000 hits in six months.

Midway through the "Website Era", I decided to end my three year run as a member of the youth group at Palos Bible Church because I never felt like I fit in. In retrospect, much of that was because I felt inferior because I was younger, which transferred to shyness and the occasional erratic behavior. Upon leaving that youth group due to feeling my time there was up, I really introspected. I decided to drop all goofy gimmicks and become myself. If people liked it, fine. If not, there's nothing I can do to change it, as their liking me due to some sort of gimmick isn't really liking me anyways. This realization led to another quasi-Renaissance in me, as I grew in joy and in self-esteem.

This growth abruptly ended in August 2003. As I have been prone to do from time to time, I acted strangely online with a girl I had never met causing a growing problem that culminated with a confrontation in the hallway of TPHS in January 2004. In retrospect, I still really didn't know how to act and didn't have enough confidence in myself. This for lack of a better word, stupid behavior caused irreparable damage to my reputation at Tinley and delayed personal development for about a year. By March 2004, I was done making excuses and was ready to get on with my life.

In late 2004, I did not touch a computer for three months. This was one of the greatest periods in my life, as I really got to learn more about myself and the people around me. That portion of my school year was my favorite time I had at Tinley Park High School, and I wouldn't trade those three months for anything.

However, it was not smooth sailing after that. In early 2005 I had two situations that I brought upon myself that were extremely uncomfortable. One had to do with a recurrence of erratic behavior at TPHS, that again, in retrospect, was greatly my fault. The other was in a conversation with a friend of mine/on again, off again love interest where I ran my mouth off a bit too far. I learned in these situations that, while I have come a long way, I still have a long way left to go.

August 2005 started another era for me, that of a working college student. While it started out with some bumps and bruises, it has overall gone quite well, and I have been able to view personal progress instead of stagnation or regression. I truly believe that I have come a long way these last nineteen years, and I am extremely excited where the next few years will take me. Would you like to join me on the ride?

JD 202

On an unrelated note but unworthy of a separate blog, yesterday I was appalled at what I believe to be an example that our society is not morally fibrous. A father was pushing his young son no older than four around Target when the boy asked rather loudly "Where are the [bleeping] toys?" To my dismay, the father did not reprimand the child or even seem to notice. But I digress.

After a much longer delay than expected, here is JD 202: The Quirks and Nuances that Comprise Who I Am

-I don't mind talking on the phone, but I hate making calls. Rare is the day that my cell phone is actually turned on.
-I love to shop at Hollister but have such an aversion to Abercrombie & Fitch that I have not set foot in one ever. And yes, I do know they're affiliated.
-I have not eaten sloppy joes since I was six years old not only because I do not like them but also because I am of the belief that they cause "weird" dreams.
-When eating at a restaurant and ordering a burger with fries, I proceed to eat every single fry before digging into my burger.
-I eat my burgers, hot dogs, and tacos plain. I absolutely hate condiments.
-I have begun to write at least four books but never completed them due to lack of interest or a shift in philosophy.
-At one point, I believed that long-distance relationships were better than hometown ones. I also had the Side Dish Theory, which in retrospect was pretty offensive.
-I cannot whistle normally. I can make a whistling sound by inhaling rather than exhaling.
-I never learned how to ride a bike and never intend to do so as I have my driver's license and a car.

Well, those were a few of the many quirks and nuances that comprise me. Stay tuned for Jakob Duehr 333.

Things are more like they are now than they ever have been.

Well, it's been about a month since I last blogged. I certainly didn't intend for it to be that long, but quite often life doesn't turn out as intended. This past month has certainly been eventful, so I'll give you just a little rundown.

To start the month, I drove up to Hanover Park for counselor training. The trip there was long overdue, as I had promised myself for quite a while that I would go up to Evangel to visit my buddies. Meh, they probably haven't missed me that much. In any case, that went well, but wasn't really anything I didn't already know considering I am a seasoned veteran of Sr. High Camp, which takes place from July 17-21. I'm pumped.

I had jury duty at the Bridgeview courthouse. While listening to my iPod and reading the last book in the Left Behind Series, I was also able to watch Oprah and The Price is Right. After watching those and a video about courtroom procedures narrated by Lester Holt, I was free to go, as there were no new trials. Sweet deal!

For the first two weeks of the month, I finished up Physical Geography. Note to you kiddies: never take an online summer course unless you have motivation of iron. It is tough to sit around doing work while your friends are enjoying themselves. But alas, I am done, and I did much better than previously expected.

My grandparents' pool is open, and I am excited about that. If any of you who live in relatively close proximity to me would like to come along sometime, just let me know. It'll be good times.

I didn't work too much at Target at the beginning of the month, but my hours have begun to pick up, which is a good thing for summer, I guess. I got another one of their famous "Thank you" notes a little while back. I can't believe it's almost been a year that I've worked there.

I took my Basic Skills Test for teacher education. One word: joke. No wonder we have so many teachers who probably belong in other professions.

At one point, it looked as if I were going to be making my first successful pursuit in a long time, but 'twas not to be at this time. I sort of sensed within myself that it was not the Due Time, and for that reason I was fine with it. I still wonder if I find the chase to be better than the catch.

Finally, I looked at my cell phone, and I have only gotten four incoming calls the entire month. Yikes. If you have my number, ring me up. If not, ask me for it.

Well, that's been the last month. Stay tuned soon for Jakob Duehr 202 and 333.

My Chocolate Loves Me

So, you know how those Dove Dark Chocolates have little messages inside? Over the years, they've provided me with a few gems such as "Send a real letter, not an e-mail" and something concerning the due time (the phrase escapes me, as I ate it in mid-2004). Today at my grandparents' house, I enjoyed some more of this chocolate, and I received some interesting messages. My cousin also had a message for me with the piece of chocolate that he ate.

His message: "You look good in red." At the time, I was wearing my Target outfit, as I just came from work and was wearing a red shirt.
My message #1: "There's no excuse not to dream." Rather encouraging, I'd say.
Message #2: "If they can do it, you know you can." Few truer words have ever been spoken.

To conclude, my chocolate loves me. Does yours love you?

Happy Endings?

I was going to post Jakob Duehr 202, but I have decided to delay that blog as something else has been on my mind.

I have seen it posted on people's MySpaces and elsewhere that "Happy endings do exist." However, as I have come to think of it in my life and in the lives of others around me, I sort of believe that the term is relative. I think that one person's happy ending can be another's ultimate defeat. For instance, a wedding (or even a high school prom) can be the happy ending for the groom (guy) but the last defeat for a guy who really loved the bride/girl (and arguably was better for her).

This Wednesday on American Idol, someone will receive a happy ending in the form of the title and a recording contract. But what of those who have lost? Elliott Yamin has the vocal skills to net himself a record deal, but since he didn't win, will someone else's happy ending be his ultimate defeat?

In life, those of us who are believers in Christ find solace in the assurance that He is coming again some day to redeem us. But in that day of happy ending for us, even that marks the ultimate demise of those who did not make the choice that we did.

After thinking about this, I have concluded that I no longer wish to live for the happy endings in lives. They're too relative. Instead, I'd rather live to be The Best Jakob Money Can Buy. Endings are what they are. I can do my best at something and still lose. I can't really worry about all the end results but rather the road I took to get there.

JD 101

Note from Jakob: This was written in 2006. Much of the info is either invalid or irrelevant. Happy stalking!

I have come to the realization that though you might "know" me, you really don't know too much about me unless you have been in my circle of friends and confidants over the years. Therefore, I am beginning a new series of blogs to hopefully aid you in understanding me. This is the first blog in the series, titled JD 101: Introduction and Basic Information.

Personal Information
Birthdate: April 4, 1987
Hometown: Tinley Park, IL
Family: Father (Dan), Mother (Lynn), 17 year old sister (Heidi).

Educational History
Stone Church Christian Academy (1992-2001)
Tinley Park High School (2001-2005)
Olivet Nazarene University (2005-)

Work History
Super Target in Tinley Park (9/2005-current): Sales Floor Team Member

Favorites
NBA Team: Chicago Bulls
NFL Team: Seattle Seahawks
NHL Team: Ottawa Senators
MLB Teams: Chicago (AL and NL)
Movie: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
Color: Blue
Number: 31
Car: My 2005 Chevrolet Cobalt
TV Show: American Idol

Activities
SCCA Basketball (1999-2001; MIP given in 2001)
Drama Team at Palos Bible Church (2001-2003); part of IFCA National Champion team in 2002
Class Officer (2002-2005)
NHS (2003-2005)
Newspaper (2003-2005)
Black belt in tae kwon do from 21st Century Martial Arts (1995-1998)
Piano player (1992-1998; still occasionally plays)

Well, that's just intro level stuff. Check out upcoming blogs to dig deeper into me.

The Optimal

Hey, it's that time again. I actually have a great deal on my mind, so if you'll bear with me, I hope it will be thought provoking.

Well, to start it off, there have been a couple of phrases that have been stuck in my head as of late. The first is "Optimal is imminent," more commonly stated as "The best is yet to come." I hear people saying that all the time, and I began to think if it was true or not. In my own life, in looking back to 2000 and 2003 (and to a lesser extent, 2004), I began to wonder if my best was behind me. In looking in the mirror, certainly my physique has seen better days. Or what if I am currently seeing the best days that I'll ever see? I was left pondering this for a couple days until I reached a conclusion.

These thoughts drew me to one conclusion: the best is behind us; the best is with us; and the best is ahead of us. I believe all our steps have been ordained before our time so that each day we are living in the optimal situation for our lives in our personal development. What, then, of the saying "The best is yet to come"? I came to this conclusion: I do not think that the statement fully grasps what people's true desires are. When they are making that statement, they are holding out hope that the "most appealing" is imminent in their lives. However, I do not believe that the "most appealing" is the best. There are trials in our lives that we must face in order to become the people whom we are called to be. Therefore, we have lived our best days, are currently living them, and will continue to live them until our time on earth is complete.

The second statement was actually a statement I made in an instant message conversation: "In due time, I'll take what's mine." I have actually received many questions about that phrase in the last week that I have used it as my away message. I have come to the conclusion that there are times in life that we need to be proactive in achieving our desires. However, I believe in such a thing as appropriate proactivity. Not all our desires can be or should be fulfilled immediately. There are externalities that should be taken into consideration before we act upon our own desires, because sometimes what we feel to be best for ourselves can cause undue harm or pain to another. I believe that our desires should be considered thoughtfully and prayerfully, then we should move when the time is right. Just like anyone else, I have desires for myself and for my life, and I know to fulfill these desires I need to be proactive. However, it's not the due time. When it is the due time, you can be sure I'll do what I can to take what I hope to be mine.

Well, that's been what I've had on my mind as of late. I hope I provoked thoughts within you and that it was a relatively interesting read.

An Update of Sorts

The last time I wrote to you I wrote with a heavy heart. While my heart is still not fully healed (and most likely will never be), I am in a better state than I last was. Here is an update on my life.

I turned 19 on April 4th. I am amazed by the outpouring of well wishes given to me throughout the day. I was floored, as I am undeserving of such love and attention. You guys really did a great job of making it a great birthday.

Easter was today and an enjoyable experience. I was able to get to church this morning and it was a good time, though they did not sing as many traditional Easter songs as I would have liked. I got to see both sides of the family. I greatly overate and starting tomorrow I am beginning a diet/exercise regimen so I won't be the least-in-shape person in my house anymore, which will be hard since Dad, Mom, and Heidi are freaks of nature. Nonetheless, I shall try.

Only about two more weeks of school. I'm excited for my friends to come back for the summer. I know there's still much left to be done in the classroom, so I won't be overlooking it but instead will finish strong with an eye on the future.

I am still single. I have concluded that "The One" will not come from Tinley Park High School, or, barring a miracle, Olivet Nazarene University. This "One" will most likely come as a result of my camp pursuits or will be someone from somewhere unforseen. I anxiously await the day. Let me announce at this moment that I do not get afraid from empty internet threats from any girl's boyfriend, especially if the buttface has hurt her in the past.

I am always looking for more friends, so leave me one. I anxiously await it.